Wishes and Dreams

I wake
From a night of
Loving you
In my dreams
To a morning of
Knowing you are
Waking up
Beside her
In your bed

It's getting harder
To live on dreams
And wishes
Waiting for kisses
That are stolen
And sneaky
But so damn sweet
So damn
Irresistible

Holidays are
Especially hard
Because I pretend
I'm just a friend
While you and she have
Christmas morning presents
New Year's Eve kisses
I hate it

Regular days
Are hard too
Because every moment
That you're not with me
I wonder what you're
Doing
With her
I wonder what you're
Talking about
With her
I wonder what you're
Having for dinner
With her
I wonder if you're smiling
With her
And I wonder if you're
Thinking of me
Even though you're
With her

And every night
When I go to bed
Alone
I wonder if
And worry that
This is the night
That she will say or do
Something
That will make you
Want to
Fuck her
Or kiss her
Or hold her hand
Or sleep with
Her head on
Your chest

The thought
Destroys me
It is not unusual
For me to fall asleep
Alone
Angry
Jealous
On a pillow
Wet with
My sorrows

But I always find you
In my dreams
And you are always
Just mine
So handsome
So loving
So sexy
And we are
So
Fucking
Happy

And then I wake up
And I remember
That you are only
Mine
When she
Allows you
To be

I don't get
The first smile
The first conversation
The first connection
Those all belong to her
I get wishes
And dreams
I get to wait
And hope
And cry
I get to suffer
Through the between moments
The long stretches of time
I get to live in the until
Until you text
Until you're back
Until you're here
Until I'm in your arms
Until you're in my bed
Until we are together
Until you have to go home
To her
I get to live
In the waiting
In the wanting
In the wishing

I get to pretend
That someday
I will wake up
With you beside me
I get to pretend
That someday
You will wake up
And realize
It should be me
Beside you
Not just
In your wishes
In your dreams
But in your bed
Your home
Your arms
Your life
I get to pretend
That I matter enough
I get to pretend
That one day
You will choose
Me