All Comments on 'A Dead Marriage'

Many questions unanswered. That's real world.!

Good but these stories are better when there is some closure. Not knowing the why leaves the story feeling unfinished. She could have had a diary or a female confident who, while apologising, let him know the full story. It was just af fling and she would never have left him etc.

Good story. seems to end a bit abrupt however I do not know what else you could add.

I like the story. AAA+

This story just is words, there is no excitement tying the story together. It has good bones but it’s lacking any meat. A good cop finds his wife in the bedroom with a strange man, there are too many plots that can slide down this slippery slope, instead of just letting the MC live out his well off “$” days in cop land.

Felt a bit undercooked.

A little more info would have made it better.

Sure am glad I found that heater on the side of the road. Now I do not have to devorice the cunt nor give her more than half of my money for being a cheating cunt.

Interesting story!

4

Sad miserable situation. Almost like he gets no closure.

Nothingburger.

2 stars

An interesting start, but a single event makes for a pretty unsatisfying story, overall.

Well done.

How about "it was really just random chance that I saw the recall notice on the wall when I was returning something at Wal-Mart. ;)

Boring!!! - 3*

Lotta potential to explore this. Think through how anyone could recover without answers. I do assume that he could look into the thing and get some answers - like how long, and how often, just by piecing things together. Maybe use part of his million to get a good investigator. Just sayin' D

he's better than me, i would have had her creamated, then dumped in to a shoe box before speading her ashes in a pile of horse shit

It's just okay without resolution.

I can answer some of the husband's questions. No, his wife wasn't gonna leave him. The man she slept with was average looking, and had a dead end job and married with kids. He's not 'mr. steal-yo-gurl'.

But that means his wife fucked around for the thrill and fun of it. Not sure if that's good or bad to know.

She may have been shopping for a new husband, but this james guy wasn't it. She didn't fake her orgasms with him, and he has cruise vacation money. From what little he told us about their marriage, she wasn't gonna leave him anytime soon. Small consolation since she was sleeping around on him. The good news is she's dead, and he's free to date better women. I mean, it's fiction. But spouses cheat on each other all the time. It's good to take small lessons, even from fictional characters.

Somewhat interesting, but nothing all that novel or engaging. Here’s one confusing sentence: “TV news was already broadcasting the story about a faulty propane tank and two people, one of them a cop but the two of them not married to each other, dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.” I don’t think that Janey was a cop, so what’s one to make of that sentence?

WOW! Powerful and heartbreaking story! Great Writing, Great Story! Holy Moly, how does someone recover from something like that. Mind Boggling Heart Break. 5 stars!

Well that was bleak

I took the heater, which I purchased at a flea market, and threw it into the trash.

Unfinished.

nothing to care about here.

Perhaps you might think about writing a second part. Maybe his need to know the what,where and the why of it.

It’s those unanswered questions that could haunt you for a while. Thanks

Original -- I like original; 5* from me.

Could have been a good story. I was expecting an ending where he explained how he deliberately bought the recalled heater. Instead, it’s just an accident?!? What’s the point of the story? There’s nothing for either the cucks, or those who desire vengeance.

ZK

A high-quality story because it was realistic and the reality sucked.

no ability to read messages

no ability to kill someone or make their lives more miserable

Just have to accept that life dealt you a shit show

Just have to be man enough to get through it

Without all that other bullshit

5 marks

'just fuck buddies' ???? Spoke the cuck.... awful

Nice start. Ending fizzled. 3*

In the end there really wasn't much to it. Not that it was bad, it just came across as a bit empty.

Sad, nowhere story.

Well written, plausible, realistic characters, but it kind of fades instead of ending. The main problems, why she had an affair and how he deals with the aftermath are totally unresolved. I could see letting it dangle if there were at least some clues, but it just stops with nothing.

It would be cool if everyone who wrote and alt ending to February Sucks wrote and ending to this, as atonement for making us read all those alternate endings. Come on February Suckers, we need one here!

Just kidding. I read every one of those alts with as much anticipation as the original. Still, this one begs your efforts!

Thanks for writing, all y’all!

Good one! A slice of reality, which is rare here in fiction-land. I liked that there was no immediate explanation of how they came to be in bed together, because that’s exactly what would happen in real life. But after a good investigation, the cops could pierce it together.

It is only the beginning. This story is at a junction that could Goin several directions. One might clear his wife and his memory of her. Another might show her as a victim blackmail. Another that she was a slut wife hanging the horns on her loving husband. The who this guy was could lead you down a trail of explanation. To just end it with no indication of completion of the "whole truth and nothing but the truth" as my favorite detective Joe Friday would say.

reality doesn't sell with a lot of the incels in LW

When everyone is in the downstairs of the house getting the MC fed, they are fouling up the crime scene.

Interesting, tis works well and it did feel "real". His questions will not, cannot, be resolved. Thank you for posting it.

Different for sure. LP

High quality story? You gotta be joking. This story has an idea but no plot. It could have gone differently, assuming the author went for the cop being accused of arranged murder for insurance (realistic) and in need to defend himself going for the rest of the story. But this does not have anything other than carbon monoxide poisoning. Yes, it is realistic but I can also write a realistic story of me going to toilet taking a dump.

"I never learned anything about the affair: how long it lasted, how they happened to meet, what started it, how they felt ..." Well, when you learn any of it, put it into a Chapter 2 and let us know. Seemingly an original idea of a propane heater being the catalyst for bringing the affair into the open, but there's got to be more closure.

This has got to be one of the gritiest, realistic stories I have ever seen on this site. There would be so many unanswered questions in this situation. Glad he got a good payout for his slt wife's death. Just wish she had died slowly and painfully knowing that her husband would go on through life knowing what a worthless tramp he'd married.

The not knowing would suck. But that's why the story can't stop there. Especially for a cop.

He'd have talked to her friends, her family, her work, his work, his friends, motels, bars, etc. He'd have checked her phone, her computer, her work devices, their phone records, his devices and records.

He'd have checked traffic cameras, bank cameras, etc. for shots of her car, his car, of them together. There is quite a detective story here. And he might still come up completely empty. But it's unlikely that anyone would cover for the dead couple. What would be the point? Likely someone knows something somewhere. If he can find them.

Does he really want to? Probably yes. And probably won't like what he finds.

It was a good start. But then it went completely off the rails when you CHOSE to end it by having your MC state that he never learns a thing about why his wife had an affair, or when it started —- or anything. So why the F did you bother to write the story in the first place?

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2 **

Finally, one where none of the questions are answered. I know it doesn't happen often but it does occasionally.

Great story. With the cheaters dead, there’s not much more to tell. It would have been interesting if he had made it home before they died. Being very familiar with CO poisoning from my hyperbaric medicine days, it’s much too easy a death for two cheaters.

This tale was told to quick, nothing was resolved, nothing was said, nothing was done, nothing was finished. Since I can't give you -0 I will give you *

Very good idea for the plot , but sadly was lacking any drama . Where was the anger and frustration ?

He was a cop but seemingly not interested in the who and how long his wife was enjoying someone else ?

Definitely good enough for a part 2 .

3 * for now as I think this is unfinished .

DK

Ok start to a story.

Some lacking basic details. Were the wife and her lover naked or dressed? On top of the covers or underneath?

Her car was in the garage, no extra car. Husband was home at his regular time? How did loverboy get there? Where did the police eventually find his car? What type of job did the wife have that she could be home during the middle of the day to conduct her liaison? Just knowing where his car was located and where she worked probably would have given enough clues to figure out how they had met to begin with.

Just ending it with nothing was ever found out, he got the life insurance and had to live with it ... Abrupt non ending.

To me it doesn't make the story seem realistic. Just makes it feel incomplete.

Just some basic police work would have uncovered how they met and probably a halfway decent guess as to how long it has been going on. With them both dead he would probably never know how or why... But, there would have been some answers to be found.

Wife cheats and then she dies. That's a pretty happy ending.

He needs to stop self-punishing. He didn't do anything wrong. Find forget her just as if she was alive and caught cheating. Go find a better woman. They are out there.

Yep! That's reality. You often don't know the why and are left with too many questions. That's the sad truth of it and the author told the story in a very real way. I liked it! As for those who claim he is a cuck, get a dictionary!

Yes, would have been better that he knew about the affair, and deliberately disposed of the recall notice.

\

This is a problem with first person POV. We can only know what he knows, and he knows nothing, so we know nothing. With a third person POV, we could have learned about the affair, all the whys and wherefores.

Interesting tale, with a promising beginning. The highlight of the tale is the finding of the bodies and fracas at the Johnson's house. Many questions were unanswered. Where does she work? Does anybody at her workplace has noticed anything about an affair? Was there any cellphone showing the frequency and duration of phone calls between them? Was there any email communication between the lovers? Were there any incriminating gifts or notes anywhere about the affair? Any credit card charges to hotel rooms? What kind of police department does an investigation so incomplete. Yes, poisoning by a faulty appliance was the cause of death, and he got a generous financial retribution for his loss, but he was left confused, betrayed, and cuckolded. There was so much more for the author to address, but sadly, it was not. Thanks for the tale.

3 stars for the idea of the story. But a low 3. Could've been higher if there was a bit more dialogue & a lot more emotion (perhaps a paragraph as to why the wife cheated- some background) in the story.

I give it 4-stars but only because it just cleared the threshold of 3.5+. Needs more information, background, flashbacks or memories. The ships cruise was a start but there are a lot of holes that need to be filled in for a 10-year marriage. Maybe a chapter 2 could begin to fill in the blanks. Good potential for more chapters. I wouldn't worry about getting every detail of the investigation correct. I think different department have different ways of dealing with investigations. Maybe, in chapter 2 you could fill in some of the blanks through the investigator's examination and investigation. You covered it from Jack's point of view but how about the Capt. Caparelli, or the Blankinship's. How did James Johnson fit in and how did Janey and the asshole get put together. Did others notice things that Jack was oblivious to. Sometimes we only see what we want to see. Read the comments and I'm sure you could get a lot of inspiration of where you could take this story. Thanks for sharing (A Dead Marriage) but don't let it die just yet. Too much life is left in it.

OK, that's an idea for a story. Now you need characters and a plot arc. Try again.

Would like to see a longer version or a sequel that answers questions and tells us how the protagonist moves ahead in life.

When does the actual story begin?

Huh????

Sorry, while extremely sad, I did not care for the no solution ending.

I don’t often comment but I wanted to encourage you to keep writing. I enjoyed all your stories and look forward to more. I’m not a writer so take my suggestion with a grain of salt, but your stories end without much fanfare. Wives wander off never to be mentioned again, bad guys escape unscathed. Perhaps a bit more resolution would be interesting? But in any case, please keep writing.

The story is good. Looking forward to your future stories.

Open and shut case... She cheated, then died! Sucks for the spouses but he at least will be able to move on with no fight.

In real life stories don't always have a neat beginning, middle and a cute end.

Sometimes people don't find out the why. This 5* story told about one of those such incidents.

Well written, introspective, with authentic dialogue. Keep writing! Four stars ⭐️ for this one.

Impressive.

Good story

Excellent story; the frustration of never knowing is very well told.

Damn. 5 stars. But damn. Well written, and a good one. But damn. Hard to realize. Hard to digest. Yep, just a story. But, again, damn

It would have been great to have a finish where Jack comes to realize that Janey was just an unrepentant, cheating whore and goes to the cemetery, passes on her grave and moves on to a happy life.

A really well written story, frustratingly it stays with you for a while after finishing because of the loose ends in the plot, bookmark it, read it again and you realise that the beauty of the narrative is that it's all there, plot holes don't need filling the story does it's job and does it well

5-stars

Hard. to read, but well worth the effort.

As a cop couldn't he of had access to their phones?

“I cam home from work, came upstairs and found them like that. The space heater was still running. I turned it off and immediately opened both windows.”

As a police officer, he would no to not touch ANYTHING in the room. He would have just backed away, and called it in. Internal Affairs should discipline him for altering the scene of a potential crime!

ZK

Why would you bother to write a story like this and then NOT include any information about why the wife strayed?

.

2 **

There really isn't much of a story here. Husband comes home, finds wife in bed with another man with both of them dead from a faulty heater, never learns anything about how long it had been going on or how serious it was.

It doesn't need even 750 words.

Too short for a complex story! I should have noticed the story's length and realized it could only go so far. I realize he was a policeman but surely his emotion would be stronger after discovering his dead wife in bed with a lover. His reactions would be the real story.

Haunting...and just right. Usually I want to know the details in a story, but this works perfectly.

A man finds two dead people, one his wife, and a faulty space heater. He turn off the poison and opens the widows to let the danger gases out.

Suddenly an anonymous commentator calls for an IA investigation and discipline?

It's an author's world; he sets the rules.

The question should be - what was the author's purpose in writing.

I learned (or was reminded) that carbon monoxide is deadly, and to be careful. Open windows let the gas disipate.

There are any ways to handle a tragedy, and to be prepared.

Short story - overall worth a 4

The Hoary Cleric

The wife and her paramour got smoked

Great story! It was a gas.

How plays tennis at a public park in cold weather???

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Well, you weren't kidding. That marriage is dead as shit.

<>

Personally I didn't like it. There's no catharsis because there's no resolution or conclusion. I get it that in this case, that's exactly how it would be for the subject of the story, but frankly that makes for a pretty shitty and unenjoyable read.

This is a very disappointing story from a usually terrific writer. The no information angle doesn't fly. If, as the news report said, one of the dead people was a police officer, then Janey was law enforcement and the department would have an interest in investigating. How did they meet? Did the affair involve police resources? Did anyone in the department know of the affair? Did the lover have an ulterior motive for seducing an officer? The lovers' cellphones and email could tell a lot. If it's a small source with few resources, the State Police or bureau investigations could handle it. But no, it would not go uninvestigated. I urge the writer to take another, more conscientious try at what could be a fascinating story. Make this a prologue, then tell the story of the investigation.

This reads as real life, and real life sometimes doesn't have answers, especially when death is concerned. Not everything happens in an hour story arc like a TV show.