A Family Affair Ch. 07

A/N -- I'm fairly sure the process I describe below is entirely incorrect, so you'll have to check reality at the door regarding that. You'll figure out what I mean when you get there.

*****

Mum had been behaving a little differently all throughout dinner, like she had something on her mind. Whenever I looked at her, she couldn't meet my eyes. I naturally worried I'd done something to upset her. I couldn't imagine what. It wouldn't be taking Amy away for the night. She'd loved the idea of me treating my sister to a night away. So I had to think what was wrong.

"Mum, are you okay?" Amy asked.

"Not really. What I'm about to say is... There is a long story to what I'm about to say to you, Mark. This only involves you, not your sisters, cousins, aunts or myself. I'll explain everything afterwards, but I guess I really need to say what needs to be said. I'm so sorry I'm only telling you now, but I wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand, and then when you were, I just... It never felt like it was the right time. But I can't keep this from you anymore. You deserve to and need to know the truth."

"What truth, Mum?" I had to ask, a bad feeling immediately settling into my stomach.

She took a deep breath. "Mark, the man you called 'Dad', Matthew Williams, was not your biological father."

The first thing I did was laugh. A natural reaction because it must have been a joke. A bad one, but a joke. Surely? Mum met my eyes and I knew it was no joke, the faint grin disappearing immediately. "Mark... Your father was your father in the sense that he was the one that raised you. I am your mother, I gave birth to you. You are surrounded by sisters, cousins and aunts by blood. But you are not the product of your father and I."

It left me with a million thoughts but the one question I did have circling was if my mother had an affair? She'd never given me the idea she was a woman who'd done such a thing. But if I thought about it, my parents had always appeared cordial and friendly, but I would hesitate to call their relationship as one that was between two people still deeply in love.

"Who is his father?" Amy finally asked for me, probably noting I was away with my thoughts.

"Before I go into that, I have something to tell all of you. And this involves your aunts as well as myself. The three of us are widows. We are also... I hesitate to say victims, but our spouses were..."

"Your father was a bastard, Heidi," Rebecca said bluntly.

Kelly and Simone looked at their mother. Sandra nodded in agreement, assuming she meant her own husband was the same. "What does she mean, Mum?" Kelly asked.

Everyone looked back at Caroline. I sat there just staring into nothing. I heard but it was mostly white noise. "Girls, your father was having an affair while I was pregnant with Amy. I obviously wasn't aware at the time. He was having a second affair while I was pregnant with the twins. He was still having that affair when I discovered it about a month before I gave birth. I'll put it bluntly. I didn't want to be a single mother with three children. I'd put my career on hold to have kids so relied on your father for anything to do with our finances. Once I found out about his affair, I sat him down and gave him an ultimatum. I would forgive his affairs but he would accept that I would have a fourth child, as I wanted a son. But I would not have a son made from his..." She stopped a took a deep breath. "I wanted a son but not from his genes. I would not give him a son to carry on his legacy, so to speak. I wanted a son for myself."

I rested my elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands. "Fucking hell," I muttered.

Mum powered on through. "He wasn't happy but he knew I'd take him to the cleaners with a divorce. I had all the evidence I needed that a judge would take everything from him I would ask for. So I looked into sperm donorship. Artificial insemination. That sort of thing. We basically made an agreement. It would be a one and done. If I had a girl, so be it. If I had a boy, then he would basically raise him as his own and would never make an issue that his son wasn't actually his. But I wanted something further from him. I knew the love he'd feel for Mark would always be different, so I wanted financial guarantees. At the moment, there is a trust fund in his name. He will have access to it at twenty-one."

"What?" Debbie asked, hearing the shock in her tone.

"It was a guarantee, Deborah, in case things went pear shaped in the event he kicked him out as soon as he was of age at eighteen. Or if we divorced and he wanted to make a bitter contest of it. I knew your father continued his affairs, even after I gave birth to you and Katie, and he definitely kept them going while I was pregnant and after giving birth to Mark. I... I put up with it. I had you girls and then I had my little boy to raise. So I focused on the four of you, returned to work when I was able to, and your father was just there. You won't remember any arguments because there were not many. But you were probably also too young to notice how cordial our relationship was. He spent half of the time sleeping in the spare room, particularly if he came home late after sleeping with one of his pieces on the side. It was almost an unspoken agreement that we'd stay together until you were all grown up, then we'd split as amicably as possible."

I'd heard enough. I needed to get out and collect my thoughts. I felt for my mother, I really did. My heart went out to her. But it was too much, too big a secret to deal with that quickly. Rising to my feet, she immediately grabbed my wrist. I met her eyes and she let it go, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I love you, Mum. I always will," I whispered, "I love all of you. That will never change. But I just need a minute to gather my thoughts."

I grabbed my keys and headed down to my car. No idea where I drove to. I was on auto-pilot the entire time. Obeying the road rules. Stopping at red lights and stop signs. Indicating where necessary. But I just drove into the night. Eventually stopped somewhere, up on a large hill, the lights of the city below me in the distance. Opening the glove compartment, I grabbed the pack of smokes I kept for emergencies like this, opened the door and leaned against the front of the car. I didn't smoke very often, once every blue moon, only when I was stressed to fuck and needed something to help calm me down. I'd feel sick afterwards but that momentary relief was worth it.

Checking my phone, I had plenty of messages already, noticing I'd been gone for over two hours already. I hadn't even noticed. It rang almost as soon as I looked at the screen, noticing the label of 'Mum'. I was tempted not to answer. I should have been angry at the fact she'd kept that secret for so long, but I understood why. It was almost to protect me. I remembered my father. He'd been a good man, or so I thought. I couldn't remember him treating me any differently, though I guess when I thought about it, Mum was far more supportive regarding certain things. Always at my football and cricket games when I was a kid, for instance. Helping far more with homework, as much as my sisters did, though that was generally due to my father not actually being around all that much. I had put it down to him working constantly, though perhaps it was also due to his affairs. If not my mother, my sisters would always be around to help me. I'd probably have to search my mind and see what I could remember, perhaps piece together the puzzle.

I pressed accept. "Mum, I'll be home soon."

"Where are you, Mark?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I'll check GPS in a minute."

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she said, and hearing her cry broke my heart. I hated hearing my mother cry. Whenever she did, I was usually there to hug her. I knew hugs from her son always mended her broken heart.

"We'll talk about it later, Mum. It was just a shock, that's all. Think you know your life for eighteen years, then... Boom! Not quite what you think."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm left thinking I should be. Part of me does wonder why you didn't tell me sooner, but I guess you were protecting me, yourself and the family as a whole. Maybe the anger will come later? I don't know, Mum. I've barely processed what you just told me. But you're still my mother, I'll always love you, so that's all that matters. How are my sisters?"

"Shocked. Upset. Hoping you won't do anything stupid..."

I smiled despite myself. "Tell them I'll be home soon and I love them very much." I heard her relay the message. "And I'm guessing there was a lot more to tell?"

"Secrets destroy families, Mark. We needed to finally come clean. We agreed to wait until you were old enough, then we'd just share everything at once. But it was yours that was the biggest. I've wanted to tell you for so long but..."

"I'm just having a smoke, Mum. I know, I know, filthy habit, but I have one every few months at most. Once I've finished it, I'll hop in the car, drive home, might stop off for an ice cream or something."

"I'll wait up for you, Mark."

"I'll sleep with you tonight, Mum. Don't worry." That made her cry a little more. "Mum?" I asked softly.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Still love you like crazy. That's not going to change. Okay?" She managed to whisper something very sweet in return that made me smile. "I'll be home soon, Mum."

"I'll see you when you get home. Drive safely."

Disconnecting, I needed to take a deep breath before finishing the smoke. Placing the butt in the ashtray in my car, as I despised those who littered, I checked where I was on the car's GPS before slowly making my way home. Stopped for a sundae at Macca's before pulling into the driveway somewhere around midnight. I was going to be tired for work in the morning, but I'd been through worse.

The house was dark, but Mum was sitting by herself in the living room, finding her in darkness after I'd walked through the door, ensuring it was locked behind me. She stood up and hugged me tightly, leaning back and noticing her wet cheeks. Wiping them dry with a thumb, she returned a crooked grin before picking her up and carrying her though to her bedroom. Sitting her down, I turned on the lamp and seeing the fact she was so distraught nearly broke me in return. Caressing her cheek again, running my thumb along her smooth skin, a few tears immediately started to fall. It nearly got to me at the same time. I hated seeing my mother in such a state, and I knew the one feeling was of guilt. She had nothing to feel guilty about, as far as I was concerned.

"You're far too young to be this understanding," she said softly, trying a little humour.

"Trust me, my mind is a mess, Mum. I don't know what to think or feel. Getting angry is useless energy. So my plan is we go to sleep, and we discuss it during the week." Leaning down, I kissed her deeply, feeling her arms around me immediately, almost desperate to not let me go. Ended up on the bed, resting above her as we made out. Leaning back as I ended the kiss, she managed a faint smile. "So I've got a trust fund eh?"

That made her laugh. A genuine one that warmed my heart, and I knew she'd feel better soon. "I actually haven't checked it in years. You'll either have a few thousand dollars or you're going to be rich."

"I don't care about that. How did my sisters handle it?"

"They're upset the father they remembered was partly an illusion."

We undressed, keeping our underwear on, before I lay back with my mother snuggling into my side. She still sniffed from time to time, running my fingers along her side, kissing her forehead every so often as she started to relax. "I haven't ruined this?" she asked softly, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I was so scared about telling you. I didn't want to ruin your memory of your father, but rest assured, there are no issues regarding your, well, I guess we'll say sperm donor. They go through all sorts of health tests and you're a vision of health anyway."

"Definitely not ruined a thing, Mum. But, as I said, we do need to talk about quite a lot of things. Obviously need to hear a lot more about what happened between you and Dad, I think. And I need to speak to my sisters too. I can imagine they're upset."

"They are, but they're strong. They were more worried about you. It does affect you more than any of us."

I called work the next morning, stating a family emergency came up and I needed the day off. It wasn't a surprise that everyone else stayed home that day, even those at university choosing to remain at home. Before sitting down for breakfast, I gave each of my sister's a very long hug. Deborah and Katie were okay, but Amy was very upset. She'd been daddy's little girl, but to hear how he'd treated our mother... I assured my aunties and cousins nothing changed with them either. Mum would always be Mum, my sisters were from the same mother, and my aunties and cousins were related to my mother. In my mind, nothing changed at all. They would always be family.

After breakfast, I learned the rest of the story. It was, quite frankly, disgusting. Sandra's husband had been having an affair with her best friend, of all people. Rebecca's husband had been sleeping around with men. What pissed her off wasn't that, she just hated the fact he couldn't be honest with her, and more importantly, himself. If he'd admitted to being gay or bisexual, they could have split amicably and she would even have been supportive, aware of how difficult it was for some men to come out. Instead, he chose to cheat on his wife, and she just couldn't find it in her heart to forgive him, even in death.

"Hang on, they were in Europe. So..." I actually couldn't finish the question as I knew the answer already. It was easy to piece it all together.

"Oh, my best friend was there," Sandra stated, venom dripping from her tone, "The bitch had the audacity to show up at the funeral. Becca and your mother had to restrain me from confronting her, but it was made known her presence was not welcome. Haven't seen nor spoken to her since."

I glanced at Rebecca, who shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. I'm not sure he was ever involved with someone in particular or if it was just casual sex. I've had checks and always come back clean. Of course, once I found out, I stopped having sex with him, and to be honest, he didn't seem that bothered or interested not long after I'd had Heidi anyway."

Looking at Mum, I asked, "I guess that explains your single life for a while?"

"What your father did to me... After I'd confronted him, he had the opportunity to end his affairs, go to counselling, do something to save the marriage. He wasn't interested. I guess my ultimatum and forced agreement meant he could have his cake and eat it too. Once you came along, I simply chose to grin and bear it for as long as necessary. After your father... Should I still call him that?"

"Of course. He raised me until he died. Whoever donated is just that, a donor."

"After your father died, I just couldn't bring myself to open myself up to anyone, and trust? Not a chance. And considering my sisters and I all suffered from the same thing, little wonder we've all remained single. How do you recover from that sort of trauma?" She took my hand. "I was always faithful, Mark. Know what I mean?"

I couldn't help grin. "No fooling around with your sisters?"

"No. We stopped that as soon as we were in relationships. If we were just dating around but not committed to anyone, then yes, we still had our fun. But as soon as whoever we were dating made their intentions clear, things stopped. Dating then isn't different to now. You could date more than one person at a time, trying to find the right partner. But there comes a time when you know you're getting serious, and that's when you stop everything else."

I took a deep breath. "So I guess the big question is... Who was the donor? I won't say father, my father is my father." Mum took my hand, and she looked proud of me. "I'm guessing you'll have paperwork and everything. Part of me would like to know some details, but the other part doesn't want to know. Does it really matter?"

"The question is, does it matter to you, Mark?"

I closed my eyes and gave it some thought. I'd probably always have that interest, and maybe in the future, it would be an itch that needed scratching. But in that moment, I'll admit, I actually wasn't that bothered. What mattered to me was that three of the most important women in my life had been left hurt, even a little broken by what happened to them. And that, in turn, hurt my sisters and cousins.

"What do you all think?" I asked them.

Amy sighed. "Guess I've had this idealised version of my father. Hearing what he did to our mother for all those years though... Mum, why didn't you just leave him? Plenty of single mothers out there who survive."

"But so many of them struggle, Amy. Me staying here meant that, at the very least, I would raise my kids in a good environment. I made sure whatever was going on between your father and I never impacted any of you."

"She's sort of right. I don't remember raised voices, crossed words or anything," Deborah said, "And there was always affection from both of them to us. I guess... I guess our parents were never that affectionate to each other, but I've seen worse from some of the parents of friends."

"I can't believe he had affairs while you were pregnant, Mum," Katie said, and out of my three sisters, she was the most visibly upset, "That's unforgivable. You're carrying his children yet he's out there getting some tail?" She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, Deborah wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry, Mum. I'm glad you told us the truth so now we know what sort of man he was. He might have been a good father in that he helped raise us right, but as a husband, he fucking sucked."

That broke some of the tension at the table as there were a few chuckles. No surprise Kelly and Simone felt the same as the others. Pissed off at their father for what he'd been doing, but admitting that he'd always been a good father to them. But they hurt as much as their mother.

To my complete lack of surprise, Heidi was understanding. "We know how hard it was back in the day for men to admit they were homosexual, and if you were bisexual, men would just think you were gay, and women would be worried you just want to fuck or be fucked by men. Look at all the men who lived in the closet for years before they finally had the support to be honest with themselves. I'm angry for my mother who lived in a fake marriage, but I can sort of understand why my father did what he did. I'm not saying it's acceptable, as my mother had to endure just like he did, but like all of you, he was still a good father. A great father, at least in regards to help raising me. Always supportive. Always affectionate and loving. I'll still remember him fondly, but there'll now be that added element that does cause his star to fade."

Rebecca leaned over and hugged her daughter tightly. "I'm glad you think that way about him," she whispered, "He was a good dad, at least."

"How are you, Mark?" Heidi asked, "You've had a lot of information dumped on you in the past twelve hours."

I tapped my temple. "Still processing it." Then I grinned. "All I know is that I'm still banging my mother, sisters, aunts and cousins." There was plenty of giggles and a couple of rolled eyes, accompanied by a knowing smile, as we all revelled in the taboo. "We might not share the same father, but my mother will always be my mother, and we're all still family. I'll give it all some thought over the next few days and weeks, but honestly, I'm not the only one to hear some unexpected truths. You three had to endure relationships with unfaithful partners. Matthew Williams was my father, and that's how I'll still see it."