A Guide to Tantric Sex & Teachings

The Body

Preparation of the body begins before the day of the Tantric session. If you have not read chapter 8, skip back there and make sure you have gone through that experience. Tantric sex is not the best forum for questions to be asked and answered. Doing your due diligence beforehand is critical. Beyond making yourself aware of your own personal needs and desires, there are physical barriers that should be addressed to help relax the body. A bath or shower beforehand is a great practice--something that lets the muscles release any built-up tension. Sharing a massage with appropriate oils is a great way to achieve that connection and relaxation simultaneously, but light stretching or yoga beforehand is another great way to address these same tensions: making the body feel strong, yet relaxed, is ultimately the goal.

Both men and women can experience orgasm through breath alone-it is critically connected to all energies within the body. Tantric sessions begin with an inhale. As in yoga, Tantric sex is a form of physical meditation. It is built around and centered on the breath. After cleaning and stretching, the mind and body unify through a quick meditation or breathwork. Any practice of meditation or meditative yoga you feel comfortable with is perfectly acceptable. If unfamiliar, you can meditate in a few easy steps: Inhale, exhale, repeat. The goal of meditation is to ground yourself in the moment. Feel each breath roll through your body, watch your mind wander, then bring it back to the breath. Applying this mentality to the upcoming encounter does wonders for the experience. Practice it first. Your partner should be doing the same preparations. Doing them together can be a great way to get life's energy flowing through each of you, sexual or otherwise.

The Mind: Surrendering and Communication

Preparing the mind comes in two forms: communication and surrender. Communicating with your partner beforehand is critical to a Tantric ritual. Not only does it help overcome any nervousness either of you might have about the experience, early communication acts as the foundation of a bridge you're about to build. It needn't be serious, either. A few jokes here and there can be great for the mood. Make sure it is light, relaxed, and connected conversation about any expectations or fears either of you may possess. Surrendering yourself is the first step in receiving pleasure, but it can be more difficult than anticipated. There are four main barriers to personal pleasure that need to be overcome:

1. SURRENDERING THE TO-DO'S

This is what you are doing right now, for the fore- seeable future. There are no emails to get to. There is no chore or task that is more important. This is happening. The world outside your sanctuary can wait on you to finish up. You'll be right with them.

2. SURRENDERING CRITICISM

There is no place for shame in the sanctuary. These are real fears, problems and discomforts that can be addressed outside. But in this moment, in this place, you are here. There is nothing wrong with anything going on, nor is there a right or wrong way to do this. Clear your mind, be in the moment, and empty yourself of criticism.

3. SURRENDERING TO PLEASURE

Receiving pleasure is typically less focused on than giving. Tantric sex requires that you learn and feel your own pleasure as much as you revel in delighting your partner. This requires openness and connectedness within the self. To surrender means to witness and feel the energy move within you, allowing yourself to be worshiped and asking for that which you desire deepest. Allow yourself to not give. Be selfish and worshiped.

4. SURRENDERING TO THE PARTNER

All other forms of surrender boil down to this: vulnerability. To open yourself up to another in this way requires infinite trust and honesty. This is done through constant communication and affirmation. We're not just talking about verbal honesty and vulnerability, though! This vulnerability takes the form of sounds, physical acts and movement. It is both subconscious and conscious, saying as much as believing. Decide to be open and vulnerable surrendering to the accompanying risk.

Preparing the Act: Breathing and Kissing Breath nurtures the fire within us all.

Not only does it connect the different forces within us, it connects us to each other. There are a few different breathing practices that can be done to support a Tantric experience, but the first is the most important. Look into each other's eyes and begin breathing together. Breathe deeply, in through the nose and out through the mouth, and connect. Notice what happens to you, to your body, and your perspective of the other person. Take it all in. it connects the two of you while removing any blocks or interruptions that may exist. Beyond the synchronized breathing is a list of some more advanced techniques:

1. THE STIMULATING BREATH

Begin by closing your eyes. Inhale and exhale through the nose, keeping the mouth shut at a rate of three cycles per 15 seconds. Breath normally after the cycle ends, then attempt the same three cycles in another 20 second round.

2. THE 4-7-8 BREATH

While sitting across from your partner, synchronize this pattern:

• Exhale through the mouth, then close the mouth. • Inhale through the nose and count to four. • Hold your breath and count to seven. • Exhale through your mouth completely to a count of eight. Repeat four times for a total of four breaths!

3. THE COUNTING BREATH

This is more of a form of meditation in itself than the other forms of breath, so it is best if you have experience in that arena!

• Close your eyes and take multiple deep breaths.

• Let it flow naturally.

• Inhale, then count "One" to yourself as you exhale. Work your way up to five, each exhale being another number.

• Once you hit five, start at "one" again.

• Notice your mind wander, take note, then return to the breath.

• Do this for 10 minutes to become centered.

Breathing in its different forms helps to empower the body, connect to the moment and your partner, and lose sense of the ego. But there exists another way to become grounded together: kissing. A Tantric kiss fuses these ideas into action--breath, touch, relaxation and coming together in one act. A Tantric kiss is for the kiss's sake, not a path to anything else. Hold together in that moment using a few easy techniques:

1. Gently touch your lover's lips.

2. Exhale while kissing.

3. Inhale while kissing.

4. Softly bite their lips.

5. Kiss at an angle.

6. Twine your tongues together.

7. Ying Yang - alternate between kissing tenderly then deeply and repeat.

Touching and caressing acts as its own form of communication between a couple. Tantric touching is designed to unlock the other person while building up excitement. Throughout a set of moves, Tantric touching follows a single rule: slow, light touch. You're an explorer, nimbly connecting the energy of your partner through the tips of your fingers. The mindset is not orgasm, it is worship. Touch facilitates that message. Hitting on the eroge- nous zones is important, but the rest of the body is just as important. Find a bump you didn't know about or play with a hidden piece of them. Take turns experiencing and exploring the other. For a more intrusive experience, there are a few key tools that will help connect two people.

1. THE YAB YUM

The Yab Yum is an extremely intimate position of meditation and connection. It begins with the first partner sitting, legs crossed and back straight. The second sits on the first's thighs and crosses their ankles behind the back. From there, stare into each other's eyes and breath in sync.

2. HAND ON HEART

Sit cross-legged opposite your partner. Take your right hand and place it on their heart as they recip- rocally place their right hand on yours. Close your eyes, feeling their heart's rhythm, focusing on the energy and the emotion surrounding the two of you. Don't think. Feel. Let the connection build between the two of you. 3. The Relaxed Arch Have your partner sit upright on the bed or floor with legs straight out and supported. Sit your knees on your partner's lap, facing your torso toward them with your legs comfortably located. When situated, slowly arch your back, resting your head between your partner's legs, grabbing onto their ankles or feet. Breath and enjoy the stretch. The partner is free to follow the arch. Guidelines for Tantric Sex The preparations have been made; foundations laid. Both partners are relaxed and connected, ready to get into the act of ultimate connection. Before you go into anything, there are a few ideas to focus on in order to maximize the experience:

1. SOUNDS

The noises we make are integral pieces of the sexual experience. There are two pieces to every human: the god and the animal. The god needs to hear words of affirmation and encouragement, things that play to their humor, making them comfortable in the situation and keeping them open. Contrarily, the animal needs noise. The expression of grunts, exclamations, and moaning is often repressed through situational factors-a desire not to disturb roommates, kids, or neighbors. This is not the place for repression of any sort; be free, be loud, and make a noise you haven't before.

2. MOVEMENT

Keeping the movement slow and steady will win the race, except this isn't a race at all. A Tantric experience is not a marathon or sprint either. It is a nice jog through the park on a beautiful day. Keep the movement slow, natural. More importantly, pay attention to the feelings of movement between the two of you. In the same way you focused on the breath at the beginning, focus on the movement. This will put the brain at ease, grounding it in the moment and keep you from missing out on any connection.

3. IMPLOSION VS, EXPLOSION

Moving beyond the experience of the orgasm can be difficult, but Tantric practices are working toward another experience: an implosion of sensation and pleasure, sustained orgasmic energy rather than an explosion of that energy. Let it build within you until it is impossible to contain, then hold it back a little longer. Resist the orgasm and connect with your partner. 'The implosion can only happen if the explosion is delayed. Both parties should try to not orgasm for as long as possible. The best way to do this: Do not think about it. Feel, sense the other person, and when you feel the orgasm coming, stop and do something less simulating that maintains connection. This process of on, then off, then on again is known as "edging". It is a very practical way to not only extend the sexual experience but a fantastic way to create a knee-buckling orgasm worth remembering. Even though it isn't the point, there's no harm in enjoying the side effects of the experience.

4. POSITIONING

In reality, any position can become a Tantric position. Tantric sex is not a question of where your leg is or how to angle your torso. It is not a technical experience, rather a natural flow of energy from one person to another. That being said, there are positions designed for connection and maximizing the sensations stemming from that connection. Those are discussed in the next chapter. Regardless, do not worry about specific positions. Do what comes naturally in the moment, being familiar with the moves acts as a way to know what is possible.

6. TANTRA SAMADHI

Believe it or not, there is an experience beyond and greater than the orgasm known as the Samadhi. Once you've entered into orgasm and enjoy the ecstasy, bring it further. Lie down with each other, holding hands and fall into a deep relaxation together. The orgasm will wash over both of you like a blanket as you each fall into a timeless moment of connection. Achieving this grants access to a connectedness and consciousness beyond your own. Notice that this chapter was not a list of "To Do's". There is no list to follow, only an experience to build for yourself. It is an extremely personal experience shared between two people. Nothing is wrong or out of bounds, so do as you wish. The important thing is that you enter the experience understanding it is not a quest for a better, more intense orgasm, though that is a side effect. Tantric sex is about connection with the core being of your partner in an effort to make them feel as you see them. The next chapter will go over positions that help maximize the connection between each of you through various Tantric positions. These are easy and soft additions to a couple's preparation. Breathe through each kiss, fill and feel the other. Touching The building of tension within both you and your partner is critical throughout a Tantric experience.

TANTRIC SEX POSITIONS AND ENHANCEMENT TIPS

As described in-depth previously, the best positions to engage it in have yet to be mentioned. In no way are these positions rules to follow or checkmarks to hit. Seeing them as such would destroy their value. That being said, these are fantastic positions for finding the high- level, cosmic connection between two people that is possible when engaging in Tantric sex.

1. THE YAB YUM

This is the classic Tantric sex position, stemming from the breathing technique of the same name. Yab Yum is an extremely powerful and intimate connector between partners, taking the already inti- mate lotus position to the next level. The man begins by sitting cross-legged on a stable yet comfortable surface. The woman then sits around him, laying her legs behind him as he penetrates her. After penetration though, incorporate some of the Tantric practices: synchronized breathing and locked eyes are the easiest to start. From that point, begin to rock back and forth, side to side together for deeper penetration. Create a union. For extra stimulation, the woman can tilt her pelvis forward to help hit the G-Spot.

2. TILTED MISSIONARY

Missionary is the ultimate connection booster and a natural approach to any Tantric session. The woman lies with the man on top of her for some face-to-face lovemaking. Adding a Tantric flare to it means applying those same practices of breathing, staring, and feeling. If you're a beginner, do this for about two minutes before working your way up to longer times. After that, begin having sex while maintaining the connections as best as possible. To improve the position and G-spot stimulation, place a pillow under her hips!

3. THE GREAT BEE

This position can be somewhat taxing for the woman, but worth it for both parties. The man begins lying back, the woman straddling him. While assuming the "cowgirl" position, the woman shifts her legs forward, resulting in a squatting stance over the man. The man lifts his legs to support her back and keep her aligned as she slides down on his penis. From that stance, she is able to brace herself on his chest while maintaining eye contact. The man can also hold her legs and hips to support her, keeping her balanced as he thrusts into her. The thrusting in this position is deep but not fast, which means it feels great for longer--perfect for a Tantric experience focused on connection! It is also a good position to incorporate a vibrator into.

4. HOWLING HOUNDS

This position has a tendency to disconnect couples because of its similarity to the very animalistic doggy style. However, if approached in a new manner, this can be extremely connective. Begin in the classic doggy style, the woman on all fours with the man penetrating from behind. Rather than grabbing her hips, though, the man should drape his body over the woman to create as much skin-on-skin contact as possible. At the same time, the woman should arch her back, throwing her heart forward and creating a pocket for the man to lay in. This is a powerful position that can create a sense of deep unity and trust between the two people.

5. PEARL HARVEST

This relaxed "oral love" position is the perfect exten- sion of Tantric sex. It specifically homes into the ideas of worship and relaxation. All the while, it allows intimate connection. This position begins with one person reclining back on a bed or chair, propped up comfortably. The partner then kneels in front of them, kissing gently before performing fellatio. The propped up nature of this position allows intense eye contact which, at first, will be awkward. But after a few minutes, it becomes second nature.

6. SUNDAY SMOOTHIE

This relaxed, calm and intimate position begins with the two in a classic spooning position. Because this position is so relaxed, it opens opportunities that others don't. Uniquely, this position is the best for simply talking. Having a conversation, opening up, and making yourself vulnerable are all key tenets of Tantric sex. This position enables that to happen. A structured conversation around a game is the best approach, as the structure allows intimacy to flow rather than administrative thoughts. All of this fore- play is built directly into the intimacy of the posi- tion. When you're ready to start having sex, simply have the man slide into the woman, anally or vaginally. Then, it's a game of touching one another, feeling each other, and moving in unison. As a woman, looking back and locking eyes will only make the experience more unifying. These are a few examples of Tantric sex positions. To reiterate, any position can be a Tantric position. There is nothing special about the positions them- selves, rather the energy you bring to each of them. If you approach your session with a drive toward connection, worship, and vulnerability, and toss some Tantric breathing and eye-locking into the mix, you will have a magical experience. There is always room for practice and improvement, so you'll have to practice often. Oh, no!