All Comments on 'A Day At The Beach'

It was far too distracting when you switched perspective from "they" to "I". Either the story is told from third person or first person, but when you switch from one sentence to another, it takes a minute for your reader to figure that out, and that takes them out of the story, killing any momentum that you've built up to that point.

For Heaven's sake. You had a really hot story going and then lost me with the person switch. This is so easy to avoid, just find an editor to give you a bit of help. Much potential here . . .

You have lots of potential, but the perspective switch killed your story. Please keep writing, just have an editor look over it next time!