20 Year Anniversary Pt. 03

Amber was tearing the entire time. Chris was right. She did break up the family. How could she be so thoughtless to think that it is Chris who wanted to break up the family or not rebuild. She hurt him so much and that also pained her. Why did he have to watch them' why couldn't he have stopped them a week earlier?

"I will go with you the marriage counselor. I met with Lynn today, confessed everything and she put me on a three-month unpaid leave of absence. I hope money won't be tight for us. She is the sixth person who knows of my infidelity, and I'd like to keep it to a minimum. If we don't make it, it will look very bad on me and my reputation, and if we do make it, it may not help you, so let's keep this as quiet as possible."

"First of all, you will meet me there, I am going to work and will come from work. I will work out a new budget for the family, but we may have to figure out a different budget if we will live in separate homes if we don't make it. Also I'm not sure how you get six, with Lynn. There's the two of us and Emily, John and his wife, Lynn, Anthony Williams, some of my PI's may have figured it out and Mike Sanders from the Hilton, and tomorrow Dr. Millwood."

"Mike was how you taped us and got the key to the room?"

"Mike had nothing to do with the taping, but he gave me access both weeks. He wasn't comfortable, but he's a good friend."

Amber was quiet. She wasn't leaving.

Chris got up and said "I don't know what compelled you to tell Emily. But in a way, I am glad you did. She knows us the best, helped us communicate better and was able to handle the two younger kids. I just feel really bad that we put all of this on an 18-year-old when a 42-and 44-year-old can't manage their own lives and relationships. I moved my stuff out of your room already and have work to do tomorrow, so I am going to sleep. Good night."

"Chris, it's just the 42-year-old that's the problem. The 44-year-old has been unbelievable. I can't imagine any man, giving his wife a chance after what I did; I don't deserve you and I love you. Good night."

Chris heard her but kept on going to the guest room. Amber just sat there and watched him. She smiled to herself. She got him once, she'll get him again. She would be patient. Maybe she did have a mental imbalance. They would have to see what Dr. Millwood said..

Thursday February 7^th -- The office of Dr. Rachel Millwood, Chicago

Amber arrived 15 minutes early for the meeting with Rachel Millwood. She was getting very nervous when Chris finally appeared at 10:59. There was a brief acknowledgement, but no smiles from Chris. They were called in at 11:02.

Rachel Millwood introduced herself, reviewed her credentials, asked them to call her Rachel and said she wanted to hear from each of them why they were there.

"Chris, you made the appointment why don't you start," she said.

"I was told by my attorney that we are required to go to a marriage counselor before our divorce is accepted by the courts. My wife cheated on me, there is no room for adultery where I come from, I would like to terminate my marriage, so that is why I am here."

Rachel looked at Amber, who had choked up a bit with Chris bluntness.

"I did cheat. I cheated three times over a two-month period. The first time I was a bit inebriated, but that is no excuse. I could have and should have forecast what my partner's intensions were, but I was weak and caught off guard and then I couldn't stop it. Yes, he was the initiator, but I was a participant. It was no affair, no affection, no seduction, nothing by me. I'm not sure today why I did it. I made a mistake. A HUGE mistake. I was a great wife, mother and partner with my husband for 20 years and I don't want to throw all of that away. I love my husband dearly. I don't think I deserve him. We have a great family, wonderful children and I wouldn't want to put them in a situation where they are living in a broken home. I understand my husband's pain. No, maybe I don't, but I know that he is pained and I caused it and that makes me feel more horrible than I already do. He witnessed one of my episodes with my partner. I can't imagine how I would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. It has been suggested that my cheating could have been caused by a mental imbalance, and while that would be convenient, I highly doubt it. I am willing to investigate it. I do know my husband well enough that if he was convinced that my cheating was caused by a medical issue such as a mental imbalance, he would never leave, no matter how pained he is by what he figured out and what he witnessed."

Amber was crying when she was finished. Chris was also emotional. He heard Amber fighting to keep the family together while he was giving up on them. That was tough on him.

Rachel then asked them each to present their side of the story from the beginning to end without interruption from the other.

Amber went through all the details, emphasizing how John manipulated her with drinks at the party, how once she started she couldn't stop, how she wanted to confide in Chris, but felt it would be easier just to end it. She mentioned how her world came crashing apart when Chris caught them as she was trying to end it and realizing after Chris' lecture, how John disrespected her and she allowed it to happened. She ended with her admissions to Emily and Lynn.

Chris just detailed for Rachel how he found out and what he did about it. He did emphasize that up until the 29^th when he videoed them, he was not 100% certain of anything. That day was the most painful day for him.

Amber was really impressed with her husband's detective work and his control. She again was mortified that she put all this on him.

Now it was Rachel's turn to talk. She asked about current living conditions and was pleased with them.

"There are a few issues that we need to work out to see if I will recommend to the judge to dissolve this marriage or continue with therapy. Yes, Amber, I may come to the conclusion that even though I understand you don't want to terminate, I have to be fair to Chris, also. A marriage requires a pair, and I don't want to get in Chris's way from finding love and happiness in the future. So issue number one is, why, Amber. This is very important for both you and Chris. The second question, Chris, is even if there is no mental imbalance and there is no good reason but pure selfishness on Amber's part, isn't there enough of a good strong basis to rebuild what you once had? Amber is practically screaming I screwed up big time. Don't throw away 20 great years to potential life for very, very bad judgement over a two-month period."

They both listened intently. Rachel was encouraged, but heartbroken for them. This was a tough business. She scheduled the next appoint for the following Thursday at the same time.

They both left separately and each pondered half of what Rachel said. Amber thought to herself that it will kill her to let him go, but could she deny him happiness in the future? If he couldn't be intimate with her, then what kind of life would they have? She would definitely bring up the future intimacy issues with Rachel. That had to be discussed.

Chris was questioning himself. They did have a great marriage, and Amber was taking full responsibility for what happened and she believed that she can be more trusting and dependable, so could they have a relationship with no sex? He knew he couldn't touch her, but maybe in a few years. Time does heal all wounds. He wasn't sure if that was fair to him. Maybe he'd wait until Sara graduated, which would be in two and half years, and if there was no change, then dissolve the marriage. It was a long time, but it might be worth it.

Life at home was now becoming a new routine. Sara and Robbie felt the tension, but Amber and Chris tried to keep things as normal as possible. The kids noticed that their parents kept their physical distance from one another.

Amber's parents, when speaking to her, noticed she sounded a bit stressed, but they never said anything to her. One day, Alison surprised them with an unannounced visit. She noticed that the guest bedroom was being used and asked Amber who the guest was. Amber tried to avoid the question but Ali persisted. Chris took her aside and said the following

"We'd appreciate some discretion here, especially from Mom and Dad, but Amber and I are working though some issues, and I am sleeping in the guest bedroom. The kids are obviously aware, but we felt this was better than me moving out. We are getting professional help and that is all I'd like to say."

"I am shocked," Alison said. You are the last couple I could have expected to hear this from. I love you both, obviously Amber a bit more (with a smirk), if there is anything I can do for either of you, just say the word."

"Yes, there are two things: number one please don't discuss with Mom and Dad or Brandon and Jenny; I assume you will discuss it with Steven, and that is okay, and number two, please don't interrogate Amber about this. It's been very difficult on her".

Alison hugged her brother in law. "I'll try, she said.

Hugging Alison had reminded Chris of when he used to hug Amber.

As Alison left, she did manage to get a word to her sister, "I won't question you, but if you ever want to talk, I'll be her for you in a sec."

Thursday February 14^th -- The office of Dr. Rachel Millwood, Chicago

"Rachel, Chris had mentioned to me last week, that after witnessing my cheating with John, he could never be intimate with me again. I know I shouldn't be speaking for my husband, but I think this issue needs to be discussed."

"Amber, you are correct; this is an issue for Chris to bring up."

"Rachel, it is an issue and I was going to bring it up, I'm just not sure if this appropriate time", Chris added.

"Amber, you are correct, it is a very important issue and Chris, you are correct, I don't think we are ready to discuss this yet. I think, Amber, that you are getting a bit ahead of yourself.

"Right now, I'd like to focus on the two of you maintaining a 'normal' family life without issues of intimacy. We will get to that, once I am convinced that we have stability and respect at home.

"Amber, I do think that we should look into the mental imbalance issue and I will provide you with the name a good psychiatrist. I would like to explore something that you said last week. Was it John's youth, good looks and great body that got you interested, or was it that he pursued you when you felt that weren't in his league, being 12 years older."

"I have thought of that myself and I think it's a combination of both circumstances," Amber said. "Men have tried to approach me in the past, but they were either around my age or even much older. I have also worked with younger attractive men in the past but they never pursued me, and I have noticed them, but I would never do anything. It must be a combination, which to my best recollection, never happened. I guess I can try and use the midlife crisis excuse, but then I ask you, what if this happened ten years ago, and I was 32 and Sara was in first grade and some college senior tried to hit on me. I have no idea, based on what just happened, how I would react."

Both Rachel and Chris were impressed with Amber introspection.

"Interesting observation," Rachel said. "I don't think we'll ever know, but I am certain that you would have more self-awareness in the future to make sure it never happens again."

She looked at Chris. "I won't ask you the same question. in our society, it is more acceptable that older man can be with younger women but not older women with younger men. The comparison isn't fair."

"Well what if a super model like Cindy Crawford or Tyra Banks or someone younger came to hit on me," Chris said. Wouldn't that be the same? I think I would have been able to reject them. I have power in my position and anyone, even a sexy super model, might want to exchange sexual gratification for getting some breaks from me."

"What if they didn't know that you were the attorney general and wanted nothing in return?" Rachel asked.

"I think I would still reject them." Chris said.

"And you should," Rachel responded. "I'm not defending Amber's actions or even excusing them; we are trying to explain them."

Rachel felt that she was making progress and she had a plan for them, but it would take time.

Friday February 15^th -- The office of the attorney general of Illinois, Chicago

The next day some of the history caught up with them. It was 10:00 AM and Chris received a phone call from Debbie Stevens.

"I am sorry to bother you, Mr. Robbins I know we spoke about ten days ago but you gave me your number and I wanted to just compare notes."

"Go ahead."

"John says that he only came onto your wife once and they were both drunk at a party, and the other two times she came onto him. Not that it makes a difference, but is that the version of the story your heard?"

"No, but I guess we will never know the complete truth. The version that I heard, and I heard it twice, the first time from my wife in front of John, and John agreed with everything she said, was that he got her drunk, John was sober. The other two times were as follows: John got Amber is a position where they were both at fault. He sort of seduced her, but she let her vanity get seduced. She was turned on by a younger man, and if I may add, quite a handsome man, pursuing her. The third time, I unfortunately witnessed, and I have a copy of the tape if you'd like it. I saw them enter the bedroom and take their time; however, Amber was almost going through the motions, trying things sexually without joy. She definitely had sexual pleasure, but no joy. I witnessed that on her face and I have had the experience to witness her joy many times over the past 20 years with me."

"Twenty years, wow, we aren't going to make that. It looks like we won't make eight years. I threw him out of the house. This is his third strike. The first was a colleague, everyone in the office knew that. It was right after our son was born. His colleague left the company and he was given a warning. The second time, I was the only one who knew. It was with another out of state client. I'm not sure how many times, but I caught him and he swore it was the first time. I made him drop that client. I was pregnant with my daughter and he told his boss that he couldn't travel during my pregnancy. He tried to reassure me that your wife was older. He insinuated like late 40's or early 50's. Please tell me, why did you hear the story twice?"

"We are in therapy, so my wife repeated everything for the therapist. I do believe her. She went into some painful details."

"Maybe we should have done that after the first time. Gone into therapy. I hope it helps you. We are finished. Can I trouble you for the tape?"

"Debbie, please promise me you will use it only for your own viewing. I'm not sure it's admissible in court. If you are using an arbitrator to mediate your divorce, then he/she may wish to view it, if there are any disagreements. Please don't make any copies of it. If you need to, please contact me first. No one in the world has seen it, except me. I saw it live and checked to make sure the tape contained the evidence should I need it, but even I never watched it from start to finish."

"Okay, you have my word, I wish you luck with your therapy. Is your wife still working? John was fired. That isn't going to help me. He will have alimony and child support payments to make. This really sucks. At least it forced me to get a job, which I was lucky enough to get back with my old company."

"I'm sorry for all your troubles. Amber was put on a three-month unpaid leave of absence, but she does have to do some consultation work from home for nothing if she wants to get her job back. Good luck to you, Debbie. I will send you the tape today, goodbye."

"Goodbye, Mr. Robbins, and thank you and good luck to you and your family."

Chris thought what a brave woman she was. She had two small children and wouldn't tolerate his cheating, so she threw him out. Then again, it was John's third strike. Amber would never get three strikes. The question was, would she be in a position where she could get her second, or was it game over.

*****

Amber also got a call from Greg, Alice and Lynn. All three of them filled her in on Steven's getting fired, and there was a new Account Manager who would be coming out in a few days. His name was William Dakota. Greg had all of Amber's notes, so he just wanted to review the project plan and the deliverables. After Greg and Alice got off, Lynn stayed on the line

"How's it going?"

"It's hard, but Chris is living at home. He lives in the guest bedroom; the kids know some stuff but not about what I did, only that I hurt their Dad. They are really staying impartial and trying to be supportive of both of us. We are in therapy. I think we both like the therapist. I do. I am trying to be patient. He needs to regain his trust and respect for me. Once he gets that, hopefully he will fall in love with me again. That is the goal. I know he loves me, he's just not in love with me."

"Amber, he will. Just give him his space. He will come around."

"Thanks, Lynn, you are a true friend, bye."

"Bye."

Amber did start seeing the psychiatrist, but after five meetings, he said that she didn't have any mental imbalance, just poor judgement, some insecurity and too much vanity.

May 2019 -- The office of Dr. Rachel Millwood, Chicago

They continued to see Rachel every week, but Chris was growing impatient. He thought he could wait until Sara graduated but it was now only three months later and he wasn't seeing any progress. Rachel thought it was time to implement her plan.

"I want you to go out on a date."

"Who me? I can't do that. I am still married. I won't do that. If you mean Amber, to try and get me jealous, I won't allow that and I will stop seeing you and ask my attorney to proceed."

"Are you finished?"

Chris nodded.

Rachel continued "I want you to go out on a date with each other. Chris be a gentleman, get dressed, leave the house and come back and collect Amber, go out and when you come home, drop her off but don't come in right away."

Amber smiled but tried to hide it.

"What would we do?" he asked.

"You are nearly 45 years old, I assume you know how to take a lady out for an evening. I'm not telling you to go have sex, touch her or even kiss her goodnight. What did you do, when you dated first 23 years ago?"

"We were in college; our first date we went to a club, ate, drank and listened to music. I didn't dance with her, because I didn't know how."

"Do the same thing."

"Okay, this is silly but I will try it".

Chris then turned to Amber.

"Amber, I hate to be presumptuous and I know it's already Thursday, but are you free Saturday evening? I can pick you up at 7:00 PM."

Amber was tempted to say, "I need to check with my husband," but she wasn't playing games here. "Thank you, Mr. Robbins, I'd love to accompany you for the evening."

"Then it's a date."

May 2019 -- Saturday, Robbins home, Chicago

Chris was intrigued by Rachel's plan. Robbie and Sara noticed a pickup in their mother's mood all day Saturday. Chris was lost in space. Finally, at around 5:30 Amber said to Sara, "I am going out for the evening. Can you and Robbie manage dinner?"

Sara was sort of shocked. "Mom, what about Dad; doesn't he get dinner? Does he know that you are going out? Is this okay?"

"I think your father also has plans, so he won't need dinner."