A Day in Life

(Sometimes things happen, life tests you faith. What happens when faith gives you undeniable proof that there is still reason to hope? Excerpts from play in Paradise Island...)

~The realm of the mortal world is pain. It is experience...feeling. It is life. It is the distractions of the computer noise, the madness of money and power. Yet in the same breath it is the wonder and joy in the eyes of a child. So much...they have so much Father. Grief for those who borne them passing. Love...such deep love, that it make the Brothers jealous. Laughter... life. Just one day.... please, let me taste, let me feel. Let me not suffer this day, as like the last. Give me the joy, not the agony. ~

"Why is it, that when we talk to God, we are praying...and when God talks to us...we're crazy?"

~This man...this orderly, they are called, does not answer. For a brief moment of his time, he looks upon me with pity, impatience. He shakes his head as he walks at my side. Not walking there as a friend.... but to watch me. Father, my Father, will you forsake me once again? Forgive them...after all this time; they still know not what they do. ~

~I merely smile at him. Smile at the others that they keep here, in this bad place...for these people are the ones...TRULY the ones who seem to fall in recognition. They know. They have not the inhibitions or the conditions of reality that says that they shouldn't. ~

Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and every once in a while life throws you a ball, you nail it and it heads over the fence making the day prefect. Too bad it is not today for her, she would have been at home preparing for a vacation, but a new patient was admitted to the psyc ward, and she was called in. Kermaina Behavioral Health was a small group, but Counselor Toy was on call until 6 P.M.

She thumbed through the folder before her, a man, claiming he was the second coming. She had once before met with a man like this one, but for the life of me her could not place him now. He was a faint memory.

She heard voices coming towards her. Slowly she lifted the laptops lid, opened her note pad and prepared to finish her exam. She had coffee brewing on a small table near the window. From what she could see, he was no threat. He was not a fanatic.

~The orderly opened the door for me.... it wasn't really a gesture of politeness. My hands were bound together with a thin plastic safety band. It didn't bother me much...I had felt much worse. The woman behind the desk was beautiful, tired, and cynical. Can one read this much at a glance? I can. ~

"Hello, Alezandra. I'm sorry to keep you here after hours."

~I smile in what most mortals would take as utter sarcasm. But it wasn't. They would assume so because it was rare for someone...anyone to show genuine concern. ~

She lifted an eye to him, and as he spoke she frowned a bit. She nodded to the orderly to leave them be. She had a buzzer if needed.

"No, you're not keeping me after hours, it is my job. I'll stay as late as needed."

She motioned for him to have a seat across from me, while keeping her distance on this side of the desk. She had to ask myself how did he know her name? It was not on the door, and most here did not know her first name.

"You seem to know my name, tell me what do you prefer to be called?"

~It never occurred to me until now, that someone would ask my name. Logical, I suppose. I sat as she asked, and there was an obvious look of pleasure as I sunk down into the leather of the chair. Such simple things people took for granted. ~

"Did...did they forget to put my name on the paper right there?"

~I leaned forward a bit to look at the folder in front of her. Then, I furrow my brow...no wonder. They had mistaken me for someone else. ~

"Oh...oh, no. That isn't right. My name is not John Doe. I am Michael."

The counselor held back the chuckle. He was truly manic it seemed. She leaned up a bit showing him the file.

"Actually this is you. John Doe is used til we find the birth name. But if you prefer I call you Michael? Then I shall."

She smiled slightly, as a friend type smile. The key to this job? Keeping your anger and emotions from ruling the sessions. She tapped one finger on the desk for a moment.

"So Michael? Do you know why you are here with me tonight?"

~She was agitated already. Oh my...this would be difficult, wouldn't it, Father? I nodded gently and my gaze never left hers. ~

"Yes. Because I have been..."~such fancy words for fearing what you don't understand...~"diagnosed as being delusional. Because you think I am insane."

"I do not think your insane Michael, I do think there may be a deeper issue you are avoiding. You were brought into the hospital because somewhere some one thought you were capable of harming yourself or others. It's my job to decide if they are correct or not."

Counselor Toy leaned back in the chair, it made a creaking sound. She moved to the left just enough to pick up a mug from the desk. She kept an eye on him...He was docile, but from past experiences with others? That could change at any moment.

"I have been told you claim to be a messenger from God?"

~Who told her? And did she believe? No.Sadly, as I looked at her, I knew that it was her duty...her job NOT to believe. Poor Alezandra. ~

"What deeper issues do you mean, Alezandra? I don't understand what you are asking."

~I felt no need to label how I felt...sometimes, it was too hard to describe. ~

"I...I actually am bringing no message, really. I just...well, wanted to be here. I...wasn't aware that there was a law against it. Did I trespass somewhere?"

~I furrowed my brow slightly, still studying her. With eyes that commanded Thrones. The eyes of a dove. ~

She meets his eyes; there was a peace in there, and an understanding of something she did not know, yet. She smiled this time a real smile he was innocent.

"Lets make a deal shall we? How about I cut that off, and you and spend our time talking about what brought you in here?"

She was stumped, there was some thing about him she knew, yet could not place, had she meet him before? Or another like him? She did not sense any harm in him, or harm for her. She was already reaching into the drawer for a cutter to release the plastic, which bound him.

"No you did not trespass, any where, but the population is not comfortable with a man walking around believing they are the messenger of God. There is a difference in preaching of God, and actually believing your an....Angel?"

~Again, as I mentioned, Father, the power. Mortals make you in their own image in these last days because they fear what they cannot command. They are angry because of who I am. ~

~I held up my hands for her to cut the bands. Palms up. Even now, even walking the paved streets of this brave new place, scars never go away. The palms of my hands were pocked deep from the Caesar's nails still. ~

"As you wish. And if I have made people uncomfortable, then I have trespassed. I meant no harm. It is the perceptions and belief of others that make the decisions. Free will is almost as strong as faith."

The counselor lifted the mug of coffee to her lips sipping as an odd thought struck her... How did he know her name? It still puzzled her.

"How do you know my name? I mean have we met before? Or did you hear it here in the hospital?"

She walked from her side of the desk to him, the cutter placed in her hand, the blade 1/4 out, enough the cut the thin strap and releases his hands.

He had touched a point with her. She had her own beliefs in God, and in worshiping. Her own perceptions nearly altered once from a bad marriage. She could not say he was wrong for his beliefs nor could she say she was.

She looked upon his hands, the scar tissue there. Some thing had happened to him once; some thing to cause him to believe his was Christ reborn unto us. Her hands brushed over his slowly as her eyes meet his.

~Smiled up at her. Just as I had smiled down at her when she needed me. She mistook the scars for something of this world, this time. She still did not understand. But it was not my time nor place to make her. ~

"I've always known your name. Even when you answered to Toy. Though you were much more special than that."

The counselor froze at the mention of her nickname as a child. She backed from him, really looked at him. He had to have known her from childhood.

"Do I know you?"

~Deep inside her, she believed. There had been much to cloud that belief, but it was there. ~

"Only you can answer that, Alezandra. I would like to think you do.... even if it takes awhile for you to remember..."

She sat on the edge of the desk, placed her hands together on her knees. She didn't know what to think or say. Again she had the odd feeling she had known him---truly known him.

"What brought you here?"

~How do you explain this to someone who was so used to life? It would be difficult.... and they would not understand. ~

"I was here once before. But then...then, things were far less complicated. This is hard to explain..."

~I furrow my brow in thought a moment, trying to form words. ~

"Why am I here? To smell the sea to feel the sun on my face, and to feel the chill of the night air at dusk. What brought me here? Feet that never had the chance to walk unburdened. That had never felt soil between the toes. Why am I here?"

~I smiled. It hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. It was all so simple. ~

"I am here to live. If for just from the break of the crimson dawn, until the first spark of Dusk's stars...to live, one day."

Counselor Toy was lost in the dream of his rants. It sounded wonderful to her, but she was a dreamer, and once wished the same. But she did not go about spouting as he had. She leaned closer to him, friendlier, not doctor-ish.

"It does sound wonderful to me, but dreams are dreams are Michael. And speaking as if you are Christ reborn unto us scares people who do not see the dream."

She shrugged a bit.

~ I let my eyes drift past her to the window. Such a beautiful shade of pink had begun to creep across the sky. Soon.... ~

"Alezandra...look within yourself and you will realize that some things must be believed to be seen. And dreams are just a way that Father paints pictures on the canvas of your sleep."

She looked to the window as well, followed where his eyes went.... stood slowly facing him.

"Can I trust you not to run?"

"Where and why would I run? I have nothing to fear."

~I arose then, calmly, quietly. I folded my hands behind my back with my same silent smile. She was understanding, but not believing. Brave but frightened. Awake, but blind. ~

"The sun is setting. I have to go soon."

"Lets go for a walk then, and make the best of the time you have left."

Believing and understanding would soon come clean with each other. She would not leave his side, and in the morning? She would have a ground to stand on with him.

She motioned her hand to the doorway, opening the door for us. Security would not be an issue, she do this a lot.

~She held fast to the belief that in proving me wrong, she would heal me. It was not as easy as laying on hands, was it? I felt a deep pity, an ache for her. She meant well, and beyond all else, she was a good person. Would her belief be strong enough to handle truth? ~

"Walk...yes. I would like to see them one last time, these people here. They are very special.... you do realize that, don't you? Rare is the one who sees the things that never were but should have been."

~I walked at her side, hands still neatly folded. I was not allowed, not now, not here. There was so much these hands could have done. But this was not the time. ~

Once we were outside in the courtyard Counselor Toy relaxed even more. She looked up taking a deep breath of air, and watched the sky above them.

"You sound much like I do. To see what is not, to know what has been, and to accept it for what it really is. Michael I do not think you insane. I think you are different is all."

~Different...she did not truly believe those words, did she? It was her job not to. The walls of this place were full of 'different' people. ~

"We are all different. You from I...I from...well, that's a long story...I'm afraid I don't have the time. Look...see there?"

~I pointed upward...to the North Star. For one blissful moment, my human eyes welled with tears at its beauty. At the memories. ~

"That...that star was the first thing I saw on the night I was born.... Isn't it------"

~Beautiful? Yet I knew she had not heard my last words. Above her, Above US, I saw my borrowed body fall. The sorrow, so crushing in that moment, when I realized that I had forgotten to look at the sea today. I reached to touch her cheek, faint, whispers of feathers I knew was all she would feel. I let one drift to her, fall at her feet. For even though it should not be this way, some things also had to be seen to be believed. ~

As she watched, the feather came to her. She took it gently in her hands, her eyes seeing what her mind had rejected. She stood lost in the moment; a smile crept across her face. For one moment in this life she had known peace.

"Michael, come back...."

She whispered, not understanding yet what had just happened. Tomorrow she would sort this out, but for tonight, she believed.