You and me

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50 words
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We are like a bonsai tree.

A pretty seed meant for great things
planted in a pot too small. Gnarled
by force, fed by roots too starved,
sustaining atrophied limbs, cut again
and again, never meant to bear fruit.

An experiment, perfect in its execution,

good only for exposition.

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21 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

can i please read others works shared by you? Honestly this resonates with me more than i can handle

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Hmmmm

I gotta say, not a fan. An effort, worth a C - if any of my seventh graders turned it in. For an adult ... not that much. More like prose than poem.

theoncomingstormtheoncomingstormalmost 10 years ago

Beautifully done and powerfully raw!

HoneyAdoredHoneyAdoredalmost 10 years ago
It works as it is...

...each word packs a punch.

I think you did right to trim it down to the perfect size and shape ;-)

Less is definitely more!...This is a prime example :-)

TsothaTsothaalmost 10 years agoAuthor

Thank you all for your comments, and for reading. I appreciate it.

@HoneyAdored: it was originally longer, but I decided to trim it down to bonsai size to make each word relevant. It's all arguable, though — sometimes I feel it could use some padding, to gradually go from the "pretty seed" beginning to the "atrophy" end. Hm. *scratches chin* Circular editing...

@Maria: Thank you again; I'm glad it has facilitated those images for you. Though hopefully good images. :)

@Tazz: Hm... I wonder what is the legitimate function you speak of.

@Trix: and pain in beauty. ;)

HoneyAdoredHoneyAdoredalmost 10 years ago
Fabulous!

Small but perfectly formed 5ed :-)

Maria2394Maria2394almost 10 years ago
beautiful!

and you have painted a picture in my head. I love when poems turn to pics inside me! That means you have done a very good job :)

~ maria

tazz317tazz317about 10 years ago
AT THE VERY LEAST

it has a legitimate function, TK U MLJ LV NV

TrixareforkidsTrixareforkidsabout 10 years ago
Twisted

Beauty, in pain and beauty in pain.

normal jeannormal jeanabout 10 years ago
your first??

I am very impressed! I wouldn't change a thing about this poem. It is spare, like a bonsai, yet it says so much. Excellent work! :)

Congrats on the H and being number 1 on the poetry top-list!

~ nj

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