A Beauteous Flower Ch. 16

Chapter 16 - The Depth of the Problem, Mixed Signals and the Plan

*****

A loud chop woke Madison the next morning. During Fall and Winter, Daniel always lit fires in the fireplaces for warmth and he split wood every morning to feed the fires. Madison sat up and winced at the little pinch in her side. Her face went flat with disappointment. Another wasted egg. Madison yanked on some sweatpants, shuffled into her fuzzy slippers, and peeked around the curtains. At least she could get a secret voyeuristic thrill.

Daniel wore his heavy, steel-toed boots and blue jeans. Stripped to the waist, he moved with an easy grace as the axe head circled up in a high arc to slam down, driven by the corded muscles in Daniel's arms and shoulders. There was something awesomely sexy to Madison in the sweaty masculine display of Daniel at the wood pile. She bit her bottom lip as Daniel placed another log on the block and split it with an efficient stroke. He kept up a steady, focused rhythm. One blow after another split a log efficiently and completely. She knew that rhythm and had felt it inside her in the depths of the night. Hungry sexual fog clouded her mind.

How long had it been since she had made love with Daniel? Madison looked away from Daniel so she could concentrate for a moment. It had to be close to three weeks. Three weeks of cold turkey celibacy with nothing on the horizon which left Madison supremely frustrated. For now, however, the "look but don't touch" approach would have to satisfy her, so she turned her eyes on Daniel again just as he smote another log.

Daniel looked so delicious! She tried not to think like that, but she couldn't help herself. Three weeks of abstinence in addition to her current ovulation meant she was literally a bitch in heat. She positively ached for Daniel's touch and there he was, half naked and sweaty with that sultry midnight stubble on his face;, the portrait of the fearless, strong man in chick flicks that might either rescue a girl from the woods or relentlessly pursue a girl as she fled breathlessly through the woods. Both fantasies flitted seductively in Madison's mind as she peered out at him, and both fantasies ended with a luscious similarity. In the end Daniel flung her to the ground and had his way with her. Desire quivered up her legs and she could almost feel Daniel's musky sweat splatter on her body like warm drops of wax.

God, she wanted that man! Ignorant of her prurient leer, Daniel split another log and then wiped his brow with the back of his hand in a gesture that was wholly innocent, but secretly suggestive to Madison. Madison wanted Daniel so bad it made her squirm. A wild thought crossed her mind to run to him and attack him right there by the woodpile.

Then Daniel hitched his pants up and Madison noticed that Daniel had lost weight. Not only that, but some of the robust vitality seemed to have left him and his face had a set to it that was almost sad. Madison's desire faded. This wasn't the Daniel she remembered. This Daniel was sick with a fractured heart and yet all she all she could think about was how to get her lusty paws on him. Madison cursed and reminded herself that she wasn't allowed to have Daniel like that. Not yet anyway.

If she did her job well, if she was gentle and kind and inspired his trust again, Daniel would come to her when he was ready. That is what she wanted with her all her heart, no matter what her body wanted. Until that time, however, she would have to patiently wait here in this sumptuous, velvety hell of desire. If she ever needed motivation in this new quest for Daniel's love, the memory of this moment would be just the ticket. Madison pushed open the French doors and went out onto the balcony.

"Good morning, Daniel," she purred and posed for him, bent forward on the railing. "How is my man today?"

Daniel looked up for a moment and then put another log on the chopping block and slammed the wood into two equal pieces. Maybe Madison might have been a little too forward. Daniel didn't wholly belong to her right now. Not anymore. Not yet. Madison cleared her throat in embarrassment.

"Ummmm... I'm going to make some breakfast. You want anything?"

Daniel looked up again.

"Oatmeal, please. If it's not too much trouble."

"Oatmeal," repeated Madison and tried not to let her disappointment show. She had meant to cook him a grand hearty breakfast of eggs and bacon and toast and waffles. However, all Daniel had asked for was oatmeal, and that was exactly what Daniel would get from Madison; oatmeal carefully flavored with her love.

Madison put on a pair of socks and went to the kitchen. There she did something she had never done before and fed Gandalf his breakfast. That done she turned on the coffee pot, read the directions on the back of a package of instant oatmeal and put a kettle of water on the stove. Soon the kettle shrieked to a boil, and she stirred steamy water into the bowl of instant oatmeal. With that done she set it on the table and called Daniel in for breakfast. A few moments later he entered the kitchen with an armload of firewood. Madison wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed that Daniel had put his T-shirt on.

"Here you go," Madison said to him cheerfully and gratefully received a thank you kiss on the cheek from Daniel. Then to Madison's consternation, he went to the pantry and retrieved the raisins and the maple syrup. However, in lieu of a bout of the pouts, she watched and carefully noted how many raisins Daniel put on his oatmeal and how much maple syrup he applied. If Mrs. Selene was right that everything at this moment in her relationship was a test, Madison estimated that this morning she had only gotten a "C" on the oatmeal test, but the next time Daniel asked her for oatmeal, she would mix that oatmeal up exactly right for him. Better yet, next time he wouldn't even have to ask. Daniel scrolled through his emails and dipped up a spoonful of oatmeal, savored the flavor and then dipped up another spoonful. That gave Madison had an idea.

"Can I try some?"

Daniel looked at her with an arched eyebrow.

"You said you didn't like oatmeal."

Madison shrugged.

"Honestly, I never tried it. It's looks never appealed to me, but I'm pretty hungry. So, can I try it? Please?"

"OK."

Daniel pushed his bowl closer to Madison and offered her his spoon. Out of respect for what she imagined were now the physical boundaries between them, Madison made sure that their fingers didn't touch and dipped up a little oatmeal. She blew on it to cool it and then ate it with care not to suck the spoon or let her tongue protrude in any kind of way that might be considered sexual. To her surprise it was delicious and warmed her body to her toes. After a glance at Daniel for permission, he nodded approval, and she ate another spoonful.

"Is there coffee on?"

Madison stopped before she devoured Daniel's oatmeal and pushed it back across the table. Old Madison would have simply inhaled Daniel's oatmeal and left him to make another bowl for himself, but new Madison let that oatmeal be Daniel's breakfast and if she wanted oatmeal, she would get her own. For a few blessed seconds, everything seemed normal to Madison. This was just another breakfast they shared at their kitchen table to begin their day. Something inside of Madison relaxed. If they could just string enough of these normal seconds together, they would be on their way to back to husband and wife.

"Yep," she confirmed brightly.

Daniel reached into the cupboard to get a coffee cup. However, before he selected one, Daniel paused and surveyed the area around him. For a moment Madison thought he had frozen with inspiration until she realized that Daniel stood in the exact spot where Steve had kissed her. Her mouth came open to speak, but she stopped herself. Should she apologize or play it off or tell him she loved him or go to him and hold him or should she leave him alone? Struck dumb with uncertainty, Madison couldn't decide which was the least bad alternative, so she sat quietly with Daniel's oatmeal and waited.

"I'm not... not very... ummm... hungry right now," Daniel said quietly to the floor. "I'm... I'm going to go... ummm... I need to... split more wood."

Daniel turned towards the door and Madison found her voice.

"Daniel," she ventured as his hand rested on the doorknob. "I... I'm so sorry."

Daniel didn't look daggers at her or even speak, which devastated Madison more than anything else Daniel could have said or done at that moment. If he had gotten angry and screamed and smashed the coffee cups, even if he burned the whole house down around them in a cold fury, Madison could have accepted that and responded to that type of explosion with passionate pleas for forgiveness. At least that way she would have gotten the punishment she deserved, and it would have felt better to get it out and over with. Instead, she got silence from Daniel.

She hoped for some other kind of reaction, but it didn't come. He only retreated inside himself and withdrew, and an iron fist of guilt punched Madison right in the heart. As normal as the previous seconds had been, these seconds were hideously strained and tense and as they melded to form an interminable minute, the silence that reigned in the kitchen sounded like hell's bells.

"Excuse me, please," Daniel muttered as he went outside.

A dejected Madison sat alone at their kitchen table with the bowl of tepid oatmeal and a shaky sob. Just when she thought they had started to get a handle the evil spirit in the house, like a malevolent weed, it sprouted a new tendril that widened the cracks in their relationship. The spark of hope that she experienced dimmed with his departure. She made him oatmeal for breakfast, and he kissed her cheek and sat at the kitchen table with her and even let her have some of his food, but those tiny steps forward came just before what felt like a giant step back. Daniel virtually ran back to his sanctuary in the cabin and left her alone in the house that no longer was a home anymore. Without Daniel it was just a pretty house haunted by the evil spirit of foolishness. Worst of all, she had no idea how to exorcise that spirit.

Madison dabbed her eyes with a napkin and flopped her hands in her lap helplessly. She couldn't have sex with him. She couldn't talk to him. She couldn't even make him oatmeal properly. How was she supposed to reach Daniel through this wall of silence? How could she ever get him to trust her again? How could she reassure him of her feelings for him? To do that she needed Daniel's participation, but she worried he could not even do that. Whenever the evil spirit confronted them, Daniel simply closed himself off, but if she couldn't reach him, they were doomed.

Depressed under the weight of these questions, Madison sat alone in her quiet and lonely house and wondered how she would ever win her way back to Daniel's heart.

*****

The next three weeks passed slowly and peacefully. Too peacefully for Madison's taste. A blandly polite rhythm settled in between Daniel and Madison. They ate meals together and talked quietly about the same nothing they had discussed the day before. Daniel took his showers at the same time every morning and always took a change of clothes into the bathroom with him, so Madison never saw him without something on. He never gave her any indication that he wanted to discuss the situation or offered anything that might be considered a thaw in the polite distance that pervaded every second they were in the same room. The only time that things felt a little relaxed between them was sometimes in the evening they would sit together on the patio and just listen to the wind in the trees, and Daniel would platonically hold Madison's hand. He never made a pass at her or even looked at her in any way that suggested more than friendship.

Any attempt on Madison's part to broach the subject of the party, or Steve the Oaf or the current state of their relationship, brought only studious silence from Daniel. In short order, those topics became strictly taboo and any mention of them resulted in Daniel's hasty retreat to the cabin. While part of her was disappointed, another part wasn't entirely sure that was a bad thing. The divorce still menaced their relationship, but Madison didn't dare bring that up. Daniel's reticence on the topic was a double-edged sword. Its existence made Madison uncomfortable, but the thought of a discussion of it made her just as uncomfortable.

A few things returned to a normalish state. They still exchanged "I love you's" although Madison was quicker and more liberal with her expressions of love, and they sometimes exchanged brief hugs or kisses. Daniel always kissed her on the forehead and allowed Madison to kiss him on the cheek. Those episodes of touch weren't "bad", but they weren't "good" either. They just kind of "were".

Soon, the polite, mundane, and almost ritualized interaction became alarmingly routine. This was not at all what Madison had expected or wanted. While she knew things would never be like they had been, she didn't want this current situation to settle in as the new normal either. There were no ups and downs. Just a flat, steady line. Their relationship was in stasis. No progress. No regression. No nothing. It merely idled in the same place day after day. Madison waited for Daniel to explode with anger or burst into tears, but he never did. Instead, the days passed with calm politeness with Madison alone in the house and Daniel holed up in the cabin.

Neither Madison nor Daniel went out much. Madison didn't want to go out alone because she didn't want to arouse any suspicions about where she was or who she was with. She didn't really know why Daniel didn't go out, but he didn't go out. He had always been a homebody anyway, but he a cancelled business trip and that was totally out of character. She hoped that might signal that he wanted to talk, but nothing came of it. So, there they sat and lived like two neighbors that were politely separated by a good fence. It was pleasant, but it was unpleasant at the same time, like a comfortable slipper on the wrong foot.

A very few times they went out together. Twice, when the food ran low, they grocery shopped. Madison enjoyed that time as things seemed almost normal between them. In public they both slipped into their role as a young married couple. While they cruised up and down the aisle of the grocery store, Madison flashed Daniel her best smile, and Daniel smirked back. They bantered amiably about the relative merits of types of ice cream and Daniel's wit gave them a few shared giggles about other various nonsense.

However, Daniel still studiously steered their conversation away from any sexual references, which vaguely frustrated Madison, especially on the second grocery run when Madison took a mild chance as they stood in the checkout line, and licked a lollipop in the dirtiest-sweet way she could muster. Daniel noticed, but he didn't say anything about it, so her effort in that direction stalled and they went back to their discussion of tabloid headlines.

On the way back home, Madison found a radio station that played country music and Daniel serenaded her in a faux nasal country twang. Madison giggled and Daniel spontaneously reached out and held her hand as they rolled up the driveway. While they unloaded the groceries they continued to giggle, and Madison got her hopes up a little. However, with the groceries stowed in the pantry, the bland politeness descended again, and Daniel holed up in the cabin for the night.

This state of affairs went on uninterrupted until one astoundingly confused evening when Madison found Daniel in the living room. It surprised her to find Daniel there at that hour, as he usually headed for refuge in the cabin at around eight o'clock. She thought she would be alone, so she had dressed for frumpy comfort in an oversized sweatshirt, a pair of Lycra gym shorts and a pair of thick, baggy socks that she hiked up to her knees like leg warmers. If she had known Daniel would appear, she would have dressed a bit less like a bag lady, but Daniel didn't seem to notice. After a few pleasantries, Daniel pointed to a few sheets of paper on the coffee table.

"I've started work on a new story," he explained. "I want to get your opinion."

This was odd. Daniel had never asked for her opinion on any of his art before. As far as Madison knew he never asked opinions of anyone except his editors about what he wrote. He just wrote it and put it out there for others to contemplate. Madison gave Daniel an uncertain look then picked up the pages.

"Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in a cold, dark room with only one window. There the boy sat alone in the darkness and watched his breath curl in the cold sunlight. As he sat and shivered in the cold dark room, the boy stared out the window at the big wide world outside and waited and wondered and wished for something to happen. He sat and waited and wondered and wished for a long time.

One day the boy noticed something was different. There was something else in the darkness with him. The boy shivered with dark chill as he went to see, and he found a large round table in a part of the room he hadn't noticed before. But that was not all he found. On the table were the colored pieces of a huge crystal puzzle, each of which gleamed a little tint of color. The boy was fascinated and as he shivered, he stared at the pieces and wondered at their color.

At first the boy enjoyed just the sight of the frail pieces of the puzzle as they glittered tiny sparks in the dark. But then, with nothing else to do, the boy decided he wanted to see the puzzle made whole. So, the boy worked on the crystal puzzle every day and paused whenever he shook too violently from the cold so he wouldn't break the little crystal pieces. He carefully sorted the pieces, one by one, and then he handled each one carefully as he searched for its proper place.

It took a lot of time and care, but one day the boy held his breath as he gently settled the last piece into place. Once it was finished the boy stepped back to admire it and he was amazed.

The sunlight through the window streamed into the crystal puzzle and it shown with colored brilliance. It lit the whole room with magnificent hues that the boy had never even heard of before. Those hues cast a precious magical spell that made the boy feel warm and safe and for the first time the boy could see the whole dark room.

The room was a spectacular library with lush woven tapestries over stained wood panel walls and thick Persian rugs covered the ebony hardwood floors under heavy oaken tables. Shelves lined the walls, stuffed to overflowing with books and scrolls filled with spells and lore, and sumptuous sculptures and paintings and photographs stood on pedestals and easels for admiration. Gentle music began to play, and the boy was charmed and filled with joy.

"This must be the most beautiful place in the world!" marveled the boy. "I'll never leave here! Ever!"

So, the boy sat in the library. He read the scrolls and the books and wondered at their powerful magic. With that magic he was transported to faraway places and had visions that no one else had ever seen. While he traveled the boy captured images of what he saw and when he returned to the library after each of his adventures, the boy wrote down what he did and felt and those pictures and stories of those journeys and visions where his secrets to keep and enjoy again and again.

One day the boy returned from an adventure and noticed that he was no longer a boy. His face had grown a beard, and his hands were large and strong. And for the first time the boy noticed that he was alone and that he wanted to share his pictures and stories with someone. There in the warm glow of the puzzle in the magical library the boy who was now a man was sad and wished for someone to come and be with him and share his adventures. He sat by the glow of the puzzle and pondered and waited and read aloud the spells that he hoped would bring someone to him.