All Comments on 'A Fantasy Made Real'

Hot story! As a fellow bandgeek, this has always been a fantasy of mine.

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. That I could never do also to you to enjoy that crush. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. That I could never do also to you to enjoy that crush. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. That I could never do also to you to enjoy that crush. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

Thanks for writing this it is also a fantasy. But I no longer play the flute. Well the skin flute is a whole other instrument to enjoy now 20 or so years later. lol

I liked the premise of this story. It has potential and writing it first person could make it very hot. However, it needs a total re-write. 1)There are far too many simple spelling and grammar mistakes: E.g, "Your" means "belonging to you," but you meant to write, "you're," as the contraction of "you are." There were numerous such mistakes and they aren't just distracting because I am part of the spelling and grammar police (I am), but because every time I have to mentally correct something or struggle to know what you really meant, it takes me out of the story. It breaks my concentration.

2) You need to pick a perspective and stick to it. Quit switching from present to past tense (often in the same sentence)! Likewise, quit switching from 1st person, author's viewpoint, to 3rd person observer and back! Arrgh!

3) Finally, take more time before getting to the sex. Make the fantasy realistic and it becomes a hotter read. Given the way that sexual harassment suits have hit colleges and universities, most academics are, at the very least, CAUTIOUS about hitting on students.There may be good reasons why this old band director was willing to take the risk, but you need to indicate them--or, at least, describe a personality that would be willing to risk it all. Otherwise, it's like cheap porn where characters start taking off clothes almost on sight. Completely unbelievable. Many of us have fantasies, but in a good STORY, you give the reader reason(s) to suspend skepticism and share the fantasy. Write in such a way that I'm willing to tell my doubts to shut-up and go with the flow. It's all the more arousing if a voice in my head says, "Oh, yeah, this could happen!"

Spelling and grammar really needs work . Really.