All Comments on 'A Dark Man Pt. 01'

I admit, I came here looking for something with a great deal more sex in it, but the story kinda drew me in and has me wanting more. Considering I've read a lot of your other stories, I really shouldn't have been surprised. Can't wait for the next installment.

This is a good story but lacks the sex. Please add more. Lynn and Fey were fooling around but you glossed over it. Don't do that.

I like this slower start to the sex and just giving us some character development. I know your heroes are always over the top but that is what I like about you stories, you have a lot going on in this first part and I'm excited to see where you take it. I hope that their parents aren't behind the kidnapping.

Very reminiscent of a good spy/assassin movie, with organised crime and criminal family intrigue thrown in, almost like a pastiche of the 'John Wick' series. Thoroughly enjoyable, although the sex scene in the secret club was a little outside my taste and shaded toward brutality (nothing wrong with non-con/BDSM, though, each to his own, after all), but the so far quite sparse sex scenes will hopefully become more frequent and more tender and loving as Gary and Lynn's relationship intensifies.

Other than that minor quibble, spot on, slam-bang entertainment, 5 stars

A very good read. Yes, I would like more sex too, but this is very exciting. Reminds me of a book series I once read - meaty and titilating. A change of pace from suck, lick, fuck from first to last. Keep it up, you have my attentiion.

Very good story. Looking forward to read more.

You need to do a bit more editing, checking for inconsistancies. For instance, at one point Gary is thinking on his own and reflecting that Lynn could become his business partner as he is thinking about why he saved her, and concludes that it was for the possibility of legacy (chapter 2 par. 21 and 22). A few paragraphs later ( chapter 2, par. 35 and 36), when she suggest becoming his partner, he laugh at the idea and dismisses it completely mentally.

Good start. Sorta good character development, nice ambiguous plot and loads of intrigue. Yep, good start.

Outstanding writing and great first chapter cliff hanger. Unable to get away from this story so much of my day has been spent reading. Can't wait for the next chapter.

I like the premise and writing. Just a suggestion, use more contractions in writing your dialogue. Most people use them while speaking. It will make it sound more real and it's a little more easier to read also.

Excellent story I hope part 2 is as good

A very entertaining read, as have others commented needs more sex too please, also if he was as good as u make him be, why doesn't he have 360 degrees of cameras with multiple cameras pointing at all likely entry points, surrounding his so called fortress? So if he had them, when he checked the monitor he would have seen the armed intruders an wouldn't have opened the door, need to catch the little details, like that, lol.

Great writing. Love the way you started and ran the story board. I also love the way you introduced and integrated your characters. Great work. I was riveted to the screen until it was read. I look forward to Chapter 2. Again.... Keep up the great work.

A bit tortuous to read, but I loved the story. Your style, is the language of a James Bond movie

The story is interesting and the beginning is intriguing.

But again an unfortunate variant of the Lego constructor assembly. Cubes of different colors.

The logic of events is lame.

Then he hides, then he goes to a dark place, a restaurant and shows himself and his sister to everyone.

He wakes up in the morning with his dick in his sister, then in the evening, when Lynn is sitting on his dick, Faye says that this is his sister's first time.

The conversation with his parents in general is mixed in dialogue and logic.

He's so proud of his house and its security, almost a fortress, the reliability and security of the communication system, but it turns out anyone can get into the house, and all the security is blown. What kind of crime, security or intelligence pro is he?

Enjoyed the cloak and dagger storyline. Interesting to see where it will end up. Reads like a James Bond Novel. 5/5

It is a good story, love it. AAAAA+++++

Yeah, I couldn't even finish reading this. He goes on and on about how his sister could have been used to "put pressure" on him, so the logical solution is to kill her? That doesn't make a bit of sense. The only way she could be used in that way is if he values her well-being, and killing her would suggest that he doesn't care at all. So why bother killing her when he could just walk away? If he actually killed her, that's more trouble for him to deal with. Cutting ties with her would be the smart move if he truly doesn't care about her.

And one more thing. Anyone who thinks a crown vic "handles like a sports car" has never driven a sports car, regardless of any custom work done on it. Too big and heavy. Part of the reason the police liked them was for that reason. They were great for high speed pursuit, since the weight made it easier and safer when they needed to bump another vehicle off the road. Plus they were comfortable. FYI, the Police Interceptor version is just a regular Crown Vic with a bit more horsepower and other minor changes. If it's got 800 HP, tha only thing similar to a Police Interceptor would be the sticker saying "Police Interceptor."

So, sorry to trash your story, but making sense is kind of important.

I like the story line...

However, it is wwwaaayyyyyy too convoluted, hard to follow, and inconsistent...you got a 5-star rating, but it was "almost" a 3...

I hope second chapter is a bit better...

Expellant! Keep it up.

The story premise is good, but I couldn’t read much past the 1st half of this chapter. Your MC seems to think pretty highly of him self. He’s affiliated will all of the letter agencies? I don’t think so. Everything he has is the best of the best? Doubtful. A person in his assumed position would be much less conspicuous or end up dead. The pieces don’t fit. This reads like really bad pulp fiction.