All Comments on 'A Fighting Chance'

I guess the client's mother provided a great tip!

5

That was a good story and great writing. Thanks

Checks off all the criteria the Writers' Workshop guidebooks deem important; no real deficiencies in setup, character delineation, plot stage transition, or segue from climax to ending. The creativity in constructing the story line is impressive, and, while for a "crime story" the plot didn't reek of danger--it was sufficient in its "threat of harm" to the MC (and mildly to his client) that the winding up of the tale with the MC's psychological analysis...was consistent with the overall tone of the tale.

A very good piece of writing, coherent and entertaining. Well done.

More please.

MLJ

You were off a little on the technical aspects of the gun stuff but I doubt most readers would catch or care. The story line was great. I would only add that fleshing it out a little more would add to the enjoyment.l

Happy to vote five

A Model 19's got a mighty big frame to be an ankle gun. Did you ever actually try wearing it that way?

It started off rather slow, but turned into a fairly decent detective story. Not so much as an erotic story unfortunately.

Really enjoyable read! 5*

Well written, but I am somewhat astonished at the love shown guns. Americans probably don't realize that non-Americans think that this love of guns is pathological,. Gun culture is one of the reasons that non-Americans think that the USA is a terrible place to live. The story is essential gun-porn, which is a fetish found nowhere but in the USA.

Really enjoyed the story and the tribute to Walt and his Smith 19 snub-nose. I have a Glock 23 but carry my Star Starfire 40. Liked the down home kind of guy Harry turned out to be. I did think it was funny when he and Vicky had to take a break so Harry could reload, so to speak. Most stories would have them fucking like rabbits for hours and hours on end. Deserves a five for good writing and story. Thanks

I love old timer Detective stories, and this one fit the bill. Five stars, and thank you for it.

EXCELLANT EXCELLANT EXCELLANT! And thank you for continuing to write!

Bob

This was the combination of two rather ordinary stories. One was the beg lining tale coupled with the end of the whole thing about guns and cops and PIs and seemed to be going nowhere. The second was the rather complicated story of the bank fraud and poor Diane being the victim of the two women villains. There was actually a third addendum which was the sex story of our hero and Vicky which seemed to be the obligatory dose of sex that many authors feel is necessary in order to qualify as a Literotica entry. All in all it added up to a lot of blabber and not much of a story. Don't ask why I read it to the end, but I actually skimmed a large part of it and deposited my offering of 2* on the way out.

You really are treating us to some excellent reads. Loved this one. Thank you.

I think all your stories I've read so far are great. There is a great lead in before the story gets erotic. The only disappointment I had with this story was that the hero ended up with only the mother. I was waiting for Diane to get in on the action.

Looking forward to reading more of them!

Ronde,

As I have said many times in the past ‘Superb writing and superb story.’ MoMiner. MM

Good to see you here after the demise of the other site. I had wondered how long it was going to survive.

After I left the US Army Military Police where I carried a Colt 1911 .45 caliber semiautomatic pistol, I was stuck with a S&W model 19 SIX round pistol with 2 six round reloads. I did figure out how to attach a Model 39 to the webbing of my bullet proof vest. Back then, I was a member of the 1% that wore a bullet proof vest. Eventually, as a Lieutenant I was the first person in the department qualified to carry an M-16 and that was only because of my military experience. After 40 years I still have that Model 39. I really enjoy your stories and I appreciate your sharing them!!!

Kinda fun but a bit disjointed. Nostalgia is not a good way to pick a primary weapon. As a backup? Yeah maybe. The bank fraud story was OK. The sex chapter was gratuitous at best. 3* is the best I can do.

Lost me in all the financial maneuvers.

Hot! Vicky was Hot!

Boring

Nice story. The plot was nicely developed.

The detective theme was hard boiled- esque.

(Like a Mike Hammer episode...)

Wimp dick x2?

Nicely done. It’s a compact version of a Ross MacDonald story. Kind of like your little .38.

Nice story. I think the .357 is closer to a 10mm than a .40 Short & Wimpy.

OK, I’m a little biased. :-)

To @OffRoadDiesel, I have taken down a whitetail and a black bear with a .357 and a hunting load. Never have shot a .40, but know what a .357 can do. So I agree.

Loved the story, I agree with the .357 hydro shock. Loved. The erotic Vicky portion of the story

Nice work

Why go for Mom when the daughter has $5M?

Very good

Too bad the quite-rich daughter was not interested, but Momma was plenty hot.

Our hero should take the chance whenever Vicky comes back, and maybe build his endurance a little.

Good writing, good story

Great story, love it. AAAAAA++++++