- Incest/Taboo
- A Brother's Duty
- Comments
All Comments on 'A Brother's Duty'
by Kyuubikami21
- 19 Comments
cageysea9725about 3 years agoI considered just listing all your sentence fragments in a comment, but that would have been very close to your entire story.
Commas - use them.
At one time in my life, my profession was grading the essay portion of standardized test for 6 to 9 year old children. This writing reminded of that.
Anonymousabout 3 years ago... I certainly hope NO girl ever gets taught kissing and sex like Gabbie was ... 1*
Anonymousabout 3 years agoStilted, badly punctuated and totally implausible.
Reads like it was written by a 12 year old who had never kissed a girl, or been within ten feet of one in his life, with too much emphasis on spit.
The very thought of shoving three fingers up a virgin pussy without her screaming stretches credulity a bit too far.
A more likely scenario is the fat little slag has had her brains fucked out by half the guys in town, and now she wants to try her idiot brother.
Anonymousabout 3 years agoAny time you start a sentence with the word 'And' -just don't!
You would also do well to remember that first person singular is expressed with a capital 'I'.
There was a good story in there trying to escape.
Anonymousabout 3 years agoTerrible punctuation, difficult to read, had to stop at “9 inch python” LOL!
Ranethekingabout 3 years agoNice start to a great story. Personally I hope Gavin is a fake since she just wants Big brother. I’m wondering if that’s why you had it Devin and Gavin.
But I hope there is at least a part 2. He’s gotta keep teaching her.
Demosthenes384bcabout 3 years agoNeed more work on narrative, motivation of characters and more depth on their feelings toward each other...
Anonymousabout 3 years agoIt was tough to read and disjointed but had potential. I also just stopped reading at 9" python... smh
Anonymousabout 3 years agoCould Devin and Gabbie maybe suck each other off? And if he likes her hairy pussy, maybe he has some chest hair for her to taste, touch, gently rub? Dare I saw he could introduce her to real intercouse? Gently, and protected sex, of course.
