All Comments on 'A First Time Ch. 01'

Keep going but forst get an editor

The story line was fine, but I had to stop reading or go crazy with all of the errors.

Great imagery and powerful verse.

(not bothered about minor errors or a few problems with the grammar of the story, unlike so many ex-teacher types here on the Lit!)

I am interested only in mother/son stories so normally would not have completed the tale but the power of writing kept me engrossed.

Please do write a story about a son seducing his reluctant mother.

Limited short story - common theme - well presented - suggest rewrite and expand.

A nice story that has realistic elements. Both Laurie and Kenny can benefit from the relationship. It can relive stress, build confidence and help overcome insecurities.

I liked this first chapter, but I have some questions:

Laurie, Kenny, Trudy? This are not traditional Japanese names, I have Japanese family, and this names are occidental, not Japanese.

About grammatical errors, I'm not able to say nothing (I'm not English native), but maybe, the help of one editor is better for the next chapter, because the story is nice and I think can be greater in the future.

Anyway, I give 5*.

Good job.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

A good start, good characters and chemistry, just needs some proof reading as others have said. I'm really hoping to see the next chapters soon! It's nice to see an incest story with an asian male for once too.

To those confused by names, I'm assuming the characters are asian american, so having western first names isn't weird.

love the way you brought the please do not fuck me in. One problem...A ounger brother being scared of thunder? Maybe fake fear, not scared

Scary Thunder!!!

Hell Yeah, try anything for that sweet forbidden fruit.

overall a good story. I liked the sister not realizing she had a thi g for him, but she would get the vibes I think.

Great First Time Love Story Five Stars RW

Great Story

What a goddamn easy fuck-slut of an older sister Laurie is. Putting out for her horny younger brother who is intent on making her his private cum-dump. Can't wait to read the next chapter.