All Comments on 'A Dragon's Tale Ch. 17'

looking forward to the next part

As a major StarGate SG-1 and Atlantis fan, I applaud your including references.

Another nice and thick steak of a chapter. Lovely to read more from you. Somewhat said that the lines had to be drawn as they were, but nice nevertheless to have a united front and goal for the group.

In my own head cannon, I'm pretty sure if Ethan hadn't already pissed off the dragon by thinking of giving away its gold, it wouldn't have reacted as strongly to that offhand comment of Gonorran's.

As for Rachel's surprise at being able to beat him in a contest of wills, despite this "battle experience". I ask this: How much of that has been honest fight-for-your-life kind of stuff, and how much has just been casual, defending his property? Because she has spent years in training, butting her will against her father to even be taught, much less all she went through to endure the ring. Say what you will about them, but those rings would make effective training tools for certain personalities in the right situations. It would surprise me a bit if some where/when there wasn't an archmage that had learned that way or trained their apprentices like that.

Now here's hoping more that he doesn't get Himself shot at by our lovely *hellsing reference* on the otherside. And I'm not nearly as confident as he that the enchanted armor wouldn't hold up to bullets. There are mundane items on this side of things that can. Although... having written out this comment, I find my mind drawing up an even greater concern. Gonorran had two or three chances to really examine the magic Ethan used... How difficult is it to learn? Because that is a nightmare scenario right there. Frankenstein reincarnated, and totally amoral. *shudders*

Thanks again for your story, be well and looking forward to the next chapter.

Hey. I understood that reference

Another good chapter. I'll be here the end of December for the next one! Thanks so much.

You mixed up first and third degree burns. Anyway, still loving the story, can't wait for the next chapter.

You are a great writer, keep it up.

Love the story so far.

Well done on an excellent series to date.

May I correctly assume that you have published the updated version of chapter 4.

Simonb1, Yup, the corrected version of chapter 4 has been live for... geez; maybe a year now?

Sorry about mixing the burn types up. I did look it up to get it right but I must've mixed it up later. :p I'll have to submit an edit when I get time. (a valuable commodity for me lately.)

I'm so glad you all enjoy the story. I love writing it and I've got all kinds of fun stuff coming. For example, how does a camera interact with a disguise gem<b>...</b>

As always I cannot wait for the next chapter! I cannot wait to see if Ethan's mates are freaked out by Earth. Great story!

I fuckin love the stargate references. I was cackling for a full minute reading those

Amazing work! I can't wait to read more!

Great chapter, and lucky me the next chapter is out so I’m off immediately to see how the detective and Ethan get along after the worlds most memorable school trip concludes happily (I hope).

Chevron one encoded! Lol

No more for me. I've had my fill of the wimpy-confused-clueless-hero trope. It worked for harry potter, but if you're gonna make a powerful hero, then don't geld him with stupidity, ignorance, and a fear of being a badass. You also seem to be copying elements from movies or tv shows, for example, in this chapter, Stargate. You should acknowledge borrowing scenes like that.

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Some scenarios remind me of Tefler's most-excellent story, "Three Square Meals", found on this site. The biggest difference is that Tefler's characters are dominant: they don't know everything, they discover things as they go, they learn from their mistakes, they continually improve, BUT, they are forevermore kicking ass and taking names, from the first battle to the last. Read that story, you'll see what a HUGE and wonderful difference it makes for the reader.

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BTW: It's 'nocked', NOT 'knocked', when referring to bows and arrows.

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Good luck in the future. I mean no disrespect. You're a good writer, but I can't tolerate the 'barely-scraping-by' theme any longer. It's tiresome. Thanks.

Only big fault is that you seemed to almost entirely forget about Hailey when she should at least be as much of a background character as any crew right now and arguably should have had a major part in this whole chapter and the fight. You previously made her up as a fighter / cat burglar but then never used that again. Expanding on that, them promising to be with her every step of the way is completely ridiculous. For starters they're not staying on earth, and even if Jason is still waiting on her reappearing after 4 years will bring with it huge complications that they won't be there for.

One last thought that occurs to me. The "its magic" argument can only go so far when you're talking about him being able to telepathically communicate with someone across dimensions. That really deserved a little more foreshadowing / framing than them just assuming it will work.

Over all I love the story and I'm very much enjoying it but there are a few threads keeping it from being perfect.

I started out absolutely loving this.... And now Ethan and his harem? Two? Ok. Three? Hmmm. Turn off but I can keep reading. I think. More women then that and this turns into a guys wet dream and not what I signed up for at all. Will be very disappointed. Much like I was when you introduced Beth. I almost stopped reading then.

Typos: a couple of mistakes that are quite consistent are, 1) though s/b thought, 2) yawed s/b yawned. there were others, but these have been wrong for chapters, ... fun story, I've not finished all of the free chapters yet, but I have already joined Patreon for more, ... this was a pretty well-done installment, ... but what's up with Hailey? nerves? reverse culture shock? Although, I did enjoy the SG1 references -- ;-) TTFN

late to the game but the stargate was a large distraction

I guess it’s a long way to go still from here but I seriously hope someone in the last couple of years gave you a bunch of advice that amounts to “halve your sentence count”.

Along those lines… stargate is indeed a huge distraction. Yes, it’s literally a stargate. Hailey has seen SG-1 and gets the reference. So has Ethan. It’s either funny or it isn’t. If it’s funny then the reader remembered it just as well as if you went on for paragraphs. If the reader is annoyed they’ve already forgotten a paragraph later.

The thanos drop of blood line is an example of a better way to do it. It’s clear Ethan thought it and it’s reasonably in character. If the reader is annoyed by the reference then they’re hopefully annoyed with Ethan the character and not you the author.

I’m curious to see where you’re going but this chapter reverted a lot of writing improvements from the previous several.

Still going strong.

Love your fight scenes! I usually skim over those types of scenes in general because I cannot follow along with the movie in my head but yours are amazing 🤩

Also, is it just me or should have they established where they were going by asking the teachers where they were taken from? Or was it addressed why the teachers and kids are not lined up to jump through with them?