by Daniellethebabydoll
Did you even pass English class?
Horrible flow and punctuation makes it so hard to read.
This obviously wasn't even read a second time. Awful.
A run-on is a sentence in which two *or more* independent clauses (i.e., complete sentences) are joined without an appropriate punctuation or conjunction
Hey! Enough with the stupid comments! This is an unbridled sex story. Grammar, punctuation doesn't mean shit if the writing illustrates what's happening. In fact, it reflects what's happening. Keep writing "stretching " stories. Loved it.
Uber stickler for grammar here.
It read almost like stream of conciousness, it was hot and was, for me, a fairly realistic representation of a sexual scene. Ignore the haters and keep writing!
In the first paragraph, you write "...kiss your neck and rub your cock" then by the 4th paragraph, this person has a clit? Seems like the narrator was first having sex with a guy that changed into a girl? Actually, I think the narrator changed from the girl to the guy. This confusion detracts from the story because the reader is going "Huh?" Please get an editor.
Are you the Danielle I remember? Mercy HS? This fantasy sounds so familiar...
Why don't you snob-nosed duds -in-bed write something.? At least they have the balls to try. And practice makes perfect . Keep at it