A Krissmas Karole

"DON!" shrieked Karole, and suddenly she was in the truck with him, his form bent and twisted, the steering wheel crushing his chest making it nearly impossible to breathe. He didn't have a seat belt on because he wasn't planning to move the truck, he didn't even have the key in the ignition. "DON! I'm here with you! Stay with me! DON!"

He opened his eyes and looked straight at Karole, "Lanh," he gasped, he tried to reach for Karole, but his free arm was smashed. "Tell her I'm ok. I'll be home soon."

"You will be ok," wept Karole in frustration that she couldn't touch him. "You're going to be ok; you're going to watch my baby for me, Krissy, you're going to love her. Krissy and I, we love you Don... I love you, Don!... Don? Stay with me Don, you're going to be ok." She watched in horror as clouds of the purple fire extinguishing compound poured in through the smashed windows and Don began to labor even harder to breathe. "HELP HIM! SOMEBODY HELP HIM!" she shrieked. He soon lost consciousness from lack of oxygen and Karole wept bitterly, trying to touch him, trying to assure him that he wasn't alone.

She stayed with Don as the fire department gently pried him from the wrecked, twisted vehicle. As they carried him up out of the ditch, she saw several huge firefighting vehicles parked on the EOR Ramp, numerous ambulances, and many firemen with the equipment used to cut open the wrecked van. Nearly a dozen people were being bandaged and splinted, heads wrapped in bloody bandages. She saw Wendy and Cynthia being carried on stretchers, they were blown into the ditch on to the rocks and their bodies were broken also.

"Don't look Don, they'll be ok, let's just worry about you," wept Karole and at the same time she implored the rescue team "Please, please hurry!" And then the ride to the base hospital. The shooting war was over, the need for a surgical ward was gone so all that remained was an outpatient clinic. She clung to him as best she could as the base doctors stabilized his shattered body, getting him ready for transport.

Karole whispered encouragement in his ear the entire fevered flight from Saudi Arabia to Frankfurt Germany. She reminded him of all the beautiful moments of his life that she witnessed, and when she talked about his first dance with Lanh, she even sang to him;

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is, that you're in the world

The only person she ever sang to in her life was Krissy, and a horrible thought occurred, what if Krissy's Mr. Don doesn't make it? What if she did something here that changed the course of Don's life? She wanted so much to hold his hand, or at least try, but his shattered arms were wrapped tight to his chest, so instead she placed her hand on his cheek, the only place that wasn't covered with bandages or the remains of his desert camouflage uniform and continued to whisper to him; "remember those warm sunny days back at the pond where you and Lanh splashed and played. Remember the day that you both took off your wet shirts and you held her, and you felt her against you for the first time and you..." she choked up remembering that scene. "I love you both so much," she gasped hoping against hope he could hear.

It was so hard to go on, but she did, speaking to him of the scenes she saw of him and Lanh as they grew and loved each other. Finally, they landed in Frankfurt Germany, Ramstein Air Base where he was raced to the hospital and wheeled directly into emergency surgery. She didn't stop whispering and praying, ignoring what the surgeons were doing. When the anesthesiologist assured the surgical team "He's out," Karole didn't stop, she continued to whisper to Don, reminding him of all that had happened in his life since the day he first asked Lanh to dance. Finally in the recovery room she felt a hand pull her back from his bandaged body.

It was Past Karole, the party girl. "Where the hell were you?" demanded Karole, her eyes red rimmed with sorrow.

"I was with Lanh," said Past Karole sadly, "she needed us too." Karole turned and saw that Lanh had gently slid into bed with Don and had taken over from Karole whispering encouragement. "When word got back to home base what happened, the plane with replacement personnel for this rotation was on the runway ready to take off. Colonel Gillian ordered the aircraft back to base ops and wait, he personally put Lanh on it, then had the aircrew divert from their original flight plan to drop Lanh off at Ramstein air base. We just got here."

An orderly tried to get Lanh out of the bed, but she just hissed and said, "I stay with my Donovan!" The orderly put his hand on her shoulder, and she just glared at him "Do not make me hurt you."

An Army nurse, hardly larger than Lanh herself addressed the orderly in professional, military manner; "What da fuck is wrong with you? I asked you a question!" The orderly, unused to anyone addressing him like that in a hospital setting could only stutter. "Dat's what I fuckin' thought," snarled the nurse. "Get that poor woman a blanket, and a pillow! How often do you check on Sergeant Campbell?"

"E-e-every thirty minutes, ma'am."

"Good, you will check on Mrs. Campbell every fifteen minutes, and if she wants for ANYTHING, it's coming out of your ass, got it private?"

"I'm a corporal ma'am."

"Not with that fucking attitude."

Past Karole led Karole out of the room and down a long hallway lined with windows, in the first window they could see a small living room in base housing, decorated for Christmas, a telephone on the wall ringing constantly unanswered. "That's the adoption agency trying to reach them on Christmas eve, but Lanh and Don are both here in Germany. After a week of trying to reach them, the agency gave up. With this black mark on their record, there's no adoption agency that will ever consider them."

Karole covered her mouth with one hand and sank to the floor weeping for her friends. She's grown to love them so dearly that to see this happen to them is almost too much to bear. All the time, all the lawyers, all the money to adopt their baby Sue Lyn, and now it's all gone. Their hopes and dreams were all shattered by an impatient fighter pilot.

"Come on, up," said Past Karole softly, holding her hand out to Karole. "If we do this right, it will work. Come on."

Reluctantly following Past Karole down the hallway, they stopped to view Don and Lanh's progress. In each window Karole could see another part of Don's recovery, the surgeries, the pulmonary therapy, the physical therapy, and the emotional therapy. Eventually they saw Don wearing his brand-new Master Sergeant stripes at a retirement ceremony his friends arranged for him at the gymnasium where he and Lanh first danced together. Colonel Gillian was able to pull strings to keep Don in the Air Force long enough to put on those stripes, so when he was medically discharged, he was discharged at a Master Sergeant's pay grade at 100% disability. He was now a ward of the VA.

The last window showed Don and Lanh purchasing a house in Greeley where Lanh could teach at Northern Colorado University and practice in the Greeley hospital. It was the house where they lived now and the first house they ever purchased. Karole watched a still wobbly Dan scoop Lanh up off her feet and carry her across the threshold, the smiles on their faces were the same smiles of love that Karole saw time and time again under the mistletoe. Of course, they moved in on Christmas Eve, the universe wouldn't have it any other way.

Past Karole led Karole through the door at the end of the hall and they found themselves standing on the ice slick sidewalk in front of Torgeson and Briggs Financial Consulting, Real Karole still sprawled on the ground, trying to get up but not moving. The snowflakes hung motionless in the gathering dark; the Christmas lights did little to bring joy to the sullen Colorado sky. Karole looked down on her real self, her mind was still spinning from everything that happened. "I didn't know... I asked about their past and they just smiled... so much pain! Over and over... I couldn't imagine..." Karole choked back her tears and anger.

Past Karole sighed, "But so much Love! Oh my God the love! Can you imagine loving like that?"

"Oh God I want to! I want to love like that. I want to be loved like that!" cried Karole as she looked sadly at the front door of the money changers office. Through the glass doors she no longer saw the custodial crew packing up the Christmas decorations, she saw inside Don and Lanh's house where Don was reading Krissy a story and she was struggling with her very first steps... then they were playing with the train under the Christmas tree. She remembered watching Don and Lanh set that train up, it was a game they loved to play, almost a ceremony, and they did it the same way every year.

But the baby... they came so close to having a baby they could love and raise, just to have it all taken away... And Karole thought of his broken body in a desert ditch and his lungs filling with firefighting chemicals. She was on the edge of tears again when she admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with her best friend's husband, but also with his wife, her best friend.

Suddenly another Karole drifted through the front door, she was a few years older, a couple of pounds heavier, she wore those pounds on her hips and her breasts. Her hair was a little shorter, permed, but still shoulder length, and she was wearing a glittery sprig of Christmas holly in her hair behind one ear. She was dressed in a fluffy red bathrobe with fluffy white trim at the collar, wrists and along the bottom edge, and it had a fluffy black belt tied at the waist. A bathrobe only Mrs. Klaus would be wearing, not Grinchy old Karole as Mr. Don tried to teach Krissy to call her.

She turned to Past Karole and said, "You did pretty good with this one, much better than the past, do we have a shot?"

"Oh God I hope so," sighed Past Karole.

Stave 3

"Who are you?" asked Karole as she looked from real Karole still on the cement, to Past Karole, and now at the new Karole. "Don't tell me, you're the ghost of Christmas Present."

The new Karole turned to her with an expression of anger and disgust. She slowly said "No, I ain't no ghost, a ghost is the spirit remains of someone who is dead." The way this new Karole said "dead" was enough to terrify Karole into listening to this older version of herself. This Karole from the future continued, "there's only one ghost tonight, and that ghost is going to come scare the living shit out of you. I know you, you don't believe in hell right now, but you will. Oh, lordy you will."

This new Karole looked her up and down and with a scowl of hatred said, "In thirty seconds real time I may never exist, the reason why I carry these extra pounds may never exist, and it all depends on what you do tonight." Then her expression suddenly changed to one of southern sweetness. "Honey child, I like to think of myself as the Christmas Karole of Christmas Yet to Come."

"How do I know you are who you say you are?" demanded Karole.

Future Karole gave Karole a smug smile. "How about if I remind you of something you've told only one person in your entire life."

"I don't keep a lot of secrets," said Karole, "my life is an open book."

Future Karole gave a "this is going to be easy" kind of smile and said, "You considered your college roommate Norma was your most effective form of birth control."

"She what?" grinned Past Karole who then was doubled over in laughter.

Karole opened her mouth to argue but Future Karole placed a finger on Karole's lips and Karole couldn't speak! Then the future apparition looked at Past Karole and said, "In about two years you're going to come back to your dorm room on campus extremely horny and you break out your vibrator to work off those frustrations, and your roommate Norma Rodriguez walks in on you. She's going to give you an Australian Kiss and you're going to find out that Norma had a silver tongue, and ten minutes after that, she's going to find out the same thing about you."

"You're shitting me!" howled Past Karole.

"Well?" demanded Future Karole as she glared at Karole.

Karole started to worry, she didn't want to know about her future, she avoided astrology and fortune telling, even the daily horoscope was off limits, something about delving into her future terrified her. When Karole was twelve, she would go fishing in the Okefenokee swamp for catfish and she would take some catfish to an old witch in the swamp named Grandma Noah. She told Karole some very spooky things about her future and most of them came true, and Karole didn't want to hear any more. Grandma Noah told her that she was going to have five children and the first baby boy she was going to name Reggie, which freaked out the girl because she never told anybody about Reggie including Grandma Noah. Reggie was something that came out of her own imagination, she always dreamed that her father was named Reggie and she'd name her baby boy after him.

But now a non-corporeal version of herself was right there preparing to bludgeon her with her future. Future Karole removed her finger and Karole was able to speak again. "I don't want..."

"I don't give a shit what you want," snapped Future Karole, "I only give a shit about what I HAVE, and I got what I want, and you want it too, and so does that kid over there!" She pointed a finger at Past Karole. "What I WANT is for you not to fuck up our life!" She was practically shrieking at Karole. "This is attempt number twelve, and it's the last chance we have, because when this is done, that ghost will appear. There's not enough time left over for a thirteenth do-over..."

"Do what over?"

"This! This whole thing! Weren't you just paying attention?" Future Karole was exasperated. She held her hands out to Past Karole for help.

"Carrot and a stick," said Past Karole, "Beat her with the stick, then put a carrot in her mouth."

Future Karole considered her options then said to Past Karole, "Let's do it." She turned to Karole and said, "oh baby, this is going to be intense. Follow me ladies." She led the spectral parade of herself, Karole, and Past Karole. They stepped off the sidewalk in front of Torgeson and Briggs Financial Consulting and found themselves walking across Don and Lanh's front lawn, through Don's rose garden that sets the border between their front yards, to Karole's house. As they walked in silence the snow melted and the seasons changed from a nasty wet Colorado winter to a parched, hot Colorado summer. There on the porch sat another Karole, sitting on an old wooden rocking chair in a tube top and a pair of shorts. In her hand was a can of beer, a cooler sat next to her, and a growing collection of empty cans rolled around behind her.

"Oh my God, you let us get fat!" screamed Past Karole as she swatted Karole. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Karole was shocked, she was always conscious of her figure, she loved jogging and hiking, and she loved looking good. Even when life sucked, the move to Colorado had its positive side. It truly is a fitness state, with activities of all forms in all locations. Moments after Krissy was born her nurse signed Karole up for post-natal yoga classes. Krissy suddenly poked her head out the door, she barely looked a year older. She was skinny, her face was dirty, her hair was in knots. "I wanna go play with Mr. Don, momma."

"You leave Mr. Don alone; he don't feel well. Go back in the house and play," belched Drunk Karole.

"We're the mother of the year," sneered Future Karole.

"Oh my God, I gained thirty pounds?" gasped Karole.

"Forty pounds," said Future Karole. "Everything is possible with enough beer."

"Sounds like you got that off a red-neck bumper sticker," growled Karole.

"It's on a t-shirt in your dresser... or to be more accurate, in the pile of filthy laundry next to your dresser."

"I'm hungry momma!" wailed Krissy.

"You git yo ass back in that house before I lock you in your room agin! Now GIT!" bellowed Drunk Karole. With a shriek of terror Krissy slammed the door closed and ran into her room and began to howl in sorrow.

Karole's face was slack in horror. Yes, Krissy could be trying at times, but she was just a kid! Now here was Krissy inside her house, hungry, lonely, wailing for Mr. Don, wailing for a cup of water, and that... that thing that she became just sits on the porch drinking beer... "You fucking blob!" shrieked Karole at Drunk Karole, "Go love your daughter! Take her next door, let her see Mr. Don!"

Future Karole appeared next to Karole, "You recognize her, don't you."

Karole glared at Future Karole, "Don't you dare say it, don't you DARE!"

Past Karole with her purple hair tips stepped closer and grinned, "Say it, you know we want to."

Future Karole drifted to Drunk Karole who was now opening another beer. "You've become your own mother."

"NOOOOO!" screamed Karole. She covered her ears and shook her head.

"Look at her!" taunted Future Karole, "your mother was better, at least she got off her ass to go fuck a hillbilly on occasion. That little kid cryin' inside? She ain't nothin' but a welfare check to you."

"Shut your mouth!" Karole passed through the wall into her house to find it filthy. Even at her busiest Karole was a neat housekeeper. This was disgusting, dirty dishes in the sink, and in the dish washer. Laundry and garbage everywhere, this was so horrible! And poor little Krissy's crying broke her own heart. Suddenly Future Karole appeared next to her. "Make it stop," begged Karole, "I'll do whatever you want, just make it stop."

"All I can say is that when the time comes, you have to do what's right," said Future Karole. It was obvious that Krissy's plaintive wailing from behind the door was getting to Future Karole also, but she continued, "As for pausing this shit show? Nope. We paid our money; we have to wait for this ride to come to a complete stop. So, keep your hands inside the car and let's go back outside."

Future Karole led Karole outside and it was late autumn, or maybe winter, it's hard to tell in the prairie sometimes. The leaves were gone from the trees, the lawn was brown and dead, both Karole's and Don's lawns were overgrown, the rose garden was weedy and nasty. Drunk Karole was even fatter, she was still sitting on the porch wrapped up in a blanket. A twelve-year-old Krissy stepped out on the porch. "The power is out again ma." And she kept walking down the driveway and up the street.

"You get back here!" shrieked Drunk Karole, but Krissy answered with a raised middle finger and kept walking, but Drunk Karole wasn't looking. She was looking over at Don and Lanh's house. An ambulance was in the driveway over there, and a gurney was being loaded in the ambulance. Karole noticed it too late to see who was on the gurney, but an Asian woman was talking with the paramedics. She was short but still too tall for Lanh, or her mom Mai. Was it her sister Tam? Her sister Kim-Ly? Karole wanted to float over and find out, but she was unable to move. As the ambulance pulled away Drunk Karole took a long drink from a bottle of cheap whiskey.

"Oh God," groaned Past Karole, she floated up to Drunk Karole and crouched nose to nose with the wizened old drunk. "What did you do to us?" but the question was directed to Karole.

A sudden noise next door caused Karole to look over at Don and Lanh's house. The house was in horrible disrepair, but it was spring now and a crew of men arrived and while all the Karoles watched, the team rebuilt the house; they were painting and patching, replacing the roof, they even hauled in new kitchen cabinets. Two dumpsters of moldy old furniture, cabinets, and roofing material were hauled away and soon, as the aspen leaves turned their joyful bright gold, a moving van arrived.