All Comments on 'A Crazy Night Ch. 02'

... the extensive flashback in part 1 looks even more expendable. simply cut it. that he fucked michelle before he can share with us just as well in this scene here. anyway, the part with beating up the other guy struck me as completely uncalled for. i didn't know what'd happened suddenly.

besides the erotic is rather subdued b/c there's not enough interaction between the characters on a level beyond moving from here to there (e.g. the permanent driving) and touching, sucking, watching someone else. we don't get to know them in any substantive way. that's why we don't care for them enough to be really gripped by what they do or what is done to them.

and that's why the final fuck with gina is rather anticlimactic, too. he gives her his cock and she takes it just like the common slut "michelle" in the end. there's no vital difference: nothing more than another uncommited and dispassionate office lay.

though the premise is there: but then the contrast between michelle and gina must be brought to the reader's delight. and the differences you implied here are pretty clear: experience vs. inexperience, voluptuous vs. skinny, loose vs. tight, buck-wild vs. coy, and so on. thus to make this the great tale it could be elaborate these oppositions, make the two different persons and hence different bed mates.

-AJ