1776 Cuckoldry Stag (humor)

###Disclaimer: English is not my native language. My contribution to "750 Word Project 2024" words, please show some mercy###

1776, New York City.

"You are lawyer Alexander, aren't you?" she begged.

"It depends: who is asking?"

"Oh, I am a poor woman repeatedly beaten and humiliated by my husband! I beg you, lawyer, you must save my life as a wife!"

"A woman beautiful as a flower! No man should be able to lay a finger on you!"

"Oh, Mr. Lawyer, you have such a masculine voice, fair blue eyes, and such vigorous muscles! I'll bet all my money that you also have a remarkable endowment in the genital department!"

"Well, modestly... I'm sorry about John Bull, if we add up the letters of my given name, Hamilton, along with the surname Alexander from my Scottish family..."

"Oh! A family? I was told you were a son of a bitch, or as we say here in NYC, that you were literally an SOB!"

"Wow, what fine Modern Eloquence. Yes, I admit that my late daddy adored the lovely company of whores. I, on the other hand, am faithfully married..."

"Oh no! Then you love your wife?"

"But no way! Lilly Scholar, the dullest, ugliest heiress in Manhattan! Ha! I only married her for money, but I never fuck her! Every night I masturbate looking at Asian prints that Frankin, the printmaker, got me."

"Oh, how sad loneliness! I could perhaps compensate you somehow... Please let me introduce myself: my name is Maria Reynhold. And I will let you introduce your hard cock inside my vagina, Mr. A. Ham."

The woman unbuttons her jacket. Then the shirt. Her boobs soon pop out, while her legs remain covered (ah, the 18th century!) But Alexander already had a rod as hard as a baseball bat that had not yet been invented.

First, he imposed vaginal penetration, amid her wild pubic hairs that had never been washed.

After his first ejaculation (a few seconds), she had many different jobs to do.

Blowjob, titjob, feetjob, handjob, rimjob.

Many people emigrated to New York, the city that offered many job opportunities.

She tied his wrists to the headboard, ass up. As the woman was on all fours behind him, intent on a long rimjob, suddenly someone opened the main door.

"Oh sheet, my husband!" (a phrase that was still uncopyrighted at that time).

A man with a loaded gun in his hand appeared in the doorway.

"To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"My name is Hamilton: Alexander, Hamilton. For me, a Vodka Martini, shaken, not stirred. By the way, I can't shake hands because I'm a little tied up right now."

"Charmed. My name is Chuck Reynhold. Maybe you know my old store sign, the Deer Beer made from rye. The sign reads 'Chuck, Old Rye Beer of Stag', you know."

"The STAG! Sure, I caught a glimpse of the stuffed image passing by the alley... but I don't remember the letter "H." I had read 'CUCKOLDRY STAG' but, yet, I didn't know what it meant."

"The two branching antlers of the deer mean that I sop some idiot screwing my wife in my bed. Then there are two cases: either you pay me a hundred guineas a month, or I'll tell everyone you're a homewrecker, too."

"Me too?" (this phrase, too, was uncopyrighted).

"So sign this confession, in which you admit to being guilty of adultery by having seduced a married woman, or I will shoot you. The law is on my side: if I kill a rapist in my home, any judge would acquit me. Already only last year I was acquitted six times."

Behind him, the woman had stopped looking humble and needy. Standing near the fireplace, she looked warm and hot. She laughed like a witch and waved her long broomstick.

"OMG... is your hot wife into 18th-century witchcraft?"

"No way, that's bullshit... witchcraft never existed. My Hotwife is devoted to sticking the broomstick in the asshole of idiots who have allowed themselves to be tied up.

She is of Romanian origin from Wallachia, like Count Dracula the Third, known as the Impaler.

See that red mark on the wooden handle?

To date, it is the record, the greatest penetration we have achieved before the unfortunate person signed the confession.

But, she's ready now, a wife hot for action, and I believe we can surpass it today..."

"No, no! I'll sign everything right away, Mr. Cuckoldry Stag!"

"Chuck"

"Mr. Chuck! I implore you! Spare my life and I will pay every month!"

And everyone lived happily ever after.

###Disclaimer: English is not my native language, please forgive my mistakes.###