A Drow's Dilemma Ep. 53: Discussion

Caleldir sighed again, this time not so satisfied. "I certainly understand. He may not be the one who actually committed those crimes, but he is a party to them, and that is a something hard to forgive. All I will say is that grudges hurt the one carrying them more than the one they are carried against. And that he may still be useful. Perhaps at least one male of House Duskhaven can be saved."

"But holding grudges is a favorite drow pastime!" Ashyr protested. She grinned up at him after saying this, obviously joking. Then her face went back to serious contemplation and she nuzzled her cheek against his chest. "I think it would be easier if it was just me they tried to rape. Then I could just set them something of theirs on fire and be done with it." Like that one very rude shopkeeper back in Port Afron over a month ago.

"It is harder to forgive an offense against another than it is to forgive an offense against yourself." Caleldir agreed.

"But with Tsabdrin... I know him; he probably suffers enough with being separated from his animals and locked up. He had nothing to do with the demise of Selene's daughter, he definitely didn't know what they were going to do with Selene, and if he killed one of my sisters or cousins... then they probably deserved it. There's a reason I've been up here for so long and not down with the rest of my people, and those cunts have a lot to do with it." Clearly with Ashyr, kinslaying was not such a big issue. Sometimes people need to be put down, and sometimes the only people who realize what must be done were their own family. It was a hard truth of the Underdark.

He let out a long breath that was almost, but not quite, a laugh. "I... do not doubt it. Frankly, the way I am inclined to see it is that the main crime is the death of the minors, not the adults. Killing children is almost never excusable. If I knew him to be guilty of that crime, I would be far more apt to just have Althaia execute him. Tsabdrin appears a bit more innocent, at least by drow standards. By upworld standards, he is still a rather terrible criminal: kinslayers are anathema in most societies up here. I understand things are different down below."

"Killing minors and the pregnant is pretty taboo in my culture as well. Unless, of course, it's out of self-defense. I think it's about avoiding waste of potential or something like that. Selene could probably explain it better than I can. Anyway, Irahc'vic is probably capable of wanton killing despite taboo. The rest... they'd need a damn good reason, or perhaps someone would need to bully them into it." Ashyr explained. Though the subject was grim, she was strangely... content lying on top of Caleldir, just talking. It was another thing they didn't seem to do often: just talk.

Caleldir scratched his head a bit. Although he recognized the names of Ashyr's brothers, he had a bit of trouble keeping them all straight. "You will have to give me a full list of people involved with the rebellion at a later date."

"Yeah, we'll make Tsabdrin write it down with more detail for all of us since he probably knows them best. It's the Underdark, so the relations are kind of... convoluted." Ashyr agreed. "We could have asked him more questions but... ah... I got angry." She let out an embarrassed cough and squeezed him just a little bit tighter. She wasn't at all angry any more, and consequently thought with much better clarity.

She sighed, yet again, and said something that proved far more difficult to say than she anticipated. "I should probably apologize, shouldn't I?"

His not-laugh turned into a legitimate smile. "I would not necessarily go so far as to apologize. I mean, I would in your shoes, but you are not me. I think that your cousin will be pretty well recovered if you give him some hope that you will allow Althaia to revive his Allosauruses if he behaves. I think that that is the thing mostly weighing on him at this moment."

"His animal companions are important to him, it's true. They would make him feel better." An uncomfortable expression crossed her face. "But... the thing I said - that 'placeholder' thing - it was probably the worst thing for him to hear, especially coming from me. You've probably gathered that we have history." She shifted off of Caleldir until she was at his side, using his arm as a pillow. "He's only a couple months younger than me. We grew up in the same house, pursued the same profession, and reached maturity together. Looking back, I realize we were something like what you people on the surface would call 'best friends.' But then Selene replaced him when she came of age, since he was studded out. Now the people who are supposed to be on his side, fighting for the recognition of his sex, call him 'the old Ashyr' when all he's wanted was to be equal and important in his own right." And then she put into words what much have been subconsciously bugging him for most of his life. She'd confirmed his deepest, darkest fear he didn't even realize he had, or so it seemed. Why else would it hit him so hard that it brought him to tears?

Thinking about that, Ashyr felt legitimately horrible.

He listened quietly to her explanation. "When you put things that way, I will have to rescind my words. You probably should apologize to him. I feel rather bad for a fellow like that myself: it seems that the poor guy simply cannot catch a break." He smiled bitterly.

"I suppose I'll have to apologize then." The ranger mumbled into his chest. She knew now without a doubt that she was in the wrong, but the thought of admitting it to anyone other than Caleldir was still... uncomfortable.

Caleldir gaze her a sympathetic squeeze. "You had better be careful, Ashyr. If Selene is in grave danger, as the paladin constantly reminds her, of going from evil to neutral, why, you are in severe danger of becoming downright good. And what would a good-aligned drow matron even be like? A disgrace to the Underdark, I would suppose. At very least you would have to start swearing by Eilistraee, which is a bit harder to say." His tone was as pleasantly teasing as his approvingly sarcastic words implied.

"Bah, I'm not going to apologize out of the kindness of my heart." Ashyr lied. "I don't want to be annoyed by his constant weeping." For she was just as attached to her current alignment as her cousin was. Caleldir was right about one thing; the people of Duskhaven would never accept a 'good' matron, for they would find her weak and stupid.

"Oh! That is an excellent idea." Caleldir complimented Ashyr. "Lying about your intentions so that whatever force of nature decides on which alignment aura you have does not bump you up to good. Nice." This time, it was genuinely hard to tell how sarcastic he was being, but regardless, he was definitely teasing her. "Anyway, his weeping is not ideal. Perhaps if we put him to important use and make him feel that he is valuable in his own right, then he will become fully loyal to us. For if he is searching for a purpose and we give him one, what greater incentive for loyalty can he have?"

"You're probably right. Hell, he is useful. He's always been better at life magic than I have, and I wouldn't be surprised if he could do arcane magic, too, if he studied it. And I have no idea how he managed to get two animal companions. But... except for the animal companions, either Althaia or Selene can do all that better than he can. Right now the only use he has is superior knowledge of the path to Duskhaven. Oh, and I guess he knows the area around his entrance to the Underdark, far to the south." Her lips thinned in contemplation. "I'm sure we'll think of something. We're a creative bunch."

"Personally, I do not think it wise to bring him anywhere near Duskhaven until the others are cleared out. We can pump him for information up here, but when the times comes to head down there, I would advocate leaving him to work with whoever we put in charge of Port Afron. No need to create a situation where his loyalty is divided."

"Except he needs to lead us down there. If what he said about the tunnels being changed - and I don't have much reason to doubt it - then it would be unwise for us not to use him. Otherwise, we can run into all sorts of things that make even Goelon look like a wimp. Besides, I'm quite confident that I can make Tsabdrin loyal to me." Whether that was actually the case or not, Ashyr looked genuinely sure that she could pull it off. After all, she'd managed it with Selene, and Selene was evil. Or at least had been at the time.

"I cannot argue with you on that." He replied in a subdued tone. "I am not sure how much we really can trust him, but if you have some way of making him loyal to you, I will not gainsay thee." He did not seem as sure as Ashyr, but shrugged. If worst came to worst, he would simply have Althaia revive her or something. The nymph could, at times, quite literally work miracles.

Selene poked her head into the door. Upon seeing the other two apparently resting, she approached and sat on the end of the bed. "Did you survive your first 'Ashyr Temper Tantrum,' then?" Selene asked Caleldir with a wicked sort of amused smile spread across her lips.

Ashyr sat up and made a noise very close to a 'harumph.' Her expression was good-natured, though.

The arrival of Selene he greeted with a smile. "I did indeed. It was an unusual experience. If I was a different sort of man, I would try to get her to tantrum more often!" He smirked in a way that was quite reminiscent of Ashyr.

"Yes. She does get quite... intense." Selene agreed. "It isn't so much my thing, especially after..." Selene admitted. The younger drow didn't finish her sentence, but she figured the others in the room would get the idea.

"Yeah..." Caleldir trailed off somewhat awkwardly at Selene's remark that that was not so much her thing. He perked right up afterwards though. "At least you do not have to worry about that with me!" he said cheerfully.

Selene was eager to change the subject. "You two should probably eat and then we can get going. We have a long way to walk." She wanted this Port Afron thing over and done with so they could wreak havoc on the Duskhaven males.

"I agree. Let us consume the noonday meal, and then turn our steps towards Port Afron."

Ashyr let her clothes appear on her body and said, "Yeah, alright. Let's eat. Selene? Since you already ate, do you want to nap? I'm going to get R.I.S.A to bring Tsabdrin in with us to ask him more questions, but you don't have to be there." What Ashyr really didn't want was Selene to be present when she apologized to her brother. She didn't think the younger drow would understand.

"I can handle myself in front of him." Selene responded primly. "But... a nap would be really nice" She admitted, and she was being mostly truthful. After all she'd eaten (and after the little emotional breakdown she'd had), a quick rest sounded extremely attractive. "Go on then. Wake me when you're ready, though. I don't want to be trapped in here like some invalid." Or like her brother.

"Worry not." He assured her. "We would not leave you here. Why would we, when we can make you walk for a few days? It will be fun! Hiking through nature, communing with the monster trees and angry animals... all things I am sure that you would not want to miss."

The older drow smiled at the younger, and pressed a quick kiss against her lips. "Come on, Cal." She said as she exited the bedroom. "R.I.S.A? Can you prepare some food and bring out our captive out to eat with us?" Ashyr was certain that the A.I. had already heard her intentions, but thought it a good idea to ask. R.I.S.A was, for all intents and purposes, a person. She might become resentful if she wasn't treated as such. That was the ranger's train of thought, anyway.

R.I.S.A. answered Ashyr promptly, although the A.I. sounded... flushed. She did not breath, of course, but her voice was intoned in a way that if she did, her breath would quite obviously have been ragged. [Of course, Lady Ashyr]. She stated. Food appeared on the table almost immediately - apparently R.I.S.A. had made extra - and hole opened in the ceiling shortly afterwards. A depressed Tsabdrin slid down through the ceiling and smoothly into a chair.

Although it might not have been the most appropriate of times, Caleldir had some small trouble stifling his laugh when he saw Tsabdrin's face after the drow's sudden descent onto the chair. It was highly amusing, that was certain. It was less amusing when he went back to being miserable. Caleldir felt a bit sorry for him, but kept quiet. Ashyr would have to be the one to comfort him this time. He was just a strange, overly tall Light Elf who happened to be hanging around for some reason. Come to think of it, Caleldir had not even yet properly introduced himself to Ashyr's cousin.

Ashyr swallowed, and bit her lip in uncomfortable contemplation. It was now or never, as the saying went. She approached his chair with awkward hesitation. And, after a moment of thought, and crouched in front of him as if the action itself was painful. He only looked towards her when she got just below his eye level, and his face became an unreadable mess of emotion.

"Er, Tsabdrin?" Ashyr asked as she looked into his cobalt eyes. "I'm... uh, I'm sorry for what I said. It was false and intentionally hurtful." She watched as Tsabdrin frowned, a very Selene-like expression, and looked away from his cousin. "- I mean. Um. It's not you who I wanted to hurt. Not really." Ashyr amended quickly. She sighed and took one of his hands. He let her touch him, but didn't try to grasp back. "I wanted to hurt the people who hurt Selene - not that that makes it okay for me to take it out on you." Damn. This apologizing stuff was hard. "I'm just - I'm sorry, okay? You are important in your own right, and not at all a placeholder."

He tried to read her face, and looked exceedingly confused that she would apologize at all. But Ashyr looked for all the world like she was being sincere. Then it looked like he was about to break down again, but this time he flung his arms around her and shifted from the chair to her lap. Ashyr fell backwards with a surprised yelp and a thump against the ground. She wasn't in danger of being crushed; Tsabdrin couldn't have been more than an inch taller than her, but he was a great deal lighter.

"I'm sorry too." He responded, his voice hoarse and muffled from being buried in her shoulder. "I should never have went along with those assholes." The drow male admitted.

"No. You really shouldn't have." Ashyr responded. She still wrapped her arms around his back and gave him a brief squeeze. "Let's stop before we make everyone puke with the mushiness. Including myself. You can make it up to us by telling us everything you know about the other Duskhavens."

Tsabdrin nodded, and they quickly separated. Both drow looked incredibly embarrassed. "What do you want to know?" He asked the group softly as he sat back down in his chair. He didn't look entirely recovered, but at least he was slightly improved.

Caleldir had to wipe the moisture from his cheeks by the time that Ashyr started to sarcastically talk about puking from the mushiness. There really was nothing more to be said on the matter, so Caleldir decided to pretend as if he had not seen any of it. So, he waited until everyone was back in their seats before speaking. When the they did, Caleldir stood up and reached across the table to offer Tsabdrin his hand. "Before we grill you for information, I should introduce myself. I am Magister Caleldir Goelon Hissael: Master Librarian of the Extinct Empire of Deusterra and the Lord of Ghosts. R.I.S.A., the little goddess of this realm, is partly of my creation. I have decided to align myself with your sister and cousin in this and all other matters." He then sat down, leaning slightly forward and resting his head on his folded hands. "For now, what we mainly want to know is the nature of the most immediate dangers that the usurpers pose. We are currently enroute to conquer Port Afron, and will not be properly able to make use of any other information until that matter is resolved. However, long term we need to know everything that you know. I am not familiar with House Duskhaven, and though I can get perspectives from both Selene and Ashyr on many of these matters, I would also like yours, seeing as your knowledge is more recent. Because I am going to have R.I.S.A. keep you in here until you are physically recovered (so the sooner you eat your meals and regain all that lost muscle and fat a healthy drow needs, the sooner I will let you out, and the sooner you can earn your allosaurus' lives back) most of this information can be written out, or dictated to R.I.S.A. With that understood, what I would like to know includes but is not limited to: the names, personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and loyalties of every major player in the uprising, troop numbers, strengths, and dispositions, supplies and stores, the layout as well as points of ingress and egress of Manor Duskhaven, and major events and potential outside forces that could intervene in our reclamation."

While Caleldir said all this, Ashyr settled in a chair next to her cousin and began eating enthusiastically - she didn't realize how hungry she was until she stopped focusing on the uncomfortable subject of apology and smelled the food on the table. Tsabdrin, for the time being, was more focused on the strange pale elf who seemed to like to talk a lot. In fact, the drow male's eyes looked like they were about to glaze over by the time Caleldir explained his intentions and what he needed from Tsabdrin.

-The pale one likes to hear the sound of his own voice.- Tsabdrin signed to Ashyr. He wasn't being too obvious about it, but Caleldir would probably recognize the communication from when Ashyr and Selene signed to each other. His mostly morose expression turned slightly grumpy as he silently observed this.

Ashyr snorted and inhaled some of her mouthful of roots in the process. She spluttered a bit, but was in no danger of actually choking. She didn't think he was trying to make a joke, he was just displaying his familial tendency to complain. Both Selene and Tsabdrin inherited that from their mother. But Ashyr found that particular complaint amusing.

Caleldir rolled his eyes. He still had not puzzled out what the hell they all were signing at each other, but he could guess from the male's grumbling manner and Ashyr's laughter that it was probably something about how he talked too much.

"Caleldir deserves your respect, cousin." Ashyr said in her native tongue when she managed to stop coughing. "He's Mine." If introductions were to be made, then they might as well go all-out. Tsabdrin would find out on his own - it was inevitable if he was going to be their prisoner staying with them for a while. She just wished her voice hadn't been so strangled from trying to inhale potato when she'd said it.

Tsabdrin's eyes bulged slightly, and he looked the at the other male with a more critical eye. "But he's- I mean- You can't-" He cut himself off before he could form a whole sentence. Her words had been fairly mundane, but apparently Tsabdrin understood something profound from it. "I, uh, I'm sorry, sir." He finally managed to say, lowering his eyes in the process.

Caleldir gave the small man a half smile. "Yeah, matrons are supposed to couple with drow not surface elves, I know. But, despite appearances, I am not a surface elf. The tale is very complicated, but suffice it to say that I am far, far older than I look, and am what might be called a Primordial Elf: that is, the child of a Titan. My blood is a throwback to the common ancestors of both the Light and Dark elves. In a way, I predate the divide. Also, due to my bloodline and skills with phenotype manipulation, any children I have will be fully and completely drow. Except even more so than any drow living. So trouble not your head on that account."