All Comments on 'A Halloween Romance'

Hated that Carrie died!

5

A beautiful sweet story and it was complete! Thanks!!

Loved it. Wished I could have given it more than five stars.

Oh my, loved it so much!,

WindySwimming

loved it

I cried ***** stars

Great story with a shocking ending ...made me cry.

I am not known for reading much. If I'm not hooked by the first chapter, I quit reading. This was everything I need to make me keep reading. From the first to the last chapter I was captivated and wanted to read more. I would love to read more from this author.

I did not hate that Carrie died, I sort of saw that coming. It fit nicely with the story.

I've read your other stories and really enjoyed them, please keep writing, you are really good.

Good story. It became kind of obvious that Carrie had passed on and was a spirit. But still, very enjoyable and entertaining. Worthy of 5 stars!

That was fun. Thanks for your efforts, I enjoyed that. Cheers.

Nicely done. Of course we knew how it would end, but Carrie brought an interesting twist without overdoing it. I enjoyed it. Thank you

One small error on page 3, after they had sung Happy Birthday, you used "Carrie" instead of "Melodee"

WOW great story. If there were more than 5 stars I would give them all to you.

This was a WONDERFUL story. It really was ... and it made me smile.

This was a nice love story ! 5 stars

nice story! Pretty well written except I think there's some timing issues in the editing? But the overall premise and story line are quite good.

"Believe it or not, some events in the story are actually true, although I will leave it to your imagination which ones."

I believe you; the Farmers' Market in Waukesha is amazing, and the Les Paul Museum.....

Mix of present and past tenses, particularly on first page. Proper nouns need to be capitalized. (The Voice, for example.) Odd sentence structure on numerous occasions. Strongly recommend a proofreader/editor.

Since it is a Halloween story, I figured out right away that Carrie was a ghost, but the story was so well done that it honestly didn't matter at all. Bravo!

I am a sucker for romance stories that include a pinch of pathos. This is because the fact is that one cannot appreciate the highs without the lows to compare them to.

The fact that Carrie was dead was obvious early on but still great story telling.5*

I made the assumption that Carrie was a ghost from the beginning, but it was still a good story.

Lovely heart warming story. Even though Carrie's status was fairly obvious from the beginning it was still a charming, worthwhile read.

Great story.

You are making a good reputation as a solid writer. I look for your stories. The one issue with this story is you mentioned it was for Halloween, so it was obvious from the start that the suddenly appearing girl was not real. Without that introduction, the story would have had a bit of a surprise. If you have not been posting on SOL, I suggest you look into it. It lacks Lit's numbers, but offers a chance to have some more viewers.

I love this type of love story

The Halloween twist at the end

was perfect!

From a 75 year-old man dealing with dementia who is still in love with his wife, Janet.

What a good story and a nice ending. I hope you win a prize for this story & keep up the good work.

Excellent even though it was pretty obvious that Carrie would turn out to be a ghost.

Now! Where's the next chapter of Zane Gray? Keep up the good writing.

Despite knowing Carrie was a ghost the story played along well and the ending was quite emotional. Well done.

Enjoyed the story, but Carrie’s true being was telegraphed very early on, that said the last sentence wasn’t, which worked well. The comment re a more natural speaking voice for your characters is valid, making changes there would help and the story/conversation would flow more realistically. HTH, thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

Because it was a Halloween tale it telegraphed somewhat that Carrie was going to be ghost, but nevertheless it was a feel good story and that’s cool. One thing i still don’t get is the American idiosyncrasy of using “drug” in place of drag. Drives me crazy and it is so prevalent in many stories on this site.

I sometimes found it hard to follow who was talking and I think there's a moment where the wrong girls name was used but overall it was an enjoyable read. Yes, nipple orgasms are real, enjoyed reading it!

Ignore the asshats that leave nasty anonymous criticism. (WTF is wrong with you anonymous asshats??? Have you not heard of CONSTRUCTIVE criticism?) Contractions could give the conversations better flow since that’s how most Americans talk, but maybe you’re not American. Whatever…I enjoyed the story and gave you 5 stars.

At least once in there, around the middle, Melodee became Carrie, briefly. No big deal. that said, since you asked, you sometimes have 10-20 lines of alternating dialogue, unattributed. Not asking for ', he said' and ', she said' all the time. However, I went nearly a page and half thinking *she* was the one that worked at the haunted house place first, and she was the one trying to get him a job there, before I realized it was backwards, because I got lost in extended dialogue. It's great to have free-flowing speech, but every now and then, throw the reader a hint, so they don't have to work at keeping track of which is speaking. I usually don't go in much for ghost stories, but this was quite good overall. I think apart from a few editing things, this is one of, if not the best of the Halloween submissions I've read this year.

Hey all

First, thank you so much for reading my story and commenting.

I have to admit that some of them are a punch in the gut, but it is what I need.

I am a new writer, and high school English was a long long time ago.

Every comment that points out an error makes me work harder and try to improve.

I have become addicted to writing, and want to be better, so please bear with me while I learn and improve.

There is an updated version of this story being released in the next day or two fixing some of the obvious errors.

Thanks again

MR E

Good Halloween entry! Sweet story.

Lovely story, I agree, ignore the Anon naysayers...we writers share a part of ourselves when we put a story out there for the public to consume. The least they can do is be polite and say, "Thank you". 5*s

PS - I, too, believe in ghosts :)

Thank you, I thought I knew the ending but I loved the final twist and Tears.

5 stars, followed and saved. Good luck!

Good flow in the story. I picked Carrie as a ghost fairly early.

This must be the fixed up version cause I didn't see the errors that others saw.

Well done

In terms of craft, that sudden shift from first-person to third-person at the very end really grinds my gears. You're visualizing too strongly; remember, the reader isn't in your head with you. A scene break indicator, or some italics, or maybe enclosing it in parentheses - *something* to indicate that it's not Myles commenting on the Unseen Presence.

The ghost reveal was obvious because this story was part of a Halloween contest, but it was still nice.

Well at least the author told us Myles birthdate :) October 31, 2001.

Well-written story (though at least one your/you’re error) and interesting, well-developed characters. I second HDK’s advice to post on SOL….no Anons there. And I appreciate reviews from such strong authors as HDK and Cali_Love, while at the same time wishing that they’d spend more time writing and less time reading. 😀

Such a sweet (and sexy) story. I figured that Carrie was Melodee's deceased sister early on. That didn't detract one bit from the story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Best of luck, 5 stars.

Astonishing! An easy 5+.

Worth a number of re-reads.

Extremelly well written

A great story by an up and coming star. Well written. Great character development. I read it twice, simply because it was fun to read.

This is an author to keep an eye on.

Like others, I figured early on that Carrie was a ghost. Would it have been even better if I was surprised by that at the very end? At first I thought so but, upon further review, I have come to the conclusion that it is better if we realize, early on, that there is a bit of the supernatural in play. And seeing Carrie, still there, at the very end was enough of a surprise anyway. Also, like others, I sometimes had trouble figuring out who was doing the talking. This is a common problem I see in a lot of stories though, and I wish I had a good suggestion for how to handle it better. One thing I do know. Putting some form of; and then Myles said..., and then Melodee said..., before each line is not the solution. A little of that goes a long way so be careful in how you try to fix this. I liked the story a lot. A whole lot. I have developed the practice of reading, for about an hour each night, to my girlfriend and, sometimes, mistress. I have been looking for a Halloween themed story to read to her on, or about, the 31st, and about a third of the way through this story I knew my search was over. This was the one. I think that is the best complement I can give!

As an amateur editor I'll note a couple of things - there are a few typos, a few bad word choices, and the speech sounds very stilted because you're writing it the same way you write the exposition. We don't talk like we write, we talk much more colloquially, with contractions and a slightly different vocabulary, and when you're writing people's conversations you have to do the same. But the story itself is good, though as Femdomlover01 below notes, your foreshadowing of Carrie being a ghost was a little heavy-handed.

I figured it out but that didn't stop the enjoyment of reading it. Cute love story-equal from both sides. When I met mine, it was like running into a brick wall. It too was a setup. Keep writing.

Wonderful story. Great character development. There were minor spelling errors running the story through Grammarly and/or Hemingway software editors will only improve on your excellent writing.

Thanks for the fun story

Pineapple and Sauerkraut? This should be a horror story. ;)

Great story. It was cute, sweet and oddly more realistic than a lot of the "perfect match" stories we see here, even with a ghost involved. Keep up the good work!

Really really great story and I loved the twist! I like this story so much that it prompted me to make a comment for the first time :) I will read more of your stories for sure! One suggestion - during the shower scene, you wrote that Myles "slid a soapy finger inside." Maybe it's just me, but this specifically is a turn off - soap should not be put inside a vagina...if you leave out the word soapy, you get the same bang but no ick :)

Very good indeed. I also worked Carrie was a ghost early, it had to be for a Halloween story, but this did not detract from my pleasure. Ver well written, keep up the good work.

Great story, I loved 🥰 it!

I hope it's all true except for the pineapple and sauerkraut

Best romance story I have read in a long time. Perfect for the season.

This is well written, although the story line is somewhat predictable. For example, I knew Carrie was ghost on page 1, too obvious, and that took most f the punch out of the ending. Still a fun read.

Congratulations on your win! Nicely written and plotted. Well done!

Probably the slowest burn I've read here, which is not a bad thing. It was unrealistically cheesy though, with insufficient nuance and awkwardness. I saw the ending coming, but probably because it was Halloween themed? I think you should try to put more of your lived experience in your future stories. Thanks for writing this, I do appreciate your effort; I came pretty hard at the end 😆

Loved it! I do agree it was predictable but I don't think predictability is always a bad thing. Very good build up.

Your had work is appreciated. Thank you so much for the originality and not writing the same old BS.

I enjoyed it, but agree with the comments about spelling and grammar. As I am a British English speaker I intensely dislike 'drug', but for me the past tense of 'drag' is 'dragged'.

Absolutely loved it,

A bit too mushy, haha. It reminded me of a Hallmark movie, set in Halloween.

Absolutely loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So different from other stories.

I'll will read your other stories with great expectations.

Very nice. 👌 I'm glad that you took first place in the contest. Having submitted my own entry this year, I paid closer attention to the entries from other authors than I normally do. I was appalled by some of the absolute crap that people were sending in. 🙄 Some of it was purely for jerking off and some of it was overrun with gore and ichor. I can count the actual number of erotic literature pieces on one hand. Seriously.

The only time that you rubbed me the wrong way was when Myles apologized to Melodee for Joy flirting with him and coming on to him. You can only control your own actions and unless I totally missed something Myles had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to apologize for. Melodee getting jealous was very understandable, but her misdirected anger was certainly inappropriate and uncalled for. I realize that you were trying to highlight Melodee's imperfections as well as create a little drama and angst for your story, but you took entirely the wrong path with this scene. Fortunately it ended well with Melodee admitting that she had been totally wrong. But I was still triggered by it.

Congratulations on the win. I didn’t read your piece until after the contest had already ended. But I gave you a 5/5 just the same.

Great writing, I did love this story!!! It bouht a few tears to my eyes! Keep writing, PLEASE!!!

Great story. By the end I had tears in my eyes. Question? Does Carrie have a story? If not, she should. Even if she doesn't, KEEP WRITING!!

Wonderful!

Beautiful

Very touching story. Really enjoyed it. Keep writing!

I have never been compelled to leave a comment before. This is a great story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Well done

Beautiful, thank you so much!

Thank you very sweet

[13.11.22]

Very Sweet und Romantique!

As a Halloween fan who married a fellow Halloween fan and even helped her at our Halloween event (Halloween Haunt at Knott's Berry [Scary] Farm) - I really enjoyed this story!

11/10!!!!!

I figured it out before I finished the first page but, despite knowing that, I had tears in my eyes at the end. Great story. Well written. Thanks for the effort!

I have never commented on a story before, but like others, I really liked this story. Great job! Thanks!

What a great romance!

I have just read the first two of your stories. You are an exceptional writer; way above average. I hope you will write more; much more. These two stories are exceptional reads. Congratulations.

Liked this one

My only negative comment is that it was too obvious that Carrie was a ghost

But it's a small negative in a sweet story

Well done, but predictable ending being a Halloween story. Didn't hurt the telling tho.

Well done, but predictable ending being a Halloween story. Didn't hurt the telling tho.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

An epic Halloween Romantic; Ready to become a Lifetime Halloween special!

An epic Halloween Romantic; Ready to become a Lifetime Halloween Special! Sorry I missed the Halloween voting. Looks like you made it without my vote.

At least one homonym error, common when using voicewriter, as in Lead, led, or lead? Have to trace your linguistic intent. I also noted the most common error in grammatical American English is misusing lie and lay, lying and laying, as verbs transitive, as in "Now I lay me down..." or intransitive, "Now I lie down." But it was a wonderful story, nicely erotic, thankfully not obscenely so.

As for British verbal sensitivities, I love to use drug ILO dragged; swam or swum ILO swimmed; felt ILO feeled; or even nite ILO night.

Is this true? Is this actually your first year working this site? And you rode away with a First Prize (nominal, with bragging rights) in a global Lit contest? Absolutely most honorable achievement! Thanks for publishing.

Loved it! Happy Halloween in January!!

Ok, I've read all your stories so far and you are easily a top ten writer on this platform... Seriously good story-teller! Huzzah!

You are doing fantastic, keep it up. Thanks for your time and effort. KS

You are one excellent writer! I came here from your latest story to see what your other work was like and am delighted that I did so. You have an immense amount of talent and I would like to thank you for sharing it with us. 5 stars yet again!

That was heartfelt and sweet. This was the second time I read it, and it was just as good as I remembered. I love a variety of story types, but shy quiet romance is my favorite type.

Very impressed please keep going with you happy stories

Kind of knew that was coming. Very enjoyable story. Five.

Sweet story, easy and enjoyable read.

I will not stand for this blatant propaganda. I really won't! Pizza and pineapple are strangers passing in the night for some, though that forbidden love might look sweet I couldn't possibly; it's just too bold.

Sauerkraut? That is a scandal. The devil, you say? The very idea of such a vicious and fervently German ingredient sullying the good name and reputation. Of an innocent and blushing young pizza? Ravished by the hun? How like their ilk.

Seriously though, pineapple maybe but sauerkraut never! 😁

A great read!

Fantastic!

Wow, what can anyone say that is new, interesting, and different after 98 prior comments.

That said, I, for one, did not begin to suspect that Carrie was a ghost until the very end.

Dialogue felt a bit stilted, but otherwise it was good. Definitely saw the twist coming, but not sure how hard you were trying to hide it.