A Christmas to Remember

I wandered into the den and sat on the couch. Angling my phone so the camera could see the screen, I brought up the local apartment finder website and started browsing studio apartments. I had reached an agreement with work, logging in from home whenever I was up to it while sitting out this semester. Health permitting, I would start my final classes during the upcoming winter term, graduate in June, and then start working for them full-time. They would help with tuition assistance, so I would be able to save a decent amount of money. The hard truth was that the only way I would ever get over Dee was to move out and create some distance. The company had branches in several cities and it wasn't difficult to transfer to another office. I would have to wait two years to be eligible but I could handle that.

Unfortunately, Dee wasn't letting go. She blew up at anybody who even sounded like they were mentioning the prospect of going to therapy. My relationship with Mom deteriorated even further and I started avoiding her altogether whenever possible. I worked as much as I could, just to avoid dealing with anybody. Other times, I slept a lot.

Thanksgiving was a forced affair. Mom and Dad were still on speaking terms with each other and Sami. Sami spoke to Dee and our parents. I just tried to avoid everybody as much as possible. Dee blamed Mom, Mom blamed Dee, and Dad stuck his head in the sand while Sami tried to keep the peace.

I was remembering more and more but I had one annoying gap that I couldn't fill in. It started with pulling into the parking lot at the pizzeria and the next memory was of sitting at the table in the restaurant, laughing and kidding around with Dee, Dave, Mandy, and Mindy. The gap really bothered me for some reason, bordering on irritation most days. The memory was there, I knew it was there, it just wouldn't come to me.

Finally, it was Dad of all people who broached the subject of me looking at apartments. "Are you seriously considering moving out, Mike?"

We were sitting in the den, watching a game. I pointed to the cameras, "It's like living in a prison, Dad. I haven't done anything wrong but it sure feels like it more and more every day. It's like she's trying to push me out of here."

He looked uncomfortable. I was getting the feeling that there was something he really wanted to say and, for some unknown reason, couldn't say it. "Your mother is worried about you."

"It isn't me she should worry about, it's Dee. She acts like she doesn't care about her anymore, Dad, and I don't get it."

We sat in silence for a few plays. He then changed the subject to the game, obviously uncomfortable and unwilling to continue talking about Mom and Dee. I just gave up. I was starting to feel like some kind of freak because something happened to me and it changed everybody around me.

With Christmas coming, I tried to make my planned last one at home as pleasant as possible. I carefully thought through gifts for everybody, aware of what I spent for each one to keep Mom off my back. I socialized more with the family. Mom seemed to be making an effort along the same lines. For a couple of weeks, we tried to pretend that everything was normal.

On the morning of the 24th, Dad came home a little earlier than usual. I was in the kitchen, just cleaning up my cereal bowl from breakfast. After saying "Good morning," he silently handed me the ring. He had told Mom previously that it wouldn't be released from evidence until after Christmas. I didn't ask if he pulled strings or lied to Mom. I thanked him and stuck it in my pocket, not a moment too soon. Mom came into the kitchen as I was pulling my hand out of my pocket. I think she was too busy giving Dad a hug to notice.

The evening of the 24th, it was just Sami, Dee, and I hanging out in the den. Mom and Dad always worked Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve to give the younger employees the evening with their families. Since we were all 21 now, Sami brought out the good stuff and we had eggnog while they watched Christmas movies all evening.

I couldn't get interested in them, partially because I'd seen them at least twenty times that I could remember, and because that memory gap was really eating at me. I could feel it, like when you're searching for a word, you know that you know what it is, and you just can't quite get there. We waited until midnight to exchange our private gifts for each other.

I had gotten Sami an engraved pen and pencil set, which she loved. Dee was given a small ruby pendant. She teared up when she opened it. I could tell she liked it but that she was sad about the ring. I think she had been hoping we would get it back before Christmas. I thought about giving it to her then but I decided to save it for later when I was going to tell her that I would be moving out the first week of January. Hopefully, it would make the news a little less painful.

Thankfully, it had been a quiet night for Mom and Dad and they were home Christmas morning around the usual time for the holidays. We ate breakfast together and opened gifts as a family. Mom wasn't thrilled about the ruby pendant but I didn't care. I wouldn't have to deal with that bullshit much longer so I just put up with it. It wasn't more than what I had spent on anybody else, in fact, Sami's gift had cost more.

After a while, Mom and Dad shuffled off to bed, leaving the three of us sitting in the den. Sami and Dee watched a couple of Hallmark Christmas movies and I napped on the couch. When I wasn't napping, we talked about previous Christmas Days.

Eventually, they ran out of things they were interested in watching and Sami went to take a nap. That left me and Dee in the den. She waited until Sami's door closed and she spooned into me on the couch.

"Finally." Her sigh was about as heartfelt as it gets.

I wasn't against her laying against me, I had an erection that I would prefer she not know about. Every time I tried to move away from her, she would move with me. That just made things worse. I was also concerned about the security cameras in the den, you could see the couch from both of them and I expected Mom to check them, especially after some of the comments this morning.

The stress level ratcheted up a few more notches when she took my hand and placed it on her stomach. Five minutes later, it was under the hem of her shirt and on her bare skin. I had progressed to poking her ass with my cock and had no way to adjust it. She wiggled back against me every so often, I think she was making sure I stayed erect. It was working.

I tried napping some more. Eventually, I fell asleep. She was warm, she smelled heavenly and my thoughts drifted toward images that were absolutely inappropriate.

When I woke up again, it was almost dark. Clouds had moved in from the west and the setting sun was illuminating them with a fire orange hue. Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" was just winding down on my streaming station. I could smell the lavender body spray Dee loved...

We were in the Mustang with the top down. Dee was messing with her phone, scrolling through her music. I had just pulled into the parking spot and triggered the top to close. The ring was poking me through my shirt pocket, reminding me it was there. She finally found the song she was looking for just as the top settled into the channel and I locked it down.

The opening arpeggiated chords of Bad Company's "If You Needed Somebody" started to come through the speakers. She grabbed my wrist as I went to shut the engine off. "Don't, I want to listen to this." I knew better than to disobey. Her music was sacrosanct and cutting off a song before it was finished was nearly a capital crime. For just a brief moment, I let myself fantasize about us being together as Simon Kirke got down to business.

I had dropped my hand to the shift lever when she stopped me. Her hand covered it and she lightly squeezed as she sang along with the lyrics to the song. She was looking out the passenger side window, really looking at nothing. Her earrings reflected a little light from one of the lamps lighting the parking lot. She was so beautiful it made my heart hurt.

It wasn't until she turned to look at me that I knew. With total certainty, I knew. It wasn't a fantasy at all.

She watched as I lifted my right hand from the shifter and turned it over to raise her left hand up. With my left hand, I dug the tissue-wrapped ring out of my shirt pocket and unwrapped it without dropping it. Tears started running down her cheeks as I slid the ring onto her left ring finger and kissed the back of her hand.

"Merry Christmas. I love you, Diana." I could barely whisper it, afraid I was about to start crying myself. I almost never called her Diana, as a kid it always came out Dianina so I called her Dee to stop all the laughing. I only called her Diana now when I was serious.

The look in her eyes spoke volumes when I said that. Her response was to lean over and kiss me. Not the family type of kiss on the cheek, not a "that's so sweet" kiss, it was a kiss that made all sorts of promises. It lasted until we had to catch our breath.

We sat and looked at each other for a few moments and then kissed again, more passionately. She squeezed my hand again as she looked at the ring and then back at me. She still hadn't spoken a word.

When she did, I could barely understand her, she was so emotional. "I love you, too, Mike." She pulled the sun visor down on her side and opened the mirror so she could fix her makeup. She then took one of her little face wipes and cleaned off the lipstick she had left on my face. "We need to get inside before somebody comes looking for us."

By then, the song had ended and a different one started. I shut off the engine without complaint and we got out to go inside. I held her hand until we got to the door. We knew people inside, they knew us, and we both knew we had to be careful now.

It was special. Everybody had a great time, me included. I didn't usually like crowded places but tonight I didn't mind at all. She sat next to me, her leg pressed against mine, the entire time we were there.

When it came time for the movie to let out, it started getting busier and we finished up. Dave and the girls were headed to see a later showing of that movie and Dee wanted to go home. Her hand under the table made it pretty clear what her plan was when we got there. I paid the check, we chatted with some people we knew on the way out, and we parted ways just outside the door to the restaurant. That's all I have been able to remember since then, nothing else until I regained consciousness in the hospital.

Dee sensed something was different when I awoke because she shifted so she could see me. I reached into the pocket of my shorts and pulled out the ring. My right hand found her left hand and brought it up so I could slip the ring on it. Her eyes filled with tears and she rotated so that we were laying face to face and I kissed her, as softly and gently as I could.

She let out a little moan and pressed against me, pushing my back into the cushions. Her return kiss was neither soft nor gentle, it was hard and it was hungry. After a few minutes of that, she whispered "I want to go upstairs." I wasn't about to say no.

Once inside her room, any thought that our parents and sister were still home went right out the window. About the only time our lips weren't pressed together was to breathe or remove our shirts. Once that task was accomplished, we were right back at it.

My hands went from her waist to her breasts, where I lightly stroked her nipples with my thumbs before dropping my head to lick and kiss them. She would promptly pull my head right back up to continue kissing. After a few times of that, she let me remove her panties and I sat her down on the bed, prepared to kneel between her legs and lavish my attention on her pussy.

She was already aroused. Her scent was incredibly addicting, her taste indescribable. I started gently, lightly exploring her folds and hardened nub. She was becoming more aroused as I lightly started to suck on her clit as I slid two of my fingers inside her. I wanted to give her what she had given me when she had jerked me off, an orgasm to remember.

She didn't want me to do it that way. She made me stand back up so she could remove my shorts, stroking my cock gently before laying back and pulling me down on top of her. She wrapped herself around me while we continued to kiss and touch, grinding against me whenever I played with her nipples. I could feel the heat from her pussy against me as she humped my erection slowly.

She slid her hand in between us, lightly rubbed her clit and lips with her fingers, then smeared it all over the head of my cock, which was already slick with the fluid I had been steadily leaking. She gently gripped around the shaft and slid the head in between her lips, up to the entrance. I could feel the give of the cuff around the head as we continued to grind against each other.

"Mike," her whisper was incredibly rough, "make love to me." I kissed her as she lifted her hips and I started pushing forward. It was tight but it felt so incredible. I went slowly, expecting to hit her hymen. I stopped at one point, confused. I knew she was a virgin, we both were, and I guess I looked at her funny because she smiled and whispered, "Tampons". Then I got it.

I still went slow until I was in as far as I could go. She adjusted herself and I slowly slid back and then forward. Her eyes closed, her lips parted and she moaned. Then she began doing things I never imagined a vagina was capable of. I couldn't stop staring at her face. I wanted to remember this forever, even if I managed to get shot in the head again. Our kisses were slow and heartfelt.

It didn't take long before I knew I was going to cum. I think she sensed it, too. We rolled over so she could rock back and forth while rubbing her clit. She had this serene expression on her face as she did so. I played with her nipples to get her to cum first, her fingernails leaving marks on my chest as she whimpered and shook, followed immediately by my orgasm because hers set me off.

It wasn't until we had caught our breath that I thought to ask, "Birth control?"

She looked sad, almost like it hadn't been her choice, "Yeah, right after." She rolled over into my arms and we drifted off.

I was woken up suddenly as the bed jerked violently underneath me. Opening my eyes, Mom was standing by the side of the bed, a naked Dee draped across me. Mom's expression still haunts me.

Dee started to speak, "Mom --" but she just turned around and walked out, closing the door behind her. By the time I put some shorts on, both our parents were gone and Sami was sitting in the den, crying. As soon as she saw me, she fled into her room and slammed the door.

I sat down on the couch in the den, totally at a loss for something to say or do. Dee sat next to me, taking my hand and holding it. We sat there for a few minutes and then Dee started talking.

"The night you got shot, when they brought you into the ER, I lost it. You were covered in blood, not moving, and I thought you were dead. Dad pulled me back into the conference room and I broke down. It was so bad, the ER doctor thought I needed to be sedated and Mom said go ahead.

"When the sedative started kicking in, I started talking and talking, I couldn't shut up. I told them everything. How much I loved you, how much I thought you loved me, the ring, the kiss in the parking lot, what I had planned for us when we got home, everything. Mom and Dad were in shock to begin with and I guess it didn't really sink in, I was just rambling. Then the surgeon came in to talk to us and told them that you were asking for your girlfriend. I guess it dawned on them then.

"Right after that, I got a warning when the sedative wore off. Under no circumstances was I allowed to tell you anything about us. I got a lecture about how bad incest was, it was unacceptable, and it was not going to happen in her house. Dad had no choice but to back her up on it. He wasn't happy about it, either, but I think he kind of understood. She didn't want me 'poisoning' your mind with my 'dirty talk'. I started on the pill because she let it slip that they were both positive for the markers for birth defects. She found my pill dispenser one day and we never really recovered from that.

"After you were taken off the respirator and still on the morphine, you would talk about me, the things you wanted to do to me. Mostly it was in front of me but Mom heard some of it. She was bound and determined that you were going to be 'cured' of it if she could only keep me away from you. But she couldn't do that without having to answer a lot of questions from you. That's what the cameras were for, to keep me away from you. I bent the rules as much as I dared to to help you but it was clear you weren't going to remember that night until you did it on your own.

"I need to find someplace to stay now. She warned me that she would throw me out if I broke her rules. I love Mom, I really do. I love you too and I just couldn't --"

"I was going to move out after the first of the year anyway. I can't live like this anymore, under a fucking microscope. Dad knows and I suppose he told Mom." I thought for a moment and came up with an interim plan. "Go get a bag and pack a week's worth of clothes. We'll get a room somewhere and let them cool down. If she doesn't want to change her mind, we'll find a place together."

I went online and found an extended stay place that wasn't outrageously overpriced and booked a room. We packed quickly and stopped by Sami's room on our way out. She wouldn't open the door so we announced our plans loudly enough so that the hallway camera would pick it up, and I left the name of the hotel and the room number on a slip on the kitchen table just in case Sami didn't tell them.

That first night, Dee cried most of the night while I held her. The next morning, we ate a quick breakfast, went to the store for some things, and then started apartment hunting. There would be no turning back now.

##### Epilogue #####

It took two days for Dad to call to check on us. He came to our suite on New Year's Eve on his way to work for a sit down with us. We sat and talked like adults, he wasn't happy but he wasn't that mad, either.

"You two need to understand where your mother and I are coming from here. Yeah, we get that you think you're in love, maybe you are, maybe you aren't. Not my place to decide that. We know what we see too often.

"We see the bad side of these 'relationships'. The sexual abuse, the teen pregnancies, it's like the very worst of human behavior delivered by your own family members. We also have a duty to the law. Whatever this is between you, love or lust, is illegal. You're putting us in a position where we have to choose our family or our principles, we can't have it both ways. I don't think you appreciate how that feels. We've devoted our lives to what we do and now we have to decide what part of ourselves we're going to compromise.

"We love the both of you. Always have, always will. We've done our best to protect you and provide you with everything you need to be healthy and happy in this world. We never thought it would end up with the two of you being together. Your sister is devastated, she blames herself for this because she saw it coming and didn't say anything. Nothing your mother or I say makes her feel any better. You need to call her and talk to her.

"I came here to tell you that we are still here for you both. I'm asking that you give your mother a little time. She'll never totally accept this but she'll learn to live with it if you're both happy. That's just gonna take some time."