All Comments on 'A Blue Christmas'

I wish you had broken it up into 3 or 4 parts.

Boyd Percy

Similar story that Steve 2224(sic) wrote only on land not sea. Funny as all get out.

What an excellent ride. Thanks for a great view of a place I've never been.

Don't mind the length comment. The 23 pages didn't bother me at all. Keep up the good work.

As this was an entry in the Sunburned Country event, breaking it up wasn't an option.

the five comments I have seen. The problem for me is the huge number of terms, expressions, and idioms from Australia that makes the story difficult to read. BillyBob does it with his Cajun stories. It is one thing to set a story in Australia, and another to require subtitles to read it. I would love to see this written in English so reading it was not a chore. Thanks for all of the hard work.

AMerryman 2.0

I may not speak much Aussie but this was a great ride.

Thrills, spills and slow burning building passion all set down under. All in all a great entry in the compo and well up to your usual standard.

Did my apprenticeship with Furphy's started in their 100th year.

Consider myself worthy of white land rights.

So while this is a great yarn with well developed characters I still found the overboard strine distracting.

It seemed you threw in every idiom from every generation since Cook.

Probably from every region in Australia as well.

Because surely some are just local expressions? Still it was great read .

Cheers

Thank you for this story. It was great.

I finished it. Great job! I loved the outback vernacular. Just needed to slow down in some parts t consider what was said to figure out what was meant. Thanks!

At least while laughing so hard I'm crying at some of the Strine descriptions.

It's become my life's work, to use "tighter than a Platypus's crinkle" in a future sentence.

Lots of fun and great characters

But a PITA to read if you aren't an Aussie. 😜

Simply put, Bloody brilliant mate!

At least I think that's the right word... fabulous story and a total hoot for those of us not familiar with slang from the land of Oz. Please, Sir (or Madam), may we have some more?

On Ya!

A LONG but different and satisfying tale. 5*. The Aussie lingo had me pausing to Google a couple. The things Sausages (snags) he grilled with his steak. I knew it was a food item but context didn't tell me exactly what it was. Had me remembering watch Aussie TV shows online and hearing the regional accents from City to Bush.

I finally got around to reading your tale. The ockerisms were half the fun, and most better than anything Nick ‘Honey Badger’ Cummins comes up with. But I was worried there for a moment they’d not deliver the load of paper on time…but I’m glad they did because that was quite an entertaining delivery.

Why would Mark give the evil self-serving slut a cent of that money? She never loved him, using him cynically every step of the way to get her inheritance. Maggie was clearly unfaithful for most of their marriage, and even tried to pass off her lover's bastard as Mark's child. She viewed her husband with utter contempt, treating the poor guy like shit... for no reason at all.

It would have been a much better ending to leave her with nothing and give ALL the money to charity, at least then it would go to people who deserved it. Besides, her father was obviously wealthy and she got 100% of the marital assets at the point Mark left her, so she was already very comfortably well off. The ending as it stands basically rewards her for being a deceitful, manipulative bitch.

It was nice to read a mostly happy epilogue, with Mark and Bonnie having two kids and expecting a third. I'm not sure why you forced them apart for so much of the last two years for her "modelling commitments". They were both loaded, so there was no reason for either of them to work another day in their lives. Bonnie had already told Monika to get her out of modelling commitments... 10 years earlier! Besides, Bonnie would have been 42-44 during that part of the story... models retire long before that age.

Also, Bonnie being apart from him extensively for the last two years and getting pregnant adds a question mark over who the father was. It's only natural to have that flicker of doubt, as this was an important theme earlier in the story. Why was Bonnie still working when she didn't need to? Was it to give her an excuse to be away from her husband so that she could sleep around? I'm sure that's not what you intended, but it raised question marks.

At the very least you painted Bonnie as a bad mother. With two young children, her being away from home for more than a couple of days was inexcusable. It ended up tainting what should have otherwise been the perfect end to the story and I'd strongly recommend a rewrite if you ever look at making changes to the story. I'd ditch the entire epilogue from her point of view, and write it from his, as Mark was the protagonist of the story, not Bonnie.

Make a hell of a movie! With sub titles so the viewer could understand Aussie! Great fun read, thank you for it. Five stars!

But being an aussie I can't stand seeing our mangled speech in print.

Acceptable when in actual quoted speech within the story, but looks and sounds silly written in general prose of the writing.

Had to g ive up reading when he was in Pt Augusta on first page. trying to work out what you were meaning just too hard.

Great story, so much going on; I really enjoyed the detail you provided about even side-plots. You must have gotten a huge education in Strine to write those descriptions. I agree with other comments that I'll be trying to incorporate some of those phrases in my own life. I'm honoured to be part of the In A Sunburned Country event with you as we celebrate Australia.

Wow Spencerfiction, what a great story!

I really liked your character development (and the development of characters). There were so many plot twists that I still am not sure how we got from the Prologue to the Epilogue. I have enjoyed every minute of reading this adventure.

As an Aussie I enjoyed the story but it really did come across as an American trying to write Australian. A lot American type language, responses, scenarios, attitudes, hick slang, police protocol with googled Aussie slang thrown around. A lot of googled slang, to the point it almost seemed like you were making up your own words. I think someone above commented that you used slang from different generations and different parts of the country.

But you know I can forgive all that because you have it a red hot crack. The bit that came across as the biggest load of bullshit and made it hard to continue reading was the second meeting of Powell. If one were arrested in Oz, one does not get a phone call. And have you ever lit up a spray can? A fucking 3 metre flame thrower it is not. Even if that were true, one of Powell's henchmen had his hands around Marks neck, like not a headlock just his hands. And when he saw the 'flame thrower' shot off like a scared rabbit. Big bad man he was....

I also agree with someone above that the epilogue was not necessary. Especially when it's screwed up. Their careers are so busy keeping them apart but they still have time to be a family? Whilst they were busy finding themselves overseas they decided to go back and buy the Winnebago's. Just to bring back bad memories for Bonnie....???

You're a good writer but went a little overboard trying to make everything rainbows and unicorns in the end.

boring filled with minor grammatical errors and unintelligible slang.

I wished the comments section could be accessed throughout reading. You wrote so many hilarious moments. Whether the slang is real doesn't matter it was wonderful.

It reminded me of Anthony Burgess' A Clickwork Orange. It is not easy to pull off half a story in such language. Thanks and looking forward to your future stories, if we are so lucky

Kids with dementia though, is that real?

and I was disappointed to read in other comments that the slang wasn't realistic. Realistic or not, the dialogue still made me laugh

Phil

Unfortunately there is dementia in children. A study into Australian Childhood Dementia published in 2002 found that the estimated prevalence for dementia in childhood in Australia was 5.6/100,000. It is a worldwide phenomenon that can affect any age but particularly tragic when the child hasn't even had a chance to enjoy life and build good memories. Dementia seems to be the scourge of the 21C, like Comsumption in the 19C and early 20C, and AIDS in the late 20C. All dementia sufferers benefit from being stimulated by activities and play, otherwise, left to their own devices they become isolated by their condition.

Could be really great with a big old rewrite. There are many places where you go over the top. But the big discussion with Maggie, this big carthasis, is just too Hollywood for me. Make your adversaries believable people, not caricatures.

I don't know anything about Australia, so I enjoyed the slang, although it's really over the top.

All told, this story is still a favourite of mine.

You are obviously not an Australian, so your attempt at Australian dialogue should be received as such, an attempt. I don't take offense when an Aussie writer makes an attempt at Southern US dialect. I may gently correct them if it is too terribly out of line, but I appreciate a good story, and yours was good. 5 stars from me.

Lost me around pg 7. He just comes off as too much of a bleeding heart and so does Bonnie. So this dude saves her and she's all on his jock not even a full 24 hours later... what he was 33, found out his wife cheated and swore off women forever. It just started to read like a hallmark movie.

Good story. I've lived here my whole life and have never heard of Strine till I read this... Also the use of slang was way over the top.

Liked the Port Augusta references - if you mention it ever again use its nickname - the gutter - cause it's a sh#thole!!

One of the best stories that I have ever read on this site. Character development was wonderful and the entire plot was superb. Great story!

The epilogue was really good. You had me worried there for a moment that they had been separated for the past few years. Man I would have been pissed off if after reading 21 pages you get an ending like that on 22. But then she was just talking about the getting back to modelling thing so I released a shaky breath. My heartbeat literally went to over 90 as I read it.

BTW did Maggie cheat on him during all those years together or only that last trip because she felt the need to do it before starting a family?

Story was good, although reading the Strine becomes very irritating and demands every bit of attention. Reading the story was very exhausting IMHO.

Good plot none-the-less.

Deserves 5 . It truly does. But I felt relieved as I finished reading it. Hope you get what I mean to say. Story is good. Reading it is not so good.

It’s a ripper of a tale mate. Goodonya.

Got a bit long; started to scan a bit here and there.

4-stars.

Absolutely brilliant.

This is a fantastic story, going directly into my favorites queue.

A bit disappointed with the ending. She left her husband and children for her career. I thought that she was so devoted to him that she was giving that up.

If I drank a shot for every time I read the word knight or knighty, I'd be dead.

You have a "Famous" Super-model on the downhill side of her career. She finds true love and they swear to never be apart. Then the Super Model GOES BACK TO EFFING WORK and spends most of her time away from "THE LOVE OF HER LIFE".

That sucks!!! You killed a great story, not to mention the hordes of loose ends.

Too long. A whole page practically just describing him meeting her sisters.

Unbelievable dialogs. The characters could go on and on, over 10-12 line paragraphs, just doesn’t happen in real life.

Someone got a list of Aussie similes and metaphors and ran them into the ground.

Poor grammar. You don’t know how to use pronouns correctly when pairing them together. —- Give her the ball. Give me the ball. Give her the ball and give me the ball. Therefore: Give her and ME the ball....Not: Give her and I the ball.

Together less than 48 hours and they are professing love for each other. Not very likely.

I had such high hopes for the story when I saw the score, boy was I disappointed.

Really enjoyed it. Well done. Thanks for sharing.

And as reality sets in.

The butchered Australian gets more and more annoying.

Along with the plot.

you know how I feel about your, very god mixture of adventure, fighting bad guys and finding love. Excellent writing, ignore the critics they are looking for something else.

Dan on Whidbey Island.

Really enjoyed this. Nearly passed it over as 23 Lit web pages is ... a lot. Started it out and really liked how much you got into the Aussie slang. I thought i had a pretty good handle on it but wow, nope. I learned a bunch. Thank you for all that work ... all for free.

Even being as long as it is, I enjoyed reading the story, that is until right at the end where Blue was on the plane by herself and Mark wasn't there at Glendambo. Thought for sure something bad had happened to Mark and they weren't together anymore. It would have been such a sad and tragic ending to a great story. All is well in the end, but I kind of felt that the charity camping thing was a little too much and over the top. Almost like too much icing on the cake. Nice but I could have done without it and still had a happy ending.

I'm surprised that most all of the very strange Aussie speak I couldn't figure out, could be found by Googling it.

The sex was nice, subdued and wasn't displayed on every other page, like some Lit stories do. After so many times it's just a cut and paste thing and looses interest.

Thanks for the time and effort it took to write and post this story.

...and rightly so, but I also liked your Danish accented English dialogue. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Read for the second time .As good as the first excellent story.Probably read again in the future.Why people knock it or moan about parts of it,I do not understand.After all it is only fiction.Love it

way too long !!! But, I did read nearly every word. would be much better with a lot of words cut out.

I very much enjoy your writing style, creativity, imagination and how you put it all together!!! Thanks for sharing!!

One of the best stories on here

A huge investment in reading time! but more than worth it.

Feeling a bit down, I needed the reread for an emotional uplift and again, more that worth the time.

Everyone has favourites of all time best. I will just say this is prominent in the top ten, and for the longer pieces a strong contender for the best of all time.

Thanks again, Spencerfiction!

The Hoary Cleric

Can you please explain what Fannyfeebled means as I can’t find out even using Australian slag Dictionaries online and in fact when I was using one source of online search it actually used the sentence that you used as an example, by showing it and referencing your story and name unfortunately it meant no more to me than when I originally read it in your text/ story. So could you please state exactly what you meant /mean by this term . Also it might be very useful for British and probably American readers if you publish a glossary at the beginning of your stories so people could reference exactly what was meant by the words you were using as somethings in Australia words have a very different meaning in Australia than in England for example a thong to us British is a garment that people squeeze between their butt cheeks rather than between their toes , as to us they are a type of under wear not a form of foot wear which we call those flip flops ( you know that as you mention those form of foot wear by both names in almost the same sentence) I also believe that You might get a shock in Britain when trying to buy sticky tape by brand as you might be given condoms in stead as a band name for sticky tape in Australia is the same as a Brand name for Condoms in the U.K. YES DUREX is a very different thing in our two countries . so please if you are using typical Australia slag it might not be understood by everyone and sometimes not only will they not know what you mean but think you mean something very different and may spoil their understanding of your story I know many people know a lot of Australia slag words , but not everyone one knows every slag word’s meaning so it might be very useful to list every slag word’s meaning that you use in your story at the head of your story especially the more obscure words like fannyfeebled plus you might need a separate glossary for both your American and British readers as our two country’s use a lot of words that mean very different things as Americans call jam jelly and jelly jello and in fact they also use the word jelly but it is a sauce that you put on ice cream etc… we British just call it sauce If in America and you want Chips ask for fries or french fries as otherwise you will be given crisps when asking for Chips so there you have it 3 different countries all separated by one common language

Re Hayboys and Fannyfeebled: try pussywhipped.

Hi Anonymous, Thank you for the explanation of the meaning of Fannnyfeebled Hayboys

An excellent story that I found a little difficult to read in places but an excellent story nun the less 5 Starrs ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Great, one of the best I have read,

Weirdly, this started out just like stev2244's 'The Hermit' except in the Australian outback instead of the Greek islands. This must be how you get to hook up with supermodels.

This was a lovely full length catagory romance novel. I enjoyed it to bits. The characters were developed and the plot kept moving along. I did find the Australian lingo didn't allow me smooth sailing, as I found myself looking up every word. Most words could be understood from context, but I have a compulsion to look up every new word I read. It was like reading Robert Burns for the first time. Still, it is a lovely story.

Excellent Story and accurate as I have done this trip a lot of times and there are many more stories from the same bush , especially Camel Hamburgers on Glendambo Station .

Amazed this story is not in the Hall of Fame. Perhaps it is too long to be fully appreciated.

If you can spare the time, READ IT!!!