A Life Imagined

I love and hate these busy Saturday afternoons here at Antonne's. I know that I should be grateful for the business and the income it provides, but still, hungry people get on my damn nerves. At this particular moment, I find myself cursing under my breath the entire way to grab some desserts from the walk-in cooler. When I open the door, my frustration magically vanishes.

Watching him from behind allows me a brief moment to appreciate the view. Chef isn't a big man but he isn't small either. He's about 5'11-ish and his weight is proportionate to his height. Stealing my glimpse of him from this angle I can appreciate how his broad shoulders and back muscles slim down to his waistline. His ass, rock hard, and solid leg muscles flexing as he stretches to fight with a box on the top shelf of the rack.

"Give me a second and I'll be out of your way." He barks out without turning around.

"No worries," I respond with a whisper.

He stops what he's doing and turns his head to look at me. The moment he does his dark hair and olive skin tone instantly makes me smile. A small little crooked smile.

"Close the door and get your fine little ass over here."

Closing the door behind me I don't move instead I reach behind my back and grab a hold of the handle.

"Nope, we almost got caught the last time."

By the time I finished my statement he was already on me. Sliding his hand behind me and placing it on the small of my back. His other hand slides behind my neck pulling me up on my tiptoes as he leans down to meet me halfway. In that instant, he was kissing me and I was allowing him to slide his hand from the small of my back to the bottom curve of my ass. Cupping me firmly and squeezing gently...I moaned.

The kiss didn't last but a minute but to me, it lasted much longer in my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd been working at the famous Antonne's since I graduated high school. I moved out of my parents' home that summer and a month later a friend of my older brothers got me the job. I started busing tables and moved up to being a server. By the time I started university that fall I was making $500 a week in tips. Now, I clear about a grand a week but who's counting.

Chef had started flirting with me almost a year ago. It started with a wink and a blown kiss when nobody was looking. At first, I didn't know how to react. A part of me was embarrassed but another part of me felt excited. I had only come to realize that I'm gay during my senior year of high school. The end of my senior year to be more precise. The accepting part has been two years in the making. Don't get me wrong. Once I knew that I was gay I accepted that. But I've only come out to my mother and everyone else has no clue.

When I moved out of my parent's house right out of high school, as I said, I came out to my mother while she was helping me unpack. She didn't react like I thought she would because according to her she always suspected that I might be gay.

"Honey you're so pretty and even though you hide it well; a mother can always tell."

I still remember that moment, those words, and I called bullshit. But she's my mother so we'll leave it at that. Still, after that day it was like we became closer if that's even possible. I'm the youngest of 4 boys that Gerald and Mary birthed into this world. My brothers are all behemoths, well over six feet tall. I've been 4'11" maybe 5' tall since my sophomore year of high school.

At that time, I was this small skinny kid and did everything that I possibly could to blend in and stay out of everyone's way. The only thing odd about me was that I had to wear a compression shirt and I did everything that I could to keep that my secret.

Since then, I've remained the same height but my body has filled out a bit. My body is still thin where it's supposed to be. The only differance being is that I'm now curvy in all the right places. I'm 20 with shoulder-length hair, a feminine shoulder-width back, and a nice firm attractive bottom. But I'll come back to my current appearance later.

About my family.

We're a tight family and my brothers always were then, and even now, if I was to allow them, very protective of me. Of course, my mom and dad would constantly be telling them to watch out for me. That didn't help, it only made it worse. Growing up it would always piss me off that they thought I needed all of their protection. So, I guess from day one I've always had a chip on my shoulder.

I was determined from a young age that I was going to make it on my terms. As a kid, I didn't shy away from confrontations. When I was old enough to go on the fishing trips with my brothers and my father, they would make fun of me because I couldn't catch fish like the great Lowry men. That stopped when I started catching the biggest fish of the day on the regular.

When I was allowed to go on hunting trips the joke was that guns scared me. I've never been scared of guns; I've just never understood the fairness in shooting a deer from a designated deer blind with a high-powered rifle. When I tracked and brought down my first buck with my compound bow, the jokes stopped. And in the eighth grade, when a bully twice my size thought it would be easy to pick on me, I beat his ass so bad that I almost went to jail for it.

"God damn it, Mary!! Never have I had to deal with this shit!! He damn near killed the boy!"

Man, the old man was furious that day. My mother just puffed her chest out and said she was proud of me and Harvey Watkins, the boys' father, better think twice about putting her son in jail. In the end, it all calmed down but from that day forward I have never had an issue with bullies or anyone else for that matter.

Still, there was one thing that I never figured out, girls. It wasn't until senior prom that I started to get a grasp on who I was. Leslie and I had been dating all year and we made a pact that after we both turned 18, after senior prom, we would lose our virginity to each other. That night turned out to be the cruelest night that I will never forget.

Since we were both 18, I was able to rent a nice hotel suite to go to after prom. The night went well, we danced and had a great time. Afterward, we made our way back to the hotel, and there we were, ready to do the deed. I should have known that it wasn't going to end well for me that night.

First of all, I couldn't get an erection. Second, even if I had gotten an erection, it wouldn't have mattered. I'm all of 5" long when I'm hard, maybe, if that! So, the entire time Leslie had 2 maybe 3 soft inches to play with.

It was a failure of epic proportions and Leslie wound up calling a friend to pick her up. I went home and cried myself to sleep. The next day my mother could see that I was hurting and she told me that I needed a break. We got dressed and off we went to her spa at my parents' country club.

Going to the country club with my mother wasn't an odd thing for us to do. At times I would get bored with the hunting and fishing trips with the Lowery men. One day my mother comes up with the idea of me going with her to her spa.

I thought to myself, sure why not? I'd get my manicure and pedicure with her. She'd get a massage and I'd hit the weight room or go for a run on the open track around the golf course. We'd finish and then go have lunch at her club and call it a day. So, when she brought up the idea of the spa, I thought sure maybe it'll get my mind off of the fact that I couldn't get it hard for my girlfriend.

Honestly? Leslie laughed at me. She did try, I do have to give her that. But I should have known it wasn't going to go well when she asked, "Is this your thing? Your cock?" When she looked under the covers she laughed.

She told me to take off my shirt and when she saw my chest, I could see the finality in her eyes. That was it for her and from that point, things escalated from don't worry about it not getting hard to why is it so small? Then finally storming off into the bathroom to get dressed and call for a ride. By the time Leslie left that night she wasn't mad, she was disgusted.

"C'mon baby, get a good massage, you'll feel better." I just nodded when my mother spoke and went along with it.

I went into the dressing room and got myself undressed and pulled the big comfy white robe on, making sure that I had wrapped a big towel around my upper body. When I got into the massage room, I suddenly felt a bit nervous, and hesitant.

"You're Joseph? Hi Joseph my name is Thad," he said with a deep voice.

I was taken aback by him and couldn't help but notice how toned and handsome this man looked. The fact that I had noticed those things is what made me hesitate for a brief moment before I could respond.

"Jo-Joey, you can call me Joey, everyone else does," I replied with a soft, nervous tone.

"Oh, ok, Joey it is. My real name is Thaddeus so, I get it." Telling me his real name didn't help ease my tension.

"C'mon babe, jump up on the table, and let's see if we can't relieve some of your troubles."

When he said that I almost started to panic. No, I thought to myself, no way my mother said anything about what I had just gone through. You're overthinking this Joe, I thought to myself. I Took off my robe, keeping my towel around my body, and jumped up on the table.

"So how bashful are you, Joey?"

I didn't understand the question. I mean I understood the question but why was he asking? He must have noticed the apprehension in my eyes and he laughed a gentle laugh.

"Relax hon, I can hold up this towel so that you can take off your towel and lay on your stomach. Then I'll place this towel over your backside. Or, you can toss the towel and get comfortable on the table and I'll lay the towel over you. It's up to you."

Ok, now it made sense. I asked him to hold up the towel and please turn his head. Then without giving it another thought, I took off my towel, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and proceeded to lay face down on the table and place my arms on either side of me. I waited for him to put the towel over my backside.

"Very nice," he whispered in that low seductive tone of his.

What did he mean very nice and why was he calling me babe and hon? Before I could build on that thought I felt him squirt warm oil over the back of my legs. Instantly he was rubbing generous amounts of the warm oil over my calves and the back of my legs. Starting at my feet with a hard gentle rub. My calves and then my hamstring muscles.

I was feeling good and relaxing while he tended to my leg muscles with those large gentle hands. He kept working his way higher and each time he'd fold the towel back to expose more of my legs until he'd reached the end.

"Do you want me to stop or keep going?"

I thought what an odd question to ask. He had only done the back of my legs, why would I want him to stop?

"No sir, keep going, please," was my reply.

I had just finished saying please when he pulled the towel off of me and his hands went to work on my hips. My eyes were wide open and I let out a gasp. I had just given this man permission to play with my ass! He started with my hips then I felt the warm sensation of him squirting another generous amount of oil all over my ass. Putting the bottle down he went to work kneading and massaging me. My shock had vanished and soon I was allowing myself to feel things that I'd never felt before.

I felt myself begin to dribble precum from my penis. He was working my legs, my hips, and now my ass with those wonderful large hands. Taking one cheek in each hand he pushed me open. I could feel my face begin to get hot. I was blushing and this man was looking straight down at my virgin pink bud.

That's when I noticed his breathing had changed and so had mine. But what came next almost made me jump out of my skin. He ran his hand right down the middle of my crack and started to rub his index finger on my hole.

I moaned...

"Just relax precious, let daddy take care of you."

And with those final words, he pushed his index finger in me, deep. I could feel his knuckle then he slid it out. He repeated this for a few more minutes. Then, he added another finger until he was deep inside of me with three fingers. With the help of a generous amount of oil, he worked my cherry hole like a pro. At that point I was squirming and moaning, loving every minute of it.

But that wasn't the best part. He started massaging my prostate. Gently at first then it was as if he was attacking it. I lasted all of maybe one minute and I let out a muffled scream into a towel. My little cock was spewing cum under me. It was so intense that I thought I was going to faint. Thad had stopped finger fucking me and was just pushing down on my prostrate as I twitched uncontrollably.

Finally, it was over and he slipped his fingers out of me...

"Get up baby and put this towel around your waist."

I was in a daze. I could barely move but managed to sit up. The amount of cum on the massage table and smeared on my stomach was crazy. I looked up at Thad who was looking right at me, smiling.

"I wish we'd met outside this place baby girl. You are just precious." He said.

I just nodded, yes, and realized that he was looking at my chest and then into my eyes with a warm look.

"I know you have a lot of questions baby but just follow your heart and you'll be fine." What was he talking about, I thought to myself? I was confused, I was satisfied and relaxed. I was, what the fuck!!

I quickly wrapped the towel around my chest as I got up off the table and started to walk out of the room. I stopped. I turned around and watched as Thad was wiping down the table and getting ready to fold it up. I had to know.

"If I would have said, no. Would you have stopped?"

"Oh baby, of course, I would have stopped, that's why I asked." He replied.

"You have a gorgeous little body honey and you should be very proud of it. Don't hide it." He said as he stood up to make his way to me.

He walked over to me and pushed my hair out of my face and leaned down. He kissed me, a soft gentle kiss. Then he smiled at me and held the door open for me.

That was the day that I knew. I knew that I liked men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved how the chef kissed me, how he took his time with me. He had never rushed me all of these past months that have led up to this comfortability that we've developed with each other. He's never even been to my apartment. I've never invited him and he's never asked for an invitation. Still, even though I enjoyed our unplanned meetings I was starting to want more.

"I think I'm falling for you baby doll," his voice, was soft and gentle.

Not the loud gruff voice that he uses with his kitchen staff or with us, the servers when we get on his nerves. All those months ago, when he first started flirting with me, he scared me. I'm a private person and don't allow many people into my inner circle. The thought of this man coming on to me scared the hell out of me. Especially since we worked together. But like I said, it excited me also.

Don't shit where you eat! I can still hear my father yelling at us over the years. This was his favorite go-to line for his sons. I never fully appreciated that saying until now. Flirting with the chef and now getting physical with him had all the signs of me taking a big old shit right where I ate.

"We better stop before someone comes in here," I said.

We'd been in the walk-in cooler for all of two minutes, maybe. Still, any minute someone would pull on the door and we both knew it.

I gathered myself but before he grabbed what he'd come in cooler for in the first place he took my hand and placed it on his crotch. I didn't even blink and at that moment, I found myself holding on to his cock through his pants. I could feel its girth, its thickness in my hand. I swallowed and then he moved my hand away. Just like that, he left the cooler.

We were crossing boundaries, that was the first time he'd pulled that move. Don't get me wrong, I've held a cock in my hand, once. About a year and a half earlier. I had been on my own for a couple of months and being fingered during my first massage was still very fresh in my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that particular day, I was coming back from a late night at my family's home. We were celebrating my youngest brother's engagement. I had gotten home and I was coming around the corner to my apartment when I barely missed bumping into someone. Someone that I hadn't seen since my sophomore year of high school.

Phillip Moon.

I was a student trainer for the athletic department all through high school but the day that Phillip Moon tore his ACL was a day I'll never forget. It was during practice and I was standing with the coaches behind the line of scrimmage. Phillip dropped back to pass and an overzealous sophomore took his right knee out. The sound of his knee giving out and the excruciating pain that it put him in was something I'll never forget.

"Whoa! Hey, I know you," he said to me as we dodged each other under the arch of the breezeway next to my apartment.

Looking up I instantly remembered who he was but what I didn't remember was how handsome he was. Probably because as a sophomore in high school it never would have occurred to me to notice such a thing in a guy.

"Phillip, right? Phillip Moon?" I questioned as if I didn't know.

We both laughed at almost wiping each other out and instantly he started talking. He explained how he was dropping off a friend and started asking how I'd been. He couldn't hold back his amazement that it'd been three or four years since he saw me last.

Phillip was talking to me like I was some long-lost friend. Far from it, I barely knew him. But I went along with him because I was mesmerized by how handsome he looked.

Phillip is well over six feet tall and even though it'd been some years since he was that athlete in high school his body was solid. My eyes kept stealing glances as he spoke. I was finally able to let my eyes get a good look at him and I think he caught me. I'll never be sure if he did or not but who cares, right?

"Which one is your apartment? Or do you know someone that lives here?" He asked.

"This is me," I replied, motioning with my hand at the door just a few feet away.

It was at moment that I realized that he'd been checking me out all this time. I knew that because he was checking me out at that moment as I watched him do it. Why not, I thought to myself before asking him.

"Would you like to come in?"

The question was moot because I hadn't even finished asking when he stepped up to me. Sliding his hand behind the small of my back and turning me towards the door.

We went inside and enjoyed a little small talk. He was going on about his glory days and I just nodded and smiled. Then he stopped talking and patted the spot next to him on the couch. I had been sitting in my chair a few feet away and in a flash my stomach felt like it was full of butterflies.

I was in baggy athletic shorts and a t-shirt. Phillip was dressed as if he'd just been out on a date. When he patted the spot next to him, I knew what he wanted. Until that moment I hadn't allowed myself to act out any of my desires.

If not now, then when? I thought to myself.

Sitting next to him was a bit intoxicating. He turned and placed his arm over my shoulders; like any guy that's positioning himself to make out. The only problem with that is that I had never made out with a guy before. He leaned down and I tilted my face to meet his. Just like that, I was kissing a man.

I'd been kissed by Thad and I'll never forget it but this was different. I could taste Phillip's tongue and I placed my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating. At that moment we were kissing madly, our lips making those smacking, suckling noises that couples make when nobody's around. He stopped and pulled back inches away from my face.