All Comments on 'A Lazy Mage Quests (Un)EZ Creds Ch. 12'

I apologise if my following ramble sounds harsh, but if I hadn't liked it I wouldn't bother commenting.

Take it as a spiked compliment please ;)

My intention is really to offer constructive criticism, so let's see if I don't mess it up.

I just binged all available chapters of this and I really feel that some cleanup is in order.

First of all, world building.

A couple of chapters in you explain on an opening note about the invasion, disease and new races, so that's taken care of, but the first chapters are so chock-full of details that the eye tends to glaze over. I can't make heads or tails of the magic scales, I don't know why it's illegal to carry a level 3 but not a level 2 whip, who is in charge of enforcing the law (she's not a cop, she's Lone Star) Is it a free-for-all? Is there some form of governing body or social class?

There's a constant reminder that a lot of details are missing, but in a bad way. A lot a commenters reference Shadowrun and you reference "the RPG that I based this on" so this leaves the reader feeling very confused and out of depths. I have no idea if these other sources are mandatory reading to understand this world of yours.

Small comment on the legality of things... He goes to great lengths to cover his tracks, both magical and mundane, so we can guess that everything he's doing so far is illegal. That part is fine, but how illegal is it? Jaywalking? Or Bankrobbery? Or Serial Murder?

Next is the mechanics of magic.

Are there different schools? Are there different planes or dimensions? Why was the alligator spirit so much more astounding than all the other crap we saw, while Joey's door guy was perfectly fine talking to the magical envoy at the chop shop?

We don't know what is rare and what isn't in this world, so we have no way of gaging importance of events.

Apparently the existence of magic is pretty well known, so why don't more places have magical defences in place? The only ones we've seen so far are the Smith's house in the beginning, the chapter hospital and rev's own house.

Is it rare? Is it difficult or expensive to cast?

If we don't know these answers, then we have no way of knowing if Rev is a Gandalf or a Rincewind.

How does this spirit binding work? Is it slavery? Are they there against their will? If so, is there a chance that they'll rebell at some point? Or is it a mutually beneficial thing?

Finally the relationships...

From what it seems, coplady Mara lives with him. She's either a serious girlfriend or a wife. Is fucking a spirit all that common? Like masturbation? Or is it adultery? Tying it to the point above, is this new character a potential love interest for the main character, or just a prop? I have no idea how much free will and intelligence these spirits have, so should coplady be worried that cherrycunt will steal her man?

I mean, he does think that she'd be offended with his view on long-term companionship/pet reference in the previous chapter, so it's mixed feels here.

Also, there's no hesitation on his part as soon as chocolate-ass arrives on the scene. Is he a serial cheater? Or is there no relationship between him and Mara and I just misunderstood? Is he just a horndog that would fuck anything that moves? Even so, is cheating on a cop really a smart idea?

The status of his relationship is extremely confusing, and (to me) cuts down on the enjoyment of the scene.

To top it off, I get that you're going for a "dog day afternoon" feel and that point does come across nicely.

It's just, too many holes keep me from getting engrossed in the story. Also, too many sentences start with Spector... Spector said, Spector did, Spector bla bla all in a row. It's off-putting

All in all, solid 4 star all around.

And yes, I'm interested