A Fresh Start

"You're not a dumbass," Adam was quick to respond. They stopped in front of his apartment door.

"It's just so much money!" Tessa closed her eyes for a moment. "My head is spinning."

"Hey, umm... come in," he gestured towards his door and took out the keys to unlock it. "I'll get you a drink and... just, don't be alone."

She looked back at him, sucking in a deep breath. Adam shoved the door open and nodded towards his apartment, inviting her to come in. She bit her lip, hesitating, then slowly took a few steps inside.

****

He had a great place. Tessa sat on the plush leather sofa in his living room with a glass of Jack and coke in her hand, exploring the place with her eyes. He had a ton of books, shelves and shelves of them neatly arranged, taking up an entire wall of the main room. His furniture looked comfortably worn, the well-used sofa, an armchair nearby, a coffee table with a glass center and worn wood edges, piled with some sort of manuscripts. She picked one up, examining it. Adam had sat with her when they first came in, obviously trying to comfort her in her distraught state, but now he was in the kitchen. He said he was going to make dinner for them, and she had to stay, which made Tessa extremely nervous because suddenly this seemed like a date. Not that she'd know what that was. She hadn't been on a date in ages. But he was puttering about in there, occasionally peeking at her through the doorway, giving her a smile.

"What is this?" Tessa walked over to the kitchen doorway holding one of the manuscripts. She had skimmed over the first few pages and it seemed to be some kind of a crime drama. Adam glanced at her while slicing a cucumber.

"Work," he smirked. "I bring a lot of work home cause apparently I have nothing better to do on my nights and weekends."

"What do you do for work?" She watched his hands move effortlessly on the cutting board.

"I'm a literary agent," he stopped slicing, watching her face for a reaction. Tessa's mouth fell open slightly, in surprise. "Mostly thrillers and detective mysteries and crime dramas, stuff like that. I have a couple of clients who actually write non-fiction, true crime stuff, that shit is pretty incredible." He smiled his dimpled smile before going back to slicing.

A voice in Tessa's head screamed that he was so far out of her league that it was unfathomable he'd ever be interested in her. Pity seemed plausible. Maybe he felt bad that she was sad and alone and perhaps he was just a good guy. But it couldn't be any sort of romantic interest.

Felix has lost any sort of romantic interest in her years ago. He made comments about the weight she gained and the way she looked, about her lack of effort and her terrible attitude about things. Though his general distaste and disappointment in her appearance didn't stop him from having sex with her. It almost seemed to be the opposite, the more he put her down, the less attractive he found her, the more interested he seemed in fucking her. It was a horrible, devastating mind game.

"Hey," Adam snapped her out of the fog she drifted into, staring off past him into space. "Dinner's ready, come sit down." He gestured at the small table in the corner of his kitchen. He had set the table.

Adam served her the pasta with the sausage, peppers, and onions that he prepared and passed the bowl of salad to her. Her heart raced, whooshing loudly in her ears. He smiled and watched her eating in between bites and she felt so anxious and unsettled that it was hard to swallow the tasty dinner he had made.

"You have a really hard time relaxing," Adam noted, stabbing the salad with his fork. She nodded. "What can I do to make you more comfortable?" She didn't know what the answer to that was. Turn back the last thirteen years of her life and then, maybe, she'd be less anxious, though she was always rather shy. She shrugged, drinking more of the jack and coke Adam had mixed for her. He told her that it was kind of his go-to shitty day drink.

"I'm a really awkward and anxious person," she finally told him, the alcohol doing nothing to ease her nerves. The warmth and genuine nature of his smile almost served to melt and disarm her, but not quite.

"I like the person that you are, what I know so far. I think I would like the rest too." He probably thought he was helping with that statement, but he was just causing her mind to race, wondering why he'd say something like that.

She offered to wash the dishes after they finished eating and he waved her off, telling her he'd do it later. He put his hands on both of her shoulders, standing behind her, and led her back into the living room. Her body tingled everywhere, radiating from the place where he touched. He sat her down on the sofa, taking a seat right next to her, the sides of their legs touching, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Tessa felt stiff, unable to relax into his body.

Adam led the conversation, asking her a thousand questions about her childhood, her family, college. He shared about himself too, growing up in Brooklyn, having an older sister, staying in the city for college. He described his dating style as a serial monogamist. He said his life had been a series of serious girlfriends, several lasting years at a time, all ending for different reasons.

"Felix was the only man I ever dated," she opened up to him. "Well, aside from a couple of guys in high school, which I wouldn't really count. I met Felix in college, at nineteen, and we stayed together for thirteen years."

"Wow," Adam's forehead creased and his eyes moved as if he was trying to figure things out. The silence lingered over them. "Was it something that happened slowly over time, drawing you apart, or was it something sudden that made you leave?"

"I suppose it's the former," she thought back, trying to pinpoint when Felix started to change, when he became hurtful and when things turned forceful. There had been incidents as far back as ten years ago, but then they were far between and he'd apologize, afterward, for pushing her, for taking it too far, for his inability to control himself. In the beginning, he even blamed it on how much he loved her and how hard it was for him to resist her. But she stayed and he saw it as permission to carry on with what he was doing.

"Did it end on amicable terms? Do you still talk?" Adam squeezed her shoulder and it finally felt ok, it finally felt comforting and friendly and not entirely dumbfounding.

"No," she shook her head. "It ended..." with cops and lawyers and humiliating questions, with a protection order and hearing, with being made to feel weak and stupid and at fault for allowing things to go on for so many years. "Badly. It ended badly."

"I'm sorry," he sounded so sincere. He turned and embraced her in a tight hug, his hand rubbing her back. Tessa exhaled. Being in his arms felt like just about the best thing in a very long time. She wrapped her arms around him too, not wanting this to end, not wanting to let go of him. "How long has it been?" She felt his breath on her ear along with the question.

"About five months," she let her eyes close, her face pressing into his shoulder. He was simultaneously firm and soft against her, the heat of his body warming through her.

"Tessa?" Her name sounded so good in his voice. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," she pulled away slightly, not letting go completely. "This was... thank you." It felt like some sort of a switch flipped inside her. Her mind started out screaming that she did something wrong, lingering in this hug, staying in his arms for too long, that she should apologize. But as the words began coming out of her mouth, she decided to thank him for this moment instead.

Adam closed the distance between them again, his lips connecting with hers. He kissed her gently, softly, his hand moving to the back of her head. There was no force or aggression in the way his lips pressed against hers, moving with hers, for a moment, then another, then pulling away. She wanted to thank him again, for how wonderful this was, for how much she needed this, for how good he felt. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him this time, moving her hands to his face, feeling his stubble in the palms of her hands.

This is what she needed. The thoughts swirled in her head as their lips danced together, parting, allowing their tongues to meet. She wanted the closeness, the affection, and she wanted to feel in control of the situation. She wanted things to happen on her own terms, to make the decision about what would happen between her and Adam, because it has been too long since she'd had a say, since she'd had a choice.

****

He took a chance in kissing her. His brain screamed at him that he was making a huge mistake, that he shouldn't be kissing a woman he was comforting, who just told him that she had a terrible breakup after a thirteen year relationship! Thirteen year relationship! Having been with one man ever! And he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But after his tentative first kiss, she came back in for more. Tessa's hands on his face, her soft, urgent lips, her closeness, was like a high. He felt drunk on her.

"Adam," she pulled away slowly, not out of his reach, just disconnecting out of their kiss. "I really needed this," she confessed.

"I'm glad to be of assistance," he grinned. He stroked her neck, focusing in on her eyes, then her lips.

"But I just need this, for now, just... kissing and holding and having this closeness. For now." He wanted to tell her that he had no intention of pushing her, that he understood she would need time, but she continued speaking, shaking her head when he opened his mouth. "You have no idea how amazing it felt when you just hugged me! It was like an epiphany about how... comforting someone's touch could be, how much I want this."

"You got it, Tessa," he assured her, pulling her back into his embrace, "as much as you need, as long as you want."

They slept together that night, just slept. Tessa had barely left his arms all night. They spooned in his bed, both wearing pajamas, Tessa wearing her own t-shirt with a pair of his plaid, flannel pants he offered for her to borrow. He inhaled the camomile scent of her shampoo, nuzzling her neck and soft, smooth hair. She seemed to settle into a deep sleep, barely moving at all, while Adam's brain was busy concocting a new story, one that would explain what had happened to end a thirteen year relationship badly. Something relating to them never getting engaged or married? Something relating to wanting or not wanting kids? There was this terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that if Tessa said it ended badly, it was a gross understatement. That she had somehow been terribly wronged. There was something in the way she said "an epiphany about how comforting someone's touch could be."

He fell asleep eventually, his arms still around her, his face buried in her hair. He woke the same way, in the early morning hours, when the light coming in through his windows was still grey. Tessa had squirmed in his arms, stirring, her hand reaching for the place where his involuntary morning erection pressed into her ass.

"I'm sorry, it can't help itself," Adam pulled away, putting space between them, but keeping his hand on her hip.

"It's ok," her voice sounded groggy, but as if she was smiling too. She rolled over to face him, her grey eyes looking bright, the lightest he's ever seen them. She reached her hands up to his face and pulled him towards hers, pressing her lips against his. It started as a soft, sweet kiss which Tessa took deeper. She moved towards him, closing in the distance he put between them, pressing her body against his. He didn't want to rush things, realizing how huge this was for her, but his cock ached being pressed against her softness and he could feel her nipples hardening through the thin material of her t-shirt. But he could control himself, he could keep his hands on her hips, away from any of the naughtier bits.

She took his hand and moved it to her breast and he could feel his cock twitch, reacting to the feeling of her breast in his hand. He cupped it, feeling the heft of it, wrapping his fingers around the firm sphere. He found her nipple between his thumb and index finger, twisting it gently over the fabric of her shirt. A quiet moan escaped Tessa's lips, vibrating against his mouth.

"Do you like that?" His words seeped against her mouth.

"Mhmm," she confirmed.

Tessa's hands found the edge of his shirt and dove underneath it, rubbing over his abs, then his chest. They felt soft and warm, her fingers so small and delicate against his skin. He pulled up the hem of her shirt as well, bringing it up over her breasts, freeing them. His fingers worked her nipples, trying to be gentle, trying not to tug too hard. Tessa moved her hands out from under his shirt and down to his crotch, her palm pressing against the outside of his pajama pants, rubbing against his erection. Her hand made several passes up and down his cock, cupping his balls when she reached the root of it. He was starting to have trouble restraining himself from pushing into her hand, gaining more friction, increasing the sensation. But he maintained control over himself and was rewarded with her hand dipping into his pants and boxer briefs and stroking him, skin touching skin.

Her eyes looked bright and mischievous when she pulled away from their kiss. She looked like there was some sort of a dirty plan laid out in her head and she was about to follow through. Her hand pulled out of his pants and hooked into the waistband to pull them down. Adam sucked in a breath, helping her get his pajama pants and underwear over his cock and down his legs. Tessa pulled her shirt up over her head before moving down the bed towards his throbbing hardon.

"Tessa," he cupped her jaw with his hand, tipping it to look up at him. "You don't have to." He meant it.

"I want to," she smiled up at him. "I really, honestly want to."

She lowered herself down his body until she was facing his cock. She stroked him with her hand, watching the bead of precum appear at the tip, then swiped her tongue over it, licking it away. Just that quick contact with her tongue felt sensational, making his cock jerk in her hand. She swirled her tongue over the tip before covering the head of his cock with her mouth and moving down the shaft towards the root. Watching Tessa taking him into her mouth added another dimension to how amazing it felt. She didn't go deep, maintaining a hand at the bottom of his shaft, but the things she did with her tongue felt incredible. He reached down to cup her breast, which swayed with her movement over his cock. Her moan at the feel of his hand against her nipple vibrated against his cock, bringing him closer to coming.

"Adam," she sat up, her hand still stroking him. She licked her lips then brought the bottom one in between her teeth. He watched her face, waiting for her to continue. "I want to feel you inside me." Her voice was quiet. "Is that ok?"

"Only if you're sure about this," he kept his face serious. Of course, he wouldn't say no to burying his cock inside her, feeling how warm and wet she was, but he didn't want to rush her into anything she wasn't ready for.

"I'm sure. I want to." There was something assertive in her tone, something that told him she had made up her mind. "I'm... uh..." she looked down, her cheeks catching color, a blush of pink creeping across her face. "I have an IUD. Are you... ok to go without a condom? Or should we use one anyway?"

"I got tested a few months ago and I haven't been with anyone since then," he told her. Not to mention that he hasn't had sex without a condom in years, not since Marina. She looked up at him, her eyes flickering between his.

"I have no idea what people do," she let out a nervous laugh. "Is that ok? Do you trust me?" She was asking him if he trusted her. It struck him with a force.

"Yeah, I trust you," he assured her, stroking a hand over her cheek. She leaned into his touch.

She let go to get out of her pajama pants and panties and Adam stripped the rest of the way as well. She straddled him, swinging one leg over to his other side, hovering over his groin. He could see the nerves in her face, the apprehension of doubling the number of men she has had sex with.

"We don't have to do this, it's ok if you're not ready," he gave her another chance to back out. She smiled at him, resting a hand on his chest.

"I want to, I really do." She reached between them, found his erection with her hand, and guided it to her opening.

She was wet and ready. He could feel her heat as she moved the head of his cock through her folds, gathering the lubrication he'd need. It felt amazing, his nerve endings seemingly ignited at contact with her pussy. She brought him back to her entrance and slowly eased herself down onto his shaft.

"Geez, Tessa, you feel fantastic," he blurted out, the sensation of her hot, tight channel almost too much to handle. The view of her generous, round breasts definitely heightened how turned on Adam felt.

"Just let me ride you, ok?" Her expression was serious, her eyes on his. He nodded. He'd do anything to make sure she was comfortable with this, that she didn't regret having done this.

He had found her attractive from the first moment he saw her, in the hallway that afternoon, when he thought she was too young and too unavailable for anything to happen between them. But now, as she sat above him, straddling his cock, her perky nipples pointing out at him, her caramel brown hair brushing her shoulders, which were pulled back confidently, she looked unbelievably beautiful. Adam's eyes roamed her body, taking in every detail while she carefully lifted and lowered herself on his cock. She leaned towards him, planting her hands on his chest, grinding her pussy into him. Her hips swirled, finding the right amount of friction. He grasped her breasts, cradling them in his palms, gingerly twisting the nipples between his fingers.

"Mhmm," Tessa squeezed her eyes shut as her body shuddered. He could feel her orgasm distinctly against his cock, squeezing him, vibrating against him. Her movements stilled as her body reverberated with aftershocks. "Please move now," she whispered to him, her eyes still closed.

Adam moved his hands to her hips, pushing his feet against the bed for leverage and starting to pump slowly into her. She moaned quietly with his movements, then lowered her body against his, her breasts touching his chest.

"Is this good?" He checked, wanting to please, to make her feel good, to make her come again. She nodded, biting her lip. She leaned in to kiss him, her lips smashing against his more desperately now. He reached a hand between them, reaching between her folds to massage her clit. It was swollen and sensitive and Tessa moaned as soon his fingers touched it.

"Oh God," she whimpered against his lips. She seemed to press herself into his fingers and was coming again.

"Oh yeah Tessa, there you go, sweetheart," he encouraged her. Feeling her pussy tighten around him felt incredible and as he thrust through her tightness, it was almost too much. He was getting close to coming himself while her body pulsed around him. He just needed a little more range of movement and he'd be there.

He carefully rolled to the side, without pulling out of Tessa. She held onto his neck and he had her tightly wrapped in his arms. Once on her side, he lifted her leg up, bringing it over his hip and thrust into her more rapidly. Tessa hummed, her eyes closed, her head thrown back slightly. He took the opportunity to kiss the pale skin of her neck, her throat, feeling her pulse hammering against his lips. His hand found a grasp on her ass, holding onto her in desperation as sensation overwhelmed him and he came, pumping hot cum inside her. He couldn't remember the last time he came so hard or so much. The feeling of being bare inside her magnified the intensity of his orgasm.