All Comments on 'A Day in the Life of a PI'

Try not writing in present tense. Then you shifted to past. Major writing flaws. The story was decent, but that ruined it.

Nice one. Maybe there's more to be told? How did it start, what was she thinking? 4 stars

Okay for what there was of it. Would have liked more as in how did the relationships turn out?

cuck get one star

Predictable but good!

weird! it was hard to tell who the woman was in relation to the PI

Fancy jewelry seems more than a brief fling. IMHO.

Darn.

/

I hate cuck stories.

Is that it?

What's the point, plot twist? Subvert expectation?

Too bad, the same plot have been done many times before. Better too.

Without resolve to the plot, the weak 'twist' is the only attraction and its not enough.

Okay, you got me! From the description I thought the guy was going to cheating with Jack's wife, not his s-i-l.

Very good story. I was sure when Jack was getting evidence it was his wife he saw. Nice twist on making it his sister-in-law, though it was painful to be sure. Also making her fess up her indiscretion to Rich was appropriate.

Decent little short tale.

You need to learn to punctuate. It's hard to read, and if it's hard to read, it's hard to enjoy. Just sayin

Good story but it felt like it left a lot on the chopping block. In a short amount of time, we get a glimpse of the life of this PI, and I would read more if you were to submit. Thanks for sharing.

Well, it's a good start.......

Pretty good and definitely liked the twist on the liaison. While I appreciate the brevity, it came at the expense of depth of the characters. 4*

If it was my brother my loyalty would be to him, not her. I would show him the video and let him see how she enjoyed herself so much and you could tell it was just not the one time from what the guys wife was saying.

Amy is definitely cheating on Jack.

What's this shit about believing that Gail still truly loves him when she has no respect for him, lies and humiliates him. And his brother the cop doesn't encourage him that him deserves better. Bullshit. 2 stars for writing skill. That single piss poor bullshit over used premise leaves it as best possible score. Yeah, she loves me so much she speaks around fucking other men behind my back. How long has that shit been going on? Are those my kids?

Broke no new ground, but was well told..especially in a flash format.

.

4 ****

That is an excellent 5***** story! I love the simplicity and the descriptions in the beginning of the story. No need to go into irrelevant details. And the misdirection when the reader assumes the woman is his wife. Excellent! Good job! Thanks for sharing.

Boy does this cry for a 2nd part ... maybe. I get why you didn't. But overall a good short piece, nice twist with his sister not his wife. If you did want to extend it -- lots of ways it could go.

5* Nice short story with a nice twist. You need to work on punctuation and spelling. Examples: Woman not women; Planning not planing.

I was kinda hoping for another plot -

That the Stevens were exhibitionists, and the PI was a fairly non-consensual player in the game... I mean, think of all the hide-and-seek games you could play to build the tension.

Kinda getting back to the original Loving Wives thing.

Anyway, the story moved quick enough that I wasn't entirely tired of the plot, but nothing very new either.

Good luck - the writing is fine mechanically - have some fun with the plots.

Green-something

Solid short story.

FTDS

It has a really good twist to it.

Should have told his brother before she did. Didn't seem that they had kids. Once a cheater always a cheater. She gets away with it, she'll do it again. good story though. Nice twist.

He should tell his brother and show him the video. If she gets away with it she will do it again. He should also tell his brother who the man is.

Okay, that really was an interesting twist.

Was there a story here? 2/6

1 star - not very good

Nifty. D

Nice story, and well written, too. I enjoyed reading it, especially (of course) the surprise that it was his little brother's wife! Nicely done. 5* from me ~~JB Edwards

"Yeah, I still love Gail and I truly believe she still loves me.

The first half of that statement may be correct, the second half is what we call "lying to ourselves" because we hate the thought of facing the reality of it not being true.

Short and sweet!

What happened to all the characters? Story just ended.

Good story. I hope Sharon was able to use the video to destroy Jack.

Nice tidbit. I cannot see any rationale for this to be a springboard for a ten LIT chapter series from this. Jack’s younger brother has made a decision about the betrayer that leans towards negotiation and forgiveness. The main character and his wife show no hint of fidelity issues, nor any role (beyond support) in Rich’s family adjustments.

Frankly, I think Jack should not have confronted Gail. Rather, he should have informed his brother, with the raw video being the last resort if Gail resisted the accusation. Jack should have insisted that Rich not identify the videographer… and Amy also never needed to know more than what her Sis- and Bro-in-law told her.

4*

Not a bad little story but there is too many threads left undone. I hope there are more chapters forthcoming.

Interesting story!

4

It was short but everything that needed to be there was included. Maybe it's been done before but what story hasn't? Personally it was pretty new to me and quite refreshing, a decent plot, well told with a nice twist. One comment states that the loyalty belongs to the brother so he should see the video? So he loves his brother but he should destroy his marriage and his life, maybe that of his kids, all just to burn her? And to those who say 'finish the story,' get your heads out your arses and use the limited imagination God gave you.

All in all I enjoyed it, it could have been longer but that's the authors perogative, but it's fine as is. The ending? Well it's not hard to join all the dots to reach a satisfactory conclusion, just takes a little imagination.

what brother would do that to his own brother? 1*

needs one heck of a lot more for the story to be good. Right now I feel as if I just started the appetizer for dinner and the waiter took away my plate and said good night and told me the table needed to be cleared for someone else to sit.

Finish this...no rating for now.

I’d have told the woman paying she should send video to the husband with a name

A little to short, well written though and it did come from the authors mind, maybe another chapter?

far from a masterpiece but still pretty entertaining. objectively 3 1/2 stars (but Lit doesn't do 1/2s so 4 it gets).

thank you for this and please keep writing.

An intriguing beginning and mid-section, just enough detail to make it so! But then at the end, it just imploded in on itself, hollow with no meat inside it, like a collapsed Soufflé where the oven-door was prematurely opened! . .

(IMHO), of course! (= in my humble opinion = it's just my opinion, other opinion options may be available)!

Enjoyable story - well set up by author. Blasters should write own stories or skip if they can’t avoid vitriol.

That way he can protect his brother from her bullshit. Why? How long? How many others? Etc. An opportunity missed. But thanks for the effort.

Not bad but needs a second page or chapter....just ended too abrupt! You ran out of ideas and turned a *5* into a *3*

great!

This is the second story of yours that I have read. Both were enjoyable. I was glad you avoided the angle where Jack seeks sexual favors to keep Gail's secret. Much better this way. Not everyone is going to take the low road.

If he loved his brother, he would have broken his heart and showed him the video. She wasn't being blackmailed, did it out of spite or boredom , and will definitely do it again, probably after setting up the PI for blackmail.

Good story. It would be horrifying to be investigating a man cheating on his wife and find out that the woman he was cheating on her with was your own sister-in-law. Great twist. 5 stars for sure.

Mike Hammer he isn't, but it was a good read.

Great Story!!

A Good short story. Well planned out. Thanks for your writing.

He should have showed his brother the video.

Great! Just too good to end!

I agree with a comment below: he should have showed his brother the video. Infidelity breaks any marriage vow. Unless it's a sexual assault, there is no excuse and no going back. Once and done.

Though not pertinent in this case, I can't believe some people actually believe"I was drunk" is a rationale for why it happened and should be overlooked by their spouses.

Coincidences are hell, eh? Everyone has an opinion on this one but if you loved them would you should you make the both of them miserable? I don't think I would. I'd for sure tell her how disappointed I was but .......

Wow, you really make him out as someone who hates his brother by not giving him the facts

Wait a minute. Why is he supposed to show the video? He got her to confess. Maybe she lightened the duration of the affair. But otherwise what facts was he supposes to relay to his brother. He coerced Gail to come clean. There is no obvious info communicates that it was a long affair or more than just rutting.

Good story, great twist that is was his Sister in law . Jack did the right decision not telling his brother what to do.Thanks for writing, 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wow, ambivalence, do you intervene, hurt your kid brother, probably beyond repair, so he knows or do you say nothing and let him find out for himself, he will probably hate you either way, so.. go nuclear show him the video lend him a baseball bat, and burn the bitch

You absolutely tell him. Wouldn't you want to know in his shoes? I think most people are wise enough not to shoot the messenger. I would have forced more details from Gail however. We, and the brothers, don't know if she's been fucking him once or for 12 years. Doesn't that matter?

Blur no. Give her money back. She paid for it not for your editing.

As others

First time affair. How long more affairs?

Part 2 is here.https://www.literotica.com/s/jack-masters-pi-the-betrayal

⭐⭐⭐

Didn’t see that coming. 5 stars. It’s hard to get everything in in a short story, but it was done well here.

Bill S.