A Beauteous Flower Ch. 16

Cassidy didn't acknowledge Madison's greeting. Instead, she repeated her assertion.

"You've got to fuck him or fight him, Madison."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean just that. Fuck him or fight him."

Everyone stayed silent so Cassidy explained herself.

"Look, Daniel's not the kind of guy that talks about his emotions even though he's obviously got them so deep that it scares him. He dams them up because he's afraid if he lets his guard down, he might get hurt. He's like a turtle. Then you come along and when he finally pokes his nose out of his shell, he got hurt, so now he's determined to sit on his emotions harder than ever. Wait too long and you won't be able to reach him."

"How do you know this?" Madison asked curiously. Madison had called for advice and new Madison was humble enough to listen to anything that sounded good right now, even if it came from someone she felt a little jealously toward.

"He's a nerd," Cassidy asserted definitively. "Everything about him screams nerd. All his life everyone has told him what he's into, the things that he thinks and feels, are worthless and stupid and useless. Because of that he thinks his emotions are worthless and stupid and useless, so he learned to hide them."

"He's not a nerd," Deva objected like a good best friend, but Madison nodded her head in agreement with Cassidy. Cassidy made a lot of sense, now that she thought about it. It fit with what little she knew of Daniel.

"So, Daniel won't talk about his feelings?"

"Not unless he's forced to. Think about it, Madison. He loves you, but emotions terrify him. Your smallest disapproval sends him into emotional turmoil because he believes what he thinks and feels is stupid and worthless, and any disapproval or insult confirms that."

"Hmmmm."

"What you did at the party wasn't the worst thing you could have done to a relationship. Hell, the guys this crowd chases would blow through a wayward kiss without a second thought. But in a man like Daniel's mind, it's a five-alarm fire. It confirmed his worst fears. He's always been scared that you'll find someone else because everything about him is stupid and worthless and useless and then along comes that video of you and Steve and wham, his nightmare comes true right in his own home."

"Oh, so... what do I do?

"Well, you break down that dam that holds back his emotions. To do that you need to induce some kind of passion to stir up those emotions, like dynamite that blows a hole in the dam. That's why he won't have sex with you right now. He's afraid all his anger and humiliation and fears will be exposed and then you'll laugh at him and leave him because what he thinks and feels has no value. That's why you either have to fuck him or fight him."

Cassidy's theory made sense to Madison, but also scared her.

"I don't know. He doesn't seem interested in sex."

"He's not. Not until he can get that dam shored up a bit more, which is why you can't wait. The longer you wait the deeper he'll bury his feelings and you'll wind up with a time bomb."

"A time bomb?"

"Yeah. You've got to get his stuff out in the open and love it away immediately. Otherwise, it's just going to fester there inside him until it bursts out in an ugly stinky mess and by then it will be too late."

"What do you mean, "too late"?"

"The longer that stuff sits inside him, the more it will turn into contempt and then flat-out hatred. All that negative emotion will swell and get worse and more painful until one day he can't stand to hold it in any longer and... boom... you're divorced in a flash, and you'll never know what hit you."

Madison considered for a moment.

"I don't know, Cassidy," Madison opined. "Maybe I should keep waiting."

"Listen, Madison. Do you want to fix this or not? More to the point, do you love Daniel or not?"

"I love him," Madison averred.

"Enough to do anything for him?"

"Of course!"

"Then this is it. This is the thing he needs most in the world. It's the one thing he's searched for his whole life; someone to validate his feelings. If he's the nerd I think he is, all he's ever gotten from others is that his thoughts and feelings are of no value. If you want to show him you love him, really show him, then this is how you do it. You stir him up and put a hole in the dam, and then when it's over and he's exhausted in a lake of his emotions, you be there for him and let him know you still love him and will help him clean up the mess."

"Then what?"

"Then you put in the time to help him get back on his feet. It takes time to get someone like Daniel to trust you, so for a while you need to be extra careful and don't do or say anything that will trigger any doubt that you love him and care for him."

Madison knit her brow in thought.

"You don't actually think this is a viable option, do you Madison?" snorted Ivy.

"Madison, he's just a guy," added Adalina with equal derision. "If Daniel's got mental health problems, then it's even more reason to get the hell out of this. He needs a shrink, not a wife. Why would you ever want to sign up for that mess? Call the lawyer, call Steve, and move on. Full stop."

Madison's eyes scrolled around the screen from Adalina and Ivy on one side to Cassidy on the other. All of her life she had been faced with this choice and all of her life she had chosen the path Adalina and Ivy pointed her towards. It made perfect sense. Pretty was her currency and she had to spend it wisely. It was her ticket to a life of station and privilege. However that choice also had lead her to a life of vapid and empty relationships with people like Steve the Oaf. Sure, she might be a part of the best circles that society had to offer, and she would have a pretty, shiny life that everyone envied, but she might also live a life without connection, without warmth.

Madison chewed her lip as the same old arguments tugged at her mind for the thousandth time since she threw Todd out of her life and went to the prom with Miles. Once again, Madison would have to choose. Was she a boss bitch, or a silly, romantic? What did she believe in? Security or love? Miles or Todd? Steve or Daniel?

But this time the argument didn't last that long. In fact, it wasn't an argument at all. Madison had already chosen and knew there was really no other choice except Daniel. Anything that didn't lead back to Daniel was unacceptable. What Adalina and Ivy advocated had not brought her joy. For a time, she had been happy, but in the end, it always left her empty. Not this time. This time Madison's choice was clear, and her heart throbbed with joy.

Before Daniel her life had been gray and cold. The men were cookie cutter copies of one another and none of them ever made her feel special. Then she found Daniel among the shadows of Mrs. Selene's party, and he became her warm spot of shelter from a cold life. He made her feel safe and secure and special and heard, and she wanted more of that, come high value or low. She also wanted to be that for Daniel. All that mattered to Madison was Daniel's love.

"So, let's say I go with your plan, Cassidy.," Madison chose firmly. "What do I do?"

Adalina and Ivy threw up their hands and pulled disappointed faces in unison.

"Like I said, fuck him or fight him," repeated Cassidy eagerly, like she felt victorious.

"Well," Madison pondered. "I don't know if I can get him to have sex. He seems pretty dead set against it and, if what you say is right, by the time he's ready for it then it's all over."

"Madison, I think it's important that you understand this isn't some kind of vapid make-up sex that will make you feel better and make him feel like he fell for the same old naked wife trick. This is a soul to soul, down and dirty kind of love/hate fuck. You're don't just fuck Daniel the good soul. You fuck the devil inside of him too, and it's going to be an emotional roller-coaster. He might caress you gently and proclaim his undying love and then he might pull your hair and degrade you and tell you that you're a useless set of holes."

Madison wasn't sure she liked the sound of that. Besides, Daniel didn't have a dark side like that. Did he?

"Daniel... Daniel wouldn't do that... to me," she offered without certainty.

"Honey, he already has. Who do you think ate your pussy on the sofa last night? Did you even recognize that man?"

Madison thought back to the emotion she had seen in Daniel's eyes. It brought an involuntary shiver up her spine.

"He scared me," she admitted.

"Well, that's fair. You scare the piss out of him."

"I do?"

"Madison, who do you think is the fairy in the story? You enchanted him and he fell in love with you and then you rocked his world and wrecked his heart. What could be scarier to a man like Daniel?"

"Oh."

Madison didn't enjoy the thought that she scared Daniel, and it made her feel vaguely terrible.

"That never occurred to me."

Cassidy's face on the screen conveyed mock shock and then she let out an exasperated breath.

"No shit."

"So, I've got to bring out the worst of him and...."

"No, no, Madison. You're missing the point. You have to be the woman who scares him, just like he has to be the man who scares you. The two of you have got to let out the worsts parts of yourselves in front of each other. That's going to be easier for you, since you've already done it, but that's the thing that will draw out the worst in Daniel.

"Oh."

"It will be rough duty, but the trust of that shared experience becomes the bedrock you two build your relationship on."

"That sounds kind of... scary."

Cassidy nodded.

"Madison, you know those dirty fantasies you have?" Cassidy probed. "I mean the really filthy ones that you don't even like to admit that you absolutely love? Well, you have to live that fantasy with Daniel."

"And if he won't go for it?"

"Then you have to fight him."

"Fight him?"

"Yeah, provoke him. Prod him and dare him and push him to open up to you. Don't be polite. Piss him off so bad that he can't contain himself. Hit him below the belt and say the stuff that you know is taboo. Then you stand by him when it all tumbles out. Either way it's a tough road."

"You think it will work?"

"Well, has anyone got any better ideas?" Cassidy challenged. "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Silence.

"I say go for it," Cassidy asserted. "If you want to prove your love to Daniel, this will do it. If it works, he'll never doubt you again."

"So, which do I do? Do I fuck him or fight him?"

"They aren't mutually exclusive. Look your best and do your worst, but when you do remember this. Daniel is a nerd and an artist and that means when it comes it will come big and dramatic."

Madison pondered the implications of that statement. Maybe on second thought this wasn't the way to go. Then Cassidy spoke again.

"You don't have a lot of options, Madison. If you don't try this, you get this distorted caricature of a relationship you've got right now. Or you take a chance and maybe you get a real relationship with Daniel, the whole Daniel, with each of you in love with the whole of each other, no barriers, where you are each other's reality and fantasy. Sounds pretty good; doesn't it? I know which one I'd choose."

"Cassidy," Madison asked carefully. "Have you ever done this before?"

"Never. But I pray for a man that's worth that kind of risk. A man that can get that deep with me. A man who can be his true self with me and lets me be my true self with him, unvarnished and raw, even on my ugly days when I'm on my period and I have pimples and I bawl at Tiktok videos of kittens and puppies. It's easy to love the good stuff, but if you want the true kind of love that stands the test of time, then you have to love the ugly parts too. The only question is if you've got the balls go for it."

Cassidy shrugged indifferently.

"Besides, you've got nothing to lose. If you sit and do nothing you end up divorced. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but some day he'll hate you and divorce you. At least if this goes wrong you can live the rest of your life with the knowledge that you gave it everything you had."

That rang true to Madison.

"OK. I'll do it."

Cassidy nodded and actually smiled at Madison.

"I'll ask him out to dinner," Madison gushed with excitement. "I'll go for it!"

"When?"

"This Friday... dinner at Bistro Chardenoux. It's our place. We'll have a nice dinner and a drink or two to get him nice and relaxed. Then when we get home, I'll ask for a nightcap and blindside him."

Madison looked at the faces of her girlfriends and decided that silence meant general assent.

"Well...." conceded Adalina. "I guess it sounds romantic. Personally, I'd ambush him in the shower, but that's just me."

"Your blood red maxi. The off the shoulder number with the full sleeves and the double slits," Deva interjected. "It's daring, but elegant and the slits show off your legs. You've got great legs."

"If this is your choice," Ivy offered. "Then do it in black fuck-me pumps with toe cleavage."

"No purse, diamond stud earrings, hair down... and go commando," Deva finished. "Then you're dressed to kill, and ready to kill at a moment's notice."

A murmur of excited assent swirled through the conversation. Perhaps every one of these hardened professionals had a little romantic in them that believed in love after all. For some reason that made Madison proud of them.

"Just do me one favor," Cassidy interrupted the excited buzz. "Whatever happens between you and Daniel Friday night, it stays between the two of you for the rest of your lives no matter what the outcome. If you make the results into community property, you'll fuck it up."

Madison nodded firmly.

"OK."

After a flurry of goodbye's, Madison put her phone down and thought for a moment. Could she summon the emotions deep inside of Daniel and look them right in the eye? There was no question in her mind that she would try. The only question was whether or not she could reach Daniel on that level. She tapped her teeth with her fingernail as she thought.

"Better bait the trap with some extra effort before Friday, Madison," she mused. She was nervous, but for the first time since the party, she had a clear direction.

"Time to get to work."