A Legal Trap Ch. 06

Author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.

March 11th, 7:18 AM

The morning started with breakfast in the hotel's restaurant and running into Jacob. We talked about Amber and before I knew where he was going with our conversation I was agreeing to speak with her today. Not like I was some kind of mental health professional - which is what she probably needed most right now - but I said I would talk to her.

Jacob and the Carson's wanted to know about the events leading up to her flight from an arguably damn normal and supportive environment. Was there something they could do going forward to support her more, connect with her, and keep her from some of the online activities we all found shocking. They really wanted to know the possibility that she would continue on this destructive path she'd dabbled with and the chance that it would get worse.

I wanted to tell Jacob there was no way to judge that, but held my tongue. My own dysfunctional actions regarding getting positive strokes by those using me as a fetish might make my insights to her state of mind easier, but I wasn't going to have some patented resolution to fix her psyche. Her escape was to get those positive strokes she needed from within and with the support of those who became close to her online - well it wasn't ideal.

Nothing good ever came from my adventures online. I did not bother trying to explain that to Jacob, it would have been too much information to share with the managing partner of the law firm that employed me. All told, I had done pretty well for myself after getting away from that self-destructive side Amber had toyed with. I think the problem was really going to be whether Amber had it within her to seek and accept the help she needed, trust in everyone around her being supportive, and pretty much building herself up enough not to seek that negative type of gratification - no matter how positive it appeared.

That was going to be a tall order, one that didn't happen overnight for me. It took me several months to get over the addiction, the need for the wrong kind of attention, reinforcement that I was wanted, desired. I just didn't know if she was mature enough to break free from that crap. Augh!

Jacob said he would be out front with the car at 10:00 AM. I asked about Paul and he said he was working on some digital evidence with the police. He also mentioned talking with Janet and possibly extending my stay through mid-week - that was going to be a day-to-day TBD decision.

When Jacob left, I lingered over a couple of pieces of bacon and some hash browns, finishing them, but barely touching my eggs. I downed three glasses of water during my breakfast, but it was a poor attempt at hydration. I signed the bill for breakfast to my room, including the customary fifteen-percent gratuity. Was that going to be an expense I could claim, the gratuity? I shook my head - a question for another time.

I made my way to my room to change, I needed to clear my head after last night with Paul, and so my plan was to go for a run before it got too warm out. I put on baggy running shorts over tights so I wouldn't need to tuck, a sports bra and a loose fitting tank top, powder blue Nike running shoes, sunglasses, a bottle of water, headphones, armband for my phone, room key, and I was off. Goal, five miles, I didn't care if I got lost... Time check - 8:02 AM, plenty of time to lose myself and level set some things.

March 11th, 9:58 AM

I was just shy of my run goal time wise, but needed time to get ready and cut the run short. I felt so much better afterwards, especially after a long shower.

I was dreading going to the Carson's and having to talk to Amber. Deciding what to wear turned out to be a can of worms and I finally gave up - deciding on my nicest pair of slacks, a simple top, and flats. I'd spent way too much time on my makeup and hair - I could already feel Amber judging me, measuring me. Did I need to impress this kid?

It took us ten minutes to get to the Carson's and in that time barely anything was said on the drive over. Jacob seemed deep in thought or as if something was bothering him. I didn't press and just marveled at the sameness of the area homes block after block of same, style, same color, no yards, and no greenery. It was all so military desert camouflage like.

Stephanie met us at the door and once inside we could hear her husband yelling at someone on the phone in the other room. Jacob split from our gathering to see what was going on and Stephanie ushered me into the kitchen where it was impossible to hear what was being yelled.

"We really want to thank you for agreeing to speak with Amber. She hasn't said much since we got her home," Stephanie said with a pained look on her face. It was obvious she'd spent some time crying recently.

"I'm happy to help Mrs. Carson." I wanted to hug her, but held my ground on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

"Stephanie, please. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water would be wonderful, Stephanie," and saying her name just didn't feel right.

When she gave me the glass, there really didn't seem to be anything left to say. She didn't mention what had her husband going ballistic about. I took a sip of the cool liquid and a few seconds later was following her to Amber's room. The door was ajar and after a courtesy knock and Stephanie poking her head into the room we entered.

"Amber, this is Elizabeth. She works for your uncle Jacob," Amber looked up from her iPad and nodded to my existence. "OK, well, I'll leave you two," she said tentatively, "I'll be just down the hall honey."

Ten seconds later we were alone, the door to her room was left half open. When I was sure Stephanie was gone, I closed the door. That got me a questioning look from Amber.

"You the computer genius who hacked into my accounts," she asked none to friendly.

Okay, not going to mince words or warm up to conversing with each other. "No, that was a computer forensics specialist."

"Well, I would appreciate being able to get back into my accounts. People are asking about me online. I want back into my email."

She was calm, but certainly annoyed. "I can't do anything about that. I think until the police and FBI are finished with whatever they are doing you're going to have to put up with being locked out."

She looked questioningly at me, "How long have you been on HRT?"

Alrighty then, so much for easing into getting to know one another. I told her and that I didn't have it as easy as she did with a supportive family. To which she complained that not everything looks as it appears. An interesting statement I'd try to get to the bottom of.

Since we'd skipped the politeness portion of feeling each other out I asked, "Why run away?"

"You going to tell me that was stupid and dangerous," she quipped back.

"Well, I wouldn't say it was the smartest move on your part. I don't know if you did that for love or attention or whatever, but that guy, David, right? He's probably not concerned about what's best for you."

I had gotten her 'Daddy's' first name from Jacob over breakfast - I assumed he'd gotten that from the Carson's or the FBI or Police, maybe even Paul. If that was something Paul uncovered I would have like to have heard it from him - in addition, to a few more things - like what happened last night.

"You don't know that..."

I snapped back to Amber, "No, I'm pretty sure I do. I've been down this road and it's a fucking shit hole that will chew your ass up and discard you when you aren't providing enough in return. You're nothing but a fetish for those assholes online, I can guarantee you that." I was shaking ever so slightly. It was the nerves of speaking candidly and pushing back at this kid who thought she knew everything - I was now on edge.

"Yeah, well he loves me. David loves me and I don't care what you have to say." She put the iPad down and winced from the pain as she tried to sit up in bed.

I was sure she was probably still on pain medication, so maybe that was part of this attitude I was getting. Then again, maybe she just had a rebellious streak. I wasn't going to mention I'd seen plenty of his emails professing his love for her and those pushing her to create content.

"If he loved you, why did the police find you alone in that house?"

"David went to get me donuts," she said meekly after thinking about her answer.

"He left his phone. What if something happened to you while he was away? He was protecting himself. Sooner or later they are going to catch him." As soon as I said that, I was questioning whether I should have attacked him. Fuck! I'm not a shrink; I'm usually on the other side of the couch!

"Same thing my mom said. Well good luck with that, he's probably already well on his way home by now."

Already on his way home, did that mean he wasn't from New Mexico? "Where is he from?"

I watched her shrug her shoulders at my question. Okay, I'm just backing this kid into a corner. I need to switch things up. I walked to her closet, flipping the light on after opening the door.

"You have a wardrobe I'd kill for. You shop with your mom? You've got good taste. If your shoes were a size larger I probably would have borrowed those tan pumps." I turned back toward her, she was watching me.

"Which ones?"

I reached down and held up the faux synthetic snakeskin tan pumps with four inch heels. "Yeah, I'm going to have to look into finding these in a size eleven when I get back to Seattle." I looked inside and could see they were size tens.

"Nordstrom's Rack," she offered.

"Thanks. What would you pair them with in here?" I flipped through a few skirts, pulling one I thought might work and showed her. She nodded 'No'. More browsing and I pulled a cute summer dress, whimsy and light flowing fabric, "How about this?"

"Seriously?" she said as if she was appalled by my choice.

"Alright, what in here goes with these hot shoes?" I tried to sound playful, but was struggling to be genuine. I was also a bit annoyed that my style cues were so off to this kid.

I watched her get up slowly, pull her t-shirt down slowly over runner's shorts and slowly make her way to the closet.

"Are you supposed to be getting up," I asked concerned.

"It hurts a bit, but I have to go to bathroom anyway."

She moved past me and pushed a few hangers aside until she had a light brown suede mini skirt in her hand. Then she flipped through a few different blouses and picked the wildest colored ones and even one with a crazy pattern.

"I'd pair them with these, this one, or any of those," she pointed behind me.

"Yeah, guess those would go. I don't shop often and when I do I'm kind of at the mercy of that week's thrift store selection." I felt embarrassed to say that, but it was the truth.

"You dress too conservatively. You've got pretty eyes, know your way around a makeup brush obviously, and your hair is cute - maybe pull it back. You just dress too bland, conservative, like an old lady..."

Whoa, that was probably one string of the best compliments I'd ever gotten in a while, minus the dis at the end! I ignored the dig, "Thanks. I, I'm a work in progress. Plus, I 'have' to dress conservatively; I work for your uncle."

"Well, good luck with that. Uncle Jacob is nice and all, but way too cerebral for me. I gotta pee."

She took the pumps I was holding and tossed them in the general direction of where I had pulled them from, turned the light off, and sort of shooed me from her closet before entering the en-suite bathroom.

Was she warming up to me or just screwing with me? I sat at her desk and looked at the pictures of her with friends, tubing on a river somewhere in a bathing suit - shorts for the bottoms, riding a horse.

"I've changed a lot since most of those were taken."

She startled me, but I tried to act as if I was just turning to face her - rather than jumping. She was grimacing as she sat on the edge of her bed.

"I'll bet those hurt." I could see the bandages wrapped tightly around her chest through the t-shirt to give her tissue a chance to heal and accept the foreign material now inside her chest. "Why implants?"

She looked like she was going to say David's name, but caught herself, "I was tired of waiting to feel more complete."

"They feel like you expected they would?"

"Pretty much, more weight on my chest I guess. Have you considered implants?"

What Trans Woman hasn't thought about implants? "I don't have the money for that kind of luxury. You've already critiqued one of my best outfits. If I had the money, I would probably splurge on better clothes. Anyway, a guy told me that more than a handful or mouthful was a waste." I tried to chuckle but it fell on deaf ears.

"I've never heard that. Most guys I've talked with always asked when I was going to get them done. They all want bigger these days."

"We saw that David paid for the surgery, even though you certainly have collected plenty from your online subscription followers."

"He said he wanted to give them to me for my birthday. He was pretty excited and...," she stopped when she realized she was rambling, not guarded about what she was saying.

"Look, I'm not here to report back to your parents or the police, anything you say. We're just a couple Trans girls talking. I promise." I really didn't have plans to divulge every bit of our conversation, but if there was a clue to finding David - well, that was going to get passed on.

"Sure..." she said with a tone that dripped more contempt than she realized.

Okay, let's try another track, "When I came out to my parents there was no support. Trans was barely even a word anyone knew anything about. And that was like four years ago." I wasn't sure where I was going with this and just let it follow its own course. "I basically was shown the door. I spent the next six months hopping from one friend's house to another. Did the homeless shelter thing, lived on the streets for almost a week before getting my ass beat by a group of losers."

"What the fuck is wrong with your parents," she asked.

"Yeah, seriously right?" I'd spent years trying to figure out why my family gave up on me. I wondered if they had been more like the Carson's where I would be today.

"I would never do something like that to my kid," she thought about that a second, "Not like I'm going to have kids in the traditional sense."

"Adoption is certainly an option. Maybe you'll meet someone with kids already." Amber just nodded, so I pressed on, "I was pretty low after getting out of the hospital from the beating I took. Certainly thought about suicide more times than is healthy. I finally moved in with a friend and the internet became an outlet, a place to get myself some positive feedback finally, since no one was giving that to me. Talking to guys online was easy - I was anonymous, so were they. Sending pictures was exciting, especially when you're being told how sexy you look, how hot you are making the person on the other end feel. Then I started webcam sessions. Only thing is I didn't connect the dots, I didn't get paid for any of it. Not the videos, pictures, none of it. It all became an addiction at that point. The attention was my drug." I felt a lump growing in my throat and had to pause.

"I don't regret what I've done," she said sounding like she wasn't as confident in that statement as she let on.

Maybe right now you don't, but one day you will. "Your video with David will come back to haunt you one day. You gave up so much and for what, a thousand, maybe thirteen hundred dollars before the police took down your accounts?" Truth was Paul had been the one to initiate that, but the cops would have done that same thing had they beat us to the credentials.

"I don't have a problem with what I've done. It was hot and wasn't about the money at all, David said I might as well cash in on it. That's a lot of money for barely even a day online," she said trying hard to keep the bravado in her tone.

"How well do you know him Amber? I mean 'really' know David? His past, his now. I think the money that could be made was absolutely part of his attraction maybe."

"I know he loves me and wants to be with me. He cares about what happens to me."

"That may be, but are you one of many? Maybe he's been with younger? The law is going to say he groomed you as a predator and say he is a pedophile that needs to get locked up. I've seen your video, none of that was 'Love' in any sense of the word. He fucked you without a condom, came inside of you, and had you pull your ass apart to film his conquest dribbling out of you - then he got you to post it online so you could make some money... How is any of that shit love?"

"You don't get it..."

I cut her off, "I don't get it? I've done this shit with more fucking losers than I hope you'll ever come across. I've been raped, beaten, used, and some of that shit was videoed and is out there on the internet for all to see. I didn't get paid, I got used. You think I don't get it? I crawled out of a fucking gutter of sick perverted sexual bullshit to be where I am right now and you couldn't pay me enough to go back. I betrayed my beliefs, to my core that I was born into the wrong body..." I was yelling and when I stopped the room was draped in an eerie silence.

Amber had been staring at me, and then lowered her head.

"Look," I started more calmly. "I know none of this transition is easy. I know it doesn't happen overnight also and a lot of it is complicated and confusing and you want to rush it to be over. I still get anxious to rush thing along because I'm not whole, not complete. Selling yourself out like you have online is not the answer. It is my biggest regret. You don't want to live with regrets. There are plenty of David's out there just waiting to detour you from being the woman you born to be. Be better than me..."

When she didn't have anything to say I stood and pulled a drawer out from her desk. I wrote my cell phone number on a piece of paper and left it on the desk. "That's my cell number. You want to talk, call me. Live life for you Amber. You've got a lot going for you. Don't go down that same path I did. It's not too late."

I made my way to the door, looked back at Amber, and then made my way to the kitchen. When I entered Jacob and the Carson's were talking, but stopped upon seeing me.

"Did she say anything about this David character?" Jacob asked.

"No, Mr. Wentz. We really just talked about how destructive her activities have been to getting her to where she wants to be."

"Elizabeth, did she say why she had such a large online presence?"

"Mr. Wentz, my guess is it was just easy to get addicted to the feedback. This David guy wasn't the only one who made her activities online a source for positive feedback. I know that probably doesn't make sense since Amber is so well supported, but it's truly part of why she did so much online. I think combined with the feedback and the monetary validation she was getting, well it just kind of consumed her."

"I'm going to kill that fucker...," Gary said under his breath.

"Mr. Carson, I think Amber knows what she was doing was wrong," I tried to say confidently, though wasn't sure it came out that way.

The conversation went a couple different directions and I tried my best to relate my experiences, without too many details, to give everyone some insight. After a number of questions and my ramblings trying to answer those questions, the questions stopped. Jacob treated some of the direction this went like a cross-examination, but I think I did well with my answers. I think he knew there was more that I knew about what Amber was into, maybe he knew everything? Had he gotten that information from Paul?

Bottom line, I told them Amber needed counseling. They all agreed on that point. The Carson's said they had arranged a second therapist and a few other things to help keep her on the right path. We didn't talk about the content she had online, it almost sounded by some of the comments made that Paul might be doing something about that, though there is no way to remove all content from the internet. I was living proof of that.