A Bend in the Road Ch. 02

I couldn't believe I had told him I loved him. It was true, of course. I did love Tad. I loved him both romantically, and as a friend.

I wished he had told me he loved me, too. But maybe he was just playing hard-to-get. He had been hurt in the past, after all. Maybe he wasn't sure. I could accept that. On the other hand, I couldn't accept that Tad was just stringing me along, that I was just a dalliance for him. His feelings seemed genuine.

In any case, I wouldn't know for a while. All I could do was wait and hope. I hoped it wouldn't be long.

The rest of the day was a bit dull. Tad and I were going to spend it together, having lunch and shopping, then home for a movie on the DVD player. But I went home instead and cleaned the house and did the laundry. I did go work out at the gym, and felt better for it. Tad called that evening and said that his mother was pretty sick. He wasn't sure how she was going to do or exactly how long he would be gone. She wasn't on life support yet, but she might be soon.

Sunday was equally dull. I hung around the house and watched sports on TV. I worked out again. I did a little paperwork to get ready for the week ahead. I had several title searches to do at the local courthouse, and a couple to do in the neighboring counties. I got the forms ready, watched a little more TV, drank a couple of beers on the porch, ate dinner and went to bed early.

The next morning, I was at the courthouse when it opened. The local searches were all short ones that wouldn't take too long. I knew the staffers and other abstractors at the courthouse, and we talked and joked a little while we worked.

There was a young woman there that I had seen only a couple of times, though. We were working together at a table when she introduced herself as Jenny and asked me a question. I helped her out and we started an on-again, off-again conversation that lasted until lunch.

"What are you doing for lunch?" she asked.

I looked down at her. She was petite, and cute, with short blond hair, a little turned-up nose (just the kind I like), and impish blue eyes.

"I'll probably go to the mall and get a plate of Chinese food," I said.

"Mind if I tag along?" she asked.

"Uh, no. I guess not." I said. I was a little surprised. I had meant to call Tad, or at least text him during my lunch break, but I supposed it could wait.

Jenny was a young paralegal, just out of school, working for a lawyer's office in town. This was her first assignment at the job and she was anxious to do well. I promised to help her as much as possible, given my schedule. I worked for several lawyers, doing their title work, and I had to get my work done as quickly and accurately as possible.

At five, the courthouse closed. As we were leaving, Jenny came to me and said, "Would you like to meet for a beer or something after I go to the office?"

I looked at her tight little body, her pretty face and her inviting smile and was tempted. But I said, "Not tonight. Maybe later. I have some stuff I need to do around the house. But thanks for asking."

"Okay," she said. She gave me a little wave and walked down the street towards her office. I walked to my car.

When I got home I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down at the kitchen table. I dialed Tad's number. "Hello?" he said when he came on the line.

"Hey," I said. "How's your mom?"

"Well, she's sick and they're considering moving her to ICU, but she's holding on. What's going on there?"

"Nothing, just the usual. It's kind of lonely around here." I tried not to sound like I was pouting too much. Damn it! I knew he had to go to his mother. I just missed him acutely.

"Well, hang in there. I'll be home in a few days—I hope."

"I miss you. And I meant what I said before you left," I said, knowing that he'd remember the three little words I'd uttered in the parking lot.

"I know you do, baby. I care about you, too. Oops, it's visiting hours. Let me go. We'll talk again tomorrow."

"Okay," I muttered, "bye."

"Don't sound so hangdog, Cliff. I'll be home soon." he said. "By for now," he said, and hung up.

I was left feeling worse than before I had called. He didn't really seem to be missing me at all, and here I was, in agony. Shit, this was worse than high school. It would have been better if he told me he loved me, too. But, apparently Tad wasn't going to commit to that, at least not yet. I didn't really blame him. Why say something if you don't mean it?

I spent the rest of the evening writing up my searches and getting ready for the next day. That's the thing about title abstracting. It's all about the paperwork.

I had been at work for about an hour the next morning when Jenny walked into the deeds room at the courthouse. She was wearing a rather short but pretty dress with multicolored diagonal stripes and three-inch heels. She carried a briefcase and a purse and her cell phone and her keys in her hand and she jingled a little as she walked by, giving me a wink. This caused a little stir in my belly and I smiled at her.

She came over and stood by me. Her perfume wafted over to me. She also brought in a little of the cool air from outside. "Hi Cliff. How's it going?" she said, with a little twinkle in her eyes.

I couldn't help but smile. "Just fine, Jenny. How about you?"

"Couldn't be better. I'm loving life today."

"Is that so? Why?"

She smiled up at me. (I'm not very tall, but Jenny was even shorter than me.) "Oh, I don't know. Just feelin' happy, I guess."

"Well, good. I hope you have a great day." I glanced back down at my work.

"Well, I can see that you're busy," she said. "We'll talk more later."

We worked all morning, sometimes even side-by-side at the same table, but did not talk much more. However, at a little past noon, she sat back in her chair, rubbed her eyes and said, "Whew! I need a break." She turned to me. "Cliff, let me take you to lunch."

My first impulse was to refuse. After all, I was the man and could buy my own lunch and hers, for that matter. But then I thought better of it. "Okay," I said. "Where are we going?"

"I'm in the mood for a steak sandwich. How about you?" she asked.

"Sounds great," I said. "Just let me get to a stopping point, and we'll go."

I spent the next ten minutes wrapping up a few things and getting ready to go. While I was doing so, I noticed that several of the other people in the room, staff and abstractors alike, were giving me sly looks. One of the older male abstractors whispered, "Lucky man" to me as I gathered up my papers. I looked at him quizzically.

We went to a place in the mall that sold steak sandwiches. During lunch, we talked about everyday things, mainly work. Jenny was 22, ambitious, and wanted to do well in this job. "What about you?" she asked. "Are you married? Do you have kids?"

As you can guess, this presented me with a problem. I could answer her question truthfully and honestly, but not really completely. I don't know why I answered her the way I did, but I told her that I was divorced from my wife and had two grown children. When she heard that I was divorced, I could swear that her eyes lit up a little. I did not tell her about Tad, or that I was in a same-sex relationship with him. Why? I don't really know. No, that's a lie. I do really know. There are actually a couple of reasons. The first is vanity. Jenny was young, pretty, and interested. For an older guy like me, that's a strong attractant. The second thing is that I wanted to think that I could be with Jenny, even if I chose not to. I could see the invitation in her eyes and I didn't want to ruin my chances. The last reason and the most troublesome was that, despite my joy at being with Tad, there must have been some part of me that wasn't ready to admit that I was gay. I didn't really feel gay, not that I even knew what that meant. I just knew that I was still attracted to women.

Jenny tilted her head, smiled at me impishly and asked, "So Cliff, are you dating someone right now?"

So help me, I blushed. I was caught. "Umm, yes. I guess I am," I managed to stammer.

"But they're out of town this week."

"Oh really," she said. "Is this an exclusive thing? Or are you seeing other people?"

"Well, up to this point, it's been an exclusive thing. I mean, I haven't seen anybody else while I've been seeing this person."

Jenny didn't seem put off at all. "Is she seeing anybody else?"

I could have corrected her then. But so help me, I didn't. Instead I said, "As far as I know, they are exclusive also."

Jenny took a bite of her sandwich, ate a french fry, and drank some of her drink. She appeared to be considering something. "Let me put something to you, Cliff. I like older guys. They are more mature and considerate. They know how to treat women. They have a little money to spend—not that that's really important to me. It's just nice when the guy can pay for a dinner or an evening out." Jenny reached over and put her hand over mine. "I like you, Cliff. You've been nice to me. You're pretty cute too, for an older guy. I'd like to be with you if we can make it happen. Your significant other doesn't even have to know if you don't want her to. What do you say?"

My heart was thudding in my chest. This might be the last time I would ever have a chance to be with a young, pretty woman. I was getting older, and pretty soon girls like Jenny wouldn't give me a second look. So I said, "What did you have in mind?"

She said, "I know it's the middle of the week, but why don't you come by my apartment this evening? We'll listen to some music and hang out for a while. Low-key stuff."

"Sounds good," I said. "I'll just go home and change and see you there."

"Don't do that," she said, chewing. "Just come over after work. I mean, you don't have anybody waiting for you at home, do you?"

Just then, I felt a little pang of anger at Tad. He had left me alone. He had even been a little short, and, in my mind at least, a little condescending to me on the phone. No, I didn't have anybody waiting for me at home. "No I don't," I said. "I'll follow you home. Shall we eat beforehand?"

"Why don't we just pick up some Chinese? I know a place on the way to my apartment." Jenny ate her last french fry, finished her drink and sandwich, and stood up. She glanced at her watch. "Crap. I've got to get back if I'm going to finish the property I'm working on."

"Yeah," I said. "Let's head back." I looked down at my meal. It was only half-eaten. I'd been so excited and wrapped up in Jenny that I'd barely eaten anything.

She drove us back to the courthouse. I noticed that she kept looking over at me and smiling. I myself noticed a distinct feeling of excitement. There was an anticipatory tingle in my groin. I wasn't sure, but I might get laid tonight!

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. We parted at the door to the deed room and went to our separate areas. From about one until five that afternoon, we worked quietly without talking. Both Jenny and I had tasks to finish.

At five minutes to closing, the deed room staff started shutting down the computers. I packed up my books and papers. Jenny did the same. I walked over to her and said, "I'm ready when you are."

"I have to run to the office for a few minutes. Do you want to come inside with me?" She was putting papers into a briefcase.

I thought for a second. "How about if I wait at your car? Then we can stop at the restaurant on the way to your apartment. I'll follow you home." I really didn't want to be seen in her law office. There were people working there that knew me.

She smiled at me and said, "As you wish. I'll only be a few minutes."

The law office Jenny worked for was right across the street from the courthouse. Jenny told me what kind of car she owned and while she went inside, I moved my car from the courthouse parking lot to the space beside her car. While I waited, I was experiencing mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was definitely excited. It was great to know that I was still attractive to at least some women. On the other hand, I was definitely in danger of cheating on Tad. I knew it would hurt him if he ever found out. Of course, I fooled myself into thinking that this was all innocent. We would go to her place, eat Chinese, hang out, and I would come home, no harm done. But there was a part of me that secretly wanted something to happen. It might have been a reaction to Tad's leaving. It could be that I felt a little abandoned. Tad hadn't exactly been affectionate over the phone. On the other hand, Tad's mother was sick. How could I compete with that? He needed to be with his family and guide them through this crisis. I was being petty and selfish expecting to be nurtured and loved during this time.

I was lost in my thoughts when a tap at my window startled me. There was Jenny's smiling face looking in at me. "What were you thinking about, Cliff? You were a million miles away."

I looked a little sheepish. I'm sure I blushed, too. "Just work," I said. "I have a big search to do in another county tomorrow. I was just thinking about it."

"Well, forget about it for right now. Let's go have some fun!" she said. She turned and walked to her car. I watched her shapely butt as she went. Maybe I would see her bare butt tonight. A little tingle in my groin sharpened my anticipation.

She drove off and I followed. We went to the Chinese restaurant and ordered take-out: almond gai ding, eggs rolls, shrimp fried rice, wonton soup. Jenny had her wallet out to pay, but I stopped her. "You paid for lunch," I said. She smiled at me and put her money away.

She lived in one of the moderately priced apartment complexes that dot the outskirts of every city. Everything looked clean and well-kept. There weren't any drug deals going down, at least that I could see. We got out of our cars in front of one of the buildings. She said, "I live on the second floor. Follow me."

Carrying the food, I followed behind her up the stairway, once again admiring the view of her legs and ass. She looked behind me and smiled. We reached the top of the stairs and walked down the landing until we got to a door. On the door hung a little sign that said "Jenny's Place." She fumbled with her keys for a second, then opened the door and we went inside.

Jenny's apartment was furnished in college-graduate-young-professional style. The furniture was a hodge-podge, but all clean and in good repair. There were posters on the walls of bands, some modern, some from the '70s and '80s. I noticed a Led Zeppelin poster and commented on it. "They're one of my favorite bands," Jenny said. "I'm a little of a '70s freak anyway. You'll see."

We put the bags down on the kitchen table and Jenny said, "I'm going to change. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right out."

I wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch. She had a nice stereo, which included a turntable. I noticed a row of albums in one of the spaces on the entertainment center. She really must be a '70s freak if she still had vinyl record albums. I was leafing through them and finding some old favorites—Led Zeppelin, Genesis, Pat Benatar, ZZ Top—when she returned to the room. She was wearing a pink t-shirt and loose jean shorts. She squatted beside me on the floor and said, "See anything you like?"

"Yeah," I said. "I can't believe you've got Led Zeppelin Physical Graffiti. It's always been one of my favorites."

"These albums are my Dad's. I got them and the turntable a while back when he passed away," Jenny said.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said sincerely.

"Well, it was a blessing, in a way. He died of cancer and boy, did he suffer before he died. Anyway, he knew I'd always been interested in these albums, so I got them in his will. What would you like to hear?"

"Let's put this one on," I said, handing her Physical Graffiti.

She put the album on the turntable and soon, the raucous guitar chords of "Custard Pie" were issuing from the two Infinity speakers. I couldn't believe how good the music sounded, or how much I had missed it. We sat together on the couch. She was comfortably close: not crowding, but not standoffish either.

Jenny leaned over and said, "Are you in a hurry to eat?"

I said, "Not especially."

She said, "Good." She appeared to consider something. Then she said, "You want to get high?"

I was surprised, and I guess my face showed it. She quickly said, "We don't have to."

"You mean smoke some pot?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, and grinned.

It had been years since I'd smoked. I'd always enjoyed it. But you know, you get older and sort of get away from that kind of thing. "Sure!" I said.

"I'll get us a couple of beers, too," she said, springing up from the couch. She went into the kitchen and brought back a couple of cold Michelobs. "Glass?" she asked. I shook my head no, and settled back to drink. A moment later, she brought out a tray with some buds and some papers on it. She tried to roll a joint, but seemed to have trouble. The result was lumpy and misshapen, and barely smokable. She handed it to me, chagrined.

"How about if I try?" I asked.

"Please. I'm no good at this," she said.

I tore the joint apart as "The Rover" came on. Applying my age-old technique, I broke up a couple of resiny buds and soon had us a workmanlike joint to smoke. We lit up and I took a hit and passed it to her. The smoke expanded in my lungs and I was forced to cough a little, but I held it admirably.

Then the smoke expanded in my head and I got the rush. "The Rover" finished and "In My Time of Dying" came on. The first melancholy chords from Jimmy Page's guitar seemed to last forever as the pot hit my brain. Jenny handed the joint back to me and I hit it again. Suddenly, lines of force in the universe seemed to align themselves. I forced down the pang of paranoia I felt, and relaxed into the high. My mouth was suddenly dry. I took a swallow of my beer and settled back down into the couch. The music seemed to be going through me. I felt it like I hadn't felt music for years. Robert Plant's mournful wails seemed to be talking to me, and me only. Jenny looked at me with red eyes and said, "Great, huh? My father and I used to listen to these albums for hours."

"This is good pot," I said. "I haven't smoked in a while. This is better than I remember."

Jenny spoke, and it seemed to come out in slow motion. All I could focus on was her mouth. Her teeth were white and even. Her lips were full. She said, "Yeah. They say pot is a lot stronger now than in the past. You know, hybrids and stuff." She handed me the joint. I took one more small hit and put it in the ashtray. I was plenty high right now. Right then, the song ended and Jenny got up. She went to the turntable and looked at me questioningly. I said, "Put on side three." Side three had "In the Light" and "Bronyraur" and "Down by the Seaside" on it. She put the record on and came back down to the couch. This time she sat down right beside me. She tucked her legs up under her, and snuggled in. She put my arm around her and she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

I might have been high, but I didn't miss that. I looked down at her smiling face and asked, "What was that for?"

She said, "Oh nothing. I'm just having a nice time. I like you. You're cool. You smell good, too."

I finished my beer and she quickly asked, "You want another?" She looked ready to spring up, but I was enjoying having her by my side. The pot made me acutely aware of her physical presence. I could smell her light perfume and feel the warmth of her body. I massaged her shoulder a little. It felt tight and muscular. Young. That was what it felt. It felt young. I looked down at her. She smiled. I kissed her on the forehead. She snuggled in a little closer. I drifted a little, lost in the music and the feelings. The fading sunlight was orange-yellow and slanting through her apartment window as the sun went down. It would be dark soon. I wondered how long I would be here. It seemed like I'd already been there for ages, but I knew that was the pot. In reality, I had only been in her place about forty-five minutes or so. At some point, I noticed that Jenny's small hand was on my leg. So help me, as soon as I noticed this, I got an erection. I was momentarily amazed. I had no idea how long her hand had been there. But, I had been so stoned on the pot, and mesmerized by the music, I hadn't noticed it. Yet, as soon as my consciousness shifted a little to include it, up came my cock. She didn't move her hand, she just let it stay there. Still, I could feel the warmth. I wondered, distantly, if she had noticed my hard-on.