A Guide to Tantric Sex & Teachings

Tantric traditions, similar to the teachings of the Kama Sutra, have been spoken of as if they only have to do with sex--however, Tantric practices have shifted since their original, more hedonistic approach to life, into something that is more connected and accepted by today's society.

Originally, the Tantric philosophy was an attempt to reconnect to rejected ancient Hindu practices that had become taboo. The hope was that accessing these different pieces of culture that had been banned would open a path to a deeper connection with eternal consciousness. The hope was to use the body as a connection to deeper consciousness and spirituality; the manipulation of which would elicit a more spiritual self. This included the heavy use of illicit substances: alcohol, marijuana and hallucinogens were all massive parts of the culture. Beyond the sexual aspects, there were also much more extreme practices like animal and human sacrifice, dark magic spells and the worship of violent deities.

They professed grand benefits like immortality and regarded women as God's incarnate, though their treatment of them was less than humane.

That was he old Tantric world. It was a lawless counter-culture focused on manipulation of the body through ritual and taboo. So, how much of the modern Tantric practices represent those hedonistic and magical ideas? Very little, thankfully. The modernized, Western adaptation of Tantric practices left most of the more colorful pieces back in the first millennia. But it did bring the good pieces-pieces that allow for the maximum intimate connection between two people.

In the West, it has become big business. The tag of "tantra" brings a sense of special, foreign sexual experience. It seems exotic almost. But in reality, it could not be more individual to the person. It is less of a foreign practice than it is the application of foreign ideas to a sexual experience. Modern Tantric sex and expression has its roots in yoga more than the philosophy of tantra. Everyone knows someone who does yoga. But before there is the act, there is the context. Introducing the idea of a Tantric relationship is a very natural and vulnerable proposal that can make all the difference in the connection between two people. Modern relationships tend to have a barrier between the two people, often placed in the name of individuality. Practicing individuality within a relationship is often very important and should not be undone.

Being in a relationship does not mean there is no more self. However, a relationship allows the potential to be more than one: more than the sum of two parts. Tantric practices work to unlock that potential and connect the consciousness of two people. It does not work to erode the barrier between the individual; rather, it looks to ritualistically circumvent it. Instead of destroying the wall and merging, Tantric practices are like two people digging a tunnel under it. Neither is positive where the other is, but they're looking. They unite in a moment, only to return back to their side of the wall. Tantric practices are the shovels and seismometers you need to dig the tunnel. They take time and effort, emotional openness and clarity in a moment. The goal is never an orgasm, though that may be a piece of it. Rather, it is the connection of two souls into one. Living a conscious life is difficult in itself, especially alone. To live consciously is to live in a moment unmeasured. Some associate it with the famous "Ego death" achieved through excessive hallucinogens--an experience of life outside space, time, and the self.

Living consciously could be the subject of an entirely different book, pursued through art, meditation and knowledge. The Tantric partner works to encourage that pursuit of consciousness. Their job is to help you get to a place of conscious experience beyond the rigorous expectations of life. They aren't a safety net or retreat, rather they are a partner in exploration and a loving presence. Encouraging gratification, loving expression and giving are all their tools of consciousness and embrace. What is shared when the tunnels connect? In short, love, energy, and connection to unlimited consciousness. Tantric union is an extremely vulnerable process and should only be done with someone you can feel open with. At the end of the experience is bliss and ecstasy.

Tantric relationships are like peeling layers of each other off until you get to the core of the other being, stitching wounds and memories of the past, learning and exploring with two people in a vulnerable and intimate setting. Your partner becomes a mirror to the self, triggering deep pain and joy simultaneously. It reveals intrinsic potential you have burning within you, independent of labels and definitions of the self.

A Tantric relationship focuses on unlocking that flame and fanning it to be as strong and bright as possible. It is not something that can be achieved through a single ritual; this is not a single ritual. It is a continuous experience, day to day that goes beyond the bedroom and works to affirm the self.

Daily Tantric Practices

But like every intimate relationship, there is a sexual component. It just happens in the context of this larger, more connected and intimate experience. Tantric practices incorporate ritual into a relationship, allowing for a foundation that can be leaned on in difficult times. There are a few things you can do to incorporate Tantric practices into your relationship. See if they work for you!

1. FIVE THINGS YOU LIKED

This affirmation practice is one of the best ways to start the day. It takes three minutes at most, provides lasting connection and grounding in the relation- ship, and increases communication. Not only do all of these help with the sex in a relationship, they also improve the relationship overall by facilitating loving connection. Very quickly, when you're in a relaxed moment in bed, at the table, or after a game, exchange five things you enjoyed about the time you both had together. These can be anything -simple and sweet, deep and profound. The important thing is that you feel connected in that moment, that each one is different, and that both parties participate. Doing this practice on a regular basis creates a foundation for mutual appreciation and affirmation, deepening love and connection to one another. It is so much reward for very little effort! Try it next time you see your significant other.

2. FIVE-MINUTE CHECK IN

This practice focuses on fanning the flames of the

individual. It is a way to get your partner to tune into themselves, the moment, and the world around them. You're the facilitator for them and they, you. It includes the relationships, but primarily the focus is on the entirety of life and their being. As the one they trust and can be vulnerable with, it is a quick update. In less than five minutes, provide answers to a few questions. These can be independently designed, of course. But a few good places to start would be:

1. How are you doing in life?

2. What's most important to you in this

moment?

3. What are you spending energy on?

4. What do you want to create?

5. If any, what challenges stand in front of you?

6. Who are you right now?

Both parties share a quick note and update, no more than five minutes. They can be asked or simply answer a set group of questions. The importance is not in how the questions are carried out. The importance is that their answers are heard, both people are open and don't hold back, and both parties feel safe expressing their thoughts. Not everything needs to be shared! Respect and trust your partner, and this practice can only deepen a relationship.

3. SHADOW CHECK

This is a more difficult practice emotionally but just as important. The "shadow check" provides a safe space to develop and express problems in a relationship. It is designed to be a place of openness and vulnerability about the uncomfortable pieces between two people. However, it acts as a way to prevent problematic buildup and resentment in a relationship; it could not be more critical. It happens on a semi-regular basis, or at least when you feel something 'shadowy' going on in the relationship. Designate a time to see each other in a neutral or public environment that might quell any explosions of anger. From there, you must respect the process.

Regulated by a timer, the first person gets 15 minutes to talk about what is bothering them. This is not 15 minutes to rant about how horrible the other person is being. Rather, use the XYZ formula. "When you do 'X, I experience Y, and it makes me feel 'Z? It is imperative that both parties avoid blaming the other-blaming only begets defensiveness, which leads to more arguing rather than solutions. A key is to remember that you're on the same team. The other person is not trying to hurt you, the goal is to work through the problem. The goal is not to resolve it necessarily in one sitting. The issue may persist into the day. But, working through it and developing a solution should become the priority of that next 15 to 24 hours.

4. CONSCIOUS SENSUALITY

This is much more in the vein of stereotypical tantra than the last few. The goal with this practice is to be completely awake and in tune with the sensations of touching, contact, erotic energy and lovemaking. It is another simple practice that brings more awareness into your physical space and intimate relationship. Using a timer, do 10 five-minute interval practices of connecting with your partner, treating it much more like a meditation than a sexual exercise. Each of these can be broken down into different stages.

First Stage

For five minutes, sit in front of your partner and lock eyes, letting your body ebb and flow with the breath. Focus only on gazing and breathing for the full five minutes. At the end of the five minutes, acknowledge it ended before beginning the second five minutes. The second five minutes is dedicated to a short, sensual massage of the partner's legs, arms, neck, and body. Both parties need to be fully present, not worried about time or discomfort. The focus should be on the giving and receiving of pleasure. At the end of these five minutes, bow, and switch places. Your partner should repeat the same steps to you for another 10 minutes.

Second Stage

After both parties have been massaged, the 5th round begins-kissing. For five minutes, practice kissing with full awareness. Nothing else, only kissing, as if you are both teenagers with no idea kissing can lead to more. Put everything else out of your mind and simply enjoy those five minutes of connection.

After the timer goes off though, the ball is in your court! Keep kissing or graduate to more sexual acts. Regardless, this is a great practice for infusing connection more deeply into the sex! That's what Tantric practices are all about doing. This practice keeps you from quickly jumping to the next activity without taking in the moment. It creates structure to play off of and enjoy yourself through!

As you may have put together, these practices all hold a common theme of bringing awareness and connection into sex-converting sex into love making and allowing for vulnerability that is required for a truly intimate relationship. There are many more practices to explore in these next few chapters. The next will take a look at personal Tantric expression and how that can be a core part of a successful Tantric relationship or experience.

Solo Preparation Practices

Regardless, this is a great practice for infusing connection more deeply into the sex! That's what Tantric practices are all about doing. This practice keeps you from quickly jumping to the next activity without taking in the moment. It creates structure to play off of and enjoy yourself through!

As you may have put together, these practices all hold a common theme of bringing awareness and connection into sex-converting sex into lovemaking and allowing for vulnerability that is required for a truly intimate relationship. There are many more practices to explore in these next few chapters. The next will take a look at personal Tantric expression and how that can be a core part of a successful Tantric relationship or experience. Imagine the difference between a racecar driver and someone going on a Sunday drive. The goal of a solo Tantric experience is to keep all pieces of the brain occupied completely, granting greater awareness about your own sexuality rather than achieving orgasm. Let's explore, find a road you might never have gone down, and see where it leads.

Setting the Scene

The key to a good solo Tantric session is time. You need time and privacy-it is an extremely intimate experience that you don't want interrupted. More than that, you don't want to be worried about it being interrupted. Make sure you're in a relaxing, clean, comfortable environment. Lock the door. Light a candle if you like. Set the scene. More than the physical environment, though, it is important to approach Tantric masturbation with an open mind. There is no room in this experience for low self-esteem or inner shame. You are alone and secure. Be inquisitive during your inquisition. This is an expression of self-love based on your own personal desires and needs-finding them is up to you and you alone!

Be sure to enter the session with a little bit of a mental outline. Ask yourself, what do you hope to find? What questions are burning within you that desire answers? Are you looking for a new erogenous zone, or just hoping to relax? Making this experience intentional will help you understand your body better, faster, and have a better sensation overall. Leave the shame on the other side of the locked door and get to it! This is a light, fun practice. Laugh about it, if anything. An important note-this is not the place for external stimulation. Porn is a great tool for masturbation, but the goal here is not a quick orgasm and be gone! This is better if it lasts longer, stimulates your mind, and builds sexual tension from the inside. How should you get started? The first step is simple: Get comfortable. Once you've set the scene and done your due diligence, it isn't exactly off to the races. If you're tired or have tight muscles, maybe draw a bath or do some stretching beforehand. You want your body as relaxed as possible. After, make sure you're lying down, be it on a bed, the ground or a couch. Elevate your head, back and legs with pillows. Then, start with whatever makes you feel good during a normal masturbation session. If this includes lubrication, be sure to add that into the mix as well! But then, take it further with some Tantric techniques.

Breathing

The incorporation of a mindful meditation into a masturbation session allows complete connected-ness with yourself and the moment. Focus on your breath-feeling each inhale and exhale. Notice your lungs expanding and lifting your chest, the air brushing against the inside of your nostrils. Take your free hand and feel your heart. Notice its beat. Close your eyes and fade into the moment by focusing on the feelings, sensations of the body. You will fantasize and drift off. Notice this too, acknowledge!- edge the thought, then come back to the physical sensations of the body. For experienced meditators, a Tantric meditation focuses the breath on an experience of each chakra. Sitting in a lotus position, breath in deeply through the mouth, letting the air dance down through the chakras. Do they have a taste or scent, or any discernible pattern? Have you been blocked, and if so where? Observe these sensations before clenching muscles near the pelvis, attempting to hold the last breath in. When thinking of the breath, caress your erogenous zones while keeping it at the base of your body for as long as possible. Once another breath is needed, take a quick sip through the mouth, slowly releasing the old breath through the teeth. Each breath should take 30 seconds to inhale and exhale, though you should feel comfortable experimenting with your own rules and limits! Speaking of erogenous zones..

Touch, Relax, and Lose Yourself

There are no rules here! You set the scene. If you opened up with questions, now is the time to answer them. Using a prop or toy is encouraged only if that is what you would like to do. Nobody gets aroused in the same manner; if you haven't already, this is your chance to figure out what does it for you. Be sure to touch yourself in places that you don't usually go near! Find out what you and your partners have missed over the years. Remember, though, the goal of this experience is not to orgasm. This can take the form of edging or resisting orgasm, but it is better if you simply go with the natural flow of the session. Regardless, though, all forms of experimentation go! Do you want to make noise? Go for it. Rock the bed. Pinch yourself. Figure it out! Find the hidden little pieces of a sexual experience that have been hiding. You are in control, within yourself. Be sure to remain mindful and stay focused. If the thoughts wander, bring them back to the moment. There are plenty of things to pay attention to: How does it feel? Where? Keep your mind in the moment by grounding it to your feelings.

Finish

The end of a session may be an orgasm, but it also may not be. You're looking for answers, not a climax. That being said, an orgasm is more common than not. The finish, regardless, should be an awakening or furthering of the self. Not only will you have a better understanding of yourself after the session, Tantric masturbation commonly ignites a passion and sexual desire that may have lied dormant for a long time. Indian tradition called this the kundalini, coiled snake, orgasm-an awakening of a life force. It is the awakening of the serpent lying dormant at the base of the spine. It may not happen the first time, but that only means you get to try again! Tantric masturbation and meditations are about harnessing sexual energy, opening yourself up to the possibilities, and answering the question, "What do I want to do? What do I want done to me?". The answers to these questions cannot only be explored through thought and mental games. They need to be put to the test. This practice finds those answers, unlocking a level of sexual clarity that you can then bring into any sexual interaction. Using these beginner methodologies will deliver a new person at the end of a session.

A Guide to Tantric Sex In the Act

The importance of set and setting extends into all sexual experiences. Allowing sexual energy to flow requires coaxing. It needs to rise through the spine with comfort and intentionality guiding it. This is especially important in Tantric practices. The experience in total is a meditation and connection to the soul of another person and yourself. It is an intense, time consuming, and worthwhile experience involving the mind, body, and spirit all in one single act of exploration. Like any intense experience, it requires preparation of the mind and body. The importance of relaxation cannot be overstated. But Tantric sex requires relaxation beyond a candle and a nice R&B song. Relaxation not only needs to embody the physical but also the mental and spiritual. This is achieved through a variety of practices: preparation of the body, mind, and environment.

The Environment

The environment should be a sanctuary. Whatever that word conjures in your mind is probably a good place to start. Candles, incense, or silk might be in the wheelhouse. Think about where you want to have the experience and make the area embody plush.

Address all six senses--some flowers for sight or some strawberries for taste. There are entire Tantric playlists on Spotify, YouTube and other platforms that act to set a relaxing and enticing sonic environment. But this is optional. Any music or lack thereof that the two of you find stimulating is perfect. Wear silk clothing or something you find comfortable, or start naked. There are no rules! It is a sanctuary to the two of you, so do as you see fit! Another critical part to Tantric preparations is what to avoid. In short, screens. Turn off the phone and TV, disconnect the landline if it's still in your life. Moreover, do not watch porn. Porn is not a path to connection. It stimulates and motivates a different experience between two people. External distractions of all kinds should be minimized. Everything you can do to keep the outside world out and focus each of you internally is welcome in the environment. Anything that might bring you out of the experience should be removed.