by radk
Short and interesting. Thanks I am looking forward to your next story.
The wife in this story was truly evil. Her torment (karma) goes on and on. I loved it.
What to think.
It was kinda good but I feel dirty just reading it.
Any life would have been better than hers.... Good story.
Why the fuck did she shoot him in the first place? That's a gaping hole in the story that just picks at my thoughts over and over. If she's already left him, already got a newer, better, richer husband, then why go back and shoot her husband in his crummy little trailer home and set it ablaze? She didn't think the cops would immediately suspect her?
Also, now that she knows he's alive, wealthy, and goes by the name Mack, what's to keep her from contacting the police and having him prosecuted? Granted, it's been 38-40 years, but the statute of limitations doesn't begin to run until a reasonable person would be aware that the crime was committed. Here, his ongoing silence and active hiding while she was in jail--and is still on probation--means he's well within the statute of limitations for countless crimes, even if they can't pin the lawyer's murder on him.
So yeah, karma can be sweet, but I'm thinking his murdering, twisted revenge will now be hanging over his head for quite some time.
A well written descriptive story but both characters are dregs of society. The only difference is he got away with murder and she didn't. Making him lower than the sludge sucked off the bottom of sceptic tanks. Just thinking of him spreading his character faults on to all of his descendants leaves the foul taste of excrement in my mouth. No, he's no hero or even someone I would care to know. However, the fact that he could deceive so many people to become associated with all of those organizations he was bragging about would make him a good presidential canidate. You're taking a murderer and thief with false ID and trying to make him look good. I guess when they say,"there is always someone better" that the reverse is also true, "there is always someone worse" but which one of them is worse? In other words, the story has no moral value.
she cheated on him and he murders her lover, frames her for the murder and she spends 38 years in prison for a crime she didn't commit?
How is that justice? Not only is he worse than her, you (as the author) and her (non) deceased husband (as your creation) are enjoying her suffering and for what? An affair? How is he any better than her? IF this is his true character, then it stands to reason that she is better off without him and, indeed, her decision to kill him is justified as he is a lying, cheating, murdering thief.
I wonder if his current wife knows about his crimes? Probably not, considering he is a liar.
I don't know about being worse per se. I tend to look at it along the lines somethign Jon Stewart said in his Daily Show, back when McCain was running against Obama. He said, " As any mad scientist ill tell you there comes a point where the elation of the monster you've created kinda dies down... usually when the creature starts FUCKING up your home."
She created what he became, simple as that.
ONCE AGAIN READERS AND COMMENTERS HAVE AN AGE OLD CHOICE. IN EVERY STORY THERE ARE AT LEAST 3 CHOICES,,,YOURS, MINE, THE OBJECTIVE AND THE SUBJUCTIVE VIEWER/READER AND SOMEWHERE AMONG THE "GIGO" WHAT REALLY HAPPENS OR HAPPENED. TRUTH?, JUSTICE?, NO ONE CAN HAVE ANY DEGREE OF CERTAINITY. RADK PUTS OUT A STORY CONTROVERSIAL OR NOT, BUT IT IS A STORY AND IT IS HIS. TK U MLJ LV NV
It was a very quick but a good read,
I liked the feel of the story, and the way you write as far as the lines you use are very good. Okay there are a few things I'd like more info on. but all in all it's a good story. Great job!!
Let me understand this; the MURDERER comes to a bar where his ex-wife works, and then gloats at her misfortune for having spent 38 years in jail for a crime he committed.
In what demonic universe do we live in where adultery equates with murder? Under what code of perverted ethics are we supposed to believe that having committed adultery that the penalty should be death? In a universe where the Taliban prevail this might be acceptable, but in a civilized society?
You might assault your wife’s paramour but to kill him? Killing him requires special circumstances, like he raped your children or tried to kill you, something like that. Absent a good reason, the murder and imprisonment of the wife was more onerous than the adultery.
I like a good story of revenge on a cheating wife, but in order to be satisfying to me the revenge must be PROPORTIONATE to the crime. Had the husband here not taken a life himself, but merely allowed the wife to be convicted of the attempted murder, then I might have seen some justice in that…but to become a murderer himself?
I was hoping that at the end of this story the ex-wife shot the criminal in the back as he was leaving the bar. If he was this much of an asshole while they were married then perhaps she was justified in cheating on him in the first place.
and way over the top. It is an irrational torch the bitch story to the nth degree...on steriods.
We do not know WHY the wife felt the need to try and kill him. The fact that its was someone else in his trailer bed doesnt hide that huge plot hole.
The once Ray assumed the other guy's identity why kill the wife's lover?
Maybe he deserved it in some way. Maybe she did deserve being framed for murder.
But... WHY? why didnt Ray/now Mac ...just walk AWAY?
I guess I am old school, when someone tries to kill me, I try and kill them back. The way you described what she went through almost made up for it. Almost. The sick friend was a good twist. I applaud you, at least your character had the balls to do Something. I get it author, I am smart enough to fill in the blanks. The character delved out a respectable punishment for the would be murderer and her new man. I think some of the others miss the fact that she tried to blow his brains out and burn him down. That is a perfect justification for murder. I did not like it, I loved it.
I'm still not sure if I liked it or not. It did provoke some thoughts about a couple of people from my past and how I handled them... and could have handled them.
The life is not right. Both are wicked and either of them is succesful only.
Sometimes the authors' mistake are the short prolog, here the background from the past is unknown.
I know the cuck lovers hate it when the man wind, so just ignore the idiots.
You dun good. Cheating bitch got what she deserved. Very nice.
A fine short story. Some posters here wish evey single detail to be fed to them, I felt you gave enough of the story away to allow readrers to fill in the blanks.
Why kill the wifes lover and not her?-you had written the wife as attempting the murder. The husbands solution was much better-a lifetime of revenge.
Dark fantasy everyone has thought about at one time or another
look forward to more
Not much thought went into this attempt. In the first place if your wife cheated on you, divorced you and remarried a lawyer, she has already taken your house, your money, your kid, and everything else and is living with her new hubby in his mansion, why in the hell does she care a whit about you and thus there is no motive for her to go to your trailer and shoot you in the head.
Now we come to the body burned beyond recognition: WOOPS DNA doesn't match yours. Now we have a dead body in your bed with a bullet in his head and it isn't you, and you aren't around. WOOPS a BOLO on you and then you sneak into your former wifes house and either choke or drug her into passing out while you but a bullet into her husbands head then place the gun into her hand. WOOPS no GSR on her hands or clothing,and chemicals in her blood, or bruises from the physical attack. WOOPS not a suspect but a victim.
Now we come to the "Secret Safe which you cant know about because its a secret, and you Mackeiver the safe and steal all of that money in the few minutes you have from the time of the gunshot and the police arriving.
Now to the bar seen: If your scenario played out and she served 38 years in MAX and you started to brag as to how you set her up, you would have a shiv shoved into your get and up into your heart, and as you laid there on that filthy floor and bled out she would call the cops and walk because of a little thing called double jeopardy (you cant be convicted for the same crime twice) and she just spent 38 years for killing you and she cant even be charged with the crime again: DUMB ASS
There was no DNA testing at that time so take it easy on the author The powder residue could be accounted for by holding the gun in her hands when the trigger was pulled. The author did not mention 1, 2, 3, or how many gunshots were put into the new hubby. No mention as to how the safe was accessed, could have been armed robbery and it was opened under risk of death, then he was shot anyway. The story is about revenge, it says so in the title. If we were reporting in the newspaper or as a police report I might be more critical.
Yes there were parts that bothered me but overall the story was reasonably presented.
PTBzzzz
CSI has arrived. The cops are not called every time someone shoots a firearm. Unless you live in the city limits. Many people in states across the country pay no attention to gunshots.
The time line of the story puts it in the early 1970's and DNA testing most definitely was available and police departments were defiantly touting its advantages in solving crimes, but there is still no motive for the wife to be there.
As to GSR on the wife all you have to do is read the words. I made sure you passed out, (how we dint know), then I shot your husband in the head "THEN PUT THE GUN INTO YOUR HAND". no gray area as to how many shots were fired. Then I opened the safe. His words not mine.
CSI doesn't get called until after there is a report to the police, and you are correct, the police wouldn't be called unless you lived in the berbs where you would expect a successful lawyer to live.
You are also correct that if you don't live in the city no one would be likely to hear the shot, and they would not therefore be able to hear my dogs eating your ass if you tried to sneak around my property.
in the '70s most police departments did not have a CSI. The evedince was collected by the decetives on the case. I know, I grew up with a family of cops.
Good points, I am not against you here. I live in the burbs also, my point is that I can walk out side and cook off a thirty rounder and no one cares, that includes all the new neighbors that have moved in over the years. It is none of my business what they do or vice versa. Privacy is respected no matter what you might be doing. And a well deserved point to dad2you2 also. :)
I understand that culture as I was born and raised in the south, but on the west (left) coast where I now reside, you cant even fart in your back yard without some Nancy Palosi type down wind complaining about the stink.
As far as CSI, the DNA would have been collected by the medical professional performing the autopsy, and even the cops knew about GSR, for proof all you need to do is watch an old Perry Mason rerun from the 1950's
TTB and PAPATOAD would probably love it as much as I did. Thus always to cheating assed bitches.
A good storyline, different and original.
A good edit made the reading go smoothly.
Like was stated, Dead men can tell the tale.
Thanks for the read .
Just wish all the cheating spouses [male & female] ended up like this along with those fags like shoe-no_IQ & the clueless Wonder_No_One.
But her lawyer must have been incompetent to the point it would cause a mistrial to let all the inconsistent forensic evidence go by. And given her just taking all that sexual assault in prison, she wasn't shanking people weekly, so spending 38 years in prison seems far-fetched.
Subtle but made an impact on her. her life has sucked and his much enriched. But he gave her some specific information and should have just been vague. Liked it
I think it was stupid for him to show up and gloat, but then, there wouldn't be a story. Somehow, I wished he had just checked up on her, and then just left. Each of the details could have been given as she served drinks to other customers. Good flash story, anyway.
Thanks for sharing it. It's a different twist on the revenge scenario. It starts at the ending. Not bad, not bad at all.
There are revenge stories and then there are Revenge stories. I mean, damn, her life was... wow... just terrible.
The story could've been better though. I wish you had explored her reasoning for shooting her husband more, and I really wish you hadn't had him confess all this stuff to her. She's so bitter and hate-filled that it'd be ridiculous to think she would just let him go on with his new life without notifying the authorities.
Some valid points were brought up about the validity of the premises. But, it's very short story...A flash story. Just how much build up can be had in such?
As for the finer points of the story's contradictory "facts"...
Think of being on one of those huge roller coasters, with all the dips, twirls, arcs, and loops, racing along at a good clip. Now, close your eyes and pretend you're a fighter pilot and enjoy.
The story was heavy with revenge and really cold, too. Over done? Yes. But, enjoyable as well.
But if she works in a shitty bar in a shitty part of town then there would be a good chance that there would be a gun under the counter in which case why didn't she murder him? She had already been tried and convicted of his murder and couldn't be retried because of double jepedy so what would she have to lose?
Anyway this was very enjoyable thank you.
let me see, she was going to kill him, she did put a bullet in the head of Mack who was just lucky enough to have died on his own and some of you think he was hateful. Well I guess a cheating slut will do that to you wont it.
Leaving the forensics out of it (it is a revenge fantasy story and real world stuff doesn't have to apply), as a law enforcement professional I would have no problem arresting, charging, and prosecuting the son of a bitch who withheld evidence and obstructed justice. Shooting a corpse isn't murder shithead, get back to us when you get your head out of your ass. I know you are busy licking the cornholes of your butt-buddies (cuckeye, Random) but those of us who know their shit (like Rehnquist) appropriately view this a travesty and miscarriage of justice fit only to soothe the tender hurt feelings of well-cucked cowards bent on hurting women. The same kind of 'men' who 'fall down' a few times on the way to my cruiser after a 10-17 arrest.
just go with flow, she is already up the river. TK U MLJ LV NV
your get to wear Big Wanda's ownership tattoo - love it. gave u a 5.
Wonderful. The title says it correctly. If only. One question: what happened to the son Robbie the bitch mentioned?
Ahhhh, fuck it.
HA
In 1987, Florida rapist Tommie Lee Andrews became the first person in the U.S. to be convicted as a result of DNA evidence.
Here's how stupid this guy is: Since she already served her time for murdering Ray/Mack, she would have carte blanche to pull out her shotgun and finish the deed. Since she already served the time for the crime and had already been convicted of it, she would have had the rock-solid defence of double jeopary on her side.
Tut, tut...V E R R Y unwise, Mack, very unwise!
Remember that she killed her new husband as well. But...
Sorry, the law doesn't work that way. If he showed up alive, it would prove she was wrongly convicted (at least in his case, not her new husband's), but the law really doesn't care about the innocent, and often the innocent are left uncompensated. Of course, she's not *really* innocent.
It would be ruled that she was wrongly convicted of murder instead of attempted murder, overturned, and then she would be convicted yet again. There's no Double Jeopardy here. I realize you've probably seen the movie by the same name, but really... life is not a movie.
Granted, he's a fucking IDIOT for coming to meet a woman who has already killed one person, thought she killed a second and spent 40 years in jail. What's she got to lose? She's a murdering sixty year old deadbeat whore.
Anon, you who you are. You claim to be a cop. Like I would give a fuck about a moron like you. If you were in front of me, you'd be one base and you bagde wouldn't mean shit. All you could hope for was to catch me off base, and hope you and your widdle cop friends could do damage with out getting fucked up yourselves. as far as the story, most of you are wrong.
actual double jeopardy does not apply - it has to be the same CRIME not the same victim. it is not like a fucking dog bite case, one free bite to get notice your dog bites. the crime would occur on different dates that is the key. but nice try for someone with no legal training, that is what a lot of people think. did you know that if you rob a bank in california you can go to prison for it and when you get out the feds can charge you with the same bank robbery and send you to federal prison! different jurisdictions preclude double jeopardy as a defense. life sucks and a little legal knowledge will get you a long time in prison with bubba and jamal filling up your dance card.
read west digest on double jeopards or corpus juris secondum on the same topic.
As the actor dressed in the German uniform used to say on the old "Laugh In" show! I mean, both the story and the comments!
I have to agree with the commenters that wonder why the wife wanted to kill the ex-husband to begin with?
Oh well, this was just a nonsensical story of revenge on a cheating wife who had really murdered no-one, but suffered the extreme consequences of betraying and leaving her supposedly?...loving husband?
I agree that it was dark and different, but like most, neither character was very sympathetic as presented. It would probably have been a great outline for a "B" movie...made in black and white in the forties...starring Jimmy Cagney and Joan Crawford...or Ronnie Reagan and Nancy even!
Old Marine Vet
she shot him in the face - again!
She found someone else to go to - the lawyer - read the story -
She lost it all by throwing it away - good an 'er lol
Neat little story -
This is a nice snippet, but it would've been much more interesting, if you had told a novel-length story about Ray and Sue Ann from forty years ago and included this little chapter here as an epilogue of sorts. There are certainly plenty of good story ideas to write about, what with the separation, the ex-wife shacking up with (her?) lawyer, his revenge on her, his life of success in Texas and her life in prison.
I guess you can't have everything, but what I've read is good, so my vote was four stars!
that if she did jail time for killing him and he's not really dead and didn't 'fess up, he'd be the one doing jail time now.
about the last laugher....TK U MLJ LV NV
Kill the fucker and get away with it because she had already been tried, convicted and served her time for killing him. Can't be charged for that crime again. Go get him girl!
Legally, it would be a different crime. But a GOOD lawyer MIGHT be able to get temporary insanity.
Lady made her mistakes, and she took it like a real man ought to; the husband is a pussy who hid behind someone's name, and as goes with all burn the bitch stories, became rich and successful. Jail time is a better choice than living with pussy husband. Instead of confronting her, he made some foxy moves, and got lucky; he talks about loving wife, a man like him will never appreciate if he has one. You have to give it to the girl, she did not ask for forgiveness.
Man, but I have to wonder about some of our gentle readers and their sense of perspective.
"Lady made her mistakes, and she took it like a real man ought to..." Ah....putting a gun to a persons head and killing them is hardly a mistake or an oopsie, it's called murder. Not a mistake. And getting passed around prison like a commodity or slave isn't what a real man is into, so clearly the previous comment was left either by a man with no nuts or a very jaded bitch. What am I saying...the man with no nuts is a jaded bitch too."
"Jail time is a better choice than living with pussy husband." Hmm. Divorce would have been a better choice than jail, and probably would have turned out much better. Then again, given the stupidity of the woman in question, maybe not.
"Instead of confronting her, he made some foxy moves, and got lucky; he talks about loving wife, a man like him will never appreciate if he has one. You have to give it to the girl, she did not ask for forgiveness." Well. Let's see, he made "foxy moves," so he's obviously a hell of a lot smarter than her. How he wouldn't be able to appreciate a woman who doesn't want to kill him makes no sense, and what should she ask forgiveness for? His life turned out great, she helped him out and fucked herself over, all at the same time. Basically, a story with a happy ending, and it's damned odd the last commenter didn't see it that way.
So what do we have here? A prick murderer and a cheating skank. She did 38 years in prison. He murdered her new husband and framed her which put her in prison. He stole money then lived the good life.
Damn I hate them both. What the fuck?
Neither of these two are very honorable people. I have no sympathy for her at all. She cheated on him and then she tried to shoot him in the head and set his trailer on fire - not a very Loving wife. At least he had a reason for his crime, maybe not a good one but an understandable one. Cheaters lose and non-cheaters win. Interesting!
If she and the police could prove it she should be exonerated and it would be his turn to finish his life in the slammer. Even thought she pumped a bullet into a deadman the only crime she committed was abuse of a dead body. At most she might have spent a few weeks in jail.
Here it is folks, she intended to murder him. She put a bullet in a man's head. Done. Go to jail. The lawyer fucked his wife. The traditional punishment (and still the moral one) is death. So, he got what he deserved. She actually got lucky and only got jail time. In fairness, the husband was compensated for the loss of his marriage by what he took from the safe. Fair is fair. This may be a fantasy but it is a just outcome.
From the way it was worded, Ray left the night she 'killed' him, and came back at a later date, to frame her for the murder of the new husband. After all, she had the time to marry the lawyer! So, if she was arrested for Ray's "murder", how was she free to marry the lawyer, or how was she free the night the lawyer was murdered? Wouldn't she have been in prison?
Also, reading between the lines, she had apparently already left Ray for the lawyer, so why was it necessary for Ray to be killed in the first place? Not for money, because he lived in a trailer, so he wasn't exactly wealthy! To get away from him? A divorce does that nicely. Insurance? How many people living in trailers have a life insurance policy worth killing over?
As I said, it doesn't add up, there are too many plot holes.
How exactly did Ray know she was coming to kill him that morning? Seeing as he was pre-prepared with a corpse that, pardon the pun, he just happened to have lying around, he must have known beforehand. Or is he like most of us guys, that just holds onto the strangest of things, because "I'll find a use for that, someday"!
Why did she not take the shotgun from under the counter and shoot him. She could not be imprisoned for killing same guy twice, she has already served her time! 1*
"Your life went to shit and I went to Texas."
I spent 7 years in Texas. Believe me, there's no difference.
people complaining, about how did ray get the body, he was (mack) a friend who stayed at ray's for reasons, and def sue could n couldn't have married the lawyer, the investigation might have held her as a suspect in ray's death but definite evidence was available in the lawyers death(vis-a vis the gun in her hands),
basically if you see flaws, remember the story is just fine, you just need to read between the lines a bit, and also its not at all idiotic to showcase your stupidity by asking foolish questions, we all learn by asking our doubts, but also this story though small, took efforts to be written(typed), structured, & presented in a visually pleasing format for us all to read,
the cherry on top of this sundae is the best to the worst story you read here is free, so before you blurt what's truly going on in that crap repository called a brain, have the decency to edit your thoughts whether positive or negative into a sentence which convey's your sincere intent (even if its just a fcuk off), its good we ask questions, but remember hiding behind being anon does not mean a right to trash any one.
They say the devil can't stand heaven. How long was it before you left?
"If I owned both Texas and Hell, I would live in Hell and rent out Texas."- William T. Sherman
Philip Sheridan made the following quote
"If I owned both Texas and Hell, I would live in Hell and rent out Texas."
not the person you quoted.
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Philip_Sheridan
Radk - most of your stories are good.
Where did this stupid, crap story about a demented hypocrite come from?
Seems she pissed on the wrong person. He went back to rub it in and she deserved it. He loved her but it was not enough for her so she traded up plain and simple.
Ron
there could not have been a gun in the bar- paroled felons cannot work or live in a place where they have access to a firearm
Obviously, anon, you have not read a newspaper, magazine, or seen any broadcast, onlne, or cable news shows in the last 40 years. Or ever heard of a place called Chicago or Detroit. How many times have we read or heard one of the criminal charges added to the [alleged] crook's offenses was, "felon in possession of a firearm". If NONE of the felons in Chicago possessed a gun in 2017, then the murder of numbers for the year would have been 65, not 650.
Felons don't obey the law, dummy.
If Sue Ann had felt the need for a gun,she would have had one
That Texas is located right at the mouth of hell, because of the heat in the summer.
All of the characters seem to resemble the neighborhood they're in.
Returning to the scene of the crime is a stupid mistake. With her gang associations she could threaten him and his family very easily with death or mayhem.
When you've climbed out of a hole as he apparently has, don't fo looking for a new one.
But then you would have no story.
Honestly, she got off a bit lightly.
back stabbing, cheating, evil whore gets what she deserves. what more you want?
Huh?
3 stars
Actually they are both losers. Might want to check your grammar too.
That's some serious payback, and now she knows the rest of the story. Great stuff!
In a nutshell, one page flash of leveling the playing field by dropping an Atomic bomb of revenge.
Perfect alibi for the husband. He was dead.
5 stars.
Here's a good plan when you've committed murder and identity fraud for 38 years; Go to the person whose life you destroyed, who has literally nothing to lose, who has proven to be vindictive and murderous, who has been essentially raped and tortured for decades. Then give that person enough details about your crimes to get revenge on you.
This could have a really interesting sequel. Ex-wife destroys him. An investigative revenge story. How many guys named Mack lived around those parts and were friends with the husband? Shouldn't be hard to track him down under his new identity.
You could make whatever was in the safe traceable, since it wasn't clarified. Bearer Bonds that were cashed in Texas by 'Mack' in the same amount that the lawyer had them insured for. Maybe diamonds or some shit, something like that.
Ex-wife tells new wife what husband did, she's such a sweety that it breaks her heart and destroys marriage. Husband goes to jail for identity related crimes and fraud, including starting his business and trading under a false identity etc. Or maybe she gets him to repeat some of this on a recording, including that Mack was already dead. Possibly guiltily trying to explain what happened to new wife. Whatever was in the safe could prove he was present at the murder scene. Conviction for Ex-wife is overturned, settles multi million dollar law suit for her 38 years in prison, both a civil suit against the ex and a suit against the government. Tracks down and reconnects with her son.
I think tweaking a couple details (we only get the husbands brief dialogue on the events) and it would make a killer story. Make it so the first husband was abusive and planned on running off with their kid or something, and that's why she got desperate enough go to his trailer and try killing him.
Flip the whole thing.