A Beauteous Flower Ch. 13

There Madison, in the hopes that a teaspoon of sugar really would help the medicine go down, consoled herself with three Reese's Peanut Butter cups and a glass of cold water while she made up her mind with steel resolve. She would do whatever it took to stop this divorce dead in its tracks. If she accomplished nothing else in this life, she would save her marriage to Daniel, come hell or high water. Everything else in her life hinged on that one goal.

A sense of direction made Madison feel a little better inside, although the cold pit in her stomach that arrived with the divorce papers still gnawed at her. The only question that remained was the hardest one. How would she achieve her goal? Madison had to admit to herself she had exactly no idea of what to do. She had a goal but no plan. That led Madison to gobble a fourth Reese's Peanut Butter cup, which again did nothing to fill the cold pit in her stomach.

The quiet afternoon dragged on, and no matter how hard she thought, Madison just could not come up with a plan. She couldn't face another round of peanut butter cup depression, so she idly scrolled through her social media feeds until she gave that up in disgust. It seemed that everyone she knew was in a healthy, happy relationship. Everyone except for Madison, it seemed, and it made the cold pit in her stomach grow just to see any other girl with a grin and a boyfriend. What she needed was someone to talk to about the situation and for that reason she dialed up Deva.

Deva listened patiently Madison poured out her heart yet again, as a best friend should. However, when it came to the question of why Daniel was angry enough to file for divorce, Deva was strangely silent. Madison had a pretty good idea of why, but she wanted confirmation and perhaps reassurance that this would all work out. Finally, Madison simply asked Deva for her opinion.

"Well, I don't know...." Deva demurred.

"Come on, Deva. I can't feel any worse. Give it to me straight."

Deva sighed deeply.

"OK, but remember, you asked for it."

"Alright."

Another deep breath.

"I see where Daniel is coming from."

Madison blinked. Deva was a professional not a romantic. Wasn't she?

"Say what?"

"Daniel's got good reason to be that pissed and you're totally in the wrong."

Madison's mouth dropped open. She had anticipated bad news, but not outright condemnation.

"What do you mean?" Madison stammered half indignant. It seemed incredible that Deva, the literal piped piper of high value men, could have a contrary thought in her head.

"Well, you kind of, sort of, well, you betrayed Daniel."

"What?" Madison gasped in shock. "No, I did not have sex with Steve! You know that!"

"Oh, I know that, and you know that, but how does Daniel know that?" Deva countered. "Because you told him so? He's not likely to believe you right now, but more to the point, don't you think the fact that you kissed and groped another man in his home and pretty much humiliated him in front of a house full your friends equates to a betrayal? Madison, just because you didn't do the nasty doesn't mean you didn't betray him."

Madison blinked at that thought, and Deva went on.

"Think about it, Madison. He's got video proof of you and Steve together, and the only evidence he has that you didn't have sex with Steve is your word, but it's hard to believe that word because you were in the arms of another man in his own house. His suspicion makes complete sense."

"I did not betray Daniel!" protested Madison, but she couldn't put any force behind her denial.

"So put the shoe on the other foot, Madison," closed Deva. "Imagine yourself in his position and tell me if you would feel like you'd been betrayed."

Madison sat with the phone to her ear and desperately tried to deny it, but the truth was she couldn't. She would feel betrayed if she was in Daniel's position. Without any argument, she stayed silent, and Deva read her silence like a good best friend and backed off with an apology.

"Sorry, Madison."

Madison shook herself.

"Yeah, I know. That doesn't make it any easier to hear."

"Sorry."

"It's OK. I asked for it and I needed to hear it."

Deva stayed silent to let Madison absorb the blow.

"So, what do I do?" Madison asked.

"An apology would be a good start, I think."

Madison looked ruefully at the divorce papers on the table in front of her.

"You don't think it's too late?"

Deva thought for a moment.

"Too late to apologize? It's never too late for that. Is it too late to save your marriage with that apology? That really depends."

"Depends on what?

"Daniel. He'll have to choose to forgive you."

Madison sagged.

"That seems like a long shot at the moment, Deva."

Deva tried to stay positive.

"You're not divorced yet. You'll think of something."

Madison entertained serious doubts that she would, but she didn't dare say that out loud lest she speak it into existence.

"Thanks, Deva. I should go."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

Madison hung up the phone with a depressed sigh.

"Apologize, she says," Madison puffed into her hair. "How? He won't even talk to me."

There Madison sat, idle at square one. She had a goal, but absolutely no plan to reach it. She needed real guidance, but as Madison scrolled through her contacts list, she couldn't find a friend who she thought would know how to handle this situation. Just as she was about to give up her thumb stopped the scroll on a name that hadn't occurred to her until she saw it. Madison paused to think then tapped the name as she had no other ideas.

Mrs. Selene's phone rang four times before her voicemail answered. Madison didn't leave a message. Of course, Mrs. Selene didn't pick up. Madison was just another rookie member of the dance team, and she had no real relationship with Mrs. Selene in any event. It would have been rude to bother Mrs. Selene with her problems anyway. Madison tapped her teeth in absent thought when the phone rang. The ring tone sounded off like a church bell in the cold silence and it startled her so bad she dropped her phone on the floor. She had to scramble to answer it before her voicemail did.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Madison. This is Mrs. Selene."

Madison paused. Even though she had tried to contact Mrs. Selene, she didn't really expect to talk to her. It was like her fairy godmother had just phoned her up.

"Hi, Mrs. Selene," Madison stammered. "I'm sorry to call you out of the blue like this."

"You sound upset, dear," Mrs. Selene ventured with almost prescient accuracy. "What is the matter?"

"Mrs. Selene, I'm sorry to call you like this but I need some help and I couldn't think of anywhere else to turn."

Mrs. Selene tutted maternally on the other end of the call.

"Not at all, dear. What seems to be the trouble?"

While Madison spoke, tears started to flow again, and she had to take several breaks to compose herself. Finally, Madison had confessed the whole story, the good the bad and the ugly and, after so many days of silence, it honestly felt good to let it all out to someone besides her friends.

"So, that's the story, Mrs. Selene. Deva told me I should apologize, and I get that. It's just that I don't know how to do that. Especially since I can't get Daniel to speak with me."

"I see," said Mrs. Selene in polite thoughtfulness.

"Mrs. Selene, I would welcome any suggestion you have. Please. I don't know who else to speak to. I mean, you and Dr. Selene have such a great marriage and I just thought, well, I don't know what I thought. I just saw your name and dialed, and I hoped you could suggest something."

"I... see."

Madison waited on pins and needles. This was one of the wisest women she knew of and if Mrs. Selene had no ideas, then Madison's cause was truly hopeless. Unconsciously she held her breath.

"Well, that is some kind of situation you find yourself in."

Madison stayed silent and waited.

"You say he won't talk to you?"

"Not at all."

"That makes it very tricky."

Madison waited again.

"I have to say, Madison, I'm a little surprised at you."

Madison's heart skipped a beat.

"Daniel is a rare kind of man. I thought you, of all the girls, would be able to appreciate that about him."

Madison didn't know what to say to that. The idea that she had disappointed Mrs. Selene hit Madison unexpectedly hard and she could not think of any appropriate response.

"You see, Madison, there are three types of women in the world. I describe it this way. A woman goes for a walk in the woods and find an enormously rare flower. She's consumed with it and right then she has a choice to make, and her choice tells me what kind of woman she is."

Mrs. Selene cleared her throat and went on.

"The first kind of woman picks the flower and perhaps she wears it in her hair. The flower makes her feel pretty and she uses its appearance as a compliment to herself. The flower stays pretty for a few days, but it quickly wilts, and she throws it away when it no longer compliments her."

"The second kind of women digs up the flower and puts in a pot. The flower becomes an accent, a pop of color in a corner of her life, which she enjoys from time to time. Its presence in her life makes her feel her life is pretty. The flower lives longer than if it was picked and doesn't fade as quickly, but it does not flourish because it is confined to the little pot. Eventually she neglects the flower, and it dies forgotten."

"The third kind of woman leaves the flower exactly where she found it. She visits it daily and watches it grow and soon the single flower has grown into a magnificent bloom and from that bloom comes other flowers. Soon she has a secret garden of flowers to admire, and she continues to enjoy them for many years. She allows the flower to be what it is where it is and doesn't try to use it for her own benefit."

Mrs. Selene sighed.

"There aren't many of the third kind of woman, I'm afraid. I thought you might be one of them."

Madison sniffled a tear.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Selene. I didn't mean to let you down."

Mrs. Selene tutted again.

"Oh, you didn't let me down, dear," assured Mrs. Selene. "Maybe you let yourself down? Perhaps Daniel too? But not me."

Madison blew her nose miserably. She wasn't quite sure what Mrs. Selene's message was with all this talk of flowers and choices, but she could tell intuitively that she had made the wrong choice when it came to Daniel.

"Mrs. Selene," Madison sniffed. "Thank you for that, but I'm not sure what it all means."

"Well, to put it plainly, the first two types of women are selfish and to them the flower can only be pretty. But the third type of woman is generous and careful. She sacrifices a little, she gives up the ability to possess the flower and make it part of her, and lets the flower stay where it belongs and as a result it shows her that it is beautiful. Unfortunately, today there aren't a lot of women that understand the difference between pretty and beautiful."

"I see."

"So, have you worn Daniel in your hair, or have you let him stay where you found him?"

Madison sniffed.

"I think I've been a bad wife."

Mrs. Selene tutted maternally.

"You've made a mistake, dear. Now you have to make up for it."

"How?"

Mrs. Selene paused as if she measured Madison.

"Do you love Daniel?"

"With all my heart."

"Have you ever shown him that you love him?"

"Well, I tell him I love him."

"No, no, dear. Have you shown him?"

Madison was confused. Was Mrs. Selene asking about their sex life?

"Well...." Madison stammered. "I mean...."

Mrs. Selene interrupted her.

"Sex is too easy, dear. People have sex with people they don't love all the time. Love is different. Love is a gift. What I mean is, do you care for Daniel more than your own wants and desires?"

Madison thought for a moment.

"Yes."

Mrs. Selene silently considered again.

"Well," Mrs. Selene offered. "Then let me tell you a story."

Madison's ears perked up.

"When Dr. Selene and I dated, way back when, I was a silly girl, and I made a similar kind of mistake. Once, after we had dated for a while, Dr. Selene took me to a state fair. It was a warm autumn day with a blue sky dappled with colored leaves. Mr. Selene loved the fairs, and I enjoyed them as well. Anyway, they had this giant Ferris wheel set up and I wanted to go for a ride, but Mr. Selene did not want to go. In hindsight that was truly odd because he never said no to me before. If I asked for something, he gave it to me, but not today and I got cross with him for it."

"I teased him, good-naturedly at first, but then as I got more frustrated, I got harsher. Despite my prods, Dr. Selene still refused, so I petulantly told him that I would find another man to take me on a Ferris wheel ride. I looked around and found a man near the Ferris wheel and asked him to go for a ride with me. He agreed and I grabbed him by the hand and led him to the line. Once in line I squeezed his muscles and laughed my girlish laugh at his silly banter. I did all this right in front of Dr. Selene, but he didn't protest. He just sat miserably at a picnic table and picked at a box of popcorn."

"Eventually I got on the Ferris wheel with this man who's name I learned was Paul and around and around we went. When it came time to get off, they stopped the ride, and everyone got a chance to sit on top of the wheel for a moment. When Paul and I were at the very top, he leaned over and kissed me. Up until that moment, I meant to make Dr. Selene jealous to punish him for his refusal, but right then I knew I had done something very wrong. When Paul leaned away from the kiss, I looked down and Dr. Selene was gone. I hoped he had not seen the kiss, and when we got back to the ground, I told Paul to go away while I looked and looked for Dr. Selene."

"I searched all over the fair," Mrs. Selene continued. "And finally found him near his car. He silently opened the door for me and drove me straight home. He never said a word and I was too ashamed to say anything either. He dropped me off and drove away."

"A week went by, and he didn't call. I screwed up the courage to call his house, but he didn't answer. Finally, I called his mother's house. Dr. Selene's mother was a great, elegant lady who never had an unkind word for anyone, yet when she answered, she told me in a very stern voice that Dr. Selene was afraid of heights because as a boy he had been trapped on the second floor of a burning house until the fire department could rescue him. Ever since then he feared heights and that was why he wouldn't ride the Ferris wheel with me."

"She told me in no uncertain terms that I was a foolish girl and she bid me a frosty 'good day' and hung up. I knew had to find a way to show Dr. Selene how much I cared for him and that I meant my apology."

Madison was intrigued.

"How did you do it?"

"Well, first I had to find him. I camped out in my car by his workplace for three days before I finally waylaid him on his way out to lunch. He was polite and distant at first and thanked me for the apology. I could tell I hadn't reached him, and my words had done nothing to ameliorate his pain. He said a polite goodbye and turned to go and I got a cold stab in my heart like I had never felt before. I lost my composure, grabbed him from behind and begged him for a second chance. His friends chuckled a bit as Dr. Selene tried to get out of my clutches, but I would not let go. I told him how sorry I was, and I swore to him that I would never again force him to do something he did not want to do. It took twenty minutes of abject pleas and tears, but he finally relented and let me back into his life. It took months to regain his trust, but I kept at it. I modified my behavior and I've never regretted a minute of it. He was the only thing that I ever found that was worth the sacrifice of my ego, and I'm glad I did it."

"I've kept my promise for 37 years, Madison. If Dr. Selene says he doesn't want to do something, I leave it alone. He's not an unreasonable person, and he dotes on me to an almost embarrassing extent, so when he objects, I listen, and I don't ask why. His fear of heights has gotten better. He has learned to live with it enough to fly in a plane and he even proposed to me at the Eiffel tower. We made it up to the observation deck, and he was visibly upset at the height, but he went through with it, and it is still the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Madison turned this over in her head.

"You must apologize, Madison, but with more than just words. You must apologize in a way that shows Daniel you love him and that things will be different. You must make him believe again that you care for him deeply and will always give him room to be himself. But you must also be careful because the apology is the easy part with a man like Daniel. For a long time after you apologize anything could be a test. Fail any one of them and you will never have his heart again."

Madison gulped at this last statement.

"Do you have any suggestions?"

"You know him better than I do, Madison. At least you should. Perhaps you can answer that question better than I can?"

"I see."

Mrs. Selene let the silence drag for a bit and Madison was savvy enough to realize this was the end of the conversation.

"Thank you, Mrs. Selene."

"Not at all, dear. Best of luck. Daniel is a rare gem. Do all you can to repair your relationship. You'll never regret it."

The phone went dead, and Madison sat lost in thought. How was she going to convey that kind of apology to a man like Daniel?

*****

Later that day, Madison plunked down on the sofa and pressed her face into a throw pillow to blot out the world and swab up a few tears. It had been a long day, and she still had no plan. The placid rustle of the leaves outside stood in stark contrast to the turmoil in her chest. The drop in temperature over the last few days was noticeable, but Daniel hadn't come into the house to light any fires, so Madison tried to compensate for the autumn chill with sweaters and sweatshirts. Unfortunately, as Madison pouted on the sofa swathed in an oversized sweatshirt pulled over her knees for warmth, the cooler temperatures only made her feel more lonely. Madison's favored method to obtain warmth had always been to spoon with Daniel, but, at the moment, she was pretty sure Daniel would have none of it.

"This has got to be the worst day of my life."

Not a single thing had gone right today. Daniel had disappeared with the early morning mist before she got a chance to talk to him, and that raised the total to nearly a week of stony silence from Daniel. Her visit to the lawyer had confirmed her worst fears when it came to the divorce suit, and when she followed Mrs. Selene's advice and called up Daniel's mother, Madison had been brutally rebuffed by a most sanguine Italian Mother's rage.

When she heard Madison's voice, Rosalina positively pounced on the opportunity to lace into Madison in both English and Italian. Madison never got another word in after she said "hello". Rosalina had been acidly vitriolic and ranted for a solid ten minutes before she spiked the phone to the floor, cursed loudly in Italian while she stalked around her kitchen, and, after she had cursed an astonishingly vivid blue streak into her grounded phone, summarily tasked Daniel's father to "Riattacca la cagna!" Google Translate later confirmed Madison's suspicions that this sentence was not complimentary.

Madison lowered the pillow as the early evening focused on the divorce papers on the coffee table and that sent a spider-leg chill up Madison's spine. She pulled her sweatshirt lower to guard against the thin, bleak draft, but it didn't help much. The dark maw of the empty living room hearth mocked her and the leather sofa she had so stridently insisted on was cold as a bare rock outcropping. Madison shivered.