A Dirty Birthday Present

"Welcome home! Happy birthday!"

"Aw, thank you babe. It's been a long day at the office. Boy, are you ever a sight for sore eyes."

"Do you want to know what your birthday present is?"

"Sure!"

"It's me!"

"I couldn't imagine a better gift — although I had a sneaking suspicion from the moment I walked in and saw that lingerie you're wearing. You look amazing. But what do you mean, exactly, when you say that you're my gift?"

"I mean that I know you better than anyone else. I know what you like and what you don't like. I even know what kind of stories you read online when you think I'm not looking. And tonight, I'm going to live out every fantasy and fetish you've ever had."

"Is that so? Tell me more."

"Well, let's start with the most important thing. You know that I don't really like anal play. The smell, the taste, the whole idea — it's really not my thing. But tonight, that doesn't matter. I love you, and it's your birthday. Tonight I'm anal only."

"Wow. I don't know what to say, babe."

"Wait, there's more. I'm already wearing that beautiful heart-shaped jeweled buttplug that you gave me."

"Oh God, that looks so sexy on you."

"You'll get plenty more chances to see it tonight. But the very first thing we do, once we get to the bedroom, is this: I'm going to make out with your asshole. I'm going to give you the best rimjob of your life."

"You don't have to..."

"No, I want to. This is your birthday. I know how exactly how much that turns you on, and how much you've been craving it. Then, when you're harder than you've ever been in your life, it's time to take out the buttplug, stick it in my mouth, and fuck my ass. You can spank my ass, too, while you fuck it. Make it bright red. I know you love that."

"Oh fuck. But why put the buttplug in your mouth, babe?"

"Because tonight I'm going to be the dirty girl of your dreams. I want to have the fresh taste of ass in my mouth — either yours or mine — the whole night."

"Fuck me."

"Don't worry, I will. Then, while I'm fucking you with my ass, I want you to start drinking your favorite beer. There will be a perfectly cold six-pack in the mini-fridge, which I've already brought into the bedroom."

"Wait, what? That's not a fetish of mine."

"Yes it is, you just don't know it yet. I want you to chug that beer while you pound my ass. Then, whenever you feel like it, I want you to take the plug out of my mouth. That will be my signal to turn around. You're going to stick that plug back in my gaping ass while I clean off your dirty cock."

"Ass-to-mouth? Really? You said you would never..."

"But tonight I will. Every fetish, remember? But we're not going to do it just once. I'll be your spinning top. Ass to mouth to ass to mouth to ass to mouth, as many times as you want. And remember, whenever you're in my mouth, the buttplug goes in my ass, and then it goes back in my mouth the moment you're ready for my ass again."

"Jesus Christ. I never dreamed you would do all this for me."

"I'm not done yet. Any time I'm cleaning off your dirty cock, you can always make me french kiss your asshole, so that I can get a good comparison of the tastes of your ass and my ass."

"I think I'm going to cum just imagining this."

"Don't cum yet! I have plans for that cum!

Now, remember all that beer you're going to chug? Eventually, it's going to have to come out. You know the old joke about beer: it ain't a purchase, it's a rental. Well, when you can't hold it any more, I want you to make me lie down on the bed face up, while you straddle me with your ass facing my mouth, and I'll give you the deepest rimjob yet. Then you'll start pissing on me.

It might take a while, of couse, because I know it's not easy for you guys to piss through your erections. But that's fine. I'll be making out with your asshole for as long as it takes. When you're ready, I want you to savor the feeling of pissing all over my body while my tounge is still in your ass.

I'm counting on you to have a lot of piss built up, because once you've drenched my body, I want you to pause and stand up so that I can kneel down in front of you with my mouth open. Then you'll piss in my face, making sure to drench my hair too, before you start fucking my mouth with your dirty, still-pissing cock."

"Wow. You've really thought this through. You're amazing. I can't believe how many of my kinks you've combined into a single plan."

"I'm not quite done yet. At this point my mouth will be full of the taste of your piss (and a good amount of that piss will be in my belly), which means it will be time to take my buttplug out and shove it in my mouth to get the taste of ass again. If you can, I want you to save the last of your piss so that you can piss into my asshole as you start to fuck it."

"Jesus."

"Now comes the big climax: after as many final rounds as you want of making me go ass-to-mouth, I want you to fill my ass with your cum, where it will mix with your piss. Then I'll walk over to where I've prepared a large, shallow bowl in front of a mirror. I'll squat down over the bowl, with my back to the mirror. You'll stand in front of me, and take your cock in my mouth.

While I'm cleaning your cock with my mouth, you can watch in the mirror as I shit out the mixture of your cum and piss into the bowl.

Then, once your cock is spotlessly clean, you're going to watch as I drink down every last drop of your cum and piss from the bowl. I'll lick it clean, too."

"You truly have thought of everything, babe. But what about you? Are you going to be masturbating this whole time?"

"Absolutely not. Tonight's about you, not me. In fact, you're going to start by handcuffing my hands behind my back. My mouth and my asshole are all I need to use tonight. I know my pussy will be dripping this whole time, but we're both going to ignore that. Remember, just for your birthday, I'm an anal-only gal. I might cum while you fuck my ass or I might not — it doesn't matter at all. Your pleasure is all that matters tonight."

"You are so perfect, babe. I don't deserve you. Just hearing you describe all this has already made this the best birthday of my life. But this is all so far beyond anything we've ever done before. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Oh, I'm deadly serious, buster. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. Here are the handcuffs. Let's get started."