All Comments on 'A Loving Brother Ch. 02'

I'm really enjoying this story. I hope you will continue it but please don't get too many people involved in it, Mom maybe but not anyone else.

Story is enjoyable, but grammer and spelling are very bad. You definitly need an editor to help with this.

It's just that every time we come to a misspelled or misused word, we have to stop and try to figure out what you meant to say. It disrupts the flow of an otherwise excellent (if short) story. Keep trying. Ron

Please hook up with an editor and also reread your writings. Put the completed work aside for a week and then reread. And once more to be sure. I find that works for me.

Don't get discouraged, EB. I've always gotten the feeling that the readers here were older, more sophisticated, and also a tad pickier than the average online erotica crowd. Listen to the suggestions below - particularly the 'set it down and come back to it' technique which I use myself. Please please please keep trying, though. I give you a lot of credit. Erotica for most folks in your 18-22 age bracket is a couple of downloaded porn video clips. At least you're engaging your brain. In my book, that puts you way ahead of your peers. Cheers! - PF

I think this story is great. Disregard some of the comment below & keep on writing this story.

I agree that you should keep on writing this story is is great. I enjoyed reading these 2 chapters. Please post the next chapter soon.

It's always best to read after you finish with the story, then re-read once more to make sure your grammar and word phrases match the theme of your topic sentences. Try and use less slang's like wanking and pert(what the fuck is that anyway?-.^) .

At first I thought this would have been better than your first, but then just by reading the first paragraph, I lost interest. Try and captivate the audience with the first and last words of your first paragraph. Don't give out too much, leave the audience hungry for more so they actually FINISH the story without the thought of quitting. Since your doing a third person narrative, I suggest you use a more educational Dialogue since it fits that type of writing.

I hope your next story is well^^.

!~KoolFeva~!

really good story loved it

you do need to learn to spell correctly if you wish to continue writing.

It was an all around good story and it would be worth it to finish it up. But spelling is an issue. I recommend finding an editor to worry bout that so you can focus on the actual story.

I enjoyed this story. I hope you will write more chapters as well as other stories.

Great story, please continue it!

Loved your story can’t wait until part 3 comes out