2023/08/13 - Sunnie LaMatina 02

Dr D: So how did that work out?

Scott: Well, I went along with that mindset until the big blow up.

Dr D: What kind of blow up are we talking? What brought it on?

Scott: She wanted to go back. Don't forget I'm still playing the waiting game. She'll end the affair, she'll recommit to the marriage. We can finally have kids. I know, bad plan to have kids with a cheating wife, but don't forget, I'm still in fantasy land. She'll change her ways. She'll come back. She came back, all right. Back from her latest "White Plains" trip, she strolled in the door, like clockwork, Tuesday at 5pm, sat down to the dinner I'd prepared. And announced that she was going back for a second Antarctic mission. I went wild. She hadn't even ended the affair and come back to me yet and already she's talking leaving.

Dr D: So you had this plan in place to wait out the affair and the whole plan suddenly blew up in your face.

Scott: Yeah, I wasn't seeing the truth, that I'd chosen inaction and wishful thinking. Suddenly I was lying to myself that I'd chosen patience and a sound plan. God, I was furious. I was half mad at her and half at myself. I told her Fuck No I'm not going through that again. I wasn't going through the loneliness and worry again. I was no longer going for patience. I was now ready to lay down my terms. I wanted a normal marriage and if I couldn't have it with her, it was time for me to move on. I'm saying it calm now but I was yelling then. At one point I yelled Fuck This, threw my uneaten dinner in the trash and threw my plate in the sink so hard it broke.

Dr D: How was she responding to your anger?

Scott: Oh man, she was stunned. I'd never gone off like this with her before. She went pale, went silent, and started shaking. Good. I wanted her to be scared. The glass from the plate went flying. I'm sure she wet her pants.

Dr D: What was the first she spoke to you after that?

Scott: Christ, I guess it was right after I stomped off upstairs to bed. I half expected her to jump in her car and run off to him. She came up after about a half hour. I was tucked in, lights out but all my clothes still on. I'm was wired when I hopped in so I didn't even have the presence of mind to get out of my jeans. At least my shoes were off (chuckle). I was on my back staring at the ceiling and I felt myself slowly calming down. She walked in acting a bit contrite and spoke me kinda soft, like she was trying to soothe me, and said she knew I wouldn't be happy about her leaving, in fact she even pictured annoyance or gruffness but certainly not an explosion. Then she just tossed the ball back at me and asked me if I wanted to talk about it.

Dr D: Was the feeling you got along the lines of her trying to be nice to soothe you so as to protect herself from having to endure another outburst, or did it feel like she was genuinely concerned for your well-being and wanted to calm you so you'd feel better?

Scott: I didn't get a good "read" at that moment, but looking back now at what followed, I don't think it was either. I think she was making nice to soften me up so she could get her way with a minimum amount of friction. So when she asked me to talk about it, I was calmer than before but now I was also more resolute. I was going to divorce her if she went back and I told her so. In my mind I was now ready to go to war over the affair even if I never mentioned it. I still clung to that last hope. She won't go to Antarctica, she'll give up the affair and we'll work on the marriage.

Dr D: So you were still locked into this wishful thinking about her ending the affair. What was different this time?

Scott: OK ... the first time around, I was waiting for her to end the affair on an open timeline and I had no plan B. This time, if she left, there would be no forgiveness, and since divorce would be a given there would be no need for me to play coy about her affair. I'd hit her with both barrels, abandonment and infidelity. Oh, and it was around this time that I asked her if anyone from the last mission was going again this time. I phrased it in a way that implied that I bet you're the only one who's going back. So now to defend her position she had to say No I'm not the only one returning, and I went Oh yeah who. And she rattled off a bunch of names, 7 or 8 people.

Dr D: And I'm guessing Corvel was among them...

Scott: Of course he was. She buried his name in the middle of the pack and said it extra fast as if I'd possibly miss it. Of course all that did was make me notice it more. I told her that I didn't know how their spouses are taking it but I'm not taking it well. I got a little more explicit this time and told her straight out that I would not stay married to her if she left me again.

Dr D: How did she take it?

Scott: Well, the soft soothing tone went right out the window. She dug her heels in.... told me she had a contract she couldn't back out of. I reminded her that we entered into a contract with each other when she married me, and that our contract predates this new one, and takes precedence. She left the room without a word. Slept in the spare bedroom I guess.

Dr D: How much notice had she given you when she told you about her new mission?

Scott: Not much. A month and a half? I think because she knew I'd protest, she waited till the very last to commit. If they didn't get an answer, they'd bring in someone else and leave her behind. I've always guessed that the very thought of losing Corvel to another mission partner was the deciding factor. She couldn't bear to have him isolated in Antarctica for 9 months with no way to get at him, and having to wonder who was keeping him warm down there. She could bear to be away from me for 9 months but couldn't bear to be away from him. I guess I had my answer.

Dr D: How old is this Dr Corvel?

Scott: 45 or so. Maybe 10 years older than me, 12 older than Kim. Saw his pic on the website. Good looking. Distinguished in a douche-baggy sort of way.

Dr D: Did you stay together till she left?

Scott: Yes and it was surreal. The anger faded into a kind of numbness. I went through the motions. I helped her get ready to leave me. Helped her pack. It was like me throwing her cheating ass out of the house only in slow motion. A couple of times she tried to join me in my bed and I told her to get out. She was sad both times but stopped trying. Then our last night under the same roof, the night before she left she tried again. One more for old times sake of something like that. I told her absolutely not. If she doesn't love me enough to stay and doesn't love me enough to want to stave off a divorce, then she doesn't love me enough to share my bed and my body. I told her there must be something far more interesting awaiting her in Antarctica that she can't wait to get away from me.

Dr D: So you told her you knew about Corvel!

Scott: Not in so many words. I worded it ambiguously enough. But I wanted to rattle her without accusing. It was enough for me that she knew. I left it for her to draw the conclusion that she was torpedoing her marriage for a fling with the married Corvel. At any rate my last words that night was that I'll be damned if I was going to give her one more for the road. I heard her cry in the spare bedroom that night. I actually rejoiced at her anguish, assuming it was anguish I was hearing.

Dr D: Aside from the bedroom, what were the final days like?

Scott: I kept any sentiments of regret to a minimum. I'd finally given up the last of my hope as I helped her pack, so I acted like I relished the task. She was taken aback. She was counting on tears from me. In the alternative maybe some anger would have shown her that her leaving meant something to me. But I kept myself in ... let's say, a purposeful mood. I was sure it rattled her, which made me somewhat happy. At least it made acting like I wasn't sad a whole lot easier. Now, I guess I'm burying the lead here, but as I helped her pack and repack, I found birth control pills hidden. There was a 2 month's supply which I found odd for a 9 month stay. I still don't know how she ended up resolving that discrepancy.

Dr D: Can you really say you were surprised about the pills?

Scott: Ha ha, I was shocked for all of 10 seconds. I maybe pondered stuff like, oh, I don't know, maybe she got smart this time after getting preggers the first time. I thought that this shoots to shit any argument she might come up with about the sex being unexpected or accidental or spur-of-the-moment. It was clearly pre-meditated. She was planning her cheating. And this did trip something in my mind, um, something in my resolve? I seemed to feel less reluctant to see her go. Made me feel closer to actually wanting her gone.

Dr D: How did you part? Home? Airport?

Scott: Airport. Last time she went to the airport by herself and got home herself. This time, drove her there myself, helped her with her bags. Still doing the whole "push her out the door" thing. I wanted the memory of us parting at the airport to burn an image in her mind. Torment her down there and for all time. Even if it killed me, I was going to see her off, knowing full well she was going off to be a polar whore. A polar bare-backer, ha ha. She still thought I was just dropping her off at work, and that we'd be back on track when she got back. So what I told her hit her hard. I hugged her, kissed her on the cheek and told her Goodbye Kim. I told her that I wished her well in life.

Dr D: Did that finally get a response from her?

Scott: It did. She suddenly got weepy. She saw the writing on the wall. She said You really do want to divorce me don't you and I told her she'd made it impossible for me not to. She clang to me and pleaded, made me promise that I'd pick her up when she returned. I got soft and relented. Yes I'd pick her up at the airport when she got back in 9 months and take her wherever she wanted to go. I left unsaid that we would not be married when it happened. Then the plane was boarding and she gave me a real kiss and a big hug, told me she loves me. I countered with I'll always love you, and she knew what the difference meant. She gave a sad smile and walked away fast.

Dr D: How did you respond when you saw her leave? Any tears? Regrets?

Scott: No I'd cried all my tears earlier. When she was gone the first time. Every time she went to "White Plains". Every time I read my credit card statement. I didn't even hang around to watch the plane take off. I was hoping that from wherever she was seated on the runway, she had a view of me walking to my car and driving away rather than watching longingly as the plane took off. Probably she didn't see a thing but such was my mind that day. Nope, I drove straight from the airport to my lawyers office and had him draw up divorce papers.

Dr D: We're you able to file while she was abroad?

Scott: Yep. The base is sovereign US territory for such purposes. So as long as the papers got into the air before the last planes flew into Antarctica for the season, she'd get her copy. I remembered the flight schedule from her previous trip. And I knew just about when she'd get them. I had a plus or minus on what week they'd be arriving. Sure enough, after no contact at all since she left, she started burning up my phone line with voice messages and texts.

Dr D: Did you listen to any of it

Scott: Yeah, maybe the first dozen. The first few gave me stuff I was hearing for the first time. You know, Honey I got the papers, I'm so sad, I was hoping your talk of divorce was just blowing off steam, I thought you were trying to keep me at home with threats. You know, like that. The next few messages rehashed all that and threw in a few new topics like I love you, I'm sorry I hurt you, Can't we wait till I get home to discuss it, and oh! one I particularly liked was when I told her Goodbye and Have a Nice Life at the airport, she was 'hoping' that I was just being dramatic and desperate so she'd abandon her plans at the last possible second. She had been praying that I didnt really mean it, but now the divorce papers are sitting in front of her so now she guesses that I really did mean it.

Dr D: How long did this go on?

Scott: For weeks and weeks. After the first dozen, they were totally repetitive with nothing new being added so I gave up even listening to them. I'd delete them every few days just to free up space on my phone. Suddenly, about the 4th month she was there, 2 and a half months after she got the papers, they stopped. They didn't dwindle. It was abrupt. I went from getting one or two a day to getting zero. For a few days in a row. That caught my attention. I hadn't purged the last 5 or 6 messages yet, so I went back to listen for any clues. There was nothing. It was almost verbatim the same crap she'd been spouting. A couple of insignificant details thrown in. She had an upset tummy, so they were checking the food supply to make sure it wasn't food spoilage. Nobody new was coming in so nobody could have introduced the flu. I heard nothing further.

Dr D: No news is good news, right?

Scott: Well I was still her emergency contact, so they'd let me know if it was anything serious. But coincidentally, I did get this call from a guy at the agency around this time and the flu thing was not really on my mind, so I was not sure what to expect. The guy made some small talk and then asked me some pointed questions that I suspect he already knows the answers to. He wanted to know about my marriage, the divorce. I told him that since he already knows about the divorce he must know that my marriage is all but over. Then without comment he asked me what I knew about the nature of her relationships with other members of the crew, and then singled out Corvel, mentioned the guy by name.

Dr D: So how did you respond to that?

Scott: At that point I was skeptical about everything. Trusting nobody. So I just gave a vanilla answer, that my wife had generally spoken well about her colleagues and I'd never heard about any problems. Then he circled back on Corvel because I'd avoided discussing him. I told him that I was aware of him, I recall his name being mentioned by Kim, among a bunch of other names. I wasn't going to tell them a thing, but my gut told me that they knew something was up and they were trying to feel me out for any number of reasons.

Dr D: Reasons?

Scott: Yeah... Dr D'orméveux, I figured they wanted me to fill in blanks for them because they had concerns about him and were picking my brain for more evidence. But another thought was that they knew it all and, um ... I guess they were taking my temperature to see if I was likely to sue them. But they saved the best for last. I pointedly asked what was really going on, if there were any problems with the personnel at the base. The agency guy said that any questions about the particulars when it comes to other crew members were not open for discussion, but did offer me that if the reason for my marriage failing was Kim's absences, that this would soon cease to be a factor. I asked if he would expand on this. Almost as if he was trying to save my marriage, he said that if this helps, she had already been informed that she would not be going on any further missions, that there were issues and they didn't want her anymore. I told him 'Well that makes two of us.' But I still had a feeling there was something they weren't telling me.

Dr D: Miss LaMatina, at this point do you have anything you'd like to say or ask Scott, if he wouldn't object?

Sunnie: OK Scott... can I call you Scott? (Scott nods). Good! And Scott, please call me Sunnie. (she gets up and walks over to take a seat nearer to Scott)

Scott: (spellbound watching her move) Um, yes, Sunnie (rising to shake her hand), so nice to meet you....

Sunnie: OK Scott, I've checked into the dates and it looks like Kim is 7 months into her mission. I know this is a big ask, but I think that we are all going to get answers to stuff that we are only guessing at, IF we bring Kim into this discussion. (Jack raises his eyebrow as in surprise). You're not going to get answers reading credit card receipts, only clues. You must still have questions, Scott. Whattaya say we nail this down.

Scott: Sure, uh .... Miss... uh Sunnie, yeah sure, let's do it.... um, you know what I mean by that...

Sunnie: (with a carefree little laugh) Sure, Scott! Let's do it. Do you have contact info for her? (He gives Sunnie the number). OK, now I'm going to try to contact her from one of our terminals in another office. Just sit tight, maybe better yet, stretch your legs, men's room is down the hall on your left.

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Sunnie: Hi Kimberly? Kimberly Chance?

Kim: Yes this is Kim. Who's this?

Sunnie: Hi Kim, I'm Victoria LaMatina from the office of Dr D'orméveux, but please call me Sunnie. Our records show that you had done some sessions with us prior to your current assignment overseas.

Kim: Yes, yes! I was um... having some problems with my marriage at the time...

Sunnie: Yes, well the reason I called, Kim, is that we currently have your husband here in our office.

Kim: Scott? You've got Scotty there right now?

Sunnie: Yes. We contacted him and asked him in. We wanted to follow up on your case, but we did so without divulging anything that went on with your sessions. We are legally bound to confidentiality and we observed it to the letter. We asked him for his story, and Dr D'orméveux asked questions as Scott went along. We never filled in any blanks by sharing your information. But I wanted to ask if you would be willing to come on live for a four-person conference. It would be you, your husband, Dr D'orméveux and myself.

Kim: I would get to talk to my husband? I've been trying to talk to him for some time.

Sunnie: Kim, would you be able to be totally honest with us? For example, I am aware that you have stopped attempting to contact Scott. Everything has to be laid on the table here. This is your one chance to talk to him. I get the impression that he will not talk to you one-on-one. He is reluctantly agreeing to do it in this setting to begin with. I can't be absolutely sure, but you need to accept that this is possibly the last chance you'll ever have to talk to him. And if he feels he is getting anything less than the full truth, he might just walk away.

Kim: I have so much to tell him. I was closed off last time I was home. I was keeping secrets and I became uncommunicative because of the guilt. I'm pretty sure my marriage is toast. I need to come clean.

Sunnie: OK, please stand by. I'm going to transfer this Zoom to a portal in our consultation room.

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Sunnie: OK folks, we're going to get things underway. Kim, Scott, can you see each other on the monitor

Kim: Scotty, baby, it's been so long. I'm glad to see you. You look good. Have you been taking care of yourself?

Scott: (tersely) I'm making out OK.

Kim: Anyway, thanks for agreeing to talk to me. I was never able to get you to communicate with me once I left, and I thought I'd never see you or talk to you again.

Scott: (reservedly) Well, I'm nervous. but I'm doing it.

Sunnie: Right, now one or two housekeeping matters. First, Kim, you remember Dr D'orméveux...

Kim: Doctor, so nice to see you again.

Dr D: Kim, my pleasure. How is everything?

Kim: Right now I'd sum up my life as an island of functionality in a sea of many difficulties.

Sunnie: Well, we are going to get to that, but one last bit of housekeeping. I am going to be asking both of you questions that will touch upon topics that you have shared in confidence during your individual sessions. I will ask that you agree verbally to waive confidentiality so that we can have a frank discussion. Kim. please state your full name.