A Beachport Reader's Guide

Cool Insiders: this is less a clique, and more a group of ladies who are too involved in other things outside the Host, most notably various secretive government affairs, to really be in any of the other cliques. As a result, they do tend to have more in common with each other than anyone else. This also tends to give them more awareness and influence amongst the mortal powers that be than the other cliques. Members are Alpha Angel (Insider in Chief), Scarlet Sleuth, and Wing Girl.

Non-Clique Members: Valiant Valkyrie's position as overall leader sets her apart from the cliques; plus she has little understanding of modern pop culture or politics and thus a good chunk of what the cliques are divided over. Miss Metropolis is not here to make friends - which is good, because the feeling is largely mutual. Star Sheriff is not around enough to be in a clique, and shares similar fish-out-of-water issues to Valkyrie. Katy Colt is neither rejected nor completely accepted in any of the Cliques.

Legal Status: the Aegis Host is an officially recognized superteam, formally deputized to assist in most law enforcement activities in Beachport and its environs. They are also a member of a number of international organizations that further extend their influence and area of responsibility. All of these accolades generally come with mandatory requirements, such as official liaisons or inspections, that must be fulfilled for the team to retain its status.

Other teams of the Beachport Universe:

THE GLOBAL GIRLS

Only kind of a superteam and only obliquely referenced so far, but for completeness sake: the Global Girls are the teenage protégés of Captain Earth. They are drawn from all over the world. Their only known noteworthy trait is that, befitting their name, they are so well-endowed each of their breasts seems to have its own planetary gravity. They are eco-heroines who presumably mostly fight polluters, poachers, and other such environmental villains. Their only appearance so far is evidence of their total defeat at the hands of the titular villain in Tiger Queen vs the Bush Poacher, but they are out there somewhere and may show up again.

THE PAX VEX

European superteam that were created in a special 'breeding program'; in which several different royal bloodlines were artificially combined together to create each heroine, so that she in turn could be matched up with an empowering artifact (her signet ring). They have a common team naming and costume convention: each of them is named Princess X, where X is a virtue or other abstract trait; and their costumes consist of a bikini patterned on a particular national flag, with matching boots and gloves; plus a tiara and signet ring. It is known that there have been three 'generations' so far, with one prototype, several 'adult' versions, and then a third wave coming up who are just barely eighteen and effectively our 'sidekicks'. Though we know they have several more, known members so far are as follows:

Princess Peace (golden blonde, Swedish, the prototype and leader, signet is a crown)

Princess Glory (brunette, French, adult, signet is a fleur-de-lis)

Princess Defiant (redhead, British, adult, signet is a lion)

Princess Unity (honey blonde, German, adult, signet is a cross)

Princess Honor (raven-haired, Italian, adult, signet is an eagle)

Appearances to Date: A Superheroine 4th of July (the whole crew, acting as antagonists to Alpha Angel); The Princesses vs the Pirates (mostly only Princess Peace and Princess Glory, with the rest making cameos).

THE ROYAL CORPS

Officially the 'superteam' of Broodhaven, Beachport's run-down and crime-ridden neighbor, since their leader and mentor, the Boarman, is formally considered an urban legend. The Royals are universally very young - in the unlikely event they survive their tenure they inevitably leave to start their adult hero career elsewhere. Uniforms consist of black bodysuits with some sort of relevant symbol on the chest, and the names all have the form of 'Royal X', where X is generally a word related to their symbol or powers. [Spoilers: they are all also the Boarman's kids, mostly a result of him impregnating the various members of his own all-female rogue's gallery.]

Roster: Royal Star (fathered with a member of the Adharan race of 'star slavers'); Royal Sylph (fathered with Titania, Queen of the Fae), Royal Flower (fathered with the plant-themed villainess Orchid), Royal Nine (fathered with the imprisoned Chinese goddess Jiutian Xiannu; whose name translates as the Dark Lady of the Nine Heavens), Royal Seer (mother unknown), Royal Brawler (fathered with Bunny Brawler, former superheroine identity of Hyboria Hysterium's current Warden); others.

Associates: the Boarman is their effective leader.

Appearances to Date: Valiant Valkyrie vs the Boarman (multiple chapters)

THE STAR WARDENS

Notable Members: the Star Sheriff

Backstory: many millions of years ago, the sector of galactic space that includes the Earth was dominated by a race known as the Ounanites. They led an essentially Star-Trek-like existence, cruising around deep space, fighting exciting wars and what have you. But eventually they moved past that, and past much need for the physical universe at all. Virtually their entire civilization has moved on to dwell in other dimensions, from which they draw so much energy and matter that the resources of their former sector of 'real' space are virtually meaningless to them.

However, even though they were not occupying it directly, the Ounanites maintain a sentimental attachment to their former territory. They wish to see it preserved in a recognizable form, with all the 'lesser' races they had once looked after still intact - sort of like a giant national park or a nature preserve. But as they attempted to do so themselves, they discovered they were now ill-suited to their task. Their own power was so great, and their understanding of their 'old' universe now so rusty, that whenever they attempted to intervene directly they almost always caused more collateral damage and general destruction than whatever they were trying to prevent.

So, they hit upon a solution, and that solution was the Star Wardens. Rather than act themselves, they would select particularly brave and virtuous mortals and empower them to act in their stead. With their reduced power and better understanding of their own native environments, the Wardens could keep peace and order far more effectively than the Ounanites - whom they refer to as the Star Masters, among many other names - could themselves. Plus, then they didn't have to be assed to do it.

But the project was not without its setbacks. At the start the Ounanites provided only power, no weakness. This backfired, when it turned out that even when selecting for exceptionally moral individuals some became corrupted anyways, turned on their masters, and required the full force of the Ounanites to overthrow - with all the unwanted collateral destruction that required. After the First Corps had to be eradicated, they tried again with the Second. This time they implanted every Warden with a weakness: a secret code-word, which would shut them down. This too backfired when one of their own number, having gone rogue, used his knowledge of all the code words to shut down the entire Corps and begin converting them to his personal soldiers. Once more, only the full power of the entire Ounanite Collective destroyed the rebels, with all the annoyance and inconvenience and mass extinction that that implied.

So, when they built the Third Corps, the Ounanites operated a little differently. They implanted each Warden with a weakness - but a unique one, selected via machine from among the subconscious instincts of that individual Warden. This still provided a way that each individual Warden could be neutralized, if small maintenance tasks needed to be done such as fixing a tendency to go on bloody psychotic rampages; but no single point of failure for the entire system existed. This it was decided was very good, and could clearly have no unintended consequences, and they all nodded happily.

The Warden Look: the Wardens are drawn from dozens of different species, the majority of which are some form of humanoid but some of whom are extremely different. As such, there is no single warden uniform; but there is an overall look they all conform to. Each Warden wears a few accessories that identify them as the particular cultural archetype they are drawn from, and carries whatever weapon they are proficient with - empowered to be far more than it appears. But beyond that they wear only the bare minimum needed for their species' standards of modesty. For most, this means only covering up their primary and possibly secondary sexual organs, and barely a stitch more.

The reason for this, as given by the Ounanites themselves, is simple. Given the powers they are granted, what a Warden is physically equipped with is almost meaningless, but this is not true for their mortal foes. If someone shows up to a battle holding a glowing hammer and wearing advanced power armor, they might just be an enemy prototype; to be unloaded at with everything you've got until their armor is finally broken. But if someone shows up to a battle with a glowing hammer and wearing a thong, they are either a lunatic or a god - and which is which will be settled the first time they get shot. Since the Ounanites' preferred outcome is for the enemy to lay down their arms peacefully, the second and ultimately more intimidating psychological option is preferred.

However, what started out as a practical reason has now become more than that. The Wardens' look is now simply the expected regalia of their office - to show up in any other attire would at this point invite disbelief that said person was actually a Warden. Furthermore, every primitive planet within Ounanite space has been visited by Wardens many times at this point; and their cultural image has therefore become deeply embedded in their collective unconscious whether they realize it or not. It is thought to be no accident that as soon as every species in Ounanite territory reaches the level of advancement to produce native-born superhumans of their own, those superhumans instinctively don costumes that closely approximate the Wardens' standards - including most recently, of course, the spandex-and/or-scantily-clad champions of the Earth itself.

The Ounanites: Thus the Wardens; now the Ounanite masters themselves. Having been around a while the Ounanites have picked up many names; being referred to variously as the Star Masters, the High Protectors, the Viewers from the Void, and the Keepers of Space. These are mostly nicknames from one or another of their subject cultures that first became commonplace among the Wardens and then, through them, among everyone else.

The Ounanites physically resemble 'little green men'. They are wizened figures, generally about three to four feet tall, with huge pupil-less eyes. Their fingers are long and bony, and they have six per hand. They are mostly bald, but when they do have hair it is blue - and generally unkempt. They are almost always seen wearing long robes that reach to the floor. Although they maintain physical bodies these are almost entirely vestigial, with the vast majority of their time spent 'jacked in' to essentially VR and all their bodily needs met by automated systems.

The Ounanites long since 'evolved' (actually engineered themselves) past the need for sexual reproduction and possess only one physical sex that in biological terms is neuter - though to the majority of humans they 'read' as male, including for example to their servant the Star Sheriff. However, precisely because they no longer have physical sex themselves, they seem quite fascinated with the sexual mores and organs of 'lesser beings' - and their tendency to poke and prod at these without prior permission often quickly gets their coded status upgraded from 'strange old men' to 'dirty old men' to any humans with which they have prolonged contact.

The vast majority of the race spends virtually all of their time sealed away in artificial dimensions, which can be connected to ours via portals. From here, it is known that they have remote viewing capabilities via which they can observe everything going on within 'their' domain, including inside sealed buildings, deep underground etc. However, their viewing patterns seem idiosyncratic, and they have been known to 'miss' brewing threats for decades before finally noticing, potentially only when a Warden stumbles into them. They also seem to have the ability to view events in the distant past, and sometimes even to view possible futures; the details of these technologies are not known to outsiders but they do seem in some way more limited than their ability to view real-time events.

However, though the vast majority of them remain safely in their sealed dimensions, watching, not quite all of them do. At any time, a small number appear to be wandering space in their ships, making more close and immediate observations. Their 'ships' appear to really just be tiny pocket dimensions of their own, with a roving connection to our own universe. The 'ship' can manifest as a floating point of light, a cloud of gas, a pattern of spinning wheels covered in eyes, and many other forms. The patterns of their motion in our space are erratic, and tend to remind modern viewers more of the waving of a mouse-cursor on a screen than anything resembling actual vector-based physical motion as we understand it, with momentum and inertia and other such inconvenient limitations.

The primary activity of these roving patrols appears to be searching for, testing, and collecting potential new Wardens. They also seem to frequently show up just before great disasters, battles, and other major historic events - although it is thought by many that this is because it is in such crises that a new promising Warden candidate is most likely to reveal themselves.

SECTION 3 - THE ROGUE'S GALLERY

And now the villains. There is, generally speaking, way less information on these guys and gals since they're, you know, mysterious shadowy criminals who don't do a lot of interviews. So instead of a full detailed dossier, each is just going to get a short description. Note that in many cases these descriptions contain spoilers, as a villain's schtick is likely to be a plot twist in the way that a superheroine's details usually aren't. The one bit of identifying information each will get is their race (or failing that species or etc.) since that tends to be something people care about.

Attila the Hung (Asian; Steppe-Nomad-Fusion) former wrestler who began doing special porno-themed shoots in which he 'destroyed' men in the ring and then fucked their ladies afterwards. Worked his way up to doing this to thinly-veiled stand-ins for the city's superheroines, at which point they became so offended they used various legal methods to get him shut down. Rather than give up, however, Attila went underground, using his considerable wealth and underground contacts to found the Big Stallions street gang; who in turn now run much of the city's prostitution from their base in the Palacio Projects. Still bears a grudge against the city's superheroines. Appearances to date: Alpha Angel vs Valiant Valkyrie (chapter 3 on, including both endings).

Big Stallions Street Gang (multi-ethnic gang); street gang founded by Attila the Hung (see above) after he was forced to abandon his legal activities and thus forced underground. Unlike most real-world street gangs they are not mono-ethnic; rather much like actual steppe hordes Attila will incorporate any member regardless of background... so long as they possess the necessary equipment and prowess. The Big Stallions are based out of the Palacio Projects, the city's principal red light district, which they dominate. Members can be detected by their distinctive 'BS' belt buckles, with the letters shaped like a pair of balls and a snaking cock respectively. Appearances to date: Alpha Angel vs Valiant Valkyrie.

Boarman, The (White) The Boarman is the dominant superhero of Broodhaven, a neighboring city to Beachport. Officially he is an 'urban legend' and Broodhaven's actual superteam are the Royals, his corps of sidekicks; but within the superhero community everyone knows the actual score. The Boarman is a notorious male chauvinist who constantly belittles the Beachport superheroines, telling them that they would be better served on their knees or in his kitchen rather than running around trying to fight crime; and naturally this utterly infuriates them. Within his own city he has an extensive all-female rogue's gallery of villainesses, who spend their time when not at large moldering in the notorious Hyboria Hysterium. As mentioned, has a corps of young sidekicks called Royals, who mysteriously all have themes that match various villainesses he's defeated. Depending on your interpretation, the Boarman is either a 'hero' wtih an extremely twisted and archaic ideology; or a villain whose gimmick is 'has successfully impersonated a superhero' and who gets away with it because he (mostly) only fucks 'bad' girls. Appearances to date: Valiant Valkyrie vs the Boarman.

Bush Poacher (White) 'great white hunter' clad in an outfit entirely made up of different endangered species pelts, armed with a gigantic gun and also a really big rifle. Generally accompanied by two automated camera drones to help record his triumphs, and carries several star-metal manacles to help restrain any captured superheroines. As a great white hunter he seeks to take trophies of all types: the mounted busts of endangered wildlife and once-mighty superheroes using one of his weapons; while claiming the pussies and bikinis of once-valiant superheroines with the other. Maintains a palatial 'hunting lodge' decorated with all of his various trophies. Appearances to date: Tiger Queen vs the Bush Poacher.

Dark Prizm (various): team of supervillainesses who currently act as one of the main recurring antagonists to the Boarman, but are certainly not above wrecking any superheroines who get in their way. There are five in total. They wear near-identical costumes consisting of corsets, boy-shorts, lace-up boots, fingerless gloves, and masks; all in a common 'theme color', while also dying their hair, painting their nails, choosing their lipstick, and sporting tattooes all also in the same color theme. The five are Rude Ruby (leader, latina, red); Jaded Jade (asian, green); Violent Violet (redhead, purple); Savage Sapphire (blonde, blue); and Ghoulish Goldie (black, yellow). Their origin as described to us (which admittedly comes from a quite biased source), is that they were originally 'hippie-dippie college students' who decided they wanted to become superheroines to improve the world. So they stole a secret super-serum, but got the proportions wrong and, according to the same rather biased source, "way overdosed on 'bitch'." Having identified the world's superheroes as the main reason nothing ever actually gets better, they have taken it as their mission to find a way to kill all of them. Appearances to date: Valiant Valkyrie vs the Boarman

Duke Dyson (Black): Championship professional boxer who has been accused of multiple criminal ties, but has yet to have any of them proven against him. While he is extremely tough and can throw an extremely wicked punch, he is ultimately just a mortal man. Not in any way based on any actual professional boxers who might possibly have criminal records and/or video game series named after them; whatever would make you think that? Appearances to date: Valiant Valkyrie gets Punched Out.