by JohnsMom69
re-read the queue again--You will find that it fits the story queue perfectly
The story itself was good. I agree with the advice given so far. Keep working on it. You have a lot of potential!
"Queue" either means a line (such as on one is waiting), or perhaps the long pigtail an oldtime Chinese coolie wore. You meant "cue".
A long, slower buildup would improve this story; perhaps some reticense on the part of the seductee, and some teasing before getting really down and dirty. It had better potential than it reflected as posted. Keep trying.
How come these college girls can't afford clothes? They only seem to have "cloths" to cover themselves with...
nice story, a touch short and could use a little more description and, well, editing. you would be surprised how the misuse or misspelling of a word can hurt an otherwise good story.
Keep it up and good luck.
Jeff
Nice Job!
Good Story line lading up to some hot sex. You coud probably add some more o the sex scene but overall it was good. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more form youin the future.