All Comments on 'A Boilerplate Rendering Ch. 01'

very well written and carries the reader along.

I have a feeling he won't stay quite so passive.

Look forward to more from you.

Keep Going! 5*

I can see where this is going, but that isn't any kind of disparagement. It is done rarely enough that it's still a fresh story.

The thing about writing is that you need to do it to actually get better. This was well written mechanically and I am intrigued by the story line. No overly clever flourishes in the writing. Good you follow the Niven's Law: If you have something to say, say it plainly. If you have nothing to say, say it any damned way you want.

Please continues and quickly

Stayed with her for what. She went on the date ????? Said she felt like a girl going on a date her father didnt approve of. None of this works. Total wimp out. Had so much potential and just left us hanging.

I sent my rough draft to another Lit author with a request for some advice. He ended up doing a lot in the first half of the story to help develop the dialogue and some of the more descriptive language. His influence will wane a bit as the story enters its final parts.

When I offered, he turned down the opportunity to get credit, so I won't out him here. I just didn't want to be taking all the credit for his work, either way.

Overall, my main concern with the story was to try and create some well defined characters and then to let them control where the story goes. This meant not letting myself think about the audience or how the audience would respond while writing (I even took a break from Lit and spent some time trolling infidelity survival boards to get more of the mindset of people in the heart of the storm and less of the LW ragequit), so I'm sure there will be some push back from that.

Interesting premise. She will ultimately feel even guiltier with his knowledge which will, in turn, take the shine off the cheating aspect of the affair. I'm holding out, however, on the rest of the story. I'm pretty sure, from you comments, that I will not like the end story that the "characters" drove you to write.

Interesting, but is he going to give up his life to maintain a false front for his kids

sake. Children will see through it all. They will see the resentment , the hate.

The story won't work that way. I think you have a different plan. Let's see the

next chapter.

AMerryMan

While it is nice to imagine a Stangstarian life, where the man runs off with the money, the kids, the girl and the Mustang, in real life, things are a bit hairier.

This man is facing such circumstances. If he divorces, he loses the kids, loses the house, loses his money. Now the obvious answer is 'a ton of tuna fish is worth your pride', but he obviously disagrees.

As secure in his moral position as he can be having been cheated on, he instead decides to NOT scuttle his life. He IS scuttling his relationship.

I can feel that.

It received a lot of comments and caused a lot of bitching. Much of the bitching was that the readers wanted to know everything that happened after the wife ended her affair. Perhaps UOG (?) will please readers with thousands of words about the aftermath. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I always liked this plot and enjoyed my story. (That's the thing. We writers write what we want to present. If we write it, we probably like it a lot. It's only natural.) Let's see how "unoriginal" this will become!

Your story is interesting and some what novel. I am interested in Carl's response when she tells him..I don't like the story line, but carry on

there is a story out there with almost the same start. With other words, the cheater was ordered to continue the relationship against her will. Now, the big question is, do you take this story in the same direction? Good luck!

is quite limiting. You seem to feel that comics and movies do one thing and stories do another. Art, especially literature, does all things. It can help us escape, it can show us other's pain, it can make us laugh, and it can make us cry. There is not one "purpose" for stories, books, movies, comics, magazines, paintings, music, etc. It all makes our world richer in so many ways, but is not limited in any way.

not wimp,moron story

She is a slut

2/3*

Not sure where you are going to take this and that is a good thing.I hope he does not turn into a pussy. As to your writing, I think it is well up to par with everything else posted on this site. I am looking forward to more, thanks.

Good writing style and is intriguing enough to allow me the anticipation of your next chapter. However, (chuckle), your initial premise on the communicative benefits of visual vs. written are without merit to mine eyes. Communication in all its' forms elicit different responses that are generally individual dependent. To generically "lump" us together is a most grievous sin.

I look forward to the future chapters. I have thought about writing a story, but I am too right-brained to be creative enough. (I guess I could write about catching my former wife cheating and what I WISH would have happened thereafter.) I did, however, become (during my work and teaching careers) an excellent proofreader and editor. This may be the cleanest story I have ever read on Lit. It is right up there with my personal writing standards.

I love your style, the 'thinking' behind the speech.

Will wait for the next chapter, don't know what it will be, maybe some cuckold story, but an unwilling and unloving one, accepting the situation for the sake of the kids..., maybe a burn the bich... somewhere down he road, maybe, a reconciliation ...

Anyway, 5 * for a great first try

A chapter 2 would be appreciated.

This is a stupid story about a wimp loser and has no future.

Didn't bother reading the story. Went straight to comments to see if it was winp/cuckold/queer or not. Have no idea what this is all about. I will wait for Iron Dragon to drop in and give us the right way to think.

It would appear so. If the marriage is contingent upon the cheating wife continuing to see her boyfriend ...then why bring up to begin with ?

What differences and make whether not the wife knows that the husband knows what's going on?

He seems to think that any reader that complains about a store's inconsistency or sudden developments which are not explained were developed by an author ...means that the reader wants the story to end in a certain way.

This tells me this particular author is a fucking idiot. Yes there are some readers that do that but there are MANY readers that take time to explain and examiner a story with considerable detail. While you may not agree with the conclusions of a reader's review ... at least respect the fact that the reader has taken time to write the review and posted his thoughts.

Clearly this particular author does not think any reader does that and that ANY and all criticism about a story is simply because the reader is throwing a shit fit about how they want the story to end.

Weird story, but interesting and intriguing in that we have no idea where he is going to take it. Seems like to some kind of armed truce, like North and South Korea or something. We don't know. Pretty sure he's not going to be a happy cuckold, but other than that, we don't know.

All we know is there are two lengthier chapters coming in the next few days.

Idiot commenters.

I liked the plot in HDKs' rendition - but thought it was a bit too passive aggressive in the execution in the story, and a bit stagnant in the denouement. But, HDK was aware of all of this and it is his story, his choices. I am looking forward to this version.

Gotta say, Harry - a call from you for consideration of the time and energy that the reader puts into a read and a review was... risible. I feel that the majority of the text wasted (not all of the text! - I have a small amount of self awareness) on the comment page follows from just the kind of thought process that the author was calling out. But! let us move forward... do we agree that dogmatic and judgmental name calling on the part of authors and readers cheapens the community?

Green-something

"Tell old Carl that he should be very, very afraid for his future", Write another chapter and tell us about Carl's future, or lack of it. I will give a score when I read about it.

I may be biased here, because I'm the one who helped decorate the story and had some small amount of dialog with the author as part of that, but I don't think the opening was intended to dismiss all criticism. My experience was that the author was open and eager to grow.

We discussed at some length the disparity between organic, character-driven storytelling and LW's almost oppressively pervasive "Every vengeance is good, every story without it is bad" BtB logic (and I feel that I'm being overly kind by calling that logic). So while I admit to being presumptuous here, I interpreted his comments to be about THAT specifically.

Now knows when they are together, where they will be, and she will tell him what time frame he has to safely keep himself busy.

"I've gotten pretty good about finding ways to keep myself busy while you're out having your fun."

And if I were Carl, I would take this very seriously:

And tell old Carl that he should be very, very afraid for his future.

I like the way things have been set up. The idea, if not unique, is relatively rare, and the execution up to this point was well handled. The introspective dialogue has me wondering if there is some nefarious plan working in the background, or if he's simply working on the premise of letting her stew in her own juices.

I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.

I am a big fan of HDK's "Yesterday," one of his strongest stories. It didn't "finish the story," but left a painful situation unresolved for the reader to wrestle with.

This one takes the same scenario and lays it out in a very absorbing and engaging way. The husband is in enormous pain, and we feel it! And the guilty wife is guilty, troubled, confused, afraid. It should make for a great continuation--I look forward to reading it!

Thanks, ohio

Have a hard time with the whole matching SUV thing though. Think a logical man would've caught on then and either stopped payments on it/had it repossessed or taken a baseball bat to it & blame it on neighborhood kids and vandalism. Great foreshadowing with interior monologue; can't wait to see wait to see what he has planned for both the "love birds."

I think I'm going to do what some tell me they do for my stories, hold my vote until it's finished. I'm hoping there is a method to his madness and that this doesn't turn out to be just another wimp cuckold story.

But fuck if it would have been mine, my life and happiness means more than that, but well written, thanks.

The warning to 'Good Ole Carl' is NOT in quotes! For many contributors, that doesn't mean it wasn't actually said, but it DOES mean that here! It was ALSO italicized, just to make sure that every reader understands it was a private THOUGHT. The degree of threat intended is, as yet, ambiguous ... it might mean Hubby snubs his old friend OR ...! Just like (I think) the author said he intended about the WHOLE start!

Wonderful start. 5* (and I don't need the to see the ending of this tale to know this is a GREAT beginning. Kudos to HDK and others, BTW!

I would like to suggest that LIT require that anyone submitting a comment (maybe only for scores below 3) acknowledge UOGs statement about judging a story. I would discourage the option of clicking a box. Better, they would have to TYPE IN the paragraph themselves (make the model uncopiable!) They could, of course, lie about honoring the sentiment of the statement, but it WOULD, I think, discourage the 'Die, you wimpy CUCK author!' style of 'critique!'

That's some harsh mojo he's got. I can't imagine she'll before turned on when she gets to her lovers house.

Can't wait for the next chapter! 5/5!

I can't wait to see if he can control the rage for his daughters' sake. And see what happens when they don't need a mother and father together.

Unoriginal or not, you've given us the beginning of a story that tantalizes with its many possibilities. Just don't keep us waiting too long. 5*s

but the writing is so compelling, and the protagonist feels real. i've never been in his shoes, but I was feeling what he was feeling. When she compared him to a disapproving father, I found myself mouthing "Get the fuck out." Well done! I've rarely been so drawn into a tale. Quite an intriguing beginning. You (or you AND your editor) certainly have a talent.

Cog

Quite a good start. I like the way you are handeling this. I'll look forward to the next chapters. Could be most interesting

An excellent start. Let's hope the author can maintain the style and retain our interest.

Wrote this story already. Your protagonist is sadder and more vulnerable, which adds something. I look forward to the rest of the story.

As mentioned before Harddaysknight used this story line. It was a good one then and it is a good one now. You've done very well with this start. I'm now anxious to see how this all unfolds and where YOU take this story.

Thanks

You done a great job with the characters so either nail Carl and let her live with it or BTB and allow him to get the girls.

Tell us up front so we don't need to waste time. Fighting for a whore is done enough by the losers here.

Been there. Done that. However, I'm actually curious where you are going to take this tale. I'll wait for you to redeem yourself.

The story has comments of some of the best authors on the site, in one day. BTW, SirThopas, maybe posting again...? That, in itself, is a really good indicator.

The argument has been explored before, the twin cars have been used before, and so have other details. But, it works, for me. I doubt anyone comes here for literary genious and originality. If you do, imo, you are wasting your time. You can get powerful stories, you can get raw emotion, but as for genious?? Get Anna Karenina. She cheats, gets pregnant by another man, and a long list of etc. Real long list, hehe.

So, again imo, the author should be proud of his work, and continue. Because he has "it".

"A wimp cuckold story".

This is no disparagement to laptopwriter, whose work I enjoy.

I just find it interesting that if a couple is able to fix their marriage, it is considered 'wimpy', which takes a lot of effort, pain, compromise and yes, once again PAIN.

But to jump into a car and run away like your ass is on fire, this is 'studly'?

This breaks down to personal interpretations of 'better or worse' and what responsibilities one thinks one owes the family involved, and not just the flawed spouse.

It is HOW the man resolves it and faces the situation which makes me judge his 'wimpiness'. So far, this guy is playing it straight: the 'relationship' is over. The 'family' still exists.

I am EAGER to see the next chapter and hope it is longer.

This guy is NOT a wimp, it's obvious that, in his mind, relationship with his wife is over.

He just play it as cool as he can to keep the family together.

I have no idea how it will play out, in the story wifey seems to have feling for her husband even when he 'forced' her to leave for the night. But he seem pretty burned.

Sometime fighting for your family IS the hardest choice.

I thinh it will be pathetic wimp story, sad

2*

That leaves lots of room for good story telling. Personally I thought that "Yesterday" was an excellent story and I love variations on a theme. To me there are only two possible sensible positions, give it a five for being an excellent opening chapter (as I am doing) or withhold judgement until you have the whole story. Very few people are complaining about it being full of cliches, which it is, but perhaps they got so involved in prejudging the wimp and the slut that they did not note them....

Love the comments. Cant wait for the next two chapters....gave it a 4 because the beginning is always the easiest to write, it is how you resolve it that will provide the real grade.

You're right. Nothing you've covered so far is original or, for that matter, particularly clever. A good friend, a cheating slut wife, a marriage, children and a husband in shock that his "loving wife" could be cheating on him with a close friend. Forget the "original" idea. In one form or the other, 99% of this topic has been covered. (I mean really - when was the last time we read a totally original story on a subject previously unmentioned?). I'm am going to reserve my vote and final comment until I read the next chapter. But I need to tell you that if you are going to leave him in this marriage while his wife continues to screw his friend, then you aren't going to like my vote or my comment.

I read the comments comparing this to HDK's story, now I'll have to go read it again. The problem with hdk stories is that they are like mounds and almond joy. One has nuts the other is just filled with fluff. This guy at a minimum needs to burn Carl. If he has anything other than a vajayjay in his pants he'll take his lumps and jetison the whore too. Judges do give custody to fathers if mom favors being a whore to raising her kids.

Saxon Hart

This is crap - shame

Faithful reader, but rarely comment. This is really, really well-written. Hope it holds together all the way to the end.

You've taken the fun and excitement out of her fun, but so what?

And you can have even more fun with her head.

But again, so what?

You still have a cunt of the first division for a wife.

And no future for yourself until you jettison her.

Your first two paragraphs are some of the best writing I have ever seen; excellent portrayal of what is happening on multiple levels. The contrast between dialogue and inner thoughts was essential to display the strength of character of the husband. Very well done.

I also liked your introductory comments. It's very appreciated (by me at least) when the writer is clear about what a story is/isn't or what is/isn't going to be done or addressed.

well written, good suspense to see where it goes from here, hope the followup is as good.

I forgot HDK's story; think I'll go back and read it when this is done. This was an inspiring start; the guy has his ducks in line, save the property, raise the kids, keep it together at least as long as he can. He's not a wimp, certainly not a pushover. What he's doing is the harder thing.

Now don't:

1. Turn him into some gun nut who goes off the deep end.

2. Don't let this end with some kind of stupid suicide.

3. Try not to be predictable.

Last; you pissed Harry off, he called you an idiot; that automatically make this a good start.

nice start, you got me hooked.

Looking forward to the "rest of he story"

Thanks!

Look Stupid -- Carvohi -- my outburst was and is directed at the author who stated that When readers don't like a story it is because the reader wants a particular ending to the story. In other words the reader is throwing an emotional temper tantrum. This author does not seem to consider that one of the reasons why a reader might give a story a low score is because of plot inconsistencies .... sudden character changes... The introduction of last minute characters or Last minute surprise endings etc etc

With regard to this story itself at this point in time I do not have a particular perspective as I believe it is too early to come to a judgment. I strongly disagree with the authors argument but as to the story... I dont know yet

HDK should be flattered that this author is using the plot device from Yesterday. For what it's worth, and I do understand that it evokes strong emotions from the readers, I think Yesterday is HDK's best work. It required imagination to write and tremendous courage to submit. Thank you HDK, and I would still like to see the sequel.

Well the only thing that separates this cuckold story from any other is that the guy actively seeks out and willingly becomes a cuckold all on his own. I really wish Literotica would create a Cuckold category that stories like this can be placed in instead of Loving Wives.

Wow. A really sad tale. I am honestly on the edge of my seat. I can't wait to see where this leads.

Her referring to him as "dad" indicates she has no qualms about humiliating him. Five stars.

John and his wife claim they love each other. She says she doesn't want him to leave but he hasn't touched her in three months. You tell us she is having an affair with his ex-friend Carl but don't tell us anything about Carl or how having her continue her affair with Carl would help him or his family. He doesn't seem to be a willing cuckold but apparently spent a lot of time and effort to get the goods on their relationship. Why didn't he make any effort to heal his own? His wife admitted the affair when caught and expressed a willingness to end it and repair their marriage - if he loved her, why wouldn't he try? Why wouldn't he get her version of events to see if she was being truthful rather than hand over everything he knows about the affair? This makes no sense. Is he a masochist? Would he rather suffer than fix things? I hope to have my questions answered in the next chapters. (You have the wife call John "Jim" at one point in their discussion ) 4 stars. 1 point deducted for sending his wife out to cuckold him without a satisfying reason being given to her or your readers.

He loves her but will not accept her new lifestyle - he loves his kids enough to stay where they are rather than lose them - which he will if they divorce now - he has the stones to do what he needs and wants to do to deal with this - or so it seems - he is planning something

Let's see how the author deals with the lack of direct action right now -

I just hope it doesn't devolve into the basic cuckold crap I despise. Let the guy, imaginary though he is, have a least some pride left when its over with.

I don't know why I gave this 5 stars. It just seems to resonate with my life. Very well written. Thank you.

A brilliant new author has arrived. Please let this be the standard of all your writing. Storyline- good with a twist; wordmanship - brilliant; general feel - great. Can't wait for the next one. 5*****

And this chapter deserves a higher rating because of it.

Without reading the comments, I can only assume that the lower rating is due to the fact that he is sending her out to continue her affair and the BTB brigade went berserk.

But I seem to remember another story where the betrayed husband did the same thing, and it didn't work out well for the wife at all. This husband seems to have a plan, too. I imagine that he is like the one in the other story I referenced, who stayed only to provide his children the security of a more stable homelife until such time as they went away to college.

There are some people (mostly men) for whom the knowledge of betrayal instantaneously becomes all the nails in the coffin of the marriage and they immediately turn away from the wife, and a small percentage of those will stay for a period of time for the children.

I have seen men like this in my therapeutic practice, and they can also be found on self-help sites offering advice to betrayed spouses. I find their motives to be amazingly noble and their lives incredibly difficult, but they willing jump on the funeral pyre of their marriage to preserve what they think of as their children's innocence. Others may think them crazy or unnecessarily taking on a ridiculous burden, but they are nothing if not determined to shelter their children.

I look forward to seeing where this story goes.

Ratings are subjective and it''s a one because it makes me nauseous that the story is about such a pathetic little man.

Honestly if you are looking to make a career of writing I whole heartely hope you fail.

On the other hand that probably means you are talented,poor me,if you make it you can laugh.

is worse that the event itself. TK U MLJ LV NV

Well written. Good beginning of the emotional state of the two main characters.

Apparently he has zero self respect. He is the lowest of the low; a willing cuckold.

I'm commenting on all three chapters, I had to read the ending to make sure it wasn't some wimpy cuckold story. A very courageous man who is strong for his family.

wish you had combined the three chapters into one posting

in my opinion the story would have scored somewhere around 4.65 to 4.8

it's one of the most intriguing & interesting , well written , insightful tales in the loving wives category and a very entertaining read.

merits 5 stars.

omg - how pathetically derivative. And you write because...

Derivative?

Of course it is.

There are only five different stories according to the ancient Greeks.

How many truly different stories can there be about cheating wives?

All there is left is how well you tell the story.

an original take on an age old theme. Brilliant. Excellent writing. Five stars.

I'm sure that the ratings on most stories correspond with how the reader relates to the reponse of the cheated spouse. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and read the second chapter. Needless to say, my response would not have been his. Enough said.

trust me it will all work out.... one of my favorites on this site

reserve the right to change my mind about the author being a wimpy cuck and disgrace to the white race.

What is a man supposed to do when he has a cheating wife, and two minor children? This is the ultimate nightmare marital situation. Ironically, the mother who cheated on the whole family will get the kids in a divorce and the kids will be influenced by her from then on. He will get his ass handed to him in court and lose his children. Yes lose them, every other weekend is not even close to keeping them. He will also have to support two households instead of one. How is this just? If by some fluke he got the kids then he has to contend with being a single father of two girls - good luck with that one! He will almost be compelled to remarry if only to provide a decent role model for his daughters! Nope, this bitch has totally fucked up the family and her husband.

I will wait to see what happens next.

and not listening leads to trauma. TK U MLJ LV NV

She is REALLY not paying attention. Or thinking. Or she's really, REALLY stupid. I think if I were her I'd be terrified -- the ones who don't 'fly off the handle' are the ones to fear.

You write so well and with such emotion. Well done.

Where is the conflict. The man should be happy that his wife is a slut. Isn't everyone. If only she could pull some trains so he could watch. This is no threat to him. He should just accept it and move on. Just no conflict in the story.

This is very similar to how I reacted when I discovered my ex wife was having her fling with my best friend. I encouraged her to continue biding my time until I was ready to act in my own best interests. When they cheat on you after 10 years of marriage you can still love them as a wife and mother but the thought of sex made me want to vomit.

I'll save most comments until the end. Suffice it to say, this is one of the best on this site. Still love it. Still five stars. Still a favorite.

She was happy he let hercheat didn't even register in her selfish mind that he was telling her he was through for her

REGRETS-EVEN IF GENIUNE-COME ALWAYS TOO LATE

Facebook profile female serial cheater posting affair dearbornmt@yahoo.com

You are as unique as they come

The logic of your story plot is very lacking. I have met a number of husbands over the years who divorced their wives due to the wives cheating and none of them exhibit the reaction of the husband in your story.

Loving this !

Really looking forward to reading the next bit.

Yeah. I know he wants to protect his kids but he deserves every bit of pain coming his way for this decision to become a cuckold.

He isn't healthy mentally at all.

I agree with silentsound that he is not mentally healthy. He is definitely showing signs of depression. While not necessarily suicidal, he's very much in a dangerous place. I wonder where the author is going with this, because right now it's not erotic at all. She comes of a little bat shit crazy too. But whether it's from m being thrown off kilter by his odd behavior or if she is just now waking up to the reality that she doesn't have the best of both worlds, who knows. In this new dynamic he's proposed, she will get NO physical, emotional, or family loving from him. She will just be a co parent, room mate, or stranger living in a he same house depending on if the kids are with them or not. So again, I wonder where the author is going with this?

i think we are supposed to think that she must be the one to insist on not continuing the affair. if she truly loved her husband or had any respect for him she would end it now! she must end it because its the right thing to do and "she" wants to.

horrible woman, what kind of wife and mother would go out and get fucked rather than spend an evening out with her family?

This sounds unlike the usual, I hope the meat is sweet......

bill......

good start

You have my attention!

What a crap plot. He finds out that his wife is cheating on him and he just tells her that he will never have sex with her again. Then the cuckold tells his wife to do spend more time with her lover. You have now become the master cuckold writer, nice job, lol! If he was going to do that why didn't he just sit back, ignore the affair/collect evidence and wait until the kids could be on their own!