All Comments on 'A Chance Encounter'

Would like to see it continued. Thanks

This reads like a 5th Grade book report, the single-line paragraph format is childish and annoying in the extreme, it indicates you have a real problem with expository writing. Read some of the other stories, very few of them read like:

'We went to the beach.

We had ice-cream.

It was nice.

I met a girl.

She was nice.

The end.'

Can you see now how dull that format is?

I can't give this any stars, it was too annoyingly brain-buggering, try again, only like a grown-up next time.

I like where this is going. I am eagerly awaiting the destination and I'm wholeheartedly along for the ride. Lets see if there are any turns and twists along the way. You are a great writer.

But as I'm English it is possible to work it out. Nice story going on here hope there is more to come. How Many Annon drongoes are there thinking they are all that.

The plot is great but the way you wrote made it very difficult to read.

Echoing Anon, please try and make your thoughts longer. The choppy stream of consciousness stuff does make it very hard to read,. A 44 year old guy should not be a faux hippie. I'm 67 and can do that but its boring.

As your other story this one was intriguing and fun but man you sure have a lot of stuff to fix. You somehow unlearnt the use of paragraphs and started to jump around from sentence to sentence, you jammed even more aussie slang in here than the mates I had in elementary for 5 years, filled the details with even more thing no sane person would even think about (why have a birth certificate when you already have an ID around), weed and JD on 4 rocks is getting a bit tangy by now so try to omit 6x per page....

Still it was something I wish to read more of in the future.

When you insist on using short sentences, without paragraphs, it makes reading your story a jarring experience.

It's like wanting to cruise down a road that's so full of potholes you're constantly forced to slow down.

I can deal with some colloquialisms, but grammar is grammar no matter which continent you're on.

You need a lot of work before you should even consider submitting anything else.

It's like you read my bio, and watched the meeting of my adult sister for the first time. Spooky story, even if I've lived it. It was spooky then and this is spooky now...

Anonys aside, I enjoyed the choppiness of the ride. Wide-spaced stream of conscious writing is an unusual tool, but very effective when you are dealing with the incomprehensible. I haven't looked yet, but I hope there is more of this in your pipeline.

The grammar grannies should step back and look at what written language is all about; we're trying to communicate and on a subconscious level at that. Yes, a straight forward narrative is possible, but it would not have the impact produced by this.

Please keep writing, I like your style.

Jerry

Really enjoyed the read. A unique, honest and different read. Some of the comments from other readers may be true, however I see the story written in an almost breathless manner, where the writer has to get the story on paper as it were before more incidents happen and he/she forgets the unique story line.

Some readers may have a bit of a problem with the Aussie slang ( sorry for them )

Hope there is a next chapter.

Handyman2

Titillating. Get a better editor. Your punctuation (or lack thereof) interferes with the flow of the story. Do we get chapter two?

My only real problem is I am American, so I have no clue what half the words mean. I still like the story; I made sure to read this first after seeing the second. I can get along with your style of writing just fine. I don't read the stories looking for editorial mistakes and punctuation errors.

RS

The words are English. Right? I found myself relying on context clues a hell of a lot to get what was going on.

That aside... no. I lost interest due to it. =/

Held off voting because I don't feel I should.

The Aussie slang gets a mite irritating after while, but that's not because of your writing; it's just because Aussie slang gets old fast. l'll take your word for it, that that's how you talk down there. (I've known some Aussies here, and they're irritating.)

I think the stream-of-consciousness is good, but there are times when a few quotation marks judiciously added would not be amiss. Just to make sure the readers are following who's speaking and whether it's aloud or mental.

That said, it's a heck of a good story. (Yes; I cheated, read the second chapter before I found this one.)

The slang took me out of the story, it was used way too much

I understood all the slang aussie by the context. Some comments say that this story is hard to follow. LMFAO, I understood at first reading. Sure, this could have been edited in a better way but perhaps English is not my first language I always have to read carefully so I could follow the story without problems of comprehension. Funny ain't it...

twins are scary, I married one.