All Comments on 'A Family Controlled Ch. 02'

He got the aunt. Now he needs to find out how to get Charles and his brother out of the picture. He also needs to get his mother and quite possibly his sister.

The grammar and punctuation in this story is atrocious. I don't know how everyone else managed to finish it. Personally, I found it nearly impossible to read. It's one thing to forego using an editor if your command of the english language and composition skills are excellent, but yours are not. At the very least, find a proof reader to catch the glaring mistakes.

set up a camera and record the abuse of his mother and aunt then have him arrested.maybe even have him wait til they try and go after his sister to make it worse and they will never get out of prison.

Then Fry them in their truck. and call it an Accident "bad" Gas Line.

Don't worry about the critics some people can be a little snooty it's the story not the grammer.I don't teach english I just like a good story if someone wants to teach get a damn job.

Love the story so far, keep it up, want to c what happens next

Still liking the story and I hope the hero gets to fuck up his uncles brother big time as well. Still pissed of with your grammar and spelling though, so I suggest you get a proof reader onto your stories to pick up on your mistakes and help you sort them out, but other than that I'm liking it, good job so far keep on trucking as they say.

and then there is the rest of the story. i.e.

"You wont like what you here"

maybe you don't even notice what is wrong with that short sentence. if not, you should not be writing for a public site.

do you, or anyone else proof read your material before posting?

as to the story, you now have one 19 year old high school student, ( how many grades was he held back? ) plotting against the husband of the woman he just screwed in the front seat of his truck. golly what a lovely bunch of perverts you have created for us.