A Little R&R Ch. 05

"That doesn't even LOOK like a bite! I don't bite," Reno huffed. He stuck his hand out to Rude. "But if it gets me outta work, chomp down."

Rude snapped his teeth at Reno. "Don't tempt me," he grinned playfully. "No, they were asking things like if I was ever vaccinated for Rabies, and how long was it since I was last in Wutai... just weird stuff." He eyed the growing mound on Reno's desk. "Hey, do you need help with any of that?" he asked, knocking a few things about with his bandaged fingers.

"Nah, I'm just gonna throw it like I did to break it," he mumbled absently, prodding a few things around his desktop.

Rude was caught off guard. "What?"

So was Reno. "Huh?"

Rude shifted his head to look better at his elusive partner. "You said you're just going to throw it like you did to break it." He had a hard stare directed right into the redhead's skull. "What happened in here?" He shifted his leg around the corner so he was sitting directly next to Reno, his voice calm but terse.

"Eh." He rubbed the palm of his hand with the opposite thumb, frowning deeply. "Lost my cool."

"Reno..." he paused, deep in thought. He didn't want to push his partner any further than he was willing, a courtesy he himself had wished for days earlier. "I'll ask nothing more unless you want me to." He hopped himself off the desk.

"What do you wanna know? Nobody says I haveta answer."

Rude leaned himself back against the desk. He didn't want to look at him, lest it made him uncomfortable. "Over what?" he let the words hang for a minute. "It wasn't me, was it?"

"Eh, it was a lot of things, but not really you." His face screwed up in contemplation. "It was more things than people, really." Rude just bobbed his head. It didn't take much to send Reno into a fit, but it was something completely different if he didn't blow it over after an hour. Things, he mused. It was quiet for several moments. As Reno shuffled absent mindedly through his stack, things got a bit awkward for Rude. He decided it was best to make his way out.

"Rude..." Reno called softly. "You asked me a question. Can I ask you one?"

He had his hand on the door knob. "Yeah?" His heart was pounding, a kick of adrenaline flushing his skin.

"Same rules as I had. You don't have to answer." He paused, contemplating how to ask the question. Gently, Reno, gently. "Was it... because I was... going home with those boys... that you, you know, hurt your hand?" His voice was tentative as he asked, a tinge of a blush touching his cheeks. Rude hung his head and dropped his hand from the door. Reno was smart enough to know how this game would go, he couldn't deny that. The quiet was stifling as the words clung to his throat. It was meek, but it was an answer.

"Yeah." His face grew hot and he turned his head so Reno couldn't see the tint to his face.

"Want to ask another?"

Rude turned around and placed his back against the door, taking off his sunglasses again, tucking them into an inside jacket pocket. He raised his eyes quietly. "Like what?"

Reno shrugged, his eyes never leaving the floor. "I have another for you, so I'm offering. Ask one thing. Whatever you want and I'll answer."

Rude did have one question. It was one he had squashed silent before it even formed syllables. It brought a mixed look of emotion to his eyes: confusion, sorrow, and grief. His throat clenched, making it difficult to breathe. He took a deep breath and willed himself to relax.

"Sorry, can't think of any right now." He was lying straight through his teeth, breaking the promise he had made to himself about not running away either. He forced a blank state. "Go ahead and ask. I'm sure I'll think of something later." He did not want to bring this particular subject up.

"S'not how the game's played, Big Man," Reno mumbled, tracing a circle in the carpeting with his shoe.

"But I told you, I don't have a question. Really, go ahead." His palms had gone clammy and he wondered if Reno could see the sweat starting on his forehead. Was the room getting smaller in here? Why's it so hard to breathe now? Rude idly fidgeted, his hand running short lines up and down the door behind his back. He's going to see right through this.

Reno got up from the desk and put his hand against the door, wedging his hip behind the handle, his heel catching at the edge of the door. "You're lying and I'm tired of us running away. I'll ask you mine first if you ask me yours afterward." His eyes never looked up from the carpet on his trek from the desk to the door. Rude didn't say a word. He was having difficulty keeping his focus on where things were going to notice he was shaking.

"Did you break that shot glass because you were upset I was going home with them and not coming home to you?"

"You already knew you weren't coming home before you even left." The words flew from his lips freely as the world around him slipped away, a surrealistic limbo wrapping softly over him. He was numb, a witness only to the things he saw.

"I said I might not be home. Yes, I was planning on finding someone to go home with, Rude. It gave me a place to go away from you so you had some time to yourself." He kept his stance against the door, using it for bracing as much as to keep Rude from running away. "The truth of the matter is I passed out when I got there and nothing happened. I came home. End of story." He cleared his throat, his voice remaining calm and even. "You didn't answer my question, though. Are you choosing not to answer it?"

The words floated in one ear and out the other, not even registering a twitch on the bald man's face. Somewhere from within him, deep from within his chest rose the taste of something bitter. Tequila. He was transported back to the moment when he caught something red move from his vision, to the swell of pure anger when he saw it was Reno, the unaltered hatred when he realized that he was the one getting on with things. That glass represented something... but he didn't know how to say it. Two large tears hit the carpet floor.

Reno leaned against the door, waiting. Rude had asked him for time, and time he would give until he sorted things out in that bald head of his. Patience, Reno he reminded himself. You want it, you have to play by his rules.

Rude's lips moved, no words falling from them. He coughed, choking on his own dry tongue, reclaiming his presence in his own body. He turned his face towards Reno. He could only mouth the word, "Yes."

Reno's eyes stayed directed at the floor, not looking up for fear of Rude clamming up again. He just had to be patient and wait. Besides, I move from this door and my knees are gonna give out. Rude's lower lip wibbled uncontrollably, having finally allowed himself to speak the truth. He crumbled, wanting to do nothing more than wrap his arms around Reno's shoulders. His voice was hoarse and strained.

"Yes." He grew more confident hearing his own voice echo in the small office. "I broke that God damned glass when I saw..." he swallowed hard, hoping what he had offered was enough.

Reno pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, letting it sink in. Rude really had been jealous. After all that fighting, after all his indecision, after all the "space" Rude said he had needed, all he really needed was him. Reno's knees shook slightly and he leaned harder on the door, steadying himself.

"What was your question?"

Rude felt the blush drain from his head. It had been hard enough to manage what he had so far. He let himself slide down the door, crossing his forearms over his knees and burying his nose in the crook of his elbow. He figured the best place to be was on the floor. Tears stained his cheeks, his eyes burning. He was feeling slightly nauseous again. Rude took a deep breath to calm himself down, but only succeeded in several jagged seizes.

"Can you promise me you're not going to run away?" Reno asked, his eyes focusing on the top of Rude's head. He wanted nothing more than to sit beside him and put his head on his shoulder, but he didn't want Rude taking his moment of weakness to run out on him. Rude's mind quickened over the countless people Reno had involved himself with, from the staff, to the clubs, to people he met on the train. In all of those bodies, in all of those faces, he could understand why. But he just couldn't figure out...

"Me." A statement more than a question.

Reno faltered. "What?"

The words were broken. "Why... me?"

Reno slid to his knees, the door steadying him in his descent. "Why not you?"

He wasn't giving up his leverage at the opening of the door.

Rude's face was tied in a knot, the complexity of such simple words painting a masterpiece in agony. Don't make me explain. His body racked with sobs, split between running forever away and smothering what he held dearest. He wanted neither at this moment, the upheaval of his world culminating in a purge of everything. Reno sat on his heels with his hands folded together over his knees, watching Rude intently and waiting.

"Why not you?" he repeated very softly. He reached out to touch Rude's arm and thought better of it, pressing his hand back into his lap. He bowed his head. Rude's body returned to shaking, the stress of everything was sending him into overload. His teeth clattered as he hugged his own knees in tight.

"I don't understand why." For a man who had no problems being overheard in a large crowd, it was hard to hear him now just over his knees.

"You didn't answer me, Rude. Promise me you're not going to run away?" Reno asked, itching to move closer so he could comfort his friend.

"I don't understand why!" he snapped, desperate for this torture to be over. "I don't understand why, out of everyone! Everyone! That you've put your interest in me!" He was hysterical, yelling as best he could.

Reno started to move forward, stopped, inched back, and then lunged forward again. He deliberated in place, finally settling on curling up against Rude. He sat beside him, throwing his arm around his shaking form, pulling him close. He was slightly hurt that Rude couldn't at least partially see why he would be interested in him. He chose his words carefully.

"That's kinda hard to answer, Rude." He scratched the back of his head, searching for an answer. "Do you want specific answers or..." He paused, sticking his foot in his mouth. "If you want specifics, you're my best friend. We work well together and you look out for me and I look out for you. If you want more than that..."

Rude could only sit and listen, the mammoth wall he had built to keep from seeing, from knowing, was crashing around him. His shaking downgraded to shivers, chills running thick throughout him. He leaned slightly into the warmth of Reno, still holding his knees tight.

"How do you really put your finger on what you feel, ya know? I can't really tell you where the feeling comes from, either. You're close to me, you know me better than anyone else seems to and you put up with me. No one else would afford me that. Why the hell you think you got saddled with me as a roommate, huh?" He squeezed Rude's shoulders affectionately, pressing his head in against Rude's. "Plus, you got a great ass in leather." The random comment broke the funk Rude was stewing in, his lips pulling up at the corners. He let his feet slide out in front of him as he twisted at the waist to put his arms around Reno, his forehead buried between the redhead's knees.

Reno snorted and rubbed the back of Rude's head with his hand. "Feel better?"

Physically, no, Rude felt like death warmed over. On top of the beating he took this morning, he was now completely drained of energy. There was, however, a new freedom within him. He was happy to finally be over the barrier he designed. He mustered a murmured, "mmmhmmm," as he relaxed, limp with exhaustion.

"Good." Reno sighed with relief, his hand still resting on the back of Rude's head. His head hit the wall with a thump, a lot harder than he had intended and yawned, forcing his eyes open.

Rude tugged gently with his hands to pull Reno down to the floor with him. I don't care if this is an office on the 66th level, I want some quiet time. And that's going to start right now.

Reno startled a bit, waking. The hell is he...? He looked down at Rude and blinked, trying to clear his vision and followed Rude's gesture, dropping onto his side. He threw his leg over Rude's and wrapped his arm around the barrel of his chest.

"Don't let me fall asleep," he slurred.

"I'll get right on that." Rude pulled him in closer, using Reno's arm for a pillow.

"I'm serious," Reno murmured, blinking hard. "I have reports to look over for Tseng and..." he yawned. "I should get up..." His only movement to stand up was a slight wiggle.

Rude popped his head over Reno's shoulder, fiddling with his watch. "Just 20 minutes."

"Mm. Yea, okay. I can do that." Reno snuggled down into Rude, resting his head against his arm.