by tastycandy
Considering he was going to learn about the Ring. He missed a Golden opportunity.
He should have gotten into Sisters head and read her thoughts and Desires for later use. Chapters could be Longer.
Stars taken away for being SO cliche´ with the over-sized breasts.
Also, a seven inch penis is an inch OVER the American average, and more than that over the world average. So not only a bigger dick than reality, but obnoxiously downplayed.
Then...allusions to gay-male sex.
Are you trying to lose every reader you managed to keep past the first two chapters?
Hope this picks up.