by btravis
I've read some short stories before but this is ridiculous. To end the chapter at this point is either 'writer's block' or laziness. In either case, this story should not have been submitted until the characters had reached the cabin and a change in their relationship established.
Needs more effort by the author. The story DOES look promising, so I awarded 3*** in the hope that the author will provide more substance with the next chapter.
I hope that they become sexually involved, and he wants to be with her all of the time.
I'll be watching for the next chapter
totally agree that you need to give more before you cut the writing...
you are not my favorite writer at the moment...
Nice back story, but not enough to start this off.
Please, longer chapters.
If Star Wars was like this story, it would have ended after the scrawling text.
I hope you were trying to build tension, but all this did was annoy me.
If you want people to read your stories you have to give them something to read that will draw them back for the next part.
You are all absolutely 100% right, i would expect nothing less than all your irritation and frustration. All i can say (though ignorance is really no excuse) is that is was my first submission ever to the site, and that this is actually only one quarter of the "Real First Chapter". Having no idea what to expect, i panicked last minute and made the incredibly poor choice of breaking up the chapter into 4 parts; somehow worrying that it would be unreadable for being too long. Obviously i lost my mind on both counts.
To user "Rafman188"; you could not be more right. i truly appreciated your honesty, and not opting for "anonymous". i actually have no editor, but can't argue with you that i need one... or at the very least require a voice of reason, to avoid my ego getting in the way.
To all that bothered to read my... entry. (i can't even bring myself to call it a story), i hope that you can accept my apologies for wasting your time, and assure you that i am in the middle of fixing this as soon as i can. I will be posting the "complete ch 1" as soon as i can, and can only hope that you'd give it another chance. Once again, I'm incredibly sorry.
-btravis
Dude, I appreciate your good-natured humility in face of very harsh criticism. I think that what's here shows signs of being much more well written than a lot of what shows up on this site. Don't doubt yourself, sock it to us! Good luck.
rutegar (I don't remember my login)
You have started something and I think that you have laid in enough of a back story to let the characters develop. DO NOT be worried about submitting the rest. In something like writing you have to put aside the fear and take the good with the bad. Don't be afraid to put it out there, but you will need a thick skin to take all the people who don't like your stuff.
Just keep on keep'n on.
The begining of this story provides a good background of the mother and son characters... As indciated by other readers the ending of this chapter just leaves the reader hanging... I am looking forward to reading the future chapters of this story...
welcome at literotica. read your story, its a average start. you need to give spice like romance, passionate love, mothers shyness to nude infront of her son, convince mom to sex and some anal love between mom son. hope your next would be good hot.
mom son story is the heart of literotica. its not easy to write, many authors just give sex between mom son and include other character which complete ruind the whole story. btravis, always keep mom son alone in the plot and always keep mother as a shy to act sexualy or get naked infront of her son. after all she is the mother. son who should convince mother to get naked or have sex.
Well now, I think this is a grreat beginning weill be interested in the rest of the story........thanks,,,,,,,,,,,,I know this is going to be a great one.....delicious
Actually, this first chapter doesn't have an ending. It has a stopping.
Other than that minor detail, it has the potential to be a good story.
...is reading the insipid comments and inane remarks of obviously illiterate readers. The next most annoying is reading praise from equally illiterate schlubs, who never read good writing and would not know it if it crawled up their asses and exploded.
..and dont like u fair sir and dont judge us this guy a really good potential but just needs a good ending
"i take that as a resentment...
..and dont like u fair sir and dont judge us this guy a really good potential but just needs a good ending"
What an incredibly sad waste of oxygen.
Hot and erotic with a lot of love mixed in. I hope that he takes care of her sexual needs so well that she doesn't want him to leave her.
Thanks for the read
He chides you about your good-natured humility and writes, "Don't doubt yourself, sock it to us! Good luck." Ditto from me. This is an excellent story of hot motherfucking, just about the right length and pacing. Ben is a fine strapping young man, with a fine sturdy prick. Naturally, his needy mother is drawn to him and what he's got hard between his strong legs. Like plenty of boys, Ben is equally drawn to his mother's mommy-hole, that wonderful hole between his mother's legs that he came into the world from. Both mom and her boy know it's the perfect place for him to unload his young balls. Which he does, as his mother has the best cum of her life from their hot incestuous fuck. A boy's stiff prick and his mother's wet cunt--the perfect match!
Anyone can be a critic, but try and write a story yourself ass holes.
I will never forget my moms soft pubic hairs when I stroked her and then stroked her a lot more.
I all happened by sheer accident, sparks flew that night and so did lots of cum.
Nice story but for me it would read better written in the past tense.
A good old deep BJ to kick it off would have added everything. ...
Well written story. As one who has no problem with mutually consensual incest in real life, this story represents the perfect incestuous love story. Both are mature, possess solid egos and ids, and accept each other as equal adult human sexual beings.