A Christmas Play

It was a long interview which, had I been paying, which I was not, would have started to run up a very steep bill. Thank God – there I go again – for a solicitor father.

Smythe-Anderson hummed and hawed for a while, obviously trying to sort out which aspect to tackle first. He started with the divorce.

“Ah, hem, er…easily fixed unless you cohabit with her before the twelve months is up. Don’t let her back into the house or anything like that. Keep away from her as much as possible.”

I told him I had no intention of cohabiting with Gloria, so he went on to the next aspect.

“Ah, as to property matters; she does have a claim on you and if you decide to remain in the house, the court would no doubt award her a payout from you. Say, around half the value of the property, depending on how the court weighs up what each of you have contributed. The alternative is for you to move out and let her have the place, in which case she would have to pay you.”

I told him my preference was to stay put and he nodded and said, “Have to see what she’s got to say, probably through her solicitor by the sound of things.”

“Now, ah, er, as to Samantha.” He stopped and blew his nose, then went on, “Ah, could be… er…er touchy. Sure you want custody?”

I told him I certainly did.

“Well, if Gloria turns nasty and demands custody, could have a bit of fight on our hands. Men and women are supposed to be equal in these matters, but the Family Law Court still tends to favour the woman. Ah, however, ah, given the circumstances, things might work in your favour.”

“As to the question of the son, well, don’t want to er…er dwell on the past but…ah, ah, but it could be touchy, very touchy. However, if the grandparents who have the boy at the moment are denying access, might get a court order to fix that. Actually they have no real legal status in the matter since there was no, as it were, signing over of the boy to them in the first place. Of course, Aine should talk to me, or another solicitor, since you have no real status in the matter at present. I take it you intend to marry Aine?”

“Yes.”

“Could er…could weigh in her favour, married to a man of good character and all that. I take it you do have a good character?”

He gave a chuckle that sound like the opening of door with rusty hinges.

“I suppose so,” I replied.

“Yes, well, ha hum, the lady can see me almost any time she wishes since she works here, but I shall suggest to her we delay the matter until we’ve cleared up the other aspects.”

Poor Aine, it seemed that the restoration of Jamie to her was always being delayed.

“So,” went on Smythe-Anderson, “We, ha hum, let divorce matters run their course, and wait to see what the lady does about property settlement and custody of Sam. As soon as anything happens, let me know.”

I did not have long to wait. A letter on impressive paper from the law firm of “Boot, Boot, Foot and Askew” arrived a few days later. It virtually demanded on Gloria’s behalf that I hand over the entire house and contents, or make a payment equivalent to the value. I was severely shaken by this demand as I had insufficient financial resources to meet the demand.

I took the letter to Smythe-Anderson who hummed and hawed again for a few minutes then said, “They’re trying it on. You notice it says nothing about Samantha. No demand for custody, not even a request for visiting access. I could be wrong, but I conjecture she’s blackmailing you. Without saying so she’s offering that you can keep Samantha if you hand over the property. I er…er shouldn’t worry too much as this stage, if I can see the game, so can the court. Leave it with me from now on and I’ll deal with matters through her solicitor, on your instructions of course. I’ll bet they won’t let it come to court.”

He gave his rusty chuckle again.

I thanked him and departed, and despite his suggestion not to “worry too much”, I worried.

Aine and I now slept together fairly regularly, a double bed having been provided by my mother and placed in Aine’s bedroom. I was growing impatient for the time I could take Aine to my home permanently.

Having come to trust that I was not another sadomasochist, Aine was eager for sexual intercourse. She was also increasingly open to the wider aspects of love making, like oral sex and some of the slightly more acrobatic couplings.

With Gloria I had always been aware that we were practicing sexual “techniques”, with Aine our coupling was far more natural and had a depth of meaning I had not experienced with Gloria.

If Aine was eager for sex, I was at times almost beside myself with desire for her. It was inevitable, given our circumstances, that there were many times when we could not be together, but I hungered for her.

It was not for sex alone I wanted her. I loved to be in her presence; to be near her and inhale her sweet woman aroma, to touch and hold her.

Despite her growing boldness in sexual matters, she retained some of her shy manner. Ridiculous though it might seem given what I have just written, there was always something of the warm, tender and yielding virgin about Aine. Every time we coupled it was like a first time when if all has gone well you fulfil each other’s long dammed up needs.

Even a couple of day’s separation from Aine now found me desperately ejaculating within seconds of entering her. This of course was followed a little later with a much longer coupling in which we could express our love rather than raw lust.

This love and powerful drive for Aine was exacerbated a few days after my visit to Smythe-Anderson when, Aine and I just having finished making love, she announced cautiously, “I’m pregnant darling.”

This came as no surprise to either of us since from the very first we had taken no precautions against her being fertilised.

My first response was to kiss her and tell her I loved her and was delighted. Aine somewhat timidly asked, “You don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind. We both new it was a possibility right from our first coming together.”

I paused and thought for a moment, then asked “Are you happy about it?”

“Yes, now I know it’s all right with you.”

Yes, it was all right with me, but I did have additional food for thought.

Chapter 19: The Way Ahead.

The fact that Aine was pregnant injected a new urgency into the need to divorce Gloria and get the matters of property and Sam settled. I thought I’d better appraise Smythe-Anderson of the situation so I telephoned for an appointment.

“Ah, oh, yes, I was going to contact you. Got a response from her solicitor, ah, better come in and see me. Today if you like.”

When I saw him he had good news for me. Gloria was now willing to settle for a more reasonable sum of money and expressed no desire to have the house or contents. Better still, there was no mention of Sam.

When I voiced my satisfaction with the new situation Smythe-Anderson did his humming and hawing, then went on, “Of course, we could hang out for an even better deal, but I wouldn’t advise it. If we did hang out she might bring Samantha into the picture. Even though I suspect she doesn’t really want the child, she’s a useful pawn in her game. Wonder what happened to what they used to call, ‘motherly instinct’? Ah well…”

I told Smythe-Anderson about Aine’s pregnancy and he hummed for quite some time over that one.

Yes, well I er…I take it Gloria is unaware of your er…er…liaison with Aine?”

“As far as I know.”

“Try and keep it from her. Might give her a bit more ammunition if she found out, especially if she knew that Aine was er…er blooming, ha, ha. Must congratulate her, eh?”

I left feeling somewhat relieved even though the sum asked for by Gloria was beyond anything I possessed at that moment. It meant a remortgaging of the house, damn it, just when the place was nearly paid for!

Things moved with surprising rapidity, given the usual, as the bard put it, “Law’s delay.”

I persuaded my bank manger into a remortgage, paid out Gloria and shortly after found myself in the family court seeking a divorce. Gloria didn’t even bother to show up. I was granted a decree nisi, and unless Gloria lodged an objection it would eventually become absolute.

I was still unable to marry Aine yet, but she finally moved in with me and Sam to our deep satisfaction.

Aine seemed to have cast a spell of love over us; first my mother, then Sam and perhaps to my shame, then me. Even my usually undemonstrative father seemed captivated by her.

Smyth-Anderson had referred to Aine as “blooming”, and that was just what she was doing. She was clearly one of those fortunate women who were at their best when pregnant. Following Smythe-Anderson’s metaphor, Aine seemed to blossom and glow. I don’t think she had ever looked lovelier.

Smythe-Anderson warned me that Gloria could still at any time take action regarding Sam, but as time passed we heard nothing.

The one delay was the matter of Jamie. Smythe-Anderson decided that it was time for Aine to apply for access to him. This had an unexpected outcome. Instead of the grandparents agreeing to access, they virtually handed over Jamie to Aine.

The reason for this has never been made clear. Perhaps they felt they did not want all the problems of a child, and later a teenager in their latter years; or perhaps they knew that any legal tussle would probably end in Aine’s favour. Whatever their reasoning a simple telephone call from them to Smythe-Anderson informed him that Jamie would be delivered to my house…or rather, “our” house…at a date and time nominated by Aine.

This was not a good way to approach the matter, as we had wanted time for Jamie to get to know Aine again, and to adjust to my and Sam’s presence in her life, and of course, in his.

We were somewhat comforted when Sam, who had to be told that Jamie was coming to live with us, announced that she had told Jamie, and he was very excited. Sam was of course beside her self at the thought that Jamie whom she “wuved” would be with us.

On the day of Jamie’s arrival we were taken aback by the way in which he was delivered. A car drew up and Jamie got out and stood on the footpath. Suitcases and various boxes and packages followed. Then the car drew away leaving Jamie standing there.

“The bastards, the lousy bastards,” I burst out, and Aine ran from the house to Jamie. When she drew near typically of Aine, she hesitated as if afraid of rejection. Jamie stood with bowed head, but he extended his arms up towards her, and Sam and I who had held back heard him say, “Mummy.”

That did it. He was swept up into Aine’s arms and there was kissing and weeping. She carried him into the house.

Sam asked, “Why is Lady crying, isn’t she happy to see Jamie?”

How to explain the mysterious ways of adults to a child? “Yes, she’s very happy darling, that’s why she’s crying.”

“But…?” Sam gave up trying to fathom the inscrutable ways of grown ups, and helped me carry in Jamie’s goods and chattels.

Now began that awkward period of Jamie settling in and, I suppose, we resettling in with him. Sam demanded to be allowed to show Jamie his room, and then came unpacking and putting away as Sam escorted Jamie round the house to introduce him to its various corners.

Almost a year before, at the school Christmas play, I had noticed an unexpected maturity in Jamie when he met me. Now there occurred another mark of that maturity.

I had not sought to impose my company on Jamie, but decided to let him come to me in his own time. It was about four hours after his arrival, and as I was doing some work in the garden, he approached me.

“How are you settling in, Jamie?” I asked. “Everything all right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think you’ll like it here?”

“Yes.”

He stood looking at me for some time, and I felt impelled to find out what he wanted.

“Are you sure everything’s all right, I mean, is there something you want?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“I haven’t got a daddy.”

“Yes, I know.”

“I know why I haven’t got a daddy.”

“Oh?”

“I used to hear mummy screaming and crying.”

“That must have been terrible for you, Jamie.”

“I wanted to be bigger so I could stop him hurting mummy.”

“I’m sure you did.”

“I asked mummy and she says you’ll never hurt her, or me.”

“No, I’ll never hurt you or your mummy.”

“Do you love mummy?”

“Yes, I love her very much.”

He paused for another long period, and this time I did not break in on whatever he was thinking. When he did speak I nearly copied Aine and cried.

“I don’t have a daddy, so if I’m good will you be my daddy.”

He had asked this very solemnly and I responded with equal solemnity; “I shall be your daddy even if you are not good.”

“Shall I call you daddy?”

“Is that what you’d like to call me, Jamie?”

“Yes.”

“Then daddy it is.”

He extended a small hand for me to shake. It was the sheer grown upness of his gesture that was as moving as anything that had passed between us. I shook his hand and said, “It’s agreed?”

“Yes, I’ll go and tell mummy.”

He trotted off down the path to the house but stopped and turned back to stand before me again.

“You love Sam don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Will you love me?”

“Yes.”

He looked at me for a moment, smiled, and continued his journey back to the house leaving me choking with emotion.

Chapter 20: Love Came Down at Christmas.

Christmas was nearly upon us and with it another school play. Jamie and Sam did not play such prominent roles this time the former being a Wise Man and the later an Angel. “Mummy” and “Daddy” duly attended the event, and because the children were marginally older, they might also be said to have improved in their acting skills, marginally.

Gina Wallace was present at the performance and was clearly flustered about seeing Aine and I together. Perhaps she was upset because I hadn’t taken her advice at the last performance to stay away from Aine.

The same principal made substantially the same speech as the previous year, and we engaged in the same sort of bun fight after the play, and showered praise upon our little thespians.

The grand finale to our year of love and turmoil came, not through any of the people involved. It came during the service of Carols and Nine Lessons that our family attended once more.

The children’s hymn “Away in a Manger” was being sung again and it was during the line that had so affected me the previous year, “Stay by my side until morning is nigh.” I glanced at Aine and the two children, and I heard that damned voice in my head again: “I knew I could leave it up to you.”