23 & WTF Pt. 03

She pulls me into her for a hug, patting my back. "No sweetie. No one thinks you're sick. Not David or me. He loves you and he's worried about you. We both are." Gently rocking me she helps calm me back down.

Getting my senses back I realize what she had said. "So, what damage do we need to control?" She lets the hug go and looks down and starts fiddling with her rings. "Lucy what happened?"

"Well, me and David might have gotten a little too loud when we were talking. Then about the point when divorce was mentioned is when I noticed Andy standing behind us." God no!

"I've got to go talk to him before this spirals out of control. What did Bella and Patty do?" She just shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't know Cat, the dinner kind of feel apart at that point. David went after Andy, Sara and Jacob left. Patty and Bella just started cleaning up and putting things away. I wanted come check on you first and let you know what happened." Looking her right in the eyes she tells her.

"For now, Cat, I can't be your attorney, only your sister. Ok? Because as David pointed out I'm Rion's sister too. If I represented you, he might hold that against me for a long time and I don't want that."

Damnit. I never thought of that. Shit, this so fucking complicated. "Yes, you're right, go see Rion, go meet your brother. I have to go talk to my son and figure how I'm going to explain this."

* * * * *

RION

Sitting out here I can't help thinking, 'I can't do anything right'. Every instinct I have is to go to her. Hold her and comfort her. Only now everything I know I should do is wrong. Does that mean that since I know I should stay, that I should really go? I just want her to stop hurting over this. She never asked for it. Maybe I should've kept my mouth shut and shouldered the burden myself.

It's pointless since I know that wouldn't have worked either. It would've eaten me up keeping that secret.

Now not only is she dealing with it but so are Lucy and David. David says he's alright with it and I love him for that. Lucy? I don't think she's as understanding. She probably sees this from Cat's point of view and thinks I'm disgusting too.

All I had to do was say something yesterday. To stop her before we made love. Just open my mouth and say 'Cat we need to talk.' Yeah, it would've hurt her feelings. Thinking I was rejecting her, but once she knew she would've been glad I stopped it. Now she just sees me as the guy who knowingly slept with his sister.

Sick. Perverted. Only God help me I don't regret any of it. If had to really ask myself I'd have to say I'd do it all again. DNA or not in my heart she's not my sister. She's my wife, pure and simple. She's one of the people in this world I vowed to never harm, to always protect. Yet hurting her is all I seem to be doing right now.

Hearing the patio door slide open thankfully derails my self-pitying train of thought. I don't look up as I hear footsteps come closer. Wanting it to be Cat. When whoever it is reaches out and touches my shoulder, I know it isn't. Dropping my head a little bit I hear them. "You can't leave, you promised." Ah Bella, now you're pulled into this shit show of a nightmare too.

Reaching up I pat her hand. "I know sweetie, but sometimes even the best intended promises can't hold. Life ... happens."

"What happened Dad? What's wrong? I mean you and Mom love each other so much it's unreal."

Unreal? Is that what we are? We were real, really in love, really happy. Then this revelation did what? Unmake us? So now we're 'unreal'?

"I can't tell you what's wrong. So, before you decide to keep asking, don't. All I can say is we are trying to work through this. We just need some time."

The next words sound more concerned if that's possible. "Are you sure you're working through this? Because I think Mom is using Aunt Lucy as her lawyer." Fuck, and the hits just keep on coming. I guess I should've seen that coming. At least now I know why she wouldn't look at me.

"David and Lucy got into it at dinner and we overheard him say 'divorce' and that it shouldn't be her." What did Grandpa Simms always say? 'It only stops getting worse when you're dead.'

"Well, if she wants to do that then it's what'll happen, I guess." Hearing this Bella just looks at me like I'm stupid. She doesn't get it yet. One of the things Cat's struggling with is she doesn't want this to get out and be known. Me being more of an atheist, I'm not struggling with all her 'Catholic guilt'.

"God damnit Dad what the hell does that even mean? 'I guess'? Don't you want to fight for your marriage?" She's yelling at me now. I know as her father I should be mad at her for that, but she needs this so I let her. "You're letting this all fall apart. You promised you wouldn't leave!"

Breaking down into tears I just scoop her up into a hug and let her cry. Ever since that first day, Cat always said I give good hugs.

"Shhh, sweetie I know you don't get it, but this is how it's got to be right now. I love your mother and you guys with all my heart. This time though your Mom and I have to decide if it's best for us to stay together. That's something that can't be influenced by me or her. So, while she's making her decision, I'm keeping my distance. Only when she decides what it is she wants will I know when and how I need to fight for my marriage. I won't go into this swinging wild. This is something that I have to get right the first time. So, trust me that I'm doing what I think is right."

She lifts her head, and looks up at me with a fearful expression. "Just remember you promised. I can't lose another Dad." At that I put my hand under her chin and look her right in the eyes.

"Listen to me baby Bell, no matter what happens between me and your mom I'll always be your Dad. For as long as you'll have me." I will too. Even if she finds out I'm actually her uncle I'll still be her Dad. I've watched this child grow from a gangly 12-year-old kid to a beautiful 18-year-old woman and I look forward to the day I can walk her down the aisle.

Breaking the hug, I look up to see Lucy standing in the doorway. Holding back like she's scared. Bidding her time and giving us this moment. As soon as Bella notices her though her whole attitude changes. I see her bristling up getting ready to let her have it. I have to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand. Leaning in to whisper in her ear I prove to her I'm still her Dad.

"I don't care what's going on. You will remember she's your Aunt and she loves you. She's stuck in the middle of this now too which makes it my and your mother's business. Not yours, got it." With a kiss on the side of her head she looks at me and calms down.

"Yes Dad." Walking over to Lucy (who's looking extremely tense) she looks her right in the eye. "I love you Aunt Lucy, and I always will." She then proceeds to give her a hug of her own. The relief washing over Lucy is visible. I think she's even crying a little.

I can't help thinking, 'that's my girl.'

While still hugging Bella, Lucy tells her in a voice loud enough for me to hear. "Thank you, for this, and for the record I told her no. I'm no one's lawyer." Then looking me right in the eyes, as if she intends it for me. "I'm just a sister." Then ending the hug. "Hey Bella do you mind if I talk to your Dad for a few?"

"Sure. I should probably look in on Mom anyway," and with a smile for each of us she goes inside.

Watching her leave Lucy just shakes her head and looks down. "You know I probably deserved that ass chewing she wanted to give before you stopped her."

She looks over at me eyes wet. "I did say yes at first."

She takes a tentative step towards me. "David set me straight though."

Another step closer. "He reminded me I'm your sister too."

Now right in front of me looking as vulnerable as one of my little girls. It's time she gets her own hug. "Oh God, I'm so happy you're my new big brother." She says burying her face in my chest.

Just as David accepted me, Lucy does as well. Silver linings. "I'm very happy you're my sister too." Lifting her head up to look at me while not letting up on the hug she smiles.

"Sooooo, .... when do I get to meet Dad?" She inquires enjoying the look on my face. Special once in a lifetime moment or not, she's still Lucy.

"Shit Lucy you do know that he doesn't know. Right?"

She just looks at me still keeping the hug. Scrunches up her nose and squints at me. "So, I take it we're not going to tell him? Ever?"

Now it's me who's scrunching up my face looking back. "Not right now Lucy. Not 'til me and Cat figure out if we're still us or not. 'til then no one else gets told and that includes the other sibs. Got it!"

Then smiling up at me batting her eyelashes like a little blonde headed Betty Boop. "Anything you say big brother." Goddamn, she must have judges eating out of her hands when she's in court. Worse comes to worse I really do hope she isn't Cat's attorney. I'll get creamed.

All the sudden her face turns very serious and steps back still holding my arms. "She doesn't want a divorce Rion. Not unless there's no other choice. So please don't think that she does." I can tell she sees the relief on my face at hearing this. I'm like a dying man being told there's still a chance they might find a cure.

Then I remember the reactions to my touch. "She won't even let me touch her?"

Lucy turns away from me trying to think how to say something it seems. Turning back she says. "I can't answer that Rion, and neither can Cat. She doesn't know why she keeps, doing it. She only knows she hates herself for it because of what it's doing to you."

Feeling a little hope is almost worse than no hope at all. I think it keeps you on the edge. She doesn't want a divorce, only she can't touch me. Then if I touch her, she can't stop herself from pulling away. Which I turn makes me sad and that causes her pain.

I just start to tense up, muscles shaking, fists clenched. I'm just so FUCKING MAD at this whole God damned situation. Screaming in my head the things I want to yell out loud. 'WHY CAN'T I BE THE ONE WHO GETS TO BE HAPPY.' I look to the sky and I finally do. "IF YOU'RE REALLY THERE, FUCK YOU!"

I send that out into the universe. Knowing I won't get a response. Then with great effort I start forcing myself to calm down. I look over at Lucy and see she's scared. Though not of me I think, but for me. For me and Cat. She steps closer and takes my left fist in both her hands. Her thumb rubbing my wedding ring. Her touch giving me all the sisterly love she can. "I really do want to believe it's going to work out for you guys."

With eyes that relay inevitable sadness I look at her. "Even though we're brother and sister? Your brother and sister?"

Bless her pretty little heart, she didn't even miss a beat. "I don't care! Not one single fuck do I give about you two being related by DNA. She was never your sister and you were never her brother. Only husband and wife. All that profile did was give you to me, David and the others if you want them to know. That's all I care about Rion." Then it's my turn to be taken up into a comforting hug. "I love you big brother."

All I can say to this is, "love you too little sister."

* * * * *

CAT

Lucy's heading towards the back patio to see Rion. I really do hope I didn't do anything to ruin how they'll feel about one another. Though it's not their relationship that's the real problem right now is it? No right now I have to try and keep kids from becoming casualties of this horrible situation.

Walking down the hall towards Andy's room I hear David inside. "There you go buddy, feeling better now?

"Yeah, Uncle David, thanks for telling me that stuff." Stuff! What did he tell him? Damnit David you didn't tell him that did you?

"Just remember just because their working through some issues right now doesn't mean that they don't still love each other or that they're getting divorced." Oh, thank God, 'issues', I should've known. He would never tell them without our consent. Damn I'm just so fucking paranoid right now.

Hearing a subtle cough behind me I turn to see my girls looking at me. Bella with a slightly less worried expression than Patty. "Hey Mom we were just wanting to see how you're doing. Since you missed dinner and all." Patty says a little nervously.

Putting on a smile that only feels half fake. "I'm doing alright I guess." Then knocking on the door, I lean my head in. "Hey boys why don't you two join us girls in the den."

"Ok Mom." Andy says as nervous as can be even after David talking him down.

Turning back to the girls I usher them to the den. Shortly followed by my brother and my son. I take a seat on the love seat with David while the kids sit on the big couch. Patty in the middle of her brother and sister.

"So, I hear some things have gotten misunderstood." I'm relying heavily on my 'executive' persona to keep it together for this. "I want to set the record straight so as to stop this from getting out of control." I let my gaze pass over them making sure I have their attention.

"Yes, your father and I are dealing with a very important matter right now." Seeing Patty start to speak. I look at her and beat her to it. She then gets the point of not interrupting. "No, we will not be sharing what this issue is and that is not up for discussion. No, your Aunt Lucy is not my lawyer."

Having never lied to my children I don't add we're not going to get a divorce. Because I simply just don't know at this point yet how this will all turn out. Noticing this omission, I feel David reach down and take my hand. I'm sure he knows how painful this all must be for me right now.

"Now all that being said I hope that clears up all this confusion that's been running wild tonight." God, please let this work.

Sadly, it doesn't as Patty quickly points out. "You said Aunt Lucy wasn't your lawyer, but you didn't say you're not going to get divorced." The seconds stretch out after she says it her eyes locked with mine. I'm squeezing David's hand like it's my only lifeline. I'm stuck! I can't make myself tell them what they want to hear.

With great effort in remaining calm I speak. "I've done my best with you children to never lie to you. No, I didn't say that we weren't going to get divorced. Because honestly I just don't know." I can see Patty start to cry. Bella immediately puts her arms around her.

That's when my straight forward, subtle as a sledgehammer, son hits me right between the eyes. "Will you still be our Mom?"

God it couldn't have hit me harder if it was a bullet from a gun. I leapt up from my seat and rushed to him. Scooping him up tight. Crying like a child instead of the parent giving him comfort. "Yes baby, I will always be your mother!" I said as I held him rocking back and forth. I reach out to the girls pulling them into this embrace.

"No matter what happens between me and your father, you will always be MY children until the day I die." We stay like this for a while just cementing our bond, mother and children. Talking with and reassuring them. Until I feel they have as good of a grasp on this as their likely to get.

"Ok guys why don't you go to your rooms and start getting ready for bed." I say giving each of the younger ones a kiss.

Andy being a little choked up just squeezed tighter really quick and leaves. Patty though latched onto my neck, kissed my cheek and whispered. "I love you Momma." Then she too was gone. Then I look to the oldest.

"Bella are you staying over tonight?" I already knew the answer but still felt like I should ask. The need to make mundane conversation was overwhelming.

"Yeah, Mom I'm going to stay tonight. Probably the whole weekend too." I can see she feels the need to be normal as well. I don't want her to walk on eggshells around me and Rion. I just don't want this to consume my children like I feel it doing to me. No. Bella is an adult now so I can let her in to a point.

"I don't know what your father has told you but I will tell you this. He and I are at a crossroads. Right now, we're trying to figure out if we'll be able to stay together. Again, don't ask what the issue is because right now it is ours and ours alone. I know it will affect everyone. I just need you to give us a little time to sort this out."

"That's pretty much what he told me too." Then she looks down and starts fidgeting like she wants to say something else. "Look Mom I kind of got the feeling talking to Dad that he might've done something. If he did are you sure it's not something you can forgive him for?"

As she finished saying this, she looked little scared. "He didn't cheat, did he? With Aunt Sara?"

Oh God where did that come from! I tell her, "No baby, he wouldn't and didn't do that!" Then with no small degree of curiosity and fear I ask. "What made you think he might've done that ... with Sara?" Then I thought, 'Please don't tell me you've seen something!'

Looking like she just got caught sneaking cookies. "Well, it happened a few years ago. Andy, Patty and me were spending the week one summer with Grandpa Buddy and Grandma Bev. They took the other two down to the Tasty Freeze for ice cream while I stayed at the house." She paused.

"Well, I got bored. I started looking around at one of their bookshelves trying to find something to read. That's when I found an old photo album. So, I looked. I saw pictures of Dad and Sara from when they were little. I thought it was really cool. Even though they weren't really brother and sister they still knew each other their whole lives. Then I saw their high school pictures and it hit me. They used to date each other!"

"I thought that was so weird. How come they never said anything about it. So, I kept looking until I found wedding pictures. Of Dad and Sara! They used to be married. They looked happy together and she was pregnant! That's when Grandma Bev found me. She didn't get mad. She just told me what the real story was. Then she made me promise to keep it a secret that I couldn't ever tell Jacob. So, I know why Aunt Sara never got married again and why Jacob never had a dad. It's also why you never liked her either. Aunt Sara is Dad's ex-wife."

Wow this was quite the revelation. "You haven't told Jacob, have you?"

"No and it kind of eats at me not letting him know. It's just not mine to tell though. Grandma told me they did it that way so Jacob wouldn't ever feel like it was his fault."

"Ok, and just so you know your father has done nothing at all. This is just one of those situations that life decides to give you." I know it's a hollow statement, but it's all I have right now. Giving her one last kiss on the cheek I let her go to her room as well.

I feel David place a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see his eyes are on me. "Does this help make it any clearer Cat? Seeing that it's not just you in this. You're not alone by a long shot. We'll all help you figure this out, and no one is going to judge you." I know what he means. Not just about the question of divorce and of staying together, but accepting this whole situation and finding peace.

"I don't know David, but I do know my husband and I have to talk." The past 24 hours have felt like weeks. A long and grueling ordeal that has taken my emotions across the entire spectrum. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I do know whatever it is I have talk to Rion to do it.

Walking with me from the den we both make it out to the back patio. Before we open the door and walk out, we just look at Rion and Lucy. Sitting together on the bench looking out into the night talking and laughing a little too. That's when David says, "I know you wish it would've happened another way, but I'm glad that if I had to have another brother it was Rion."