A Beauteous Flower Ch. 10

Daniel leaned closer to Michael and looked him directly in the eyes to give his next low words maximum weight.

"Michael Altman was fourteen years old when he wrote those lyrics."

Tears traced out of Michael's eyes.

"How... how... how did you know? How did you know I was thinking... about..."

Daniel smiled a gentle shake of his head and waved Michael passed his near revelation.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is every author has been in your exact spot. Every last one of them starts with the question of whether they have anything of value inside them. Anything to write about. Even though they've got something inside them that they just have to say, or they'll burst. It's OK."

"Really?" Michael intoned hopefully. "Even you?"

Daniel nodded slowly and never broke eye contact with Michael.

"But what if no one reads it?" Michael worried.

"Don't worry about that," Daniel answered. "Your job is to write it and send it out there, like a note in a bottle on the ocean. The people that need to read it will find it. I promise."

Daniel gave Michael a chuck of encouragement on the shoulder. His tone changed to a more conversational level.

"Keep it short. No more than 1000 words. That will force you to really think about what you want to say and to choose your words carefully. Write it out here," Daniel tapped the red notebook with his index finger while he offered Michael the pen. "And meet me here for breakfast tomorrow morning. I'd be honored to read it."

Michael took the pen and swiped the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"OK."

Daniel gestured with his head towards the resort.

"Don't hold back. Understand? Good. Now, you've got work to do."

Michael hesitated, and then reached for the notebook gratefully. After he muttered goodbye to Daniel and Madison he scuttled off, his face full of determination and purpose. Daniel watched him go with a smirk. Then his gaze swung up to Madison and his smirk was for her alone. His eyes trailed up and down Madison's body, and it made her feel a little naked. Madison flushed under his direct look, so Daniel looked away politely.

"I kind of stink," he allowed. "But the breeze is pretty good. Just make sure you sit up wind."

Madison sat next to him and took his hand shyly. Daniel gave her fingers a little squeeze and beckoned for a waiter who hustled to the table with some fruit and two glasses of pineapple juice.

"I'm famished. How about you? Do you want anything for breakfast?"

For a week, Daniel met Michael every day for breakfast, and they worked on Michael's story. That didn't bother Madison too much after her first encounter with Michael, and because she decided she preferred to sleep in a bit. Also Madison had Daniel all to herself for the rest of the day and each day she did her sexual level best to encourage his surely imminent proposal from Daniel. At the end of the first week of their vacation, Michael and his family left. Michael's eyes shined with gratitude when Daniel gave him his red cell phone number and told Michael that he could call anytime. Daniel even provided Michael with his gamer tag and told Michael to join him and Burt sometime.

With Michael gone, Madison felt her chances of a proposal had increased exponentially. Now there was nothing to distract Daniel and she resolved to always be prepared. It was a little uncomfortable, and it kept her out of the pool, but Madison never went anywhere without makeup on. She wanted to look her best for the pictures she expected when Daniel proposed. For the best pictures, the time of the proposal had to be perfect, and Madison dropped several less than subtle hints that a golden hour sunset dinner would be the right time for him to propose. With her hints dropped like anvils on plate glass, every night before dinner Madison put on one of her white dresses, painted on dark smokey eye makeup, spruced up her hair and posed expectantly at the dinner table. She never ate too much because she didn't want to have a stomachache or a bad reaction to some food to spoil the moment. In her mind, all she had to do was remain patient.

However, as the time oozed by in a tropical mixture of warm sun, cool drinks and hot nights, Daniel remained his calm, quiet and studious self. He smirked at her a lot and indulged her every whim except for the most important one. He didn't propose. He didn't even hint at it. Madison felt frustrated by that but decided that what the situation required was the application of copious and enthusiastic sex.

To that end, Madison ramped up the sexuality and went out of her way to be constantly flirty and available. Each day she got bolder and more direct until it reached the point that anytime she could manage to get Daniel alone, she initiated sex, and, in her estimation, that sex was epic. After every escapade, Madison knew to an absolute certainty that he would propose to her at any moment.

Daniel continued to be an attentive and sensitive lover and Madison's body enjoyed the way he brought her to at least one climax in each of their encounters. Yet at the end of each night, she went to sleep without an engagement ring. By Tuesday of the second week of their vacation, Madison's frustrations metastasized into a persistent worry that something was wrong. That worry displayed itself through a general poutiness on Wednesday and outright petulance and anger on Thursday. All sexual activity abruptly ceased, and Madison let her anger show with stony silence.

But Daniel remained as unaffected as ever. While she puffed and pouted, he sat quietly and fixed her with his dark gaze. When she icily ignored him, he would simply open a book or scribble on one of his pads. It didn't take long for boss bitch Madison to become royally pissed off at his lack of reaction, and once she was royally pissed off, Madison's anger boiled over into a genuine dramatic scene.

That night they ate dinner on a patio by the ocean, and while Daniel huddled to one side of the table and quietly and unobtrusively cut his steak, Madison flew into a rage. Unable to contain herself any longer, she abruptly stood up, frisbeed her plate of poached salmon off the balcony toward the ocean and lit into him. Daniel sat frozen and stared straight ahead into space with his knife and fork poised over the steak. His lack of reaction stoked her ire, and, in that moment, boss bitch Madison became spiteful and mean and before she could check herself, it flowed out of her mouth.

"What's with you anyway, Daniel?" she sneered, full of vitriol. "You play video games and talk to kids and your best friend thinks he's a wizard. What kind of crap is that?"

Daniel blinked slowly but didn't flinch.

"Let me hip you to something," Madison raged while she shook a finger in his face. "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and I could walk away, and you just sit there, and do nothing about it!"

Other patrons turned to stare, but Madison didn't care. She was angry at Daniel's reticence and didn't care if everyone knew it.

"You know, you were more interested in a writing class for a fourteen-year-old boy than you are in our relationship! Look at me!"

Madison raised her arms to the side in an exasperated pose of frustration.

"Aren't I pretty? I'm trying so hard, and you don't seem to appreciate it!"

Daniel blinked again, seemingly oblivious to the stares and whispers that surrounded them now. Madison plowed ahead.

"It's time to grow up, Daniel!" Madison snarled as she snatched up her wine glass. "Grow up!"

With that Madison flung her red wine in Daniel's face and stormed off without so much as a backward glance. The other patrons' whispered as she swept past, but she didn't really care what they thought. Daniel hadn't proposed to her, and he deserved to be as humiliated as she would be when she returned home from this trip without an engagement ring to flaunt at her girlfriends. She could already hear their snickers of derision. That thought seared through her mind as she locked the bedroom door in the suite and flung herself across the bed to sob it out. How could he do this to her? How could he not propose to her after she had provided such a buffet of pleasure for him?

A few moments later there was a gentle knock at the door.

"Madison?" Daniel called politely. "Madison, may I come in?"

"No, you can't!" Madison screamed angrily in response. "Go away!"

Madison turned to face the door so she could see Daniel's shadow under the door. He gave the door another gentle knock.

"Madison?" he asked uncertainly.

"I said go away, Daniel! Go play a video game or do some other useless thing! It's what you're best at! Useless stuff!"

Daniel's shadow wavered at the door, and then turned and slipped away unobtrusively. For a few seconds Madison felt bad, as if she might have gone too far and said some things she might regret, but then she remembered that her friends would laugh at her because she had bragged so openly about how Daniel would propose to her on this vacation, and any regret Madison felt disappeared under the frost of new rage. Madison turned over on the bed and pointedly looked away from the door. Daniel could sleep on the sofa for all she cared and if his feelings were hurt, then so much the better. He had put her in this awkward spot, so he deserved this kind of treatment, and that smug self-assurance allowed her to fall asleep not too much later.

*****

While she slept, Madison dreamed that she was in a large mansion. Daniel called her, but she couldn't find him. Gradually his shouts faded while she grew more desperate to find him. Finally, she found herself alone in the dark as the cold closed in around her.

"Daniel!"

Madison came awake with a start. Outside the early morning waves lapped gently on the beach and a sea breeze blew in through the open doors. A sheet of paper taped to her nightstand flapped gently and Madison picked it up with fingers that trembled with the sudden cold fear that Daniel had left her at the resort during the night. Madison blinked the sleep from her eyes and read.

"There ain't no gold in this river

That I've been washin' my hands in forever

I know there is hope in these waters

But I can't bring myself to swim

When I am drowning in this silence

Baby, let me in.

Go easy on me, baby.

I was still a child

Didn't get the chance to

Feel the world around me.

I had no time to choose

What I chose to do

So go easy on me."

Madison made a face as she considered the note. Another example of how Daniel left her notes to find. This habit recurred at times in their relationship, and she mostly ignored it, however, this note was odd in tenor. A quick Google search revealed it to be lyrics from "Easy on Me" by Adele. It made her pause for a moment and again consider that maybe, in her anger, she had gone a little too far. Madison frowned into thought.

As she considered, Daniel tippy-toed out of the bathroom dressed in his workout clothes and with his sneakers in hand. Fresh anger flashed in Madison at the sight of Daniel. How dare he enter this bedroom without her permission? Didn't he know she was angry with him and until he apologized, he wasn't allowed to enter her presence?

"What the hell is this?" Madison demanded contemptuously as she shook the note at him. As Daniel's eyes fixed on it, Madison crumpled the note and flung it into the trash can. "And what do you think you are doing in here?"

Daniel froze with his eyes fixed on a point on the floor between them. He didn't look up, and he didn't look down. It was as if he tried to find a crack in the floor through which to escape.

"I came in through the patio doors to get my sneakers and my phone," he responded quietly with a hint of guilt. "I...."

Madison "tsked" in derision before Daniel could finish.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want to forget your old music for old white men, would you?"

Daniel stared silently down at the carpet and didn't move.

"Well go on!" Madison sneered. "Go run around and listen to your dusty old fart music!"

Under the lash of Madison's contemptuous gaze, Daniel slipped out of the room and quietly closed the door behind him. Again, for a moment, Madison felt regret and wondered if maybe she had overreacted. After all, Daniel still had three days to propose to her. Maybe he planned to wait until the last day for dramatic effect? Maybe she had been too hasty to anger?

But then the thought of her girlfriend's laughter returned and brought with it a fresh wave of vitriol. Madison plunked back down on the pillows, reassured her self-righteous indignation. Daniel needed a wake up call, and she was well within her rights to give it to him. He owed her this ring. She had earned it and by God he had better come through. Once again satisfied that she was in the right, Madison began to scroll through her social media accounts to get the latest gossip from back home. With that done, she rose and donned her white bikini and slipped into a powder blue crochet cover up. While she pulled her hair up in a bun, she considered whether to go sit on the beach or by the pool for the day.

While Madison primped in the mirror, the wind blew through the open patio doors and rustled some papers on the desk. Two sheets fluttered off the desk and wafted gently to the floor. At first Madison ignored them, but then her curiosity got the better of her and Madison decided to snoop. Maybe Daniel had written her another of his enigmatic messages. With a sniff of derision, Madison scooped up the pages and started to read.

I'm careful when I show up at the bus stop. I can't be first to the bus stop, and I don't want to be last either because if I'm first or last, they notice me. If I'm quiet and lucky they won't notice me when I arrive, but I also know that only lasts so long. Eventually they always notice me. On the good days they don't notice until we line up to get on the bus. I always try to get at the end of the line and sneak on, but no matter where I stand someone always notices me when I get on the bus, and that's when it starts.

To them, I am out.

Most of the time its derisive stares and sneers and points and giggles until I slink into a seat by myself and contract. I try to be small and take up as little space as possible. If I'm lucky, that's all that happens. Mostly no one ever sits with me, but that's OK. If someone sits with me, they notice me, and I don't want that.

To them, I am out.

On bad days they notice me, and I get jeers and jokes and snorts. Sometimes they're content to just dump my books on the floor and step on them or they rip my hat off my head and laugh at my hair. I wash and comb my hair every day, but no matter what I do it's a mess. People pull on the strands that stick out. On the really bad days its pinches and pokes and punches and kicks without warning or mercy.

To them, I am out.

It's not just one of them. It's all of them. The ones that don't tease me or hit me laugh along when the others tease me or hit me, and I flinch and grunt in pain. The bus driver knows but doesn't stop it. She pretends not to see it, but I sometimes catch her watching it in the rear-view mirror and chuckling.

To them, I am out.

When I get to school it's no better. I try to sneak from class to class. I sit in the back of every class as far as I can get from anyone. I don't talk. I never put my hand up to ask or answer a question. Sometimes the teacher calls on me at random. Most of the time I pretend I don't hear them, or I'll shake my head like I don't know the answer and they leave me alone. But sometimes the teacher won't leave me alone until I say something, and no matter what I say, everyone laughs at it like it's the stupidest thing they've ever heard. The teachers mainly just shake their heads and call on someone else and they think I'm not a good student.

To them, I am out.

Then there are the ones that hunt for me. Not every day, but from time to time they hunt for me. Usually, it's when they've been embarrassed or put down by someone else who is more popular. It's the ones on the fringes of the popular crowd that are the most dangerous. They torment me because they have to show everyone that I'm out so they can be in. Because of them I don't eat lunch because I worry that they will dump my lunch in my lap, and I'll get in trouble at home for having stains on my pants. Because of them I don't go to the bathroom, ever, because they will give me wedgies and stuff my homework in the toilet. Because of them I'm picked last for teams, and I am the first one targeted for elimination in gym class. Because of them I can't show interest in anything, or they will tell me how stupid and meaningless it is to be interested in that.

To them, I am out.

The girls are the worst. I don't dare to look at them, because if one of them catches me, they make faces and tell the other girls. Then they all giggle at me and point. I can see the contempt in their eyes. It's like they enjoy letting me know I'm not even good enough to look at them. The boys hit me and taunt me, but it's like the girls can look right inside of me and judge me unworthy without even saying a word to me. I think that hurts the worst.

To them, I am out.

Because of them, all I want is to be invisible. When they notice me, the bad stuff starts to happen and then all I can do is wait for them to forget me and try to become invisible again. All day long that is my goal; to stay unnoticed, unrecognized, and invisible. If I can stay invisible, I can survive, but there are so many of them, and I'm all alone.

To them, I am out.

That's the truth of it. Someone must be out, so that the others can be in. You are either in or you are out and the only way anyone can be in is to make sure that someone else is out. That someone is me. They assure themselves and others that they are in by showing everyone, including themselves, that I am out.

I am out.

You don't know anything about me. You don't know my name. You don't even see me because I stepped aside before you got close to me. I'm the weird kid; the lonely kid who steals silently through the halls and looks at the ground and won't meet your eyes. You don't know me, and most of the time you don't see me, but you know I exist. The truth is you need me to exist because if you want to be in, then someone must be out.

And to you, I am out.

As she read the last line, Madison had to blink back a tear. Michael's story had triggered that memory; the memory she kept hidden and secret as much as possible. Yet at times like this that memory called forlornly from the recesses of her mind and Madison felt the old sense of loss and shame that memory inspired in her as acutely as she felt it on the day it was created. Unbidden the words rose to her lips in a wistful whisper.

"Adieu, adieu, adieu. Remember me."

The memory drove all before it in Madison's mind and now, in place of righteous anger she felt shameful condemnation and her eyes welled. She was cold and alone and haunted by the specter of a guilty conscience and her only possible comfort was a man she had thought she was angry at, but now realized that she needed desperately. Why had she spoken that way to Daniel? If she hadn't, he would be here with her and she would be safe in his warm embrace. She sighed.

The click of the latch on the sliding glass door startled Madison back to the present. Her eyes darted to the door and the backlit figure that had entered the room. Daniel's silhouette blotted out the sun, bathed in tropical sweat and his breath came in heavy pants. He looked bigger and a dark power surrounded him like a corona. Madison felt a little twinge of fear in the pit of her stomach and yet her heartbeat accelerated hopefully. He was here! Visceral need swirled in her chest. Madison couldn't see his eyes, but her skin tightened as they searched over her body. His hidden gaze made her uneasy and thrilled and frightened with desire and she unconsciously drew her gossamer robe tighter in a vain attempt to cover her body from his gaze that she knew saw right through her clothes and down into her soul. Daniel's pants slowed into deep Tantric inhales, and as his chest swelled with the tense air, Daniel seemed even larger. His shadowed presence reached out and played on her skin and she flinched because she knew that he knew. Somehow Daniel knew of her guilty conscience and Madison sensed that he and he alone could save her from the specter of the guilty memory. Madison bit her lip shyly and hugged herself while Daniel's eyes flicked to the pages in her hand.