A Course on Human Sexuality Pt. 03

The Graduate Course -- Human Sexuality

You wouldn't think persuading college kids to have sex would be a challenge. But sometimes, things aren't as simple as they appear.

I've previously written about my college's psychology program on human sexuality, which consists not just of book learning, but clinical exercises. It was a transformative experience, and the pathway to guilt-free exploration of sexuality.

It motivated me to enter the graduate program to train to be a sex therapist. One of the requirements for aspiring therapists was to design a clinical study focusing on a sexual issue, and to recruit individuals for the study. We could offer cash payments of $500 to each participant. But our professor had added a complication - he insisted that we had to recruit individuals who had never participated in one of the department's prior sex studies - eliminating the repeaters, a cadre of horny individuals, usually guys, eager for some titillation.

I teamed up with Dawn, another grad student and my girlfriend. The first challenge was to find a topic worthy of study. We considered the usual issues: frigidity, sexual dysfunction, gender confusion, fetishes, but we couldn't think of a new angle to explore.

"It's made even harder," Dawn complained, "because the professor eliminated our usual pool of sex addicts. We'll be recruiting virgins. What fun is that?"

"That's an interesting thought," I said. "Virgins - that dwindling resource. Maybe we can focus on their special needs."

"Well," said Dawn, "anybody still a virgin today after high school is either terribly shy, or awkward around the opposite sex - probably even terrified of them. So, maybe that's our angle - how to make virgins comfortable enough to have sex - and not just with the 'love of their life' -- but for the unbridled joy of it."

"But how would we do it? How to undo social awkwardness in a week?"

"That's the challenge. But it should be fun trying."

So it was that we prepared a notice for the student newspaper.

"Wanted. Subjects for a week-long departmental study on human sexuality. Volunteers must not be currently - or ever -- sexually active. Must be willing to venture outside of their normal comfort level. Cannot have participated previously in a study on sexuality. $500 stipend."

We didn't overtly advertise for virgins (we were afraid they'd be embarrassed to identify themselves) but in the interview process we weeded out anyone if they weren't. We ended up with 4 men and 4 women. Our eight had, at most, only dabbled gingerly with sexual foreplay, not leading to intercourse.

Day 1. 'Getting to Know You.' "Welcome. We're delighted you've agreed to be part of our study on human sexuality. I'm Kevin, and this is Dawn. We'll be doing some exercises, with the goal of furthering your understanding of the opposite sex - and of sex itself. All we ask is that you follow our lead - - and leave your preconceived notions, and inhibitions, aside. You may be uncomfortable at first, maybe even embarrassed. But when we're done, I'm certain you'll look back at this week as a positive experience."

One of the students, Amy, spoke. "How might we be embarrassed?"

Amy was one of our first selections. An only child, raised strictly, she had never had sex, and only dated a few times in high school. It was our view that she was afraid of men. She signed up for the $500.

"It would be different for different people," I answered, "but we'll be discussing and viewing body parts and functions. Not everyone is used to that. But everyone is in the same boat here. And all that happens in this study remains strictly confidentiality."

For the first day, we just wanted the participants to become comfortable with each other. (We'd get to the interesting stuff soon enough.) So we did some "ice breaking" topics with them, having each talk about themselves.

Afterwards, we took the group to the sauna at the college fitness center, which we had arranged would be reserved just for us. The students changed into bathing suits (we had instructed them to bring one) in separate locker rooms, and we met at the sauna. Our purpose was to introduce them to each other's bodies, in a non-threatening way.

Everyone chatted amiably and sweated. It was natural they'd begin to bond, all being students of similar ages. A few of the men and women stretched out on the sauna benches. Others remained upright (limiting the display of their bodies.) We then had everyone shower together to cool off from the sauna. Even though all kept their bathing suits on in the shower, the act felt forbidden; men and women don't normally shower together. And the water made their swimwear cling to their bodies. Not overtly sexual, but raising the interest level. We didn't want to scare anyone off by going too fast.

Day 2. 'The Anatomy of a Woman.' "Welcome back everyone. Our exercise today will essentially be a repeat of your high school sex education class. Only instead of drawings, you'll be studying a live body."

Eyebrows among the 8 were raised, and there was some nervous laughter. They had to have anticipated something like this, but now it was said explicitly. And we knew from our interviews that most of the students had never seen the opposite sex fully nude before.

"We'll review a female body first. Dawn and I will instruct you in the physiology of a woman and how she responds to sexual arousal. We'd like a volunteer. Who among the ladies would be willing to be our subject?"

As we anticipated, there was dead silence. No woman moved a muscle.

"OK, no one should do something they don't want to. Dawn will be the volunteer."

The women exhaled. All the men's eyes moved to Dawn, measuring her breasts, her middle, her behind, anticipating what she'd look like naked.

Dawn came forward and stripped off her clothes. Dawn is 5'4" with a nice figure, medium-sized, well-proportioned breasts with a brown areola, and an adorable, tight, runner's behind. Her vulva is covered with soft, brown pubic hair, neatly trimmed. We had a medical-style exam table positioned at the front, and Dawn, nude, climbed onto it, on her back.

All the students gathered around the table.

I spoke: "I don't have to identify what breasts are; they're the most talked about and observed body part. But I want you to feel their softness, and the ridges of the nipples. Reach in one-by-one and touch Dawn."

No woman moved. Finally, one guy gingerly stroked the breast, and circled the nipple. That broke the ice.

Everyone, including the women, touched and massaged Dawn's breast. Most of the girls had never touched another woman, and the freedom to compare what they knew of their own body to another woman, was somewhat liberating.

"Observe the nipples now," I said. "Later, if Dawn becomes aroused, you may see a change in them. They'll harden and protrude. The other major sex organ is the vagina. It's also known as the birth canal as it leads to the uterus. Note the outer lips, and the two lesser lips inside."

I moved Dawn's legs and spread the lips apart to illustrate.

"Of critical importance for our purposes is the clitoris, here, which is this small, very sensitive erectile organ at the top of the vulva."

I was being clinical in how I discussed it, but this wasn't sex ed. Our purpose was to expose them to nudity, freeing them for what we had in store later.

"Very gently, you can circle the clitoris. In a romantic situation, this will impart great pleasure to the female. Try it."

This was assuredly not a romantic situation, and neither I nor Dawn was certain how she was going to respond to multiple students touching her. Gingerly, one fellow put his hand on her vulva, and rubbed it, rising to the clitoris. He circled that organ, as the next student began his circuit around this most intimate part of a woman's body. Another was still rubbing on Dawn's nipples. I could see her breathing begin to quicken as she flushed from the pleasurable sensations. We hadn't been sure if this experiment would cause Dawn to become aroused, but the eroticism of having 8 sets of eyes looking at her body, 8 hands touching her, was too much. Dawn looked at me, signaling that she was becoming aroused.

"For health reasons, we can't have 8 sets of hands entering Dawn, but this is how one enters a female to find the G spot, a place on the wall of the vagina, a place of great sensitivity."

I placed my index finger on her entrance, and slowly pushed inside. I found the sensitive spot within and pressed up, rubbing it. I know her body, and know what she likes. Dawn gasped and her body stiffened. She looked at me again, slightly nodded 'yes', and I increased the pressure. She groaned and her body shook as she enjoyed the sexual pressure. I described to the group what was happening. There was rapt attention, and a few of the boys had bulges in their pants. The girls were as interested as the boys.

That was enough for one day.

"Tomorrow, we'll examine a male and discuss arousal. You all did great today, thank you."

With that, they left. Once we were alone, Dawn and I had sex. For sure, I couldn't leave her unsatisfied after that exhibition. She needed it. Half release, half celebration; everything was going as we planned.

Day 3. 'The Anatomy of a Man' I asked the group for their thoughts about yesterday's session. No one volunteered (understandable shyness), so I called on one. "David, tell me, what was your reaction to what we did yesterday?

He replied. "I thought it was very educational."

Not the answer I was looking for.

"Did it excite you?" I asked.

He hesitated, not knowing if it was appropriate to discuss something so revealing. But I looked approvingly at him, and he spoke.

"Yes. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm not very experienced. I had never seen a woman stretched out nude like that. It was very exciting."

His frank comment freed the others.

Paul: "I've never been so turned on. I loved it."

Elaine: "I was shocked when Dawn stripped, but then I was surprised how quickly I was okay with it. She's a beautiful woman."

Carla: "I've talked with friends about sex, but seeing Dawn's excitement was powerful. I wonder if I could be aroused like that."

David: "I never thought I'd see something like that. But it was beautiful."

Discussing the event was an erotic experience for them.

I spoke: "Great comments, everyone. Thank you. Well, today we'll explore the male body. Do we have a volunteer?"

Again, total silence. I knew it was my turn. They knew it too, and all eyes lowered to my trousers, with anticipation.

I began to take off my clothes. First the shoes and socks, then my shirt, and my trousers. Now I was just wearing my briefs. I pulled them off and stood there, my flaccid penis hanging down. I climbed onto the examination table.

It was Dawn's turn to lead the discussion.

She gathered the students around the table. She gently raised the penis by the skin at the top.

"Guys just have one sex organ, but it's more than enough. The testicles, here (she fingered them, moving the balls around) produce the sperm that will be discharged through the penis. Some men have the tip of the penis covered by a large foreskin, but Kevin has been circumcised. That's a process whereby the foreskin is removed shortly after birth. About 80% of American men are circumcised."

She turned to the 4 male student volunteers.

"Do any of you still have your foreskin?"

There were nervous glances among the men, then one, Charles, raised his hand.

"Why don't you show the others what it looks like," Dawn asked him.

Charles gulped. All eyes turned to him. So far, all nudity had been by Dawn and myself. We were looking to break down inhibitions among the volunteers. This was a planned question.

Slowly Charles undid the button on his trousers, and slid down the zipper. With a slightly panicked look on his face, he slid his underwear down, exposing his penis. Then, after a few seconds, he pulled his briefs up. Maybe hardly believing that he had done that in the first place.

"Wait," said Amy, one of the female volunteers. "I didn't get a good look."

Charles paused, made a decision, and pulled the briefs back down, exposing himself again.

"Notice the difference between Charles and Kevin," said Dawn.

She went over to Charles and pulled the foreskin, demonstrating how it would retract during sex.

"That's fine, Charles. You can pull your pants up now," said Dawn.

Dawn continued to talk about the penis and how it reacted to stimulation. She asked if anyone wanted to touch me. Several of the girls did, feeling the weight of the organ and fingering the ridge at the top. No guy dared to touch me.

Dawn put a small drop of massage oil on her hand and began to rub my penis. With her other hand, she stroked the testicles. Predictably, my penis rose into the air.

There were a few gasps from the girls as the organ soared over my abdomen. (We had chosen virgins, remember.)

"The penis is full of nerve endings, and stimulating it will lead to the ejaculation of sperm. Let's see if we can get Kevin here to cooperate."

She stroked the penis, from the bottom to the top, then circling the tip. Her eyes staring at mine, encouraging me. I closed my eyes to focus just on the pleasure. I didn't need much persuasion. After a few delightful minutes, I grunted loudly as semen flew from the penis onto my abdomen and chest.

The girls were wide-eyed. A few covered their mouth with their hand, almost in disbelief. Dawn continued talking about ejaculation, how the penis collapsed after it, etc., etc., but no one was listening. We had crossed a line. This was exhibitionism that they had never seen before. Whatever expectation they'd had of this study before was easily surpassed. They had to be wondering what was coming next. Good. There was a lot.

"That's enough for today. We'll see you all tomorrow," said Dawn.

Day 4. 'Massage' Our plan was to get them used to nudity. Getting Charles to expose himself, even briefly, had been a bonus. Now we'd expand the circle.

"Today we'll pair each person up with someone of the opposite sex. That person will be your partner for the day. Don't worry, later you'll choose your partner, so if you've got your eye on someone, just be patient."

"We're going to teach you the art of massage. One person will lie on one of the massage tables we've lined up, just wearing underwear. The partner will do the massage. There will be no sexual touching. Rather, you'll learn how to relax your partner while giving him or her the pleasure of touch."

We were being a little deceitful here. Outside of a professional massage, it's hard to separate touch and sexual pleasure between a man and a woman.

Some of the students were hesitant, but it took just one person, in this case Marissa, to strip down to her underwear, for the others to follow suit. One girl, Carla, was wearing a thong panty and privately asked Dawn if she could be excused from this exercise as it was pretty skimpy. Dawn told her no. The power of peer pressure - and the learned pressure to follow instructions -- won out. All the girls were soon in their underwear.

We instructed the girls to lie on their stomachs. The boys were provided with massage oil, and Dawn and I showed them how to knead the skin, applying pressure with the fingers and palms. We had them start on the back and shoulders, slowly working down the spine. Skipping the buttocks, they then started at the feet and ankles, gradually rising up the leg to the thighs.

Some of the girls kept their legs tightly together, but we gently moved them apart so the boy could massage the inside of the thigh. We could see signs of sexual arousal in the hurried breathing and flushed skin of the girls. But we pretended not to notice, maintaining the fiction that this was just about massage.

"OK, girls, time to turn over," Dawn advised.

This upped the stakes. Being able to look into the eyes of the guy rubbing them, with their front exposed (although in bra and panties), excited both the men and women. We had the boys massage the shoulders, the top of the chest, the stomach, then the feet and legs. We had them carefully avoid any erogenous zones, but this teasing only served to heighten the sexual tension.

"OK, folks, let's break for lunch. Afterwards, it will be the girls turn to massage their partner."

The girls got dressed and lunch was served. The sexual atmosphere in the room was palpable.

We repeated the process, now with the boys lying on their stomachs, wearing only underwear. The girls massaged their back and legs. All went well until we asked the boys to roll over. We knew this would be a defining moment.

The boys were now lying on their backs. The girls began the massage of the shoulders and the chests, leading down to the abdomen. There was some heavy breathing and a few moans. As the girls started on the legs, working their way higher toward the thighs, the predictable happened. First one boy, then another, began to get an erection. Their briefs bulged out, tenting the fabric. The girls were flustered, not knowing whether to continue or to stop.

"This is a natural reaction, which we discussed before. Ignore it and continue the massage," Dawn advised.

They spread more warm massage oil on the boys and continued pressing and rubbing.

One of the boys, Charles, cried out. It was clear what was going to happen next. He ejaculated into his shorts, to collective gasps. It's what we wanted.

"That's enough for now, folks. Guys, get dressed, and let's talk about this experience," I told them.

We gathered the eight together.

"So, what was your reaction to this exercise?" we asked

"It was embarrassing," said Charles. "I couldn't control myself." He turned to his partner for the day, "I'm sorry, Elaine."

Elaine spoke: "There's no reason to apologize. I thought it was wonderful. I'm not pretty like the other girls, and I didn't know if I could arouse a man. That you got excited gives me confidence."

That was the consensus, that the ability to arouse, and be aroused, gave each self-assurance. These were people who had never consummated a sexual experience; now they realized that they could be on the threshold of doing so.

We were delighted. Tomorrow we'd take things a step further.

Day 4. 'Nude Q&A.' We had each person pick a partner of the opposite sex for this next exercise. Having been together for 3 days now, people knew enough to have preferences. They paired up quickly.

"Today each couple is going to be separated from the others, so you can talk privately. Sitting face-to-face, in the lotus position with your knees touching, you'll ask each other questions. [Sitting them touching, knee to knee, was deliberate. Designed to promote intimacy and to force them to look into each other's eyes.] This is your chance to get honest answers to questions you'd never ask, even of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Here are some suggestions. You can pick among them, or make up your own questions.

1, What do you find sexy in the opposite sex?

2. What do you not like in the other sex?

3. As an adult, when did you first realize you had a sexual interest in someone? What was that like?

4, Do you look at porn? Why, and how does it affect you?

5. Describe how you masturbate. How often?"

(There were some gasps when I suggested that question.)

"Ask whatever you are curious about; the other person is required to answer truthfully. All answers are to be kept confidential. Dawn and I will travel among you, just to see how things are going. Ignore us; we'll be flies on the wall."

"Oh, and there is one other thing. The couple will be nude."

There was immediate consternation among the group. Amy protested. "What if we don't want to do that?"