A Jury of His Peers

"I call to the stand, Mr. James Allen McCallister."

The defendant slowly got to his feet and shuffled his way to the Witness Stand.

I was sworn in and sat in the chair. I calmly waited for my attorney to begin. The prosecution had rested, and now it was my lawyer's turn to present my case. Not that there was much of a case to present. After all, I did it. That was a given. Hell, I even admitted to it. I was actually proud of it. No, what we were doing here was presenting mitigating circumstances.

"Mr. McCallister, do you recall the events of the night of July 22^nd?" My lawyer asked.

"Yes, I do. They are very clear in my mind."

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"Of course." I said. "I had gone to the local bar after work with a few of my coworkers for a drink. We hung out for about two hours while just relaxing and discussing the day's topics. It was no big deal."

"Pardon me for interrupting, but it is important to know here how much you had to drink that evening."

"No worries. I was actually just getting to that. In truth, I actually just had one beer. Nowhere near enough to alter my actions."

"Your Honor, I would like to present Exhibit four, a notarized statement from Ms. Calli Simpson. She was the cocktail Waitress that night, and she attests to the fact that my client only consumed one beer on that evening." Turning back to me, he said for me to continue.

"So, after about two hours, I paid my tab, wished everyone a good night, then went out to my truck to drive home. Having only consumed a single beer in those two hours, I was perfectly fine to drive home. The 20-minute drive was unspectacular, so I will refrain from describing it. As I pulled into my driveway, I spotted a strange car parked in front of my house. I didn't think much of it, as our neighbors frequently had company over, so I thought that was what was going on."

"I walked into my house and found my wife sitting on the couch with Steve, my best friend from Elementary School. That's when my wife began informing me that she had been having sex with Steve for the last year and had fallen in love with him. She wanted a divorce from me so she could marry him. We had been married for 10 years. I didn't have a single clue that she was unhappy with me."

"I can understand that. Did you feel any strange emotions at that point? Maybe begin to lose control of yourself?"

I thought for a moment before answering. I could see that he was trying to lead me towards a temporary insanity defense. "No. Not really. I was actually quite clear in my thinking."

"What were your thoughts when you shot them?"

This is what I had been waiting for. There were 8 men on the jury. I took the time to look each one in the eyes before I began speaking.

"I was thinking of the divorce laws in this state. I understood that she would be getting at least half of everything that I had worked so hard for over the last 10 years. I thought about how my former best friend would be getting hundreds of thousands of my dollars simply because he managed to fuck my wife. I was thinking about the thousands of dollars I would have to pay her to fuck my former best friend for the next several years. I thought about how unfair it was that I would have to pay her for cheating on me for the next several years when I had done nothing wrong. I thought about how unfair it was that I would have to reward her for her bad behavior. I was thinking about how grossly unfair the laws in this state are where the cheated upon spouse is further punished by the law when their spouse screws them over, then the law screws them even more. I thought about how grossly unfair it was to have over half my hard work taken from me and given to someone that cheated on me. I ask you, is that right?"

"Another hung jury. How much longer do you think this will go on?" My lawyer asked me.

"Until you get a jury with all men" I answered him.