All Comments on '24 Hours till Death'

Very good start to Lit. 5

Very good read a continuation while not needed would be good too see how he ends up.

What a great twist in the tail of this well written tale.

Fantastic!!!!

More Please

It's a good story, but it gets very distracting when what should be past tense is written as present.

The tart with the heart of gold is a bit of a cliché .

A bit too introspective for me.

but hear what is meant. TK U MLJ LV NV

My grammar ain' too good either, but this is an incredibly innovative story. You have captured the innocence of a young suicidal male who wants to lose his virginity as the last thing he does before he jumps off a bridge. This is a great plot or theme which I've never seen or read before, It was agonizing the way you had them floundering back and forth. His return is illogical but is necessary. You had them flounder with their time together and it was spellbinding. Why did they kiss, why was she so affected, why did she succumb to his kisses, why was she eager to accept his affection, why did she go against all the rules of her profession, why were they together so long, why was his cell phone message so important, why did is time to die pass in such an intimate way, why?

Find yourself an editor or proofreader, because your concept is a really good one, and the characters are well done, but there are spots in the actual text that destroy your momentum.

For example, I sat here for about three minutes trying to figure out how one would "rub his shoulders together" and ended up with little more than a sore back.

Good story with a very good concept but it suffers from verb tense issues and a few strange wordings (note: might be translating errors if English isn’t the author’s first language). A little cleanup help from an editor could make an improvement and help the score and attract more readers.

Need another chapter where they get together as one and she has his baby. Then, she is a prostitute no more, she's a mother and wife...

Very enjoyable with a great concept.

Maybe Celeste won't take a morning after pill and present her shy, nerdy, suicidal husband with their first child. She may come to be an escort no more and they'll fall in love with each other. I think he saved her as much as she saved him. Could you please write another chapter saying what happened to their lives?

Even if I can't judge properly its gramatical correctness (english not my first language), the scene is wonderfuly painted and finished. Many times I feel stories need a follow up ... not in this case.